dont watch testing

Hello?

Hello?

Hello? The hell happened?

I think Twitch took my stream down.

It said there's a banned word in the

title. What, I can't put fuck in the

Why is it not playing? You can hear me,

can you?

Hello?

Hello? Oh, it's working.

Imagine Twitch bans me because of that

How do I reset the timer? I want to put 2

hours. Gotta play this game

to review.

2 hours.

Oh no, my iPad ran out of battery.

Everything keeps running out of battery,

doesn't it? Everything keeps running out

of battery, doesn't it?

Okay, let's play this game.

Where is it?

Hmm, Baldur's Gate.

This game looks so shit,

but this is the game other channels are

making videos about right now.

Where is Twitch?

Anyone there?

Chat's completely dead. Hello?

How do you play this game? Oh, uh,

I'll make a stupid account.

Make a Larian account.

Hate it when games make you make an

account. Username bigdick89,

email,

password 1234. Oh, I hate it

when they make you put special characters

in the password. I don't care. About the

security of my Larian Studios account.

Just let me play this stupid game.

Connect your Steam account.

Okay, play.

Oh my god, the Twitch app's so annoying to

use. Where's the search bar?

What? Search.

Okay,

Baldur's Gate

is not responding. Oh my God.

Oh, there it is. Okay, reset the

timer. No, that's fine. 2 hours.

Uh, why is there nothing to make a video

about? I see these other gaming channels

that have like 400K subs and they're

trying to make videos about games and

they're only getting like 10K views.

So there's nothing trending.

New game.

I don't get it. Is this game new? Because

on the Steam page it says it came out

2020, but gaming channels are making

videos about it, so I'm guessing

it's new.

Eh, stupid cutscene, no one cares.

Oh my god, better not spend loads of time

making a character. She's kind of hot.

Looks like a man though, her face looks

like a man. Here we go, 1 hour creating a

hot girl. Oh my god, should I just

randomize it?

I guess the graphics look quite good.

Um, character's name, Big Fat

Bitch.

My background. Criminal. Haha,

I like that. Background. Oh my

god, so many. Background: criminal. You

have a history of breaking the law. Yeah,

sounds like me. Race. What is

the most attractive race? Which one would

you bang? Wood Elf looks sick,

like she's green.

High Elf looks quite hot. There's only

2 elves. What? Oh, oh,

tiefling. Uh, what the hell?

She's kind of cute. I don't know about the

horns. Imagine you're doing missionary,

you grab the horns to hold on.

She looks weird. The graphics are not bad.

Drow. Who are they?

She's kind of hot. I like the jawline.

Human.

There's only one kind of human. Not really

my type. Is this the David Ford

Gaming channel? Yep. Oh, would you smash

her? Look at that nose. That is one freaky

nose. She looks like the Grinch.

Dwarf. Oh my God,

she's so ugly. That is bleh.

Half-elf. No, she's ugly.

Wood half-elf, ugly. Ooh,

ugly.

Halfling, uh, it's like a midget.

Would it be pedo if you smashed her?

Because she's an adult.

Why would you want to play as a midget?

Gnome? The gnome is just like a thin

halfling. Look at the gnome.

Would you smash a gnome? Oh my god, look

at this. That is creepy. Like an adult

woman's head on a child's body.

That's so weird looking.

Rock gnome. Would you smash her?

Why are her arms so long? Deep gnome.

Rock gnome. Hmm, I like the elf the

most. Wood elf looks like she's diseased.

I like the high elf's glowing skin.

What do the men look like?

Are they all black?

Oh my god, that's so ugly.

Why does this look like Sam Pepper?

Doesn't it look like Sam Pepper?

That looks like Sam Pepper.

I'll just make a hot elf, I guess. Look at

all these stats, Jesus Christ.

Wisdom, dexterity, constitution.

Venture forth. Can I make her look

hot? That jaw is kind of strong.

Eye color, hairstyle. This game

is Baldur's Gate 3. This is kind of cute.

Are those dreadlocks? Dreadlocks. Oh,

this is kind of cute. I can make the hair

brown or something. It's like an old

woman. Why are the bangs blonde?

Red.

How many hairstyles are there?

I'm just gonna waste all my time. Oh, I

kind of like this, but her face looks too—

doesn't look soft enough.

Oh, she's bold.

This one looks like Marzia.

Oh my God, there's so many hairstyles.

There's one— it goes from 1A to

30A and then 1B to 30B. I kind of like

this one. Maybe I'll get this one.

And then, hmm,

what color highlights?

Hmm, yeah, that's okay. How do I change

her face? Tattoo style, face.

That's it?

Not much customization. Why does she look

like a man? Isn't there a more

feminine-looking face?

Maybe human women look better. Why is she

A face.

She looks old.

Why does her hair look so gray?

I can give her a beard. Hahaha,

why would you want to give a woman a

She looks like Cersei from Game of Thrones

They're all so ugly.

No, that High Elf looks much better.

Um, what's this?

I can create— I mean, choose a spell.

Firebolt.

Whoops,

didn't have my fans on boosted.

How is Thai school? It's pretty fun. The

lessons go by really quickly.

We learned a lot yesterday. The American

guy was complaining to me about the

teacher. He said she

was too impatient with him and he felt

like he was being harassed. Next thing,

he's gonna sue her, probably. I think the

teacher's good. I like the teacher.

Okay, I've got points I can allocate.

Charisma. How about we remove all the

wisdom because we're gonna be a dumb bitch

and I'll put it into charisma.

What does constitution do?

Ability checks. I have no idea how

Dungeons Dragons works. Uh, what else?

Skills, animal handling,

nature,

survival. Oh my god, there's so

many stats.

I'm confused by the teacher because on the

first lesson I thought she was young,

like 30, late 30s. Because you

could kind of see her face. On the first

lesson, she wore this mask with like a

plastic see-through bit so you can see her

mouth doing the pronunciations, and she

looked kind of young. But now she went

back to using a normal mask where you

can't see her face, and now she kind of

looks older. I think she's like late 40s

now, I rethink, rethink it.

I hate everyone using masks all the time.

I can't tell what anyone looks like.

Sick and tired of everyone wearing masks,

getting face blind.

Abilities— can I just play the game? Come

on, I can't play.

Venture forth. Why not?

Oh, what's this? Who do you dream of? Who

attracts you?

What? Why do I have to choose someone who

I'm attracted to? What about a gnome?

Who am I attracted to?

She looks okay.

That's so weird.

Okay, I'm attracted to her, I guess.

How do I change her face? Head.

This one looks really derpy.

This one looks like the British girl. Oh

my god, this looks like the British girl I

dated for like 2 months last year.

Had like a very derpy look,

like one of those peasant girls on Game of

Thrones that gets effed by Theon

Greyjoy.

And then she's like, are you gonna make me

a princess?

They all look so ugly.

Oh, I guess this

is the least ugly.

Why do I have to make a character that I'm

attracted to? That's so weird.

Uh, hey, so plan is I got 1 hour 40

minutes before I can refund it. Play it,

get my first impressions, put out a video.

How are the plans going for Kick? Uh, I

don't see the point of doing Kick.

I got 90 followers, so I need to stream 5

hours to enable sub button,

but I don't even know if anyone would sub.

I'd rather just do Twitch. At least I make

some ad revenue.

This game's weird. It looks like Diablo.

I can zoom in really close. It looks like

a crappy version of Diablo. It runs

really slow as well.

Look at that, it looks like an anus with

little flesh lumps on it. It's like

Chihiro's zigzag.

This game looks so shit.

This looks just like Diablo. What the

hell?

Why does it stutter like that?

Jump to reach. How do I jump?

You got to aim where the jump Okay,

I can hear your fan. Yeah, I've got 2

fans, the laptop fan and the cooling pad

fan.

What's that?

Stop talking. How do you fight? Imps block

the path forward. You assist me in

destroying them.

Okay, whatever. I guess

this is like role-playing.

Turn-based combat.

I don't need tutorial.

What?

It's like XCOM.

It looks like XCOM.

So I move the camera around, click the

enemy to attack.

It feels just like XCOM.

And then you end your turn. Yeah, this is

just like XCOM. The hell?

Yeah, I can say the combat is so boring.

You just take turns.

Why would you want to play this instead of

Diablo?

It's hard to get a good impression of the

game in just 1 hour 30 minutes. Yeah, I

say it's a Diablo ripoff but

with boring combat.

Why does it look like a mobile game?

What was

that?

Come on, don't care.

Well, the problem with the American guy at

school is he doesn't listen to the

teacher. The teacher wanted him to say

these 2 words. But he just wouldn't say

it. I don't understand. She was saying,

repeat after me, leo ga,

leo kwa, but he kept saying leo kwa and

he wouldn't say the leo ga. And the

teacher said, say it like 6 times,

and he just kept ignoring her. It was

weird. He kept looking at the book and

then looking at the board and then looking

back at the book and the teacher kept

saying leo go, leo khoa, and then he kept

going leo khoa. It was

really frustrating. Just say what the

teacher's saying.

I think he didn't know that leo go and leo

khoa are 2 different words because they

kind of sound similar.

But he seems to be really struggling,

and the teacher doesn't speak much

English. He tries asking the teacher

things like, does this also mean XYZ?

And she doesn't understand what he's

They taught us a word, husband, which is

sami, and he was asking, does— can sami

also mean spouse? And she obviously didn't

understand what spouse means. She started

explaining how to pronounce it,

not answering his question. I mean, it

just means husband, it doesn't mean

spouse.

Why would it mean husband and spouse?

Okay, what do I do?

Oh, talk to this person.

What? Come on, nothing's happening.

What do I do?

Oh, this game's so stupid.

Talk.

Attack. Am I supposed to attack him?

What? I don't get it.

Uh, what do I do?

Oh, I died.

What was that? It sounded like she farted.

I think I'm dead.

Oh, what? What a stupid game.

Oh my God, I gotta restart from

the save point.

I don't even understand it.

I keep saying McDonald's in every example

sentence. We have to create our own

example sentence using the grammar we

learned, and I always say, I'm going to

McDonald's. And now the other students ask

me if I'm going to McDonald's when they

ask me stuff. It's kind of funny.

We were practicing days. The girl next to

me asked me, what day do you go to

McDonald's? And I say, every day. And then

everyone laughed.

Light on my feet.

Imagine spending £50 on this game.

Kind of makes me want to play XCOM,

actually. I used to like

Do you think the Japanese language will

die? No.

The population needs to go down anyway.

They've got too many. 120 million is so

much, so many people for the size of the

country. They should only have 60 million

like the UK. It's just

a natural correction.

They just overpopulated from the economic

boom, but that wasn't natural.

Oh my god, I hate this game. What do I do?

Your turn to do what?

I killed everything.

Why am I in combat mode when there's

nothing to kill?

Oh, leave turn-based mode.

You think declining birth rate is a good

thing? Mm, yeah, I guess so. I don't

know, whatever.

I feel like there's too many

people.

Less mouths to feed.

Why does the game start off on this weird

flying spaceship thing? It should start

off in a nice green forest. Forest or

Why did it zoom in?

Oh my God, what am I supposed to to do.

Oh my gosh, just nearly killed myself.

How'd you heal? Oh.

This game

sucks so much.

Oh my God, I'm gonna

die again.

It doesn't tell me what to do.

Reach the helm.

Where is it?

Ah,

this game sucks.

Fish pooped again. Clean up his poop

later. Keeps pooping.

Stupid fish. 1 hour 20

minutes left. What do I do?

Stupid fucking game.

Shut up.

I thought the helm would be at the front

of the ship.

Not now, we must go to the helm.

Where is it?

Oh, helm. Ah, this way.

Why didn't you tell me then? Stupid game.

I hate it when games don't tell you

clearly where to go. How do I go?

Oh my God, fucking died.

Stop standing in the fire. I hate this

game so much.

How do I revive?

Potion of healing?

I can't click on myself.

I'll just leave— leave her in the

fire. I can't turn the camera around. How

do you turn the camera around? It keeps

zooming in.

As an avid fan of Baldur's Gate and ARPGs,

I knew I just had to play this game.

Unfortunately, so far it's been lacking in

luster. The console appears dormant.

Nothing. The console remains dormant.

The mechanisms are completely

unrecognizable. Locked down.

What do I do? Fits in that socket. A dazed

woman

is true. A dazed woman.

Foul geik! Transformed by a lever.

That must never be our fate.

The newborn mind flayers.

The movement feels very unresponsive.

Does the stream quality look good?

I think I put it at 2,000

I think it looks good enough for a video.

Go to the helm.

Did he just one-shot me? Well, I'm dead.

I don't even know what's going on.

I'm not even doing anything. Who is that?

Oh, the tentacle face guy.

Is he gonna solo them? I think he's gonna

die.

Oh.

So what do I do now? I'm dead.

This is the worst game I've played ever.

How did she revive herself? Look, I can't—

how do you turn the camera around? Oh,

middle mouse button.

I've got the whole day alone today.

I gotta make some videos. Girlfriend's

coming back at— I think she said 8 PM.

It's It's now 9 AM, so I've got 9

hours. I'll make this video,

then I'll shower. I gotta make some main

channel videos about something.

Think of a topic.

People are getting bored of the

livestreams, constant livestreaming.

Got to change things up a little bit.

Hmm, what can I talk about? I'm just gonna

like make a load of videos. I want to make

like 6 videos today to release slowly.

Now I'm only streaming on Twitch today.

Rage, dip,

main attack, lassery.

I don't

have any potions. Firebolt.

12 viewers. Yeah, going viral soon.

You just wait, one of these days going

viral. 1 billion

viewers,

and I'm gonna die again.

Where can I get potions?

My highest damage attack is just

main hand attack,

and I missed.

I'm so dead.

Oh my god, this game's

so stupid.

Oh wow, thanks Blue Flames,

subscribed.

Very generous. I have

3 subs now. Wow, that's like $4.

I think

I'm just gonna die again. No potions.

Where's my teammate? Can I revive her?

Twitch takes— I

don't know, don't they take like 30% or

something? Thing. 50%. Kick would only

take 5%,

but Kick doesn't have adds.

Maybe I should run away.

Does Thailand have movie theaters?

Yeah, loads.

Oh my God. One-shot me.

They have really nice cinemas. They have

like reclining special VIP cinema rooms

where it's got like a recliner bed kind of

I'm not really into movies. I like

watching it on Netflix, just have

something to watch whilst I have dinner,

but there's never any movie that I want to

see so badly I want to go to the cinema.

I don't care if the screen is really big,

I'd rather have the comfort of my own home

and eating dinner and And I can go to the

toilet when I want to, look at my phone

when I want to.

My girlfriend's phone kept ringing. We

went to watch Guardians of the Galaxy and

she didn't know how to put it on silent

mode with the little button on the side.

I flicked the silent button on and she was

like, oh my God, I didn't know what that

button did. How do you not know?

Yeah, she has an iPhone, but she didn't

know that you could set it to silent with

that little button on the side.

Huh, why does the timer say 2 hours 50

minutes? Oh, cuz you subbed to me. Oh,

now I don't know how long I've been

playing. Imagine I accidentally play this

too much and can't refund it.

How long have I played it?

52 minutes.

There's no good games out.

Why does it keep missing?

I'm bored of Zelda.

Can't be bothered playing it.

Reincarnation? I don't really believe in

I need to do 135 damage.

I only do 4 damage. It would

take like 40 turns.

And died again. What am I supposed to do?

I don't really believe in anything

spiritual. I don't think there's

anything magical about thinking and

consciousness. Just your brain doing

electrical stuff. It's just flesh,

like tissue, and then it rots when you

die. I have no idea what to do.

I'm too weak. There's no way I can fight

Oh, you heal here. My other team member is

dead.

Do I have to grind? Oh, what's this

guy?

We're watching this series called Titans

on Netflix. It's so cheesy.

It's got that guy from Game of Thrones as

Bruce Wayne. You know, the guy who looks

after Prince— Queen Daenerys, and he's

like a massive simp. Who's he? Was he a

Baratheon? Sir something.

And it's got this guy called Dick Grayson

and he's rubbing. It's so cringe. It's got

like a clone of Superman in it as well.

It's okay to watch, I guess.

This game

sucks so much. I don't know what to do.

I watched a lot of Ice Poseidon yesterday,

and I swear he didn't get any donations,

and he was even complaining about it. He

was saying that he only got,

I think, 6 gifted subs that entire day,

which isn't much considering it says he's

got like 10,000 viewers. I watched

him for maybe 4 or 5 hours and I don't

remember seeing him say thanks for any

donations. I didn't even

see him get one donation or text-to-speech

thing. So I don't know

if the viewers are fake

and it's like viewbotting, or people just

don't want to donate because it's Kick and

there's no like Super Chat function. It's

kind of weird. I watch a lot of the other

streamers too, like Sam Pepper, and I very

rarely see them get a donation or

So I don't understand, it's like people

don't want to donate because there's no

Super Chat thing.

Super Chats do look nice when you buy one,

pops up on the chat and it's all colorful.

The man isn't dead.

I think I'm not

strong enough to open it.

Uh, how do I open it then?

Ooh, an elaborate key.

Put up your bum.

Maybe I'll do an IRL on Sunday.

I don't know where to do it though. Maybe

YouTube, maybe Twitch.

I feel like if I did it on YouTube, I'd

get stressed out with music and copyright.

But if I do it on Twitch, I'll, I'll feel

like less pressure, so I'll be able to

enjoy it more. And then

I just clip any highlights, make it to a

Is Mario Kart worth it? Uh, yeah, if you

like racing.

Why are they attacking me? I'm just

freaking— I'm

gonna say this game sucks so much.

Imagine if XCOM had a baby with Diablo

4, and this is the ugly

bastard son.

So what do I do?

Uh, how do I save it? A save game.

This game's really annoying. It doesn't

tell you clearly where to go or

what to do. I got this key, where do I put

it?

Brains.

I keep getting stuck on the scenery.

Ah, maybe here.

Look for a switch. Mechanisms are

completely unrecognizable at first. Hit

it. Nothing. The console remains dormant.

I saw Ice Poseidon eat a little frog

yesterday. It was disgusting. He bit the

head off and then Kimberly ate the stomach

torso. It looked like giants eating a

little human. Frogs look like humans with

the legs and arms. If I was a barbarian,

I could have just ripped this off.

I would not try any of that weird stuff.

They have weird stuff like big insects on

a stick, scorpion,

spider. Imagine actually enjoying that.

Perfect, perfect.

Oh, what do I do?

1 hour.

I thought I'd have to use the key here.

Mug.

Gold.

My back hurts.

Mm-hmm.

You didn't use clickbait title today.

Really? I thought I put I wanna fuck a

ladyboy as the title. Oh no,

it says— oh, it says don't watch testing.

I guess Twitch didn't let me use that

title and just used the previous title.

Why is the title don't watch testing?

Is it too late to change it?

I,

I don't know. What should I put?

I'm gay with ladyboy.

It won't let me. It says it's a forbidden

word. Why I'm gay.

Let me do that. It seems like the word

ladyboy is not allowed in the title.

This game is so crap.

What's this?

It's telling me to go this way.

What? Oh, this person has loads of loot.

Githyanki half plate, equip.

Longsword. My greataxe

does more damage.

I'm level 1. Am I supposed

to be level 1? Brains.

Brains.

Ignition.

Ignition.

Scroll of Revivify. That is the dumbest

word I've ever heard. Revivify. Where is

my team member?

Oh, she's naked. Oh, I looted her.

She's naked now. Maybe I

should revive her then.

She's so gross looking.

Now she's naked.

How do I give the stuff back to her?

Would you smash? Hmm,

I have to turn all the lights off, put a

bag over her head. Maybe I could do it.

I would have to be very horny.

What? Why do they all just die? They all

just suddenly died.

This is the worst game I've ever played.

I think I'm gonna refund it and make the

video now. I don't really see much else.

That's gonna happen.

The movement system is terrible.

No, it's not Diablo, it's Baldur's Gate.

It just feels really horrible to play it.

I guess I revive now.

Take you out.

What? She missed?

Diablo is so much better.

Do you

think we can take him? I don't think we

can, he just one-shots us.

What can this person do?

Possibly daze them,

create an invisible Spectral hand that can

manipulate, interact with objects.

Hamstring shot.

Lacerate. Maybe I'll do

a lacerate.

Missed.

Missed again.

Oh, he just one-shot me.

Oh.

Oh, why didn't she heal her, not herself?

How do I revive her?

Do I play games with my girlfriend?

No, she only plays this mobile game. It's

like League of Legends.

I don't like those games.

Why is she not moving?

Did she start streaming? No, but she was

asking me how to set up OBS, which is kind

of weird. She said she wants to stream. I

said Said, but you don't have any viewers.

Who's gonna watch you?

Take you out.

My sister said her English is better than

Chihiro's. My sister said she didn't

understand a word Chihiro was saying.

It's funny because back then everyone was

hating on me, saying that I was being

mean, saying her English was bad. I'm not

being mean, I'm just Being honest,

the haters are kind of gone now, aren't

they? I guess they feel satisfied now

that the channel's dead. There's nothing

really to keep hating me for.

Can I save it now?

People wanted to argue with me so much,

debate me about stuff.

Now they don't

care.

Not now. We must go to the helm.

Action blocks the action.

Save it.

Okay, how do I kill this guy?

Everything keeps missing.

I can't

even catch my breath. Hmm,

what does this do?

Oh my God, he keeps

one-shotting me.

Oh,

take this

or Sauriel will have your head.

How do I

revive my Team member.

I need help. Swift and lethal.

Oh my God, this game's so shit. I think

Ew, is that succubus licking him?

Okay.

I think I'm gonna make the video now.

Refund this piece of shit. What a shit

game.

This boss is impossible.

Oh no, I can't be fucked with this. Fuck

this stupid game. What a load of rubbish.

How can you make such a shit game? Oh my

God. Okay, well, bye then.