Asking for verbal consent doesn’t work

So last year when I was in Japan, I was

staying in this guesthouse and I found it

very difficult to make friends or to get

close to people. I found most of the

people there to be very irritating. There

was this large group of Thai people who

were really noisy and they would always be

playing this card game and they would

start shouting and screaming every time

someone won. And then there was this group

of Japanese guys who would start screaming

and shouting Whilst playing Mario 60— was

it Mario Kart on the N64? So I started up

waking up really late so I could avoid

most of the people, and I used to wake up

at around 7 PM and then go to sleep at 6

AM. I was completely nocturnal. And there

was this one girl that— she was from Iran,

and she kind of stood out to me. The first

time we spoke, she said kind of weird

things, like she felt like everyone hated

her because she was a terrorists from the

Middle East, and she had like these

strange mental problems like anxiety and

panic attacks. So, so for those reasons,

I felt very attracted to her. I felt like

I could relate to her problems on some

kind of level. We started spending a lot

of time together. We would go to the

supermarket and the convenience stores.

We would buy food and then come back and

eat together. At the guesthouse I was

staying at, you weren't allowed in the

living room after midnight. There was a

curfew because they didn't want people

going in there and then making a lot of

noise. But for some reason, you could stay

in the corridor, which is right next to

the living room, and make as much noise as

you wanted to. So instead of eating in the

corridor, we used to go up to my room and

we would eat and watch YouTube, and we

would sit on my bed. She would like sit

right next to me, like touching my arm,

and it was really nice. And then after a

while, I started to realize that I felt

physically attracted to her. Now, she

wasn't amazingly pretty or really cute,

but I guess I enjoyed the attention she

gave me and She smelt amazing. Now, I'm

not talking about deodorant or perfume.

I'm talking about her body odor. And there

was this one time we were in my room

together and we were watching YouTube,

and I don't know what came over me, but I

just suddenly asked her, do you want to

have sex? I don't know why I asked her

that. I was actually planning on asking

her that because I didn't have the

confidence to make a move physically. So I

thought to myself, why don't I just ask

her and see what she says? You know, that

won't be embarrassing at all. So I managed

to pluck up the courage and I just asked

her. I asked her, do you want to have sex?

And obviously she was really surprised.

She just said, what? And I got up and I

said, nothing, don't worry about it. And I

said I needed to go to the toilet, and

then I went to the toilet and I sat in the

toilet for about 5 minutes going, why did

I ask her that? What did I just do? And it

was so embarrassing. And then I had to go

back to my room and she was waiting in my

room for me to come back. So I opened the

door and she was sitting there, and then

she turned to me. She said, what did you

ask me just now? What did you mean? And I

had to repeat myself. I had to repeat my

question, and I said, do you want to have

sex? And she said, with who? She was

really confused. And I said, with me. And

then she was like, what? No, I have a

boyfriend. And she patted me on the head

like a dog. She said, oh, that's so sweet

of you. But no, sorry, I don't want to

have sex with you. It was so embarrassing,

and I said to her, sorry, I just— I

really wanted to ask you that. I was just

really curious. And that was it. We didn't

say anything else about it. We just kind

of forgot about it and went back to being

friends, just like before I asked her. I

don't think she was angry or upset about

it. I think she was just really surprised

and shocked. And I don't really know why

she was so surprised because I thought it

was kind of obvious. I mean, why else

would I invite her to my room, just the

two of us? I didn't invite her to my room

just so we can watch YouTube. I don't

think I would invite someone to my room if

I didn't feel physically attracted to

them. If the only goal was to watch

YouTube together, then I wouldn't

specifically ask them to come to my room.

I guess she was really surprised because

She must have thought that I only saw her

as a friend, but I start to get— I start

to feel really attracted to people when

they start paying attention to me. I don't

know if other guys are like this as well,

but if a girl starts paying attention to

me, I start to think things like, does she

like me? Is she attracted to me? Even if a

girl just starts talking to me, I start

thinking crazy stuff like, is she in love

with me? Does she want to be my

girlfriend? Does she want to marry me? I

don't regret asking her that question

because sure, it was embarrassing and

humiliating to get rejected, But if I

hadn't have asked her, then I wouldn't

have known the answer. I wouldn't have

known if she felt the same way I felt. I

think I would have regretted it more if I

didn't ask her and I didn't find out the

answer to that question. That's why I

don't really have any troubles. I don't

have any problems about asking girls or

telling girls that I like them or asking

them if they want to be my girlfriend,

because I think that it's scarier to not

know the answer. I think it's less scary

to just ask them and then find out the

answer. Then, you know, at least you can

say, at least I tried, at least I let them

know my feelings. I think I'd rather know

the answer, even if it's a negative

answer, even if it's a no and I get

rejected. I'd rather know that than go on

with my life never knowing. You know when

I was talking about those Japanese guys

who played Mario Kart on the N64 really

loudly? I used to get really irritated by

that. Because they were so noisy. I was so

tempted to sneak down in the middle of the

night, get a glass of water, and tip it

into the N64 to mess it up and break it.

No, I didn't actually do that. I'm not

that crazy. It just would have been so

funny to go into the living room the next

day and then watch them try to turn on the

N64, and then they'd be like, why isn't it

working? Why is it covered in water? And

I'd just be sitting there laughing, and

they'd probably find out it was me because

I'd just be sitting there laughing like a

crazy person. I used to do this thing with

my old smartphone, my Samsung S6. The S6

had an IR blaster and you could use it as

a remote control for televisions. And I

connected it to the television at the

guest house, and there was this one time

they were playing Mario Kart and I just

switched off the TV and they all started

panicking. They started jumping up and

shouting, what's going on? What's wrong

with it? We're in the middle of a game!

And I was just sitting there laughing to

myself, and there was this Swedish guy

sitting next to me and he saw me sitting

there laughing and he said to me, Daniel,

did you do that? Did you turn off the TV?

And I said, yes. I felt so smug and proud

about it. I felt like I did something

really cool. I decided to stop doing that

because I couldn't stop myself from

laughing and smiling, and it was kind of

obvious that it was me because I was just

sitting there laughing at them. So that

was my embarrassing story from last year

in Japan. You know, sometimes you just

have to let the desperation take over,

and if there's an attractive girl that you

really like, you know, just pluck up the

courage and ask her if she wants to have

sex. What's the worst that could happen

apart from the humiliation and

embarrassment of being rejected?