New New YouTube Livestreams/things not looking good [PUBY9II0U48] 480p

Testing.

Travel and people watch more. With what money?

No money and no guarantee that people will watch.

Why ban you on Kick yesterday? Probably because you've been annoying.

What's looking good?

What's looking great?

No, things are looking terrible, guys.

So I kind of blew 25% of my trading account today, and I'm starting to just feel like I can't do this.

I think people were right. I should just quit this trading thing. I can't do it.

I don't have the self-control.

I don't have the patience. I don't have the self-control. I lost like £140 today.

Just— I just kept picking the wrong direction.

My £1,000 account's now at £750.

It's just, I can't do it.

It looks like it's going down, so I go short, and then it goes up, and then I've lost £20, so I get out and I go long, and then it goes down again, and then I lost another £20,

and then I go, okay, I'm staying out, and then it's like, oh, it looks like it's going down again, then I go short again.

And then it goes up.

It's just, it's impossible.

I don't know how people make money doing this. I just don't think people do make money doing this. It's too hard. I can't do it.

There's like 2—

there's probably just 1 or 2 times in the day, in the entire day, where it makes an obvious move,

and then the rest of the day it just chops up and down, up and down, tricking you into thinking it's going to make a move.

I'm someone who has no patience,

always wants to be doing something to make money. Like, I, I have the brain wiring of to make money I've got to be doing— I've got to be active.

Oh, now it's going down. Okay, go short.

Yeah, I can't do this thing. It's— look, watch me lose another £20. You just watch.

The patience you need to do this is insane. Patience and self-control, 2 things I've never, never had.

But even if you know what, what to do and what not to do, knowing what not to do and what to do and actually doing it are 2 different things.

This is so difficult. And then Uber Eats was not good today. I made £51. That was it.

That's all I could make. And I was out there since 11 o'clock in the morning. I gave up at— well, I, I worked until I normally work, which is when it gets dark, which is like 4 o'clock.

It was just such a slow day, I didn't get any tips.

Technically I only did— I don't know really, because

I probably spent hours just sitting at the car park doing nothing. I waited 1 hour outside of Asda waiting for them to bring stuff out. I gave up.

I had 2 collections to get. I got one and I said I'll just wait. I waited for like 40 minutes and it never came out, so I cancelled it and I left.

Stupid Asda sucks.

Why? I don't understand. If they haven't finished picking the order and it's not ready to be collected, why does it show up on the app?

I don't get it.

Why waste my time?

So I started fiddling with stocks whilst I was sitting in the car, ended up losing over £100.

Sorry, for me it's not looking very good.

I just, I don't have the discipline. If you don't have the discipline to do a normal job, like get a normal education, then what makes you think you have discipline to do trading? Because that requires insane amounts of discipline.

Why don't I fix it? It's because I can't. I can't control myself.

If there's nothing stopping you

apart from yourself, then it's

really hard.

Unless something is like physically stopping me, like, I don't know. Tying me up with rope.

Kick sucks as well. Stream for like 6 hours, I make about—

how much I made yesterday?

I made $30

for a 6.5-hour stream.

It's about $4.60 an hour.

So

I think I'm done with Kick.

There's something I want to say

that probably get me banned on Kick. I don't know if I want to say it. I feel like at this point might as well just say it,

cuz who gives a fuck about $4 an hour anymore?

I can't believe I was making like $150, $200 a day. Now I make $4 an hour.

I can't afford to stay at home to trade. I have to go out and do Uber Eats to make any money. Otherwise, I'm not gonna make any money.

It's just not gonna happen.

Yeah, Redditor's ready with the clip button, record button, as if I give a fuck anymore. $4.50 an hour. When it was $8 an hour, I thought, okay, it's still better than YouTube. When it was $6 an hour, I was like, okay, it's still better than YouTube. Now it's $4 an hour.

Okay, so I'll tell you about the botting stuff.

So I wasn't botting. Um, someone botted my streams. And when the streams were botted, I made insane money, like $20 an hour. And then they stopped botting the streams and it went back down to my usual viewers. And without the bots, I was making $6 an hour.

When the trolls stopped botting the streams, I was only making $6 an hour.

So when the trolls stopped botting, I started botting. There, I said it.

When I started botting, it doubled my earnings. From

like $5, like $4 an hour to $8 an hour. If I didn't bot, I would make $3 an hour. So it was either bot

and make $8 or $6 an hour, or don't bot and make $3 an hour.

So I kind of had no choice. Yeah, I'm gonna get banned on Kick. I don't care, it's done, it's over.

Without the bots, I get like 30 viewers maybe.

Why don't you bot now? Well, on Kick I do.

The bots cost about $90 a month for 100. For some reason I paid for 100 viewers, but every time I activate it I get 200— I get like 150 viewers for some reason.

I don't care anymore. Kick doesn't make any money even with the bots. Even with 200 viewers a stream, I get $4.50 an hour. Without the bots, I'd make $2 an hour.

I'm wasting my time streaming 6-7 hours to make $4 an hour.

I've been botting for like 2 months.

How many real viewers? Like 30 or 40. If I play Chivalry 2 or do trading stocks, it's like 20 viewers maybe.

So I had no choice. If I didn't do it, I'd make $3 an hour.

There's my confession. Have at it, Redditors.

But my bot package expires in 2 days and I'm not buying another one. It's not worth it anymore.

No, the initial success on Kick was all real. It was real viewers. I had 100 viewers, actual viewers, but they got bored. My bad temper, my foul mood, banning people. Most— the thing is, most of the viewers were trolls. I'd say the majority of the viewers were trolls. So once I started banning them, yeah, the view count

dropped. And then when I started getting angry, the non-trolls started to leave. And then when I started doing nothing, more people left.

And then all you got left is like 20 or 30 people, and that makes a couple dollars an hour.

All right, it's the end of Kick, thank God. But now my YouTube is ultra dead.

I got nothing. The only thing I got to fall back on was Uber Eats.

You know, I dreamed about doing trading, but I just cannot do it. Just, I cannot do it.

It's so hard,

especially when you're really desperate for money. It's so hard to do it.

It's like impossible. Your emotions just control you.

I get, I get so miserable and I get so depressed when I lose money as well.

The thing is, it's like I can't stop it. I think I'm actually addicted. Like, I know I can't do this and I know I should stop, but I, I can't stop. I keep putting more money into my account and then I keep losing it and then I keep putting more money. And then I get more depressed.

It's fucking bad.

I can't stop doing it.

Like, I'm actually addicted to it.

Maybe if they just ban me from doing it, if I just get banned from trading 2 on 2.

It's just, you know, I want that dream so bad of, you know, being a guy who does stocks and he's into finance like that. I have that vision in my mind,

but I just can't do it. Been doing it for 5 years. I just can't do it.

It's like I've not made any progress at all.

Yeah, I learned some lingo and fancy words and stuff, but it doesn't help.

I just lost another £25 now.

As we're speaking right now, I'm down £25. I'm just— I can't do it.

But if I give up on this, then I don't know what, what am I going to do? My YouTube's dead, Kick's dead.

Everything's dead.

No, paper trading is a waste of time because you know it's not real money.

So I mean, you don't have any emotions. You don't have fear or greed with paper trading. So how are you going to learn to conquer fear and greed when there's no such fear or greed or emotions with paper trading? Because it's, it's Monopoly money. But I just lost £30. Market tanked, I went short, and now it ripped

back up.

Now I just don't know what to do with my life. Like, I used to be a YouTuber, and then I thought I was a stock guy.

Now what am I? Uber Eats driver.

You know, the thing I hate about doing Uber Eats is not the job itself,

but it's like the image, because you see the other drivers and they all look retarded.

I mean, you like, you look at them, you think, Jesus, they must be so fucking stupid and retarded. That's why they're doing this job.

Like the dumbest of the dumb. All you can do is drive about delivering food.

At least when I was a YouTuber, I felt cool. I felt like, you know, I'm a famous YouTuber, I'm cool. Now I just feel like a loser.

No better than these other delivery drivers who just look fucking stupid.

Just, I mean, the job's not bad and the money's not bad. It's just, I don't know, it's like the image of it.

I used to be a YouTuber. Now I'm rubbing shoulders with the dumbest sacks of shit of society.

People who came to this country and can't get any other job.

I just lost 50 pounds.

In 10 minutes, I've lost 50 pounds.

I always saw myself or felt like, you know, I was better than everyone else,

but I feel less and less like that these days.

You feel less and less like you're the main character and more and more like you're just another NPC in someone else's world.

I've lost all sense of self-identity.

For the last 8 years, you know, I saw myself as a YouTuber.

I felt like I knew what I was doing and I understood how the game worked.

And I'd like to think that my success was because of skill, not luck. But if it was because of skill, then why don't you use the skill now to do it again? Because it wasn't skill, it was just luck. It's just I stumbled across it.

And got lucky.

But you get older and you get scared of things like being alone.

Damaging your future

because of videos and stuff,

but at the same time you can't stop doing it because you depend on it, because you don't know how else to make money.

God, I was feeling so good last few months making that kick money.

Yeah, but I guess I'll go back to my mum's house in a week or two.

I'm just going to do a bit more Uber Eats.

I think Uber Eats here is better than Kent because

I don't know, maybe it's the same.

I remember doing it in Kent last year and I was only doing McDonald's, but now I do it here, I only do Asda Tesco's and Morrison's and maybe sometimes McDonald's.

Yeah, I was depressed, but at least I had money. Now I'm just depressed and now I've got no money.

Overdraft's mounting.

I don't know where I see myself in 5 years. How the hell am I supposed to know?

Maybe my best shot at making money is focus on content. Just stop all this stock stuff.

I don't know. I don't know what to do for content. Like some stupid idea, like, I'm going to live in a van and drive to Scotland.

I just don't know what to do with my life anymore.

No, I don't want to do a creative career. I don't draw. I haven't drawn in ages. People still think I like drawing for some reason.

Oh yeah, I saw one episode of Pluribus. Is that the one where everyone kind of gets infected but they become like some weird hive mind instead of a zombie? I don't know, it was okay, I guess.

It had that woman from Better Call Saul.

Someone took my recycling bag. I don't understand why this keeps happening. I don't know why the neighbors keep taking my recycling bag or my recycling bin. I put my house number on it.

Maybe they just don't care because they just see it as the same thing, so it's like interchangeable.

Why don't they remember what their own recycling box or sack looks like? Why do they keep taking mine and leaving theirs where mine was? I don't understand. I put my house number on it.

So I left their one out there, but now they're gonna think that's my one, but it's not my one. So why should I take it into my house? Actually, I think it's gone. I don't see it out there anymore. So now someone's taking my recycling sack.

I put a big number 17 on it.

I don't know why people are so stupid.

How do they not remember their own recycling stuff?

I don't know who it is.

Now the problem is the bin men just chuck all the sacks and bins all over the place. They don't put it back where they picked it up from.

I'm just wondering if they're gonna— one, I'm wondering if they're gonna notice that it says 17 on it and then bring it back.

I just don't know what to do with my life anymore, guys.

Everything's so difficult to do.

Why is everything in life so hard?

The only way I can make money now is to go out, do Uber Eats every day.

It's so annoying doing Uber Eats. You get stuck. There's so, so many fucking construction bits where they just have red lights, and then you're just stuck at the traffic lights for ages all the time.

There's this roundabout And they've been doing construction on it for 2 months and it takes ages for it to go green again.

And then I got stuck. Some stupid old woman was trying to reverse her massive Land Rover and she was so slow and then she couldn't get it in, so she gave up and then reversed back up the road. So I followed her in. To push her back so I could do a U-turn. She took forever.

If you suck at driving, don't drive a massive SUV, fucking idiot. I was just sitting there waiting for her to do her stupid maneuver, and then she couldn't do it and gave up.

I used to be good at YouTube. It made me feel good. Made me feel like a someone instead of a no one.

Like, I thought I knew what I was doing, and I thought I understood how the algorithm worked, how to get people to click.

But I can't do YouTube, I can't do stocks.

The irony is Uber Eats makes more money than any of these things.

It takes a lot of Again, it takes a lot of self-control, patience, and discipline to be a successful YouTuber. You can't get lazy and clickbait. You can't lose control and get angry at viewers.

The skill you're required— the skill that's required to do YouTube is kind of similar to stocks, really. I mean, it's the same for everything in life. Discipline, self-control, and maturity. If you don't have those things, you're just going to suck at everything in life.

Go back to school, learn a trade. I asked AI how long it would take if I wanted to become an EV home installing Charger, home charger installer. It said 4 years,

£6,000 to £10,000. You need level 2 electrician thingy, level 3 electrician thingy. These courses take years.

And then you need like EV

Course, blah blah blah course. Oh my God.

As if I can stick to anything for 4 years. As if I care about electricity. I don't know how electricity works.

I thought it seems like a cool job. Just, you know, drive the van and then you pull up at the house and then you drill a hole in the wall and you fix the thing on.

And people buying it are probably nice people because they got money and, you know, they're not stupid.

EV drivers are usually quite pleasant.

Yeah, when you're stressed out and pressured with money, your brain isn't thinking, oh, what silly video should I make today? Your brain is in survival mode.

I think part of the success of my YouTube channel was that either I lived with my parents and didn't have to worry about money, or I lived with a girlfriend or a wife where I didn't have to worry about money because my expenses were extremely low. So I could focus on being creative and making silly stuff. Now

my brain is just like, oh, money, money, money, money, money, bills, bills, bills, bills.

The, the irony is, it's like,

so I want a house and I want to be able to stand up on my own 2 feet, but those things are expensive and stress me out, which means I suck at doing YouTube. So if I move back in with my mum and have no expenses again, Maybe I'll be better at YouTube because now I'm in a

less stressful environment. Then I have more money. Every time I try and move out and stand on my own two feet, I get really pressured and stressed out with money. Like when I was in Amsterdam, it was the same. I got really into stocks in Amsterdam and I got all miserable about my YouTube channel views and I

was just worried and stressed about rent all the time.

You can't really be creative when you're in that kind of stressful environment.

Yeah, I do sometimes do miss being more creative and being artistic,

telling a story and making the art. I kind of miss that, but I feel like when you're in the adult world where it's like fight for survival

Feels like you don't have time messing about doing that kind of nonsense.

I always had such an easy life.

Now that harsh reality is

crushing me down.

Yeah, I can do Uber Eats, but surely there's more to life than just delivering McDonald's.

What is the meaning of life? To deliver McDonald's. That's just kind of sad, isn't it? Like, how can you

be passionate about that?

Why'd I get a new car?

Because they offered me £900 cash, £500 Electraverse charging card. I get cheaper car insurance. And to be honest, I just like the way the car looked. It looks like a proper car. I didn't like how my red car looked like a little toy car. It just, it looks like a little dinky toy car for kids. I wanted

a proper looking, you know, like a real car. And then I saw that car at the Citroën place and I thought, damn, that car looks cool.

And then when the salesman said, yeah, you can have it for £100 a month, I was like, sold. And then he sweetened the deal by saying, oh, we'll offer you £900 cashback and £500 charging card.

At the time, my Kick money was still okay, and actually I was thinking about moving back in with my mum, so I thought £100 extra a month's nothing.

I'm not filming delivery work again. Last time I did, I got banned on Amazon.

You know, I quite enjoyed doing a bit of Uber Eats. It was a nice break from all the nonstop streaming.

But if I have to do it every single day and

I'm realizing more and more this dream of being a stock trader is just so impossible.

I'm just feeling like, what, what's the point in life anymore?

The Peugeot was all banged up and damaged. I thought the best I could get for it is 5K, so when they offered me 6.5K, I was Pretty, um, surprised by that.

I like the new cars. Nice.

I've got a Citrine C4.

Car loan's £100 a month.

I can't get a job now at the moment until I decide what I'm gonna do with this house, if I'm gonna stay or move. I can't decide if I'm gonna stay or move

For secret reasons.

I'm in a state of limbo at the moment.

Ideally, I want to move somewhere closer to a town that I could do Uber Eats and it doesn't take me an hour to get there and have my own place and feel financially stable. I don't want to have to move back in with my mum. Life isn't about saving money, it's about making money.

Yeah, Uber Eats is good in Kent as well because it's more built up.

So I gotta pay rent in a few days. My overdraft's gonna be £1,200.

I'm gonna get YouTube money, £300. In 2 weeks. I got £100 on my OnlyFans balance.

I do 10 days of Uber Eats, that's about £700.

I think I won't be able to get out of overdraft until end of the month,

so I do plus— I got Um, £22 on Kick, £300 YouTube, £100 OnlyFans. That means I need another £800.

Take me 12 days on Uber Eats to make that. In 12 days, it will be the 16th.

I don't think I can get out of overdraft until maybe the 20th,

and then I got to pay income tax next month, £700, plus rent again.

It's just relentless, nonstop money going out for this and that. There's just no break. There's no space to catch your breath. And then you got the water bill, a water bill coming again January— no, I think March.

Got water bill March, it's going to be like £100. Income tax January, council tax May, car insurance March. So car insurance plus water bills for like £500, £600.

Kick's gone.

Well, I fixed my water bill. They charged— they tried to charge me £200 for 3 months because I stupidly incorrectly submitted my meter reading as 20 cubic liters a month.

I don't know why I thought I was using 20 a month. It's because when the landlord helped me check the meter last time, he told me in January

it was at 12, and then we checked it again in August and it was 34, so it went up 20 liters, cubic liters since January. And I forgot the 2 readings were 7 months apart. I thought they were 1 month apart, so I thought 20 a month.

So I had just been adding 20 each month. So the water company billed me £200. So I phoned them up and then I had to check the water meter again. But it was raining, so it flooded the drain. It like flooded the manhole cover, and then there were 3 manholes. I wasn't sure which one was mine, so

I messaged the landlord saying, I forgot which one's my one.

I said, which one is my water meter? And then he just said, the one I showed you.

So I didn't say anything. I just So I opened up all of them. 2 of them didn't have anything in it, and then the remaining one was the water meter, but it was full of water, full of rain mud water, so I couldn't see it. So I had to get a cup and I had to scoop out

water and like toss it in the drain in front of the neighbor's house, which felt really, really weird, like I was up to no good.

And I finally scooped out all the water from the manhole drain thing, and it was covered in mud. And then there's like a plastic flap that you open to see the numbers, and then I took a picture of it, and I've only been using 3 cubic meters a month, which makes sense. So I told them that, and

they reduced my bill down to zero, plus gave me £25. Credit, so that was pretty good.

I just got confused.

I don't really understand what a cubic liter is.

It's 1,000 liters, isn't it?

I just don't understand why this stuff isn't automatic— automated. I don't see anyone else squatting down, looking at the manhole. Cover thing.

Why can't— don't they put it in the house? The electric meter's on the outside of the house. Why can't the water meter be in the house or something?

Oh, stupid place to put it.

So anyway, I fixed that problem, which I was quite happy about.

Oh God, I don't know. I need some, some W's. I need some light at the end of the tunnel.

Just not feeling good about myself.

I was miserable doing Kick, but I felt good making so much money.

How's the new girlfriend? I don't know, kind of weird today.

Um, I texted her at 12 o'clock. She read the message, 2 blue ticks. It's now 8 hours later. She hasn't replied. I'm guessing she got a migraine and she's having a nap. This has happened usually when she doesn't reply for a long time. It's always because she got a migraine.

Well, I don't know, something weird. Maybe you're gonna car crash, who knows.

Why do I feel miserable about myself? Because I feel like I suck at everything.

I can't do this day trading thing.

I'm broke.

The one thing that made me feel special was being a YouTuber,

and then I felt like I can learn this stock stuff.

Usually she sends me voice messages and texts during work.

Today she hasn't replied in 8 hours. She must be really busy and just can't reply, or she came home and crashed out and had a bad migraine or something. I don't know.

I'm sure it's nothing.

It's happened so many times now. First time it happened, yeah, I was freaking out, but then I realized, okay, this is what she does.

Not really worried. I've got bigger problems to worry about.

Used to be good at making videos.

Yeah, but the problem is I've trolled so much that I, I've lost the ability to make a sincere, genuine video anymore. And that was the reason people watched me for, because I was genuine. But then I trolled so much,

I can't turn on the camera and sit in front of it and be real anymore.

I'm only real when I stream,

but streams don't get views.

It's like I've lost the ability to be genuine.

And anytime I'm like genuinely talking about something that's worrying me, all I get are comments like, it's your fault, you deserve it, this is karma. And it just makes me feel shit.

All I get is a barrage of hate.

People telling me it's my fault, should have done this, should have done that,

as if I don't know.

I mean, the point of the video isn't so I get a bunch of people giving me sympathy or whatever. It's just to express how I feel about something.

That's the whole point of making videos, isn't it? You talk about something that concerns you or interests you.

Or that you're worried about, but it always just seems like

people think I'm making the video because I want sympathy or I want attention, and then they blame me for everything going wrong.

Maybe I should just turn off the comment section.

Every other YouTuber, they make a personal heartfelt video. The comments in the community is so supportive and nice. All I get is hate. It makes me not want to do it anymore because it makes me feel worse

to open myself up and be vulnerable. And then you just get attacked. It makes you feel worse about it.

Yeah, I want to feel good for making videos. If I feel bad doing it, I won't want to do it anymore.

I need that positive feedback loop to want to do it, but I just don't want to do it now.

It's not fun.

Yeah, I didn't care back then because I used to get views. And the excitement of getting views overrode

any negative feelings. But now I don't get any views.

I just get the pain

without the pleasure.

The next art will be decided next year.

I'm kind of in a state of limbo.

I don't even know what's relevant now. Steam Machine, ARC Raiders,

there was some new Call of Duty game. Those never get views.

I used to have— when I was doing good at YouTube in Japan.

You know, I wanted to be different to people like Chris Broad who just made Japan seem so amazing. I wanted to be critical and cynical

and funny.

I wanted to do like my take on Japan.

And not be like all the others, like Charlotte or whatever. But then I lost interest in Japan. I don't care about it anymore.

Now I don't— I don't know what I care about.

I think to find out if you care about something, you have to enjoy doing it. Whether money is involved or not. And with stocks,

I hate stocks. It's boring. It's frustrating. It's just a bunch of green and red bars going up and down.

The only interest, the only period of it is the money.

I don't care about what makes the market tick, like what grinds its gears and what's the mechanisms behind it. Yeah, sure, there's an art form behind chartography and stuff like that, but I'm not that kind of person.

I don't know what kind of person I am, that's the thing.

I used to be quite artistic and creative, storyteller.

I quite like cooking, even though I suck at that too.

I made a cabbage pork mincemeat stir-fry.

I've always liked cooking. I enjoy it even though I suck at it.

Bit concerned why my girlfriend hasn't messaged me.

Should I message her again?

Because I didn't really— the last thing I said to her wasn't really a question or anything. It was just like a statement.

It's nearly half 8.

I wonder what's going on.

I could message her again.

It's kind of strange she read the message but didn't say anything.

Well, I just suggested something we could do next time we meet.

I guess I gotta do Uber Eats again tomorrow. I'll try a different location.

Do something positive? Like what?

There was a cat in the Tesco. It seems to just sit outside that Tesco and go in and out when it pleases. It's quite cute.

How did I learn to drive?

Uh, I paid an instructor and took lessons. What do you mean?

At least the McDonald's staff was quite friendly today. They had different people than yesterday.

It doesn't look that bad working at McDonald's. When I was waiting there, I looked into the kitchen and there's just like a line of people building burgers. And you just stand there and you put the stuff in the burger and then you put it in the box and then make the next one. Don't have to drive up

and down, just stand in one place.

The smell of McDonald's must get to you though.

I had a McDonald's. I wasn't getting any,

any orders coming in. And I was getting hungry, so I went in and got myself a cheeseburger. £1.50.

Went to the toilet, sat in the car, ate my burger,

watched people park in the cars.

I don't want to work at McDonald's. I don't care if they pay £50 an hour. I want to do something cool

that I can geek out about and like nerd out on.

I'm gonna nerd out on making a burger.

I've always believed it's not the money that should drive you. You should have something you love doing.

I don't actually love doing anything. I don't know, I like driving my car, I guess. I like driving my car and listening to music, which is— I guess Uber Eats is pretty good for doing that.

Why would I study AI computer science? I have no interest in that.

I miss my mango vape. This one's really good. It's still got a tiny bit in.

It smells like smoke.

I don't like these ones.

I don't feel anything.

You love talking to the internet.

Yeah. Apart from when people try and ruin my life using the things I told them. They use my own words as ammunition against me. And yet it's my fault because I shouldn't have said it.

But I enjoy talking,

but I don't enjoy getting punished for the things I say.

And in this day and age where it's all too easy to report someone,

get them banned or fired, like I got banned on some dating apps because they have a subreddit and then I don't know, I had a date and I called the girl a stupid bitch or something like that. And then someone reported me to the dating app subreddit and then they banned me because,

you know, I'd have a bad date and I'd rant about how annoying the girl was.

It is so stupid you get banned for that.

You just can't express any opinion about anything.

Also, I do a lot of stupid things without realizing they're stupid. Like the wheel cleaner thing on the car. I didn't know. I didn't know wheel cleaner is acidic. Why is it acidic? Isn't that bad for the wheel? I didn't know it's like a problem if you use it on the car. I thought it's just like a

soap.

Glass cleaner, fabric cleaner, I thought it's all the same. It's just soap, isn't it?

Maybe I should text her again.

I just feel stupid double texting, but maybe it shows I care.

You're very negative. Yeah, that's why Mila dumped me. One of the things she said was that she doesn't like the stuff I say on stream.

I have very negative outlook.

It's like everything's out to get me and everything's annoying and

Everything's stupid. Everything makes me feel bad.

Especially as a girl, when you get with a guy, you're kind of hitching your future to the guy.

And you want to, you want to hitch your wagon to something strong like a 4x4 pickup truck.

But they imagine a future with me and I'm like negative and I'm self-sabotaging everything. Everything's bad and I ruin everything. They're like, oh God, I don't want to be with him.

What kind of future? I mean, if he wants to ruin his own life, that's his choice. But if I become his partner, then our lives are going to be shared, and then he's going to be ruining mine too.

And maybe the optics look bad like that, but I think in reality my life's not that bad. It's just the way I portray it sound— makes it sound really negative. I think my life is pretty better than a lot of people. I probably have a nicer house than most people, got a nicer car than most people.

I got a more comfortable life than most people, but the way I portray it sounds really negative. It's always doom and gloom.

I reckon she's just sleeping. I bet you anything she just had a migraine and then crashed out and slept.

I can't see what else it would be.

Every time this happens, it's always because of a migraine.

I didn't realize people get migraines that bad. I thought migraines was like a little headache. I didn't think it like knocks you out for half the day.

I've never— I've never had a migraine. I don't even know what it feels like.

The only time I've had a headache was when,

I don't know, I get sick, maybe. If I'm not sick, I don't get headache.

No, she often gets back from work and goes to have a nap.

It's happened before. She messaged me like 9 or 10, said, oh, I had a nap. And then I remember saying, how are you going to sleep at night then?

Your savings are more than your debt. Not for much longer, not at this rate.

I'm trying to use my overdraft instead of my savings to pay everything and trying to work to make the money back before the overdraft interest builds up.

Otherwise, I'm going to be living out of my savings, which isn't going to last very long. I need to, like, soften the blow, soften the fall with making money.

Look, some of you people are so annoying when I talk about my girlfriend. You always gotta say something like, oh, she's with another guy, she's not into you. I'm just gonna ban you.

But for some reason I can't see the chat thing on the live studio. It says something went wrong.

So you're lucky.

I don't know why YouTube does that, because you have the livestream.

Live page where it shows all the info, analytics and stuff, and on the right there's the chat. But sometimes it's got a monkey with a hammer and it says something went wrong, and then you refresh it

and it doesn't go away.

I don't understand why.

YouTube.com refused to connect.

This is what passes for content these days. Yeah, well, I've got more viewers now than when I was in Thailand.

When I was in Thailand,

I had like 60 viewers, so you can say Oh, UK's boring and this is boring all you want. I still got more viewers now than when I was in Thailand.

You guys hated Thailand. I was getting like 60 or 80 viewers.

Nothing's changed. I'm still in a room and I'm still just sitting here talking.

I was doing more things when I was in Thailand because I had a girlfriend and I lived with her and I talked about her. We went out and I vlogged it and I did like Thailand market videos. I did more stuff in Thailand, but I got less views back then.

I was still stressed out in Thailand. My money was bad, money situation was bad. I was only making about $1,000 a month, but that was enough.

But you know, the YouTube channel was just getting less and less views because people were bored of Thailand, and I didn't know what else to do for money. I couldn't work a job because I was in Thailand. At least here I can do other things, like do delivery work.

I felt like I was trapped in Thailand because I couldn't do anything else

apart from trying crazy stuff like sniping ice beside and

go into Japan.

And when I was in Thailand,

the old Daniel from 2018 and life in Japan, all that stuff was still kind of lingering because

COVID made it so no one could go to Japan until 2022.

So I was still pining for Japan when I was in Thailand. I was only in Thailand because I couldn't go to Japan. But, you know, the old me, 2018 me, was still in there somewhere.

Just, I was just waiting for COVID to come to an end.

And by the time I was able to go to Japan, I couldn't really properly go because I ended up having a girlfriend in Thailand. And then by the time I became single again, I lost interest in Japan. And so much time had passed that old Daniel was just dead and buried.

I started wanting other things like a car and a house and life in the UK and doing stops.

All that 2018 roaming about in Japan stuff. I gave it a shot in 2024, but I just, I hated it. I felt like, what am I doing with my life?

It's fine if you're young, like early 20s, adventure in Japan. When you're my age, it's a bit sad.

It used to be fun, you know, when I was like 26, 27. I walk around at night with my camera telling everyone about some weird date I just had.

I was fresh-faced.

I don't really envy young people.

I envy old people.

You see an old couple together in a car and they got their own house, maybe they got a dog, and I think that looks so nice.

They got each other and they got a nice place to live and it's cozy.

I don't know, I just think like the image of an old man sitting in front of his fireplace on his armchair looking out the window into his garden, and then he's got his wife in the kitchen Baking bread, and then, I don't know, you got the dog or the cat

roaming about, and then maybe do some gardening. You check your stocks, check your passive income, go for a weekend drive to a carvery. It seems nice.

And then you'd like focus on a little online business you have. Maybe

I feel like maybe when you come nearing to the end of your life and everything's settled,

might— maybe you'll be a bit happier. Because right now there's so many decades ahead of us. Everything's so uncertain, so much anxiety. You just don't know how— what's going to happen, where you end up. The older you get, closer to the end you feel. I feel like you can relax a bit.

What happened to my fish tank? What, in Thailand? I don't know. She said she gave it to her sister. I really doubt they know how to look after fish though.

Damn, she just replied. She said she just got home.

That's freaking late.

What the fuck?

Oh wow, thanks. Yeah,

no, never been on Grindr.

You could still do something with your life.

I want to be a day trader. Why can't I be a day trader?

I know how the market works. I know what to do and what not to do. Why can't I do it?

It's like, oh, you want to work in a kitchen? Rule number 1, don't put your hand in the fucking fire. And then you're like, oh, ow, it hurts! Ow, it hurts! Why do I keep putting my hand in the fire?

Why can't I not do the things you're not supposed to do?

No one's stopping you. I'm stopping me. I can't make any progress because I can't

learn. I mean, I've learned the rules. I don't follow the rules. That's the problem. I break all the rules all the time. That's why I, I literally fail at every single thing. Because I break the rules. I broke my YouTube channel because I clickbaited and I lied

and I slept with viewers, which you're not supposed to do. I mean, can you imagine someone like, I don't know, Chris or Connor sleeping with their viewers and being like, oh guys, I just banged my viewer? That'd be YouTube suicide. People think you're a scumbag taking advantage of your viewers. But I was like bragging about every single

You are a bang.

I did all the— I've literally done all the things you shouldn't do on YouTube as a YouTuber, apart from crypto scam or running a scam. I didn't groom anyone either.

Apart from that, I did all the things you shouldn't do: clickbait, lie,

Clickbait is one fastest way to destroy your channel.

Oh God. Oh, fucking hell. She sent me a 2-minute-long voice message.

It's like TKO Sam used to send me all these voice messages and I had to listen to them one by one. And then he goes, it's just easier to send a voice message than to type it all out. Yeah, but it's easier for me to just read the message than have to now sit here for minutes and

minutes and minutes listening to your voice message.

Now I'll probably end the stream soon, so focus on her.

What time is it? 9 o'clock.

I could read a paragraph of text in seconds, but if they send a voice message 2 minutes, then it's going to take me 2 minutes to listen to it all.

I bet, I bet there's like something that happened.

Am I an Uber Eats delivery guy instead of a streamer? I don't know what I identify as anymore.

A person who loses money doing stocks.

I've lost £200 today. I've lost £250 today on stocks.

I can't believe it.

I just feel like all these setups and technical analysis don't work unless— I don't know, it's half the time it just doesn't work. So if it doesn't work half the time, then what's the point of it? It doesn't give you an edge.

It just seems to do whatever it wants to do. You can't make any money unless there's some kind of momentum. If it's going sideways, you get chopped up.

You need to wait for those breakout moves to make any money,

but the breakout moves are very quick before it bounces.

Like, it tanks and then you go short, and then maybe you'll be up for a little bit, and then it'll reach a level where it just rips other way, and then you get fucked.

And then the rest of the day nothing happens whilst you sit there pissed trying to revenge trade, and then you just end up losing more because you get chopped up.

Market only seems to move at open And on news,

and then power hour. It's like 3 or 2 times a day it would do anything.

And then if you made money on the first move of the day you get greedy, so you want to make more, and then you end up blowing what you've just made. Or if you lose money in the first move, now you're pissed and desperate to trade more to get the money back, which makes you lose even more

money because now you're just getting chopped up.

And you really should be in and out. Within minutes or seconds even. Sometimes these moves are so quick,

like every time it tanks, it bounces so hard the other way.

Okay, I better end the stream and focus on