Growing up as mixed race in England - Racism and Bullying

During primary school, I wasn't bullied at

all. I was actually quite popular. I had a

lot of friends. I was very talkative and

social. I used to enjoy making people

laugh, and I didn't really have any

enemies. There was like one person who was

kind of like a bully, but he bullied

everyone and everyone hated him. I had a

lot of close friends during primary

school. And as the years went on, we got

closer to the age of 11. And when you're

in— when you get to 11, you have to take

this test called the 11+. And if

you pass that test, it means you can go to

grammar school, which is basically like a

posh secondary school. A secondary

school is like high school, I guess. You

go from ages 11 until 16. And I failed

the 11+ test, so I had to go to the

school that dumb kids had to go to, which

was fine because loads of my other friends

from primary school also failed the 11+

test. So we kind of got split up. Some

went to grammar school, some— and most of

us went to the school for

stupid people. I was actually quite

comfortable in the new secondary school.

I had Loads of my friends were still with

me from— that I had from primary school,

so I didn't feel like I was alone. And I

had made new friends quite easily, and the

overall atmosphere at the new school was

very nice, and I really enjoyed it there.

And then my granddad died, and my dad

decided to sell our house and buy this

house that I'm in now. And we moved here,

and because it was too far away, I had to

change schools. And I don't really

remember being

disappointed or upset about it. I was just

like, oh well, time to move schools. Bye

everyone. And I didn't really say bye to

most of my friends. I didn't even tell

them that I was moving. I don't really

know why. It's kind of strange now I think

about it. Anyway, I had to go to this new

secondary school, and this new secondary

school was completely different. The kids

were like 100 times more

out of control, noisy, and wild.

Most of the time, the teachers couldn't

even control the classroom because all the

kids were just shouting and talking and

fighting and running around. Most of the

teachers, they couldn't even keep the

classroom under control, and it was just

chaos. There were a few good teachers that

could keep everything under control and

were strict and were feared by the

kids, but a lot of the teachers were just

completely hopeless in this new school.

And when I started going to this new

school, that is when all the bullying

started. I don't know why it started

when I, when I changed schools because I

never really had this problem before. I

don't know if it's different in London or

larger cities where there's more ethnic

diversity, ethnic variety, what's the

proper term? But I live in the countryside

and 90% of the people here

are white English people. I was the only

Asian kid at school. There's one

Indian guy, and there was this black guy

as well, but they were really big and

tall, so no one really picked, picked on

them. But I was like this, um, really

quiet, really shy. I was really small as

well. I was about a head smaller, a head

shorter than all the other kids. And I was

Asian, and I don't really look— I'm only

half Asian, but I look more Asian than I

look white, if that makes sense. And

people really teased me about it. When I

started going to this new school, I found

it really difficult to make friends.

Everyone was really noisy and really loud.

They were running around and screaming all

the time. I found it really intimidating.

I just stood in the corner most of the

time looking at the floor, and kids would,

would ask me, why are you so quiet? Why

are you so weird? And they would start

teasing me, and that's kind of how it

started. And after a few years, I started

to make friends. I had 2 friends, and

apart from those 2 friends, I didn't

really get on with anyone else. To be

honest, I found everyone else really

irritating and loud,

and I would get racist comments

nearly every day. They would say stuff

like, uh, go back to your own country, go

back to China, go back the rice fields or

something like that. Or they'd call me a

chinky. That was like the number one word

that everyone loved to use. And I just,

ugh, I hate that word so much. You know

that phrase, a chink in the armor? I know

it's a completely different meaning, but

it's the same word even though the context

is different and it means something else

in that phrase. Even hearing that word

just makes me kind of angry, and I

would get these racist comments pretty

much every day. The kids would make up

like stupid songs, and they would do this

with their eyes like to imitate me, even

though my eyes aren't even that small

compared to 100% Asian people.

They still like did this because they

thought it was funny for some reason, and

I just started to hate everyone. I hated

everyone at school so much.

And I hated the teachers as well because

they didn't really help. They actually

made it worse because, because I was so

quiet all the time, even the teachers

would make fun of me. They'd give me

nicknames like chatterbox or motormouth,

and then the other kids would copy them

and use the same words. And I just ended

up becoming more and more withdrawn and I

just hated everyone more and more every

year, including the teachers. I only liked

a few people who were my friends, but

everyone else, I just— ugh. I'd have

nightmares about them sometimes. I've

never really had physical

violence towards me. It was mostly just

verbal, so it wasn't that bad.

If you compare it to other kids who might

have been beaten up physically or had

stuff happen to them. The worst it ever

got was this one time when it was snowing

and about a gang of about 5 boys just

picked me up, lifted me up in the air,

and then lifted me over to the field where

it was all covered in snow, and they just

dragged me around in the snow by my foot.

And chucked a load of snow on my face.

That was probably the worst thing that

ever happened to me. It wasn't— I guess it

wasn't that bad. It wasn't like they beat

the crap out of me and broke my nose or

something. It wasn't— it never got that

bad, but it was still really tough having

to put up with the racist comments every

day. And you always had to watch your

back. If you turned your back on people,

it would be really dangerous because

people would do stuff to you. They would

put chewing gum in your hair. They'd put

sticky stuff in your hair. You know that

Blu Tack stuff? They'd press it into your

hair so it's really hard to get out. Or

they'd trip you up, or they'd slap you on

the back of the head with a ruler, or they

would poke you in the ribs so you like

twitch. It made you really paranoid all

the time because you kept having to look

over your shoulder because you don't know

what they're gonna do to you. I felt like

I changed so much from the

Daniel that was in primary school to the

Daniel that was in secondary school.

During primary school, I was this

outgoing, talkative,

fun person that loved being around people.

I had lots of friends. And then secondary

school started and I— everything just went

like to the opposite end. Everything— I

just became like a completely different

person. Withdrawn, quiet. I hated

everyone. I didn't have any friends apart

from like 2 people. And I think that one

of the reasons why I don't have any

friends now is because I

kind of feel like I hate English people

because of all the bullying that happened

to me. I know it's kind of stupid because

all the bullying was done by kids.

And you can't really blame kids. Kids will

be kids. They're immature and stupid,

and they grow up into adults, and adults

are fine. I think one of the main reasons

why I wanted to go to Japan in the first

place was because of the bullying. I just

wanted to get away from this country. I

didn't want to associate with English

people. I never really felt like I fit

in in my own country. I always— I've

always felt like I don't look like

everyone else, so I'm an outsider.

And for some reason, I felt like I fitted

more— I fitted in more in Japan than

I did here. Which is kind of stupid

because I don't even have any Japanese

blood or Japanese relatives. After growing

up a bit, I realized that All those bad

memories and bullying and racist stuff

were all done by kids, and the majority

of British adults and grown-up people are

decent people, and they're friendly and

they're nice, and they're not racist, or

they're not pieces of shit. In general,

people are nice and friendly and

accepting. And it took me a long time to

realize this, that all those bullies,

they were just kids. That's not what

everyone's like. That's not what adults

are like. I don't think that the

way I looked was the main cause of why I

was bullied so much. It was like a

combination of things. Number one, I was

really small. I was really small for my

age. Number 2, I was really

quiet. I didn't talk to people. I came off

as very unfriendly and kind of snobbish,

like I didn't want to interact with

people. And, um, number 3,

I look different. So you add those all

together and it makes you a really easy

target for bullies. I think that even if I

was 100% white,

I still would have gotten bullied just

because I was so quiet and weird. It's

just that looking Asian kind of made it

worse. Last night,

a customer came and I served him, and then

I paid— he paid, and I gave him his

change, and he said thanks and left. And

then afterwards, the Nepal guy, he said

That was your childhood friend. Didn't you

recognize him? Because I told him about

this friend I had back in school, and the

customer I had just served was actually

one of my friends from secondary school.

I didn't even recognize him. I thought I

kind of recognized that voice. It sounded

familiar, but I didn't really look at his

face, and he didn't recognize me either,

so that was really weird. I just laughed

and I said I didn't even know who it was.

And then the Nepal guy was like, oh, you

don't even recognize your own childhood

friend? And I said no. It's kind of

sad, isn't it? We used to be friends and

then almost 15 years later we don't

even recognize each other. I think that's

a bit tragic. So I think that's all I

wanted to say about bullying. It was a

really traumatic experience for me.

5 years at that school, it just, it was so

depressing. I hated my life. I hated

everyone at the school. It kind of made me

hate people in general. Now I'm starting

to slowly learn that people are usually

good and decent, and they're not like the

kids back at school. And if you're being

bullied at school, just— I don't know what

advice I'd give you. Just try and stick it

out. Just know that school isn't

forever. It's only going to be a small

part of your life, just a few years,

maybe 5 years or something. Just be

patient, and when it's over, life gets so

much better. It's one of the most

important things would be to try and make

friends. If you don't have any friends and

you're on your own all the time, it makes

you a really easy target. If you have a

group of friends, then it will be harder

to be bullied because you kind of have

like a group of people protecting

you, on your side, like allies. I made a

really bad mistake in not trying to make

more friends, not trying to be more

friendly, and I kind of isolated

myself and made myself an easy target for

bullies. Which was a big mistake. I've

just always found it very difficult to

relate to people and to accept

people and get close to people.

That's why I've always found it difficult

making friends, and I always end up being

alone because I don't really show an

interest in other people. Because I don't

take the time to get to know them. I just

assume right from the beginning,

beginning that they're boring people and

that I'm not interested in them. Maybe

it's something I can change. Maybe it's

something I can work on, get better at.