I wasted my 20s... [QioxX6C1Gnk]

In a few months, I'm going to be turning

35 years old. And it's a pretty scary idea

to think that half of my life has already

finished and it's over. And I still

haven't really accomplished anything that

I feel really proud of. And I keep

comparing myself to other people who are

around my age, and I can't help but feel

that I am severely far, far behind other

people of my age. I don't own any

property. I don't have any kind of

successful businesses or online hustles

that are actually very successful. I don't

own any automobiles. It just kind of makes

me feel like I completely wasted my 20s.

I didn't do anything in my 20s that is

helping me right now in my 30s. Usually

people would think your 20s is when you're

at your most energetic, your most powerful

years in your life, where you really

should be focusing your energy on

investing it into something like learning

a skill, learning a trade, building

something that's actually going to be

helpful for you when you're a bit older in

life. The hell was I doing in my 20s?

Because my entire 20s just went, came and

went. And okay, maybe I had a good time,

but those good times are not really

helping me in any way at all right now.

The only skill I can say that I learned in

my 20s was probably being able to speak

Japanese. But being able to speak Japanese

is kind of a useless skill if you don't do

any kind of work involving Japanese or you

don't live in Japan and nothing about your

life actually requires being able to speak

Japanese, which is what my life is like

now. Knowing how to speak Japanese is kind

of meaningless. So I spent nearly all of

my 20s just traveling to Japan almost

every year, but I never really did

anything useful in Japan. Most people go

to Japan long term to either study

something, go to school and learn

something like an important skill so they

can get a job, or they're actually just

working there and they've got this dream

of maybe, I don't know, starting a

business or getting some kind of career in

Japan. I wasn't doing any of that when I

went to Japan. I just kind of met people,

messed around, usually with Japanese

women. It was always kind of awkward when

my relatives would ask me, oh, Daniel,

how was Japan? What did you get up to?

What were you doing in Japan? I always

found that question very difficult to

answer because, because I was never

actually doing anything that I felt very

proud of. I can't really say to them that

I was having a fling with a Japanese woman

for a few months. That would just be kind

of embarrassing. Yeah, for most of my 20s,

I was in Japan just messing around. I was

never really there very long. I just spent

a few months there, or maybe half the

year. And then I'd come back home to the

UK and then save up money to go back to

Japan again the next year to just do the

same thing again and again and again,

thinking that I could just do that for the

rest of my life. And I usually stayed at

guesthouses, which was full of other

foreigners who were in their 20s. And

basically all of them there were either

studying something or working. None of

them were there like me, just sitting

around doing nothing and just wasting

their lives. And to be honest, I always

found them to be kind of lame, kind of

boring. I couldn't imagine going all the

way to Japan and just spending every day

working or studying when there's so many

cool and interesting things you could be

doing in Japan. So I guess in a way I felt

kind of smug about the fact that I didn't

have to work or study and everyone else

around me were having such a stressful,

horrible, tough time studying and working.

I think deep down some parts of me

actually believed that I was never going

to get old. I was going to stay young

forever. Maybe it's kind of like Peter

Pan's syndrome, but I just couldn't

imagine ever getting old. And when you're

in your 20s, you feel like you've got your

entire life ahead of you, nothing's ever

gonna change, you're gonna be this way,

you're gonna be good-looking and young,

and you won't ever get old, and you can

just live this carefree life for the rest

of your life. But then one day you wake up

and you realize, oh crap, I'm actually in

my 30s. I guess that whole being young

forever thing didn't actually work. I

thought I had some kind of magic ability

where I was just gonna be young forever

and I didn't have to ever worry about the

future, but But then I look into the

mirror and I realize, yeah, I am actually

aging. I'm changing. My face is getting

rounder. My hair is losing its color. I'm

getting more white hairs. My teeth are

getting more and more yellow. I'm getting

wrinkles. And that's when reality sets in

and the delusions start to fade away. I

think there's 2 types of people in life.

You've got people who are like

grasshoppers and you've got people who are

like ants. Whereas the grasshopper just

lies around lazily, not really doing

anything, not working. And then the ants

are busy storing food, collecting food,

and building a shelter. When the rains

come and the winter comes, the ants are

going to be much better off and the

grasshopper is just going to be left

outside starving. I met some people who

were quite young, in their 20s, early 20s,

who took the future very seriously and all

they seemed to care about was studying and

what kind of university they were going to

get into, what kind of job they were going

to do in the future. And it was like all

they cared about was the future and not

enjoying the present. And I was very

different. I didn't care at all about the

future. I had this mentality that I might

not have a future. Everything could just

end the next day if I was in a plane crash

or something. And all I want to do is

exist in the present and enjoy the

present. I think you kind of need a

balance. I think that, yes, your 20s, you

should be adventuring, exploring the

world, trying to find out who you are and

trying new things. But then at the same

time, you should also be considering what

your plan is for the future and trying to

learn skills that would be useful to you

in the future. I think I kind of had no

balance in my life when it comes to that.

I was just completely focused on enjoying

my 20s, enjoying the whole adventuring

experience and trying to figure out who I

was whilst not really planning at all my

future and what I was going to do when I

actually become 35 or 40. To be

honest, I feel kind of embarrassed when

I'm still trying to live my life like I'm

in my 20s when actually I'm in my 30s. I

think if you're in your 30s and you're

still like doing the whole 20-year-old

thing, it's not really something to be

proud of, and you should have moved on

from that phase in your life by now. You

should have already found out who you are.

You should have been done with all the

adventuring, and now you should be

focusing on, okay, what kind of skill am I

good at? What, what can I learn? What can

I study and actually focus my energy on

that will be useful for not just myself

but for people around me? If you're

thinking about starting a family, you're

going to need to be able to provide

stability and financial stability and

safety, and you're not going to be able to

do that if you just spent your entire life

adventuring and traveling the world and

just having temporary relationships.

Something I realized in life is that if

you don't have anything to offer, nothing

of value to offer, nothing to bring to the

table, then no one's going to care about

you. No one's going to have any interest

in you, because why would they? You don't

bring anything to the table. And it's a

lonely existence being a lone wolf,

having a lone wolf kind of lifestyle,

only serving yourself not really providing

anything to other people, you end up just

becoming alone. And I have experienced the

whole lone wolf kind of lifestyle, and I

have to say those were probably the most

miserable and depressing moments of my

life when you're just completely alone.

You've got no one in your life. You've got

nothing of value to offer to anyone.

Unfortunately, even though I have realized

some of these important things, I don't

think anything's gonna change because I'm

still just gonna go to Japan in a few

months' time, and no, I'm not gonna do

anything of value or of importance there.

I'm probably just going to book a hotel

room or get an apartment room and then

just sit in there moping around, being

bored, and just like just traveling around

Japan, seeing stuff, eating food, taking

some photos, some videos here and there.

And then I'll go back to the UK and then

save up some money and then probably just

do the same thing again the next year.

Like, maybe I'll just forever be in this

phase of being in my 20s for my whole life

where I still can't really figure out who

I am or what I'm supposed to be doing

here. I don't really know what I can bring

to the table in terms of what kind of

value can I offer to people. And maybe

everything will just be fine and

everything just work out and I won't have

to worry about anything because some kind

of magical thing is gonna happen and it's

gonna solve all my problems. That's what

I'm going to believe.