My APOLOGY to my EX WIFE

Testing,

testing.

Is it working?

Okay, I think it's working.

Um, what are we talking about today?

I think that looks pretty good.

Okay. So another

stream. Uh, it's been 4

days since my last stream, so it's

not like it's been a short

amount of time since I last streamed.

I feel a bit bummed out.

I've been— ouch— been nonstop watching

these videos about dead YouTube channels.

It's really depressing.

Why is it like every, every YouTuber

either just ends up going crazy or they

just vanish or they just destroy

their own channels?

It's like there's no happy ending for

anyone as a YouTuber.

It's like either you get cancelled or you

just burn out and lose passion, and then

your views just plummet and then you

disappear, or you end up committing some

kind of crime and then get sent to jail.

Or you end up becoming like a scammer.

It's almost as if being

a YouTuber isn't as great as it seems.

They all just seem like they end up

getting depressed.

Some people retire from YouTube. Yeah,

because they got depressed. Because they

got depressed and they couldn't make the

content anymore that made them famous.

Did you really apologize? Yeah, I'm so

sorry.

So my new tactic is if I just put ex-wife

in the title but not with negative

titles, then she can't complain, can she?

Next video, why I love my ex-wife.

Then she can't say to my mum, Daniel's

insulting me.

What's she gonna say? Oh, Daniel's being

really nice to me. So, and what's wrong

with that?

It's weird, I feel like

a lot has happened recently, but When

I come to talk about it, it doesn't really

seem like a big deal.

I think it's because I feel like you guys

are not interested.

Pretty new here. Any reason to still be

talking to an ex-wife? I don't talk to

her, but she talks to my mum.

Do you think that's weird?

Who was my biggest heartbreak, Sayaka or

Mila? Probably Mila,

but Sayaka is a close second.

I cried in front of my dad about Sayaka.

That was so embarrassing.

So I think the British girlfriend has

ghosted me because she hasn't messaged me

in 2 weeks now.

Last, last time we met was 2 Saturdays

ago. We went to It's really hard to talk

with this mint in my mouth. I think I'm

So last time I met that British girl that

I've been seeing since May, it was 2

Saturdays ago. We went to this deer park

and she was complaining because I didn't

invite her to my house yet. And she keeps

asking, so when can I come over your

house? And I keep saying that she can't

come, which must seem very suspicious,

like I'm hiding something.

And she hasn't messaged me since 2 weeks

ago. And the last time we met was really

weird because she didn't even hold my

hand. Usually she always holds my hand.

And I turned my iPad on Which is where my

dating app is. I met her on this dating

app and I've

been banned on that dating app about 5

times. I managed to get back on it and I

was on it for a few months and I just

checked it today and I got banned.

It says I'm logged out and there's no way

to log back in because I used a temporary

fake number, like a, like a

digital number. So it's just a one-use

number, and the only reason why you'd be

logged out is because you've been banned.

So I can't even try to log back in because

I don't have that number anymore, and it's

probably been banned anyway. So I don't

know why or how, but I got banned again on

that stupid dating app,

and I don't know if she's noticed that

I've been banned because I'm probably not

on her match list anymore, which must look

really suspicious. If you, if you met a

guy on a dating app and you were kind of

dating him and then one day he's gone from

your match list, what would you think?

That he's unmatched you and he's going to

ghost you, or he's unmatched you because

he wants to, like, update his profile

without you seeing?

So I feel like I probably got banned a

couple weeks ago because I haven't checked

my iPad in weeks because I only use the

iPad to do drawing or to check that app.

Other than that, I never use the iPad.

Why is the chat so dead today?

If you're dating someone, wouldn't you

want them off the app?

Yeah, I guess so.

Tell her you deleted the app because you

aren't looking for girls anymore. Yeah, I

could say I haven't logged into the app

since I met you and I have no idea what's

happened to my account, but she stopped

messaging me 2 weeks ago and we didn't

kiss Goodbye like we usually do because my

lip was split and it was kind of painful,

so I didn't really want to kiss.

I don't really know if I feel sad or not

about not meeting her anymore. I didn't

really like her, to be honest. She was

okay. She motivated me to start driving

lessons, which is good, and we had

sex a few times, which is nice. But I

just didn't really feel attracted to her.

She was kind of cute in the beginning.

Like, she, she bought her own pair

of chopsticks after I taught her how to

use them, and she like brought handmade

cupcakes on one of the dates. But I think

I just— I didn't

make her happy. Probably didn't do

a very good job at making it seem like I

liked her, cuz I didn't

really like her.

I don't really know if I feel sad cuz I

got banned again. I guess I could try

making a new account, but I, I can't be

bothered. I just keep getting banned.

Such a pain to have to try to get back

onto the app. And then I

had about 5 dates from this app and none

of the dates were good. They were boring.

I had sex with a few of them, but it

wasn't even good. I wasted all this money

going to London. I feel kind of fed up

with dating, to be honest.

It's just I haven't had one single good

date. In 2 years. None of these dates are

good. It's always boring. I never feel any

kind of connection with any of these

women. None of them are attractive. And

then I'm putting so much effort into

trying to get back onto these apps that

keep banning me.

You don't have her number? I do have her

number, but she

doesn't message me. Should I message her?

I'm pretty sure she hasn't blocked me on

WhatsApp because on WhatsApp it

says last online 10 o'clock. So that means

that you can still see when they're

online, which means they haven't blocked

you yet. So I'm pretty sure she hasn't

blocked me, but it's kind of weird she

hasn't messaged me at all in 2 weeks. But

she did say that she doesn't want to do it

like this for much longer. So I don't know

what she wants. I keep saying to her she

can't come over to my house.

I can't really bring her here because then

she'll start talking to my mum, and then

what if she exchanges contact details with

my mum, and then I'm screwed because I

can't talk about anything. She might find

out, and then if she comes into my

bedroom, she sees all my YouTube gear,

like my tripod, my mic, my webcams. Then I

gotta hide everything, and then she might

find my sex doll. How can I bring her to

my bedroom? And then if things end badly

between us and I say mean things, she

finds out. What if she drives here? And

then does something crazy. So I don't want

to bring her to my house for those

reasons.

You've been with all these women without

telling us. I've been talking about all

these women like every time I stream.

There was that really fat single mother

that I had a one-night stand with back in

March, I think. And then for

some reason I got shadowbanned on Tinder.

The day after,

I ghosted her, so I feel like there's some

connection there. And then I met this

Polish woman, had a few dates with her,

and we held hands and I tried to kiss her,

but she moved away to avoid the kiss.

And then she said some rubbish like, oh,

I don't like kissing because of— I'm

scared of herpes or something.

Why are you obsessed with hiding the fact

you're a YouTuber? Because every single

time I tell people I'm a YouTuber, they

search it and then they find my channel

and then they unmatch me. Every single

time, 100% of the time that I tried being

honest, they unmatch me. They don't

even want to talk anymore after they find

my channel. So I can't tell anyone that I

do YouTube. And because I can't share my

interests or my hobby, then I can't,

I can't really connect with anyone because

maybe there's girls out there who also do

YouTube and streaming. Actually, 2 of the

girls I met do do streaming. One of

them is on Twitch. She has like 2 viewers.

It's so funny. So maybe, I don't know,

she streams boring stuff though. I, I— she

made me watch a couple and they were so

boring and I had to pretend, yeah, I'm

watching. Oh, I saw the bit when you did

blah blah blah. She has like 2 viewers and

it's so boring. I thought maybe it would

be cool having a girlfriend who has

similar interests like gaming and

streaming and making videos, but it's so

boring when They, they're into that stuff.

It's still not interesting having similar

interests.

So I realized I don't really care if the

girl that I talk to has similar interests.

It still doesn't make it more interesting

for me.

What do I think of Ice scamming his

followers with the CX coin? I think it's

pretty funny, to be honest. I don't think

it's a big deal. And if Ice made

loads of money at the expense of

his viewers, like $5 or $10, who cares?

It's not like people bankrupted

themselves. All these stupid commentary

channels moaning about YouTubers scamming

their viewers, they completely blow it out

of proportion. They make it seem like,

oh, they destroyed people's lives.

The poor viewers lost their entire life

savings because they scammed— no, the

viewers probably lost like a couple

dollars, and then the, the content creator

made loads of money. If anything, I think

that's a great success.

Stupid morally righteous commentary

channels.

I voluntarily gave Ice Poseidon $40 as a

donation just because I like his content,

and I was happy to give him the money. I

like him, so I'd be happy if he makes

money. Why would I be unhappy for him to

make money? It doesn't make sense.

No, I still like Ice. I'm looking forward

to when he comes back to streaming. The

whole CX scam thing, I couldn't care less.

To be honest, I think it's pretty funny.

What was I saying?

Forgot now. Oh yeah, I was talking about

how boring my girlfriends have been this

year. I had the most boring girlfriends

I've ever had this year, probably. And

it's weird because they've been into

gaming and anime and even streaming. So

you think, wow, that sounds like They have

a lot in common with you, Daniel. You

should have been really into them. But

turns out I couldn't care less if they're

into gaming and streaming and whatever. I

just want them to be hot and attractive

and make me feel good.

And they didn't make me feel good. They

made me feel bad. And the sex was bad.

And then they just nagged and nagged and

nagged. So stuff them.

I look more skinny than usual. It's

because I'm wearing a t-shirt. You see why

I don't like wearing t-shirts now? They

make my arms look even more skinny than

they usually look.

But it's just been a bit hot today.

I think I realized that I really wouldn't

Excuse me. I really wouldn't want a gamer

girlfriend. I mean, I wouldn't say no,

but I wouldn't date her because she's a

because usually they play really boring

games like Harvest Moon or The Sims.

They never play anything interesting.

So I'm a bit annoyed I got banned again,

but I had

about 10 matches on it and I couldn't be

bothered to talk to any of them. I just

couldn't be bothered. It's always just the

same of how, hi, how are you?

What are your hobbies? Where do you live?

Where are you from? How long have you

lived in England? Oh,

and I can never talk about anything real

because I have to keep my YouTube stuff

secret. Obviously can't talk about

OnlyFans. Can't really talk about how I

was married in Japan. All I

can talk about is that I lived in Japan

for a few years. And what

else can I even talk about? What have I

been doing the last 5 years apart from the

YouTube stuff?

Why do I keep getting banned? Because I

got shadow banned on Tinder. And then I

thought, well, since I'm shadow banned,

it would be funny if I just put a dick pic

as my profile pic. Then I got permabanned

on Tinder, and then I didn't realize that

the company that owns Tinder owns all the

other apps. Well, all the other good apps

are all owned by the same company and they

will share the data. So you get banned on

one app, they ban you on every other app,

and they find out it's you by using some

kind of software that I can avoid for

a while by using some tricks, but

eventually they find me again and then

they fucking ban me again. Stupid Match

Group can suck my nut. Hate Match Group.

Stupid fucking Match Group buys out all

the other good apps.

It's a waste of time anyway being on these

dating apps. I can never match anyone

decent looking. Also, Fat and ugly.

Why are they always fat? I don't get it.

They're either fat or they're ugly. Why

can't they be like pretty face but fat or

slim but ugly? A few of them were slim

but kind of ugly. It just completely

ruins it when they're ugly though.

What apps are you talking about? Just the

regular ones like Tinder, Hinge, Bumble,

Plenty of Fish,

um, Match something. Got banned

on all of them.

Been banned on Hinge like 5 times.

My Tinder is still not banned, which is

reassuring. I don't know why or how I got

banned on Hinge again. I feel like someone

reported me. I don't know why I'm still

coughing. Don't body shame, someone can

say the same about you. Yeah, I know, I'm

really skinny and my body looks weird too.

But I just— I can't

see myself dating someone who's really,

really fat. I could date someone who's

skinny. I wouldn't mind dating a girl

who has a body like mine, who's like a

twig. But the unfortunate thing is, for

women, looking like this is attractive.

When you're a guy, looking like this is

not attractive.

Girls want to look like this. Guys don't

want to look like this. So it's unfair for

women. If I was a woman, looking like this

would make me a high-value woman.

So me wanting a slim woman is like me

wanting a woman who's out of my league

because I don't have money or the body or

the charm. It's not fair.

And then when they're not fat, they've got

like a weird-looking face.

No chin, weird teeth,

massive forehead. There's so many things

that can make someone look ugly. So many

ugly people in the world. And yeah, I know

I'm not a great looker either. I mean,

you could say I'm ugly too, but it

doesn't really matter what I look like

because I just don't feel attracted to

most people.

And then after you've dated a girl like

Mila, you can't go back.

It's like eating at the best restaurant

and then you have to go back to eating

Tesco meal deal.

I drank my entire 2 liters of water,

so I think I'm just going to give up on

dating for a bit. I've got a Thai girl

Lined up. I don't even remember how

I met her, but she was on my she was on my

line contacts, and I just randomly

messaged her after six months when I got

back from Malaysia. And now she's in love

with me, and she wants me to come to

Thailand as soon as I pass my driving

test, which is kind of nice, I guess.

She looks okay. She's not fat. I'm not

sure about her face. She looks okay from

what I've seen, and I've seen a lot of

videos and we've video phoned,

but I don't really want to go to Thailand.

Thailand looks so rubbish. It's like

everywhere is just dirt roads, brown

rivers, typhoon flooding everything,

mud huts. And then 30-degree

humid heat every single day. It just looks

really shit in Thailand. The only good

thing about Thailand is it's cheap. The

food looks rubbish, like it'll give you

diarrhea every day.

Isn't it a stereotype that Westerners keep

getting diarrhea when they go to Thailand?

The food looks terrible. She showed me one

dish. It was like all these noodles in

this slop in a plastic bag. She just

poured it out into a plate. It looked like

that bird nest noodle thing the Taiwanese

girl's brother took me to. Do you remember

that? I was staying in Taiwan at this

girl's house and I was in love with her.

And her brother took me to this noodle

restaurant and it was the worst noodle

meal I ever had. It was just like thick,

gloopy slime soup

with noodles in it. I couldn't eat it. I

took one sip of the soup and I was like,

sorry, I can't have this. I felt really

bad that he paid for it and everything. I

refused to eat it, but it was just so

disgusting. It was like someone just

coughed up loads of phlegm into a bowl and

then poured noodles into it. It was

horrid. Southeast Asia has disgusting

food. Like stinky tofu smells like dog

shit.

Why is it so bad? They eat such weird

stuff in Southeast Asia. I mean,

Asia in general, they just eat weird

stuff. Why can't they just have a ham

sandwich or a pot noodle? They eat the

most disgusting, vile things.

And people say food in England is bad.

You try going to Japan, the food there

sucks. Oh, I get so triggered when

it comes to food. I cannot

live in a place where the food is just

horrible. Where in Thailand?

I don't know, I forget the name of the The

town she lives in is like an hour drive

away from Bangkok. So it's like some kind

of sleepy town kind of place.

Dirt roads. I don't know.

I really don't want to go. But then sex

might be good for a bit.

But then I don't really know how much I

want sex. I guess I want sex a little bit.

I just don't really care that much like I

used to. If this was 25-year-old

Daniel, he would just drop everything and

get on the next plane, go and get some

sex. Now I'm just like, ah, I can't

be bothered.

So I'm just really trying to think if I

want to go to Thailand or not after I

pass my driving test, which is coming

in a few days. I got my driving test

coming soon. I had a driving lesson today

and I nearly would have run over some kid

on a bicycle. Stupid kid. Riding his

bicycle around a roundabout.

Get the fuck off the roundabout, stupid

kid.

I don't know why I didn't stop. We were

going to a roundabout. I obviously see the

kid on his bike, but he was like going

really slow. I thought I could just go

onto the roundabout, but the instructor

was like, stop, stop, stop. Didn't you see

the kid on the bike? He was moving at like

0.2 miles per hour. And we did the lesson

in my mum's car today, so he didn't have

his brakes. He said he would have braked

me if he had the brakes, but I just

ignored him when he said stop. So if I

tried to stop, my— the car would have been

halfway on the roundabout. I was too busy

changing gears and trying to look for cars

on the roundabout. I didn't think the kid

was really a problem because I don't think

a kid on a bicycle understands the

roundabout highway code. Like, does the

kid really know that he has priority if he

gets onto the roundabout? I wouldn't know

that as a kid. I'd think I'd better let

the car pass before crossing. I wouldn't

even be on the roundabout, I'd be on the

pavement. I'm pretty sure he was on the

pavement. I don't remember.

Yeah, I had a lesson in my mum's car,

which brings me on to my next topic.

I paid £860 to put myself onto

my mum's insurance policy, which was a

massive headache, by the way. Had like an

argument with my mum about it.

So, oh my God.

So I phone— my mum phones up the insurance

people saying that she wants to add me to

the policy, but it wasn't as simple as she

expected. So she handed the phone over to

me and I dealt with it. And the insurance

people said, we're going to have to cancel

your mum's current policy and make a new

one with you on it. So I said, okay,

sounds fine. And it's £860 for

the whole year. I said, okay, that sounds

fine. So I paid for it. All done.

And then I tried to explain to my mum that

I just paid for a whole year of insurance

for me and you. And then she kept trying

to argue with me saying, no, you didn't.

You only paid for yourself. I still have

my existing policy that expires in

November. And I kept saying, you don't.

They said it's gone. It's cancelled.

And this is the new policy, and she just

wouldn't listen. She kept going, oh, you

don't understand about cars. She— the

person on the phone literally just said,

we're gonna cancel your mum's current

policy and make a new one. And even on the

website, on the— on her account under the

car, the only policy that exists is the

new one I just made. And she still

wouldn't listen, so I just gave up. Okay,

yeah, whatever, you're right. I don't

know why she doesn't listen to me

sometimes. It's like she doesn't trust

what I'm saying. So infuriating.

Anyway, so the policy was sorted out. I

paid for the insurance. We got L plates

for the car, and then she let me drive.

We first First day, we— I just drove— we

just drove to Leeds Castle roundabout,

did a loop around it, came all the way

back up to Ashford, to Charing, went to a

Chinese restaurant, and then went back

home. And it was really good. I felt

really relaxed and confident, and there's

no problem. And then next day, we went to

Ashford again to the Peugeot car

dealership, and I drove there too, and I

felt pretty good about it. It was a

15-mile drive and everything went

smooth. Everything went perfectly. I went

around the roundabouts, probably not very

well. If my instructor saw how I went

around the roundabouts, he might have

complained, but I felt like it was fine.

I didn't crash. There was nothing wrong.

I mean, I got around the roundabouts fine

and then went to the Ashford Designer

Outlet. And when we were going home, I had

a bit— nearly had a bit of an accident.

So the car was in the car park in a bay,

and the bay in front of me— of

us was empty. So I thought instead of

reversing out of the bay, I'd just drive

through the bay.

But there was a car in front of us

slightly sticking out to the left, so I

had to drive very, very slowly and then

steer to the left to avoid it. And I

didn't really understand the handbrake at

the time. So the handbrake was on, I was

lifting the clutch up to biting point,

expecting the car to move off very slowly

like my instructor's diesel car does. But

it just wasn't moving. It was starting to

shake like it was going to stall. It just

wouldn't disengage the handbrake. And I

thought, okay, maybe I need a little bit

of gas. So I slightly tap the gas and then

suddenly the handbrake disengages and the

car goes, whoa, like that, just lunges

forwards. And I had good reaction time,

so I quickly slammed the brake, but I felt

like it nearly hit the car in front of us

and smashed the headlight. And it really

knocked my confidence. So I told my

instructor about it. And he said, well,

next lesson we'll do it in your mum's car

and I'll tell you what happened.

It turns out I just had to release the

handbrake manually, which I didn't even

know you had to do.

And you have to press down the foot brake

and then push down the handbrake electric,

because it's electric handbrake, not a

lever. And then you press down, then it

disengages the handbrake, and then the car

can do clutch control, just on the clutch

without any gas, and it would like slowly

creep forwards, which is what I needed it

But I didn't even know how to disengage

the handbrake manually before that, so I

feel fine about it now.

It would have been nice if someone told

me, but nope.

What car am I doing the test in? My

instructor's car is a Ford Focus diesel,

and the diesel car just feels completely

different to the petrol car. My mum's

car's a petrol, and it needs a lot of gas

to, to get moving. But my instructor's

diesel, it can easily climb up a hill

without any gas, just on the clutch. It

will climb the hill like a roller coaster.

So it took some getting used to having to

add gas every time I wanted to move off,

but I feel fine about it now. It's just,

it really knocks my confidence when I

nearly— imagine if I hit that car in the

car park. That would have been a

nightmare. I would never hear the end of

Your mum's supposed to be teaching you.

Oh my God. I would love to see you

try asking my mum anything about driving.

It's just— it is impossible.

I would try asking her one thing and then

she'll start explaining me something

completely unrelated. I don't know

why. I, I asked her something about

handbrake and she ended up telling me

about insurance. Or I asked her one thing

and then she starts explaining about

rolling backwards and how you don't need

to use any gas because gravity is going

to— I know that wasn't what I asked. It's

impossible.

I try explaining that a diesel car is

different to a petrol car and she's like,

no, it's not. It is.

Every single thing is like an argument.

Drives me crazy.

What if once you've learned how to drive,

robot cars become mainstream? I really

doubt self-driving cars is going to happen

anytime soon.

The technology is nowhere near enough—

good enough. She sounds like she's trying

to help. Yeah, but she doesn't help.

It's not helpful.

It, it's just infuriating.

So good thing I got an instructor. To

explain things, we figured out how the car

works. The car does automatically

disengage the handbrake when you bring the

clutch up to biting point with gas, but it

does it so violently. It's like,

whoosh, and then it jumps off. And that's

fine if you're moving off in traffic or

after lights because you're on the road.

You want to start getting off and moving

off fast. But in a car park, that's not

what you want. You want gentle and slow,

and it— the clutch on its own is not

powerful enough to break free from the

handbrake. It just won't disengage the

handbrake with clutch only. It needs a bit

of gas, but then it's too much power and

you're launching forwards.

So you need to manually disengage the

handbrake by pushing down the foot brake,

which I didn't know, so obvious now,

but when I was at the car park, I was

just so confused. Like, why isn't it

So I feel pretty good about my mum's car

now. I was, I was getting really good with

balancing the 2 pedals. So much more work

to do in a petrol car. I felt like my 2

feet were very busy compared to the

diesel, but I felt pretty confident about

it now. Like bringing the clutch up just

to the right point and pushing the gas

down at the same time. It's like juggling

with your feet. The car starts rolling

back a bit, you quickly catch it with the

gas and clutch and then you send it

forwards. It felt quite satisfying,

actually.

Also, my mum's car's gears It's

like you need to be one gear higher than

you do in a diesel. So at 30 miles per

hour, I'd usually be in 3rd gear in my

instructor's car, but my mum's car, it

needs to be 4th gear. And then 40 miles

per hour, it needs to be like 5th gear.

My mum's car is a Honda HR-V and

my instructor has a Ford Focus.

Diesel. But I, I had 2 pretty bad mistakes

this lesson which would have made me fail.

So the first one was the kid on the

roundabout with his bicycle. I should have

slowed down and stopped, but I just went

straight ahead not thinking that— I

don't, I don't even remember seeing the

kid on the roundabout. I thought he was on

the pavement. And then the

second one was I was going around

a bend and it was like a crossroad

intersection, and on the other side of the

crossroad there was a queue of traffic.

And if I queued up,

I would have been in the yellow box, you

know, the yellow grid box which you're not

supposed to stop in. And the instructor

was going, stop, stop, stop, because he

didn't have his brakes. So all he can do

is shout stop. So I stopped in time for

that, but if he didn't shout, I would have

queued up at the back of the traffic in

the yellow box, which would have been a

massive fail. And it's a problem I have is

I don't look far ahead. If I looked ahead

further, I would have seen there's a queue

of traffic. I knew there was a queue of

traffic and I thought I'll just queue

behind, but I didn't realize that they

weren't moving. And that would make me

stuck in the yellow box. So I have to be

more— I have to look further ahead

and see what's happening further ahead,

which I'm not really doing very well.

It's hard to get used to looking ahead

instead of looking at what's right in

front of you.

Sometimes I do it pretty well, like I turn

into a junction And I've spotted a car

coming and I quickly move to the left and

give way. And I only managed to do that

well because I looked right up the road as

I'm turning into it. So I anticipated it.

So I'm getting a bit better, but it's

still not great. I need to get much more

better.

Yeah, most people don't care. It's like

everyone else driving is making all these

terrible mistakes that would fail me. I

can drive fine, I think. It's just I'm

not driving perfectly. But then after you

pass the test, no one even does what

you're supposed to do. They undertake,

they stop in the yellow box. They do

dangerous things. So why does it matter if

I do them or not and then fail the stupid

test?

How many lessons have I had now? I've had

24. Yeah,

24 lessons. So that's 48 hours

of driving lessons.

And I feel like I shouldn't be making

these mistakes after so many lessons. I

should, I should be better than this at

this point.

Can you unban me on your Discord? What's

your name? Maybe I

can look into it.

How much did I pay? So far I've paid

£1,700 for lessons,

paid £65 for the test, and I've paid £860

for insurance. So that

is £2,500 so far.

Uh, so much money. My channel's just

flopping. I can't think of anything

interesting to make videos about because

my mind is completely focused on driving

and there's nothing coming out. No new

games, nothing trending. So the only thing

trending is Andrew Tate.

I don't know what to say about Andrew

Tate. There's like

no new games at all. There was some game

about a cat which I made a video about,

only got 3K views.

People don't really care about my personal

life anymore. So it feels pointless making

videos about it. Nothing's going on.

Just some girls I'm chatting to, had a few

dates. It's just not interesting, is it?

I don't know why it's not interesting

anymore.

I feel like it's because I'm not

interested. Even I'm not interested in my

own life. It's just women, isn't it? It's

not that interesting. Just go on dates,

talk to them, have some sex.

Doesn't feel the same as when I was in my

20s.

So I don't know what to do for videos.

Do something crazy for views? Like what?

Crash my mum's car. Yeah, then I'll get

10K views, piss off my mum, then end up

having to pay hundreds or thousands to get

the car repaired and get screamed at.

Yeah, great idea. And then make $30 from a

Chihiro was right, your channel is dying.

I mean, I wouldn't say it's dying. I'd say

it's dead. It's dead,

isn't it?

I accept that people are not interested in

the driving because driving is just

normal. It's not interesting. It's just me

that has had this mental block and fear of

driving for my entire life up until now.

But for everyone else, like, oh yeah,

it's just driving, so what? But for me,

it's like this amazing thing

that I've realized that is actually not

that scary and I can do it. And it does

feel great. I feel good. I do feel good

about it. Like I finally managed

to learn to do this thing that I was so

scared of doing for ages. Like, maybe

that's a bit inspirational. Maybe.

Just gotta pass this test and then I can

celebrate. But I already feel good I can

actually drive without having

any problems. I drove my mum to Ashford

and all the way back.

Will I ever give up on YouTube? No,

because it's like the only thing I have.

If I could find another way to make good

great money, yeah, I wouldn't really

bother anymore.

But I haven't found another thing that

is good. I thought stocks was my next

thing, but then you know how that turned

out. But if I became an

amazing investor, I wouldn't even

care about the YouTube stuff anymore.

React to Andrew Tate. I don't know what to

say. He just says dumb stuff

to get attention and to trigger people.

It's like what I did. It's what I do. So

it doesn't really surprise me. I don't

know why people are surprised about him.

He's just like all the other, you know,

like Dan Bilzerian, all these people

showing off how great their lives are and

how amazing they are, how many women they

get. It's just the same old thing.

There's nothing new about Andrew Tate. I

don't get what the fuss is about. Seen it

all before. And then he says like shocking

stuff about women, like they belong in the

kitchen or something. Yeah, yeah,

whatever. He's just saying rubbish, isn't

he? To get some attention.

Maybe he does think that, maybe he

doesn't. I mean, who cares what he

actually thinks? On YouTube you can just

say anything you want and you can say,

oh, this is a persona. I'm just saying it

to get attention. Does he

actually think that? Maybe. Who cares?

He's just like some stupid bald guy.

He's got a weird accent. Like, sometimes

he sounds American, but then sometimes he

sounds British. A weird accent.

The difference is he actually believes it.

Or maybe he's just very convincing at

acting. It's like people thought I

actually meant the things I said for a

very long time. The channel probably died.

My channel probably died because people

started to realize that I was just

trolling most of the time, just saying

dumb stuff for attention, and I didn't

really mean most of the stuff I said.

The problem is when people realize that

you're just saying stuff for shits and

giggles and they don't care anymore.

But it starts to get annoying to the point

where I just had to admit, yeah, I say

dumb stuff to get clicks.

Some of it's true, some of it's

exaggerated.

Can you make cooking videos with your

sister and mother? No,

I don't cook much, and I wouldn't

bother filming my sister or mum because

they don't like it.

So my plans for my life— get

my driving license and then figure out

which girl to go for. Your channel died

cuz you couldn't keep the excitement up.

It's just, I don't know why the momentum

died.

Just the Mila stuff really ruined

everything, plus lockdown and not being

able to get back to Japan really damaged

things too.

And then just like a lack of girls in

general to, to go and meet and

do stuff with. Like, no girl ever says

like, oh, I'll, I'll be on your stream,

or I'll make videos with you.

None of them want to. Or maybe they do,

but then they change their mind, like that

blonde girl in Manchester. Was happy to

make videos with me, and then after two

videos she says, "Oh, I think my ex is

stalking me. Can you take down the

videos?" Stupid. Yeah, she is.

You stopped traveling? I I just

came back from Malaysia a month ago. What

do you mean I stopped traveling? And those

Malaysia videos got the worst views I ever

got. In this year,

scammed by the Indian guy only got 7K

views.

The Ukrainian girl was okay with being in

videos, and she didn't ask me to take them

down.

But it was so hard to arrange to meet up

And then I didn't really know what to do

with her either.

She kept getting sick and then saying

we could meet up on this day, but then

when the day came, she would just kind of

disappear for a while.

I was annoyed you left Malaysia. You

didn't even do anything. What? I went to

the beach and I rode electric bicycles and

walked around the city. What else am I

supposed to do? We went

to— went

to a mountain and did gambling. And that

Genting Highlands place is so depressing.

It was like this cloudy, misty mountain

with big,

lifeless-looking concrete skyscraper

blocks on it. Imagine living there.

That'd be so depressing. Just like barren

mountaintop with a couple massive

apartment blocks, like Soviet-style

apartment blocks. Why would anyone want to

live there surrounded by these ghostly

looking clouds?

Horrible place. Don't— do not go to

Genting Highlands if you ever go to

Malaysia. It's rubbish. It's just got a

casino. All these rich Chinese people love

going there because it's got a casino.

Aren't there casinos anywhere else in

Malaysia?

People just sit there all day playing

roulette. So depressing. Their whole life

is sitting there playing roulette,

tapping on a screen.

I was going to meet this viewer in

Malaysia and then she chickened out last

minute. She said we could meet, and then

none of these girls want me to film or

even want me to talk about them.

Yeah, it was a pretty boring trip, I

guess. It was okay. I had some nice food,

saw some nice places, had a nice car

journey. But it wasn't

really memorable like 2018 was. It wasn't

amazing. If I could go back in time and

do it again, I really wouldn't want to.

I don't think I'd ever go to Malaysia

again. There's just no reason to.

And it's so tiring getting there.

And there's just not really anything

interesting in Malaysia to make you

want to go back.

We didn't even get to go to like a nice

blue sea with golden beach

and nice warm water to swim in. We just

went to one seaside resort for 2 days and

the sea was really rough. And wavy and

really murky. I couldn't see anything.

It was horrible. We were going to go

to Langkawi, which is supposed to have

clear blue water. But my sister changed

her mind, said she didn't feel like

sitting at some beach resort. See, like,

my sister and her boyfriend just wanted to

go to, like, these grubby looking,

crappy looking areas, like rundown areas,

and then walk around. You know those

types, they like those crappy looking dirt

holes because it's the— oh, it's the

authentic experience, not a tourist trap.

It's just walking around the shit areas of

a country. Why would you want that? We

spent all this money and I want to go to a

nice place, not walk around some shithole

part of the town. But they wanted to do

that instead of go to a seaside beach

resort. So we ended up not going to

like nice clear blue seas with relaxing

beach resort stuff.

So I was kind of disappointed because I

really wanted to go in the sea.

Like last time, went to Redang Island and

it was really clear. The water was so

clear, you could see little fish swimming

around your feet.

In your first Malaysia trip, you didn't

eat food at the traditional Malaysian

restaurant? No, that wasn't Malaysian.

That was Indian banana leaf restaurant.

And they just serve everything on a banana

leaf. They just scoop it out and dump it

on a leaf, and you're supposed to eat it

with your fingers. Yuck.

Not my cup of tea.

We went to some authentic

Chinese Malaysian places, but they're not—

they're not good. I don't get it. So

there's my relatives. They all think

that the dirtier the place is, the better

the food is. So it doesn't matter what the

restaurant looks like or if the furniture

is plastic and cheap. That doesn't matter

because the food's so great and everyone's

queuing up outside because the food's

amazing. But then we go there and then the

food is just food. I got fried rice and it

just tastes like fried— every single fried

rice I've ever had just tastes like fried

rice. It's not amazing. All these

people queuing out because it's like a

famous restaurant that was started up in

1927,

and it's just like full of flies. You get

like a swarm of flies flying around your

table because it's outside or it doesn't

have windows and there's ceiling fans and

it's so noisy because of all the fans and

it's a horrible experience and the food is

not even amazing. It's just like regular

food. I don't get it. And then you go to

like a nice food court With air

conditioning and really nice decoration

and seating, and then they're like, oh,

the food's rubbish here. It's it's not

rubbish; it's just food. It tastes the

same as everywhere else. Tastes fine.

I do not understand the way of thinking.

I like the food courts in in supermarket.

I mean, in shopping malls. So clean and

nice and it's got air conditioning.

There's not like a swarm of flies hovering

over you.

So yeah,

it's really hard going on holiday

with certain people.

Because like a lot of people want the

authentic experience. I want a

nice, clean, modern experience.

But the Malaysia trip was just so tiring.

Moving from place to place. Some of the

places were nice, some of them were not

very nice, some of them were lacking in

luster and very disappointing.

Better to travel solo. Yeah, if you travel

solo, you get to do stuff you want to do,

but then it's lonely and you don't get to

share the experience with people.

I just hate traveling. It's such a pain.

So much money and so tiring,

and most of the time it's just so

forgetful.

I did think you would get more views.

The, like, the rickshaw scammer. Yeah, I

don't know why when I make travel videos

they just don't do well. And then you get

all these other sleazy channels that do

stuff like, oh, don't trust this scammer

in Nigeria, or exploring dangerous

hood. But then when I try and do that

stuff, it just never works.

Certain things just don't work on my

channel. I don't get it.

But then I make some stupid video about

Elden Ring and gets 800,000 views. It

doesn't make any sense. I would have

liked to have done some kind of travel

videos, but they never do well. It's

always really expensive to do. And I'm

just not good at it. I don't talk to the

locals. I don't really have high energy.

You kind of need like high energy that I

just don't have.

You need to be daring and go to

interesting, dangerous places, which I

can't be bothered, bothered to.

The only travel videos I did that did well

was exploring the Japanese slums. That's

done really well and it still gets views.

The views just climb and climb on that

video. And some of my capsule hotel videos

in hotel— I mean, in Japan did quite well,

and the net cafe did quite well. But

that's just because it's like Japan niche

stuff.

I guess I'm not going to become the next

Harold Boulder anytime soon. I was really

inspired by Harold Boulder and his, his

travel stuff. I wanted to do the same

because it seems cool. Like you get

paid to travel the world and basically get

to go anywhere for free because you just

make a video about it and the AdSense pays

you.

Oh, my first dono. Thanks so much.