Why getting married in japan sucks

Hey, so, um, this is just gonna be a quick

video of me ranting and complaining about

the whole marriage system in Japan. So if

you were expecting a fun, positive, happy

time video like I usually make, then you

might be— you might not be interested in

this video and you might want to click

away. So as you may or may not know, um,

I talked about marriage and that me and my

girlfriend were interested in getting

married. And we're still going ahead with

the whole getting married idea. Even after

the whole Australian guy drama,

we managed to talk things through. Even

though I still feel kind of upset about

the whole thing, I'm trying to put it

behind me. I'm trying to forget about it

because I feel like the relationship is

important to me and I feel like it's worth

trying to save. And I don't want this

whole Australian guy matter or issue

destroy our relationship. Okay, so number

1, we're not married yet, and that's

because of one reason. I need this

certificate called the Certificate of No

Impediment, which is— number one, it's the

stupidest thing in the entire world. So

the whole point of getting this

certificate is to prove that you're single

and that you're legally able to marry,

which doesn't make any sense. How does

getting this certificate prove that I'm

single? You know, I could have secret

girlfriends or wives all over the world.

How would the British Embassy in Tokyo

know if these girlfriends or secret wives

exist or not? Are they going to phone up

the British Embassy in every single

country in the world to check up if I'm

married in that country or not? No,

they're not going to do that. So I haven't

gotten my certificate yet. I've booked an

appointment to go to the embassy in Tokyo.

Yeah, I have to go all the way to Tokyo,

which is a very long way away, and it's

very expensive to, to get bullet train

tickets. It costs about $250 US dollars

for a return ticket from Osaka to Tokyo.

And on top of that, I have to pay $50 just

to get the certificate in the first place.

And, um, this is how you get the

certificate. You, you show them proof of

ID, you show them proof of your address,

and you show them your birth certificate.

So apparently showing them these 3 things

somehow magically proves that you're

single and you're able to marry in Japan.

No, it doesn't. It just proves that I live

in a place, in a house, and it proves that

I am who I am, and it proves that I was

born. It doesn't prove that I'm single.

It doesn't prove that I don't have secret

girlfriends or wives in other countries.

It's just completely pointless and a waste

of money, a waste of time and waste of

money. The only way that they get to prove

that I'm single is by forcing me to sign

this piece of paper which says I promise

that I'm single. But really, it doesn't

mean anything. I mean, I could have— I

could have a secret wife in South Korea,

and I could still just say, I promise I'm

single, and then sign the stupid piece of

paper. It doesn't mean anything. It's like

going to a prisoner and saying, we're

gonna let you out of prison, but only if

you sign this piece of paper promising

that you'll never do anything bad again.

Obviously, he's just gonna say, I promise

I'll never do anything bad again, and then

sign the paper. He's not gonna go, oh,

I'm sorry, I don't think I can promise

that because I'll probably do something

bad again. I'll just stay in prison.

Making people sign documents saying that

they are what they are or they'll do

something only works if people are 100%

honest and trustworthy. And people aren't

honest and trustworthy. People lie and

deceive just so they can get what they

want all of the time. This is the real

world. You know what else is stupid? I

have to go all the way to Tokyo. It's like

they think that every single British

person who lives in Japan lives in Tokyo.

We don't. There's British people who don't

live in Tokyo. There's British people who

live in other parts of the country, and

you even have a British Embassy in Osaka.

And I phoned them up asking if I could get

my Certificate of No Impediment there,

and they said, sorry, we don't offer that

service anymore. You have to go to Tokyo.

What service? All you have to do is sign

my application form and then give me my

bloody certificate. It's not like you need

some kind of really expensive magical

machinery that only exists in the Tokyo

British Embassy. You know what's even more

stupid? We have this thing called the

internet and computers and email, and this

whole process could literally be done over

the internet. It. All I'd have to do is

email them a copy of my proof of ID,

proof of address, and birth certificate,

and then they could digitally sign my

application form and then send me a PDF of

the certificate that I could print out.

But no, I have to go all the way to Tokyo,

get on the train, and physically go into

the British Embassy just so someone who

works there can sign a piece of paper and

then give me a piece of paper which is the

certificate. And then I have to shell out

over $300 just for bullet train tickets

and for the service in the first place,

which doesn't make any sense. The whole

thing could be done for free using emails

and the internet. I just wish I could meet

the person who came up with these stupid

rules face-to-face and just ask them,

why? Why did you come up with these

pointless, time-wasting, money-wasting

rules that don't make any sense?

Okay, let's calm down a bit. Breathe,

take in some deep breaths, and laugh.

Okay, so the next stupid thing about

getting married in Japan is we need 2

signatures from Japanese nationals,

Japanese people. And my friend, my

girlfriend, asked her friend to be a

witness for our marriage and to sign, to

sign a piece of paper with her special

Japanese stamp which stamps out her name.

And my girlfriend's friend refused to

sign, refused to be a witness for our

marriage because she didn't approve of our

marriage. She gave my girlfriend a lecture

about why she doesn't think that our

marriage is a good idea. Can you believe

that? She said that she didn't think that

the marriage was a good idea because it's

too soon. She thinks that I'm using my

girlfriend just to get a visa when getting

married wasn't even my idea in the first

place. And then she said she thinks that

it's not a good idea to secretly get

married without telling my girlfriend's

parents that we're getting married.

Number 1, who the hell does she think she

is? She has no right to lecture my

girlfriend about whether she approves of

the marriage or not. It doesn't matter if

she approves of the marriage or not.

She's not the one getting married to us.

Number 2, yeah, getting married after

dating for 5 months is a short amount of

time, but people have gotten married after

dating for less amount of time. For

example, my parents, they got married

after dating for only 3 months, and

they're perfectly okay now. They've been

married happily married for over 20 years.

Number 3, it's none of your business if my

girlfriend doesn't feel comfortable

telling her parents about our marriage

yet. My girlfriend has her own personal

reasons why she doesn't feel comfortable

about telling her parents about us getting

married or about my existence in the first

place. You don't know anything about us or

our relationship, so what gives you the

right to, to give your opinion, to judge

us, to say whether you approve or

disapprove of our marriage? We just asked

you to sign a piece of paper. All you have

to do is get your stamp and push it onto

onto a piece of paper so you can be our

witness. We didn't ask you for your

opinion or for your approval. We just

asked for you to be a friend and do us a

favor and sign the bloody piece of paper.

I also asked one of my Japanese friends,

and I considered this person to be my

friend, and she's basically the only

Japanese woman that I know of that I keep

in contact with who I haven't had a sexual

relationship with. And I asked her, would

you be able to be a witness for my

marriage? And sign this piece of paper.

And you know what she said? She said no,

because she doesn't consider me to be a

very close friend. She said that she

doesn't know my girlfriend personally,

and she said I should ask a close friend

of mine. Um, I don't have a close friend.

I don't know any Japanese people apart

from you and that bisexual Japanese guy

who gave me a blowjob in the park, but I

don't even talk to him anymore, and I'm

not going all the way to Saitama just to

get his signature for my marriage. Number

1, why do you need to feel like you're a

close friend of mine to be able to sign a

piece of paper? If I feel like you're a

close friend of mine, isn't that good

enough? Number 2: Why do you need to know

my girlfriend personally? It's not like

I'm asking you to get married to us and

then live with us and then have an orgy

every night. Number 3: I don't know any

other Japanese people. You're the only

Japanese person I felt comfortable asking

this question to, and you blew me off.

Number 4: You have amazing boobs. If I had

a friend and he said to me, hey Daniel,

I'm thinking about getting married to my

girlfriend. Could you do me a favor and

sign this piece of paper? And be my

witness for my marriage, I'd say, sure, I

can help you with that, and then sign it

straight away. I wouldn't start giving him

a lecture on whether I approve of his

relationship or his marriage or not. I

wouldn't start saying, hmm, I don't think

this is a good idea, when I don't know

anything about his relationship because

I'm not a part of the relationship. It has

nothing to do with me. I would just be a

friend and help him out. It's just so

stupid. These Japanese people, they think

that being asked to be a witness of a

marriage is like this super serious task

that they've been given, and they need to

take it 100% seriously. And it's like all

this responsibility that they have, and

they can't just sign it willy-nilly. They

need to give their opinion, and they need

to approve of the marriage in the first

place to actually be able to sign it. No,

no one cares what you think or if you

approve of the marriage or not. We just

want you to sign the bloody piece of

paper. This is what's so frustrating about

it. If 2 people decide that they want to

get married, that decision should be for

those 2 people who are getting married to

each other. Why do we need to get the

approval of 2 friends or 2 family members?

Who are Japanese just so that we can get

married. It doesn't matter how close these

friends or family members are. They're not

part of our relationship. How can they

possibly understand the relationship? And

it has nothing to do with them in the

first place because they're not even—

they're not even involved in our

relationship. I think the whole reason why

you need to get 2 witnesses to be able to

get married is because getting 2 people to

sign as witnesses somehow proves that your

marriage isn't a sham marriage, isn't a

fake marriage. Which doesn't make sense

either, because even if it was a sham

marriage— let's say it was a sham

marriage— we could just walk up to some

random person on the street and ask him if

he would be so kind to sign his name and

be a witness for our marriage. Or we could

pay someone to do it. We could walk into a

shop and ask a member of staff if they

would be willing to be a witness for our

marriage. What if my girlfriend didn't

have any friends? What if she's like me

and she doesn't have a single friend? And

what if she didn't have any family? What

if she wasn't on good terms with her

family? What if her family lived very far

away and we couldn't physically get their

signature? What are we supposed to do

then? No friends, no family, no

signatures. Does that mean we can't get

married just because we don't know anyone

who can be our witness? It's just so

stupid. I'm sure a very intelligent,

smart group of people who are in charge of

deciding the laws on how to get married

gathered in a room and talked about this

and decided that these are the rules that

need to be in place if 2 people want to

get married. I bet this group of

intelligent people went to top

universities to be able to get the jobs

that they have. How can a group of

intelligent people be so dumb?