it's over -(

Fuck.

Wait, I'm trying.

Okay,

um, I can't speak.

As soon as I start speaking— fuck.

So, Mila dumped me,

or rejected me,

whatever you want to call it. She said she

doesn't want to meet.

Ever.

So, I'm not going to the Netherlands.

That's why I haven't been doing any

streams recently, because I was worried I

would say something That

would ruin things.

Okay, I think I feel better now.

That's so hard to say.

When I booked the ticket to go, I felt so

sure that I was going to go and we

would meet up.

And then about 4 days after I made— after

I bought the ticket, she She messaged me

again saying she changed her mind because

she was feeling more unsure than sure

about us.

And she said we could still meet as

friends if I still wanted to come.

And then she changed her mind again and

said we shouldn't meet at all because it

would just make things confusing.

And I really tried to,

to come up with a solution.

I said I wouldn't talk about her anymore.

I said I wouldn't film her. I said

I wouldn't even make videos going there

and I'd keep it a secret.

But it still wasn't good enough.

And after

a few days, I messaged her again today

asking if there was anything I could do to

make her change her mind, anything I could

change. She said no.

She said there's, there's no solution.

And the reason why she changed her mind

was because all these people were

harassing her friends on social media,

sending her friends messages, sending her

friends pictures of me.

Saying mean stuff about her.

It's not because of anything I did. I

didn't do anything wrong.

These are her words, not mine. She said I

didn't do anything wrong, but all of these

people harassing her was too much. She

would probably agree to meet if you go

anyway. No, I don't think so.

I did think about going anyway and seeing

if she would maybe change her mind, but I

feel like that's wrong. I'd feel like I

was guilt-tripping her into meeting me,

and then if she still said no, I would

have felt so upset if I went all the way.

And it's not because of OnlyFans. I talked

to her about OnlyFans and she said she was

fine with it. She said she doesn't judge.

People for stuff like that. But the

problem was people leaked my OnlyFans and

they were sending the pictures to her

friends, and then her friends were getting

upset with her and she felt responsible

and she didn't want to damage the

relationship with her friends, so she said

she didn't want to be involved with me

anymore.

Romantically. She said she couldn't be in

a relationship with me if this stuff's

going to keep happening.

The OnlyFans isn't the problem because

my nudes have been leaked since 2 years

ago. People have,

have seen my, my nudes Way before I

started OnlyFans.

Thank you, Aidan and Robert and

David. Yeah, it is

easier, I guess.

I don't know what to do now. I feel so

devastated about this whole situation.

I don't think people understood how much I

liked her. Maybe I didn't convey it well

in the videos or the things I said. Maybe

I didn't even convey it well to her.

I'm not— I'm not great at expressing

emotion, really.

But she said She didn't like me enough to

want to have to put up with getting

harassed by my viewers.

I kept trying to tell her, just ignore

them, just block them. They're just maybe

a couple dozen weirdos on the internet.

It's so easy, you just press the block

button, then they go away. But She kept

saying, my friends are getting harassed,

they're getting upset,

this keeps happening,

and there's just nothing I can do. I can't

stop these people from doing this stuff.

It's just frustrating because it's such

an easy problem to solve. All you have to

do when someone messages you and you don't

want to be messaged, you press block.

That's all you have to do. It's one

button.

Because some people don't know how to do

social media online privacy,

she decided that the whole thing was not

worth it.

I get messaged all the time.

I get message requests all the time. I

don't, I don't look at them because I'm

not interested in who they— I don't know

who they are. I'm not interested in what

they have to say,

and I'm so upset.

The innocence is gone.

Well, thank you, Bowser.

I'm so disappointed that there's such an

easy solution to the problem we have,

but she still felt like it wasn't worth

it.

And there was nothing I could do, nothing

I was looking forward to seeing her again

so much. It was like all I cared about,

and I just knew it. I knew the longer I

waited, the less likely I

would be able to see her again. And every

time this has happened, the longer I leave

things They

end up finding a new person or they end up

changing their minds.

I just had a bad feeling about the

whole trip. I felt like it wasn't actually

going to happen deep down.

And I keep wishing I went earlier.

I was worried about the lockdown and the

travel ban, but I think I probably could

have entered the country even back in

April or early May.

But every time I brought up— every time I

suggested going, she would,

she would say stuff like, why are you in

such a rush? All is not lost.

She can change her mind again.

The first week after she left— what's

13 but also 52? The first week after she

left, we started talking about meeting up.

I started looking at Airbnbs. We were

looking at this cabin in the woods. She

seemed really excited about it. I said,

okay, great, I'm coming on Friday. This

was before I was worried about the travel

ban stuff. And then she said,

could you come next week instead? Like,

she kept saying, could you come later?

Could you come later? And then the virus

situation started getting out of hand,

and I got worried. I didn't really want to

go because I was worried about the virus

stuff, and I didn't know if I could get

in. So I thought, okay, I'll wait until

end of May until things calm

down, get better.

But I think during the time we were apart,

she just kept— she probably kept

thinking if it was worth it or not to

carry on meeting me.

And we kept going backwards and forwards

between meeting, and then

she changed her mind, and then we talked

about it. I offered solutions, like I said

I would not talk about her or film her,

and then we would go back to meeting,

planning to meet up again. Then she

changed her mind again. The second time I

also talked her out of it again, but this

time I couldn't talk her out of it.

And it, it's just so sad because I feel

like she let a really small

number of people ruin it.

It was probably just 10 people, probably

not even 20 people who were doing this

harassment stuff. And they only

have power if you let them have power. If

you just stop reading what they say and

you just block them as soon as they pop

up, they can't do anything. They can only

do something if you let them. I kept

telling her, stop reading the subreddit,

but she kept reading it, and she

got all these ideas in her head.

It probably changed her perception of me

somehow.

I kept saying, if there's something you

read on there that you're unhappy about,

talk to me about it because it's probably

not true or it's taken out of context or

it's just really twisted and exaggerated.

And I thought she likes me.

I thought she likes me enough. To be able

to ignore all that stuff.

But I guess in the end I wasn't worth it.

That's what hurts most about it, knowing

that you weren't worth it,

knowing that you weren't important enough

to her.

And people say you should have kept her a

secret. Should have— shouldn't have told

people about her. But I had no idea

this would happen. Number one, it was her

friend who leaked her social media, not

me. I had no idea that would happen.

And she was fine with being filmed when I

asked her.

So I feel like I did everything properly,

and I still got fucked in the end by

things I don't even have control over or

couldn't have predicted. You should still

come. I'll get you a new Miela.

Thanks, Ollie, but I don't— I don't think

it's a good idea.

If I could go back in time, what should I

have done differently?

Not film her at all?

I guess if I didn't film her at all, then

people would never have found her social

media and would never have been able to

message her friends. But at the time,

I didn't think I would fall for her so

badly. I didn't think it would lead

anywhere. I thought, oh, just go to

London, meet this girl, this Dutch girl,

and then have some fun, make a vlog. I'll

get some views because all— anything— the

only thing people seem to care about is

girls, girls, girls when I make videos. I

try and make any other kind of topic,

people just don't care. So I felt

pressured to make a video with a girl,

and I asked her, she said, sure, that's

fine. And I thought, great, we'll just

meet up, have a vlog, make a vlog.

I didn't think this would affect me so

badly. Usually I meet girls and—

yes, I usually get rejected by them, like

But I don't get this emotionally invested,

and I think it's because she stayed here

for 3 weeks.

That's the problem, the couple weeks. She

was here for so many weeks, she grew on

me. At first,

I don't know, I wasn't head over heels for

her straight away. I wasn't instantly

attracted to her. It took a while.

But because she was here for such a long

time, I guess you can't really stop

feelings from Forget those trolls that

ruin your life. Appearing. From now on,

if you really like a girl, don't mention

her. Thank you, Tony and

Oliver. Yeah, I know, I'm really gonna

make changes after this because this has

really messed me up so badly.

I cried so much yesterday.

I haven't cried that much. I don't even

remember the last time I cried that much

because of a girl. So yeah, I got rejected

on dates from Tinder a lot and I was

upset, but I never cried about it or

really cared much about it. I just moved

on. I had a bit of a rage, a rant, and I

was like, oh well. I feel

like I've never been this emotionally

fucked up by a girl since, since 2014.

I think that was the last time.

And I just felt so powerless, like there

was nothing I could have done to make

things better, to change her mind, to stop

people from harassing her, to prevent her

friend from doxxing her. It was like

everything was just against me,

so I even felt like I would quit the

YouTube channel if she gave me a chance at

some points.

Sounds like you found out what love is.

I don't know if this is love, but I

definitely feel heartbroken. Would you

quit YouTube to get back with Mila?

I don't know.

I don't know if I could quit YouTube. I

feel sad for you. Sad but relieved face.

Maybe I would stop making drama content

and I would do something else like, I

don't know, review cameras and then just

accept that my channel would die.

That's why my last few videos have been so

shit. I tried doing these illustrated

storytime things because I was trying

really hard not to talk about her or

what's going on or my feelings, because

every time I do, it just makes it worse.

I say things I shouldn't say, I get angry,

and then people screenshot

it or they clip it.

I don't know what to do. Delete the

Discord server. Better for your sanity.

I think I am thinking about deleting it

again because I think the Discord— the

things I was saying on Discord probably

didn't help when she was trying to decide

if she should meet me again. Sometimes I

say weird stuff on Discord.

Usually I'm just joking and then it gets

taken out of context and twisted.

Well, sometimes I'm just being sarcastic.

Sometimes people even just fake

screenshots. It's not even me who said it,

they just make it up.

We love you, Daniel. You're a celebrity

now.

I don't know if it's worth it though.

If I was just, I don't know, a normal guy

with a normal job— well, in the first

place, I wouldn't have met her in the

first place because without the YouTube

channel, she would never have known about

me. So I guess without

it, I would have never known her.

But if I just made videos like tech review

or mukbang,

none of this— wouldn't have all this toxic

viewership, people harassing her. So I bet

if Ben Dean gets a girlfriend, people

don't start harassing, doxxing his

girlfriend, do they?

I feel so lost now.

I didn't really picture myself with her

forever. It's not like I was planning to

marry her, but she was like a

light at the end of the tunnel. I was so

depressed in Korea. I just had all these

miserable dates that didn't go anywhere,

and I felt so alone in Korea.

And then I came back to England, and then

she just kind of appeared out of nowhere,

randomly. Just flew over to London on

a whim. It was

just like completely

unexpected.

I felt so happy when she was here.

She was like everything I wanted. From a

girl.

It, it probably sounds lame when I say

this, but it honestly, honestly was the

best 3 weeks in my entire life.

I think I can't think of any other moment

in my life that I was more happy, that I

was happier. I think I really was the

happiest. I stopped going on Discord

because I didn't feel like I needed to.

I didn't even feel like doing livestreams

or making videos anymore.

I completely lost interest in the internet

and social media and talking to people

online when she was here.

And it was so much better than all this

internet stuff. It made me realize

real-life people and connections is

so much better than all of this internet

rubbish, chatting to

people online, having subscribers,

having followers. And all

of that felt meaningless when she was

here. Like, I didn't feel like I needed

it, didn't want it.

And now we're back to square one.

Really, it didn't lead anywhere.

It's over, finished,

no progress. Exactly the same

situation as,

as 12 years ago.

It's just like being pushed all

the way back to square one.

I just feel like she could have been the

right one for me.

She ticks a lot of boxes.

I kept thinking about how we could travel,

go to different countries, do stuff

together, then I could vlog it,

and then she wouldn't be tied down by a

job, and she speaks really good English.

I kept imagining how great it could be.

The last 2 months, it's just been like

emotional torture.

I kept having my hopes raised and then

crushed and then raised and then crushed.

Kept thinking, yes, she wants to meet me.

Oh, she said she changed her mind. Yes,

she still wants to meet me. Oh, she

changed her mind again. She said she wants

to meet me. Oh, she changed her mind

again. Every 2 weeks it was like that.

And every time she changed her mind and

said she wanted to see me, I just felt

like I felt so hopeful.

I felt so good inside, so positive.

I had to unfollow her on Instagram. I said

to her that I don't really want to be

friends with you.

I don't— I can't just be friends with her.

She said we could be friends, but You

all know me. I'm not interested in, in

having friends.

It's just not really important to me.

The thing that I'm looking for, what I'm

searching for, a friend can't give that.

I could have 100 billion friends and I

don't think it would satisfy me. It's not

what I'm after in life.

So I don't mind having friends if they

just come along, but I'm not going to put

effort into trying to get them because I'm

fine without them. But she was like the

opposite. She loves having friends and

then she said she doesn't really care

about having a relationship. She's fine

being single. That's like the complete

opposite of me. I hate being single.

And when she left, I felt so empty,

like a part of me left with her, that life

felt so meaningless when she was gone.

We were really different. I don't think we

had much in common, to be honest.

She kept going on about how

she needed alone time and she didn't like

being around people all the time, all day.

And when we were discussing going to Korea

together, I wanted to live together in an

Airbnb. She said she would prefer not to

live together. That really upset me.

I thought, why don't you want to live

together? You are special. Love yourself.

Thank you, Cartoon Scientist.

So when, when she said she didn't want to

live with me, I actually changed my mind.

I said, I think we should call it

off. I don't think we're looking for the

same thing. Because at that point we still

hadn't talked about relationships.

I, I still hadn't told her what I wanted

because I felt kind of nervous about it.

I told her I wanted a relationship.

I think maybe I scared her off a bit by

saying that. Like I was trying to

rush things too quickly.

So she agreed to living together if we got

a place that had several rooms, and then

everything was fine. I thought, great,

that's a good solution.

And then she changed her mind again about

meeting me, just saying that She felt like

there was too much pressure for us to

be together. And then I said, okay, I'm

sorry I tried rushing things. We should

just take things slowly, stop talking

about living together in Korea, just meet

up in the Netherlands,

see how it goes, see how we feel. And she

was happy with that, and then everything

was fine for a few weeks.

And I booked my ticket. I double-checked,

triple-checked with her to make sure she

was still wanting to see me and if it was

okay if I could go and see her. She said

yes. So I booked my ticket, I was

all ready to go,

and then just a few days later she said

she changed her mind again.

It is just so frustrating.

And then we talked about going to Sweden,

doing camping. I was

looking forward to it so much. So I didn't

even care if I wouldn't be able to make

videos or if I wouldn't be able to vlog it

or turn it into content. I felt like she

was more important. If I had to choose

between making some shitty Netherlands

vlog or Sweden vlogs, if I had to choose

between that or her, I would have chose

her every time.

She said maybe sometime down the line we

could meet up again as friends, but that's

just not what I'm looking for.

I'm not interested in being her friend.

So easily she could change it back. No,

she won't.

I'm 100% sure she won't change her mind

again. And then even

if she did change her mind, I'd probably

go there, land at the airport, and then

she'd change her mind again. Say, sorry

Daniel, I don't want to meet, can you get

an Airbnb? I can so imagine that

She's so unreliable. I don't

know if I would even want to meet her if

she changed her mind again. How can you—

how can you make plans with someone who

just changes their mind every week?

I would feel so paranoid and insecure.

That she would just suddenly change her

mind the next day.

It's just weird because when she was here,

I didn't really want a relationship with

her. You could tell I was starting to get

a bit annoyed, and I really didn't

think that I would want to see her again

after she left. I wasn't expecting to

miss her so much.

Do I still talk to her? I talked to her

about an hour ago. It was like my

last-ditch attempt, final attempt. I said,

is there anything I can do to change? Is

there anything I could change?

There must be something.

She says— she said no. She said there's

nothing you can do. The same problems

would still remain. So I don't even know

what the problem is. The problem is her

friends were being harassed. Do her

friends not know what the block button is?

I don't know about that.

It is kind of like she was interested in

me and she was the one saying stuff like,

let's go to Korea together, and I was

like, I don't know,

if we go to Korea together, aren't you

gonna be out partying all the time?

Making me feel insecure and jealous again.

I wasn't really into the idea when she

suggested it, and then I

became really interested in her, and then

she lost interest in me.

She wanted you to pay her ticket. I would

have been completely happy to pay for

everything, the Airbnb, the ticket. I even

said, do you want to meet up in Sweden

because I heard they're not doing any

travel bans? She said she didn't have any

money. I said I'd be happy, completely

happy to pay. For everything.

I make a shit ton of money on OnlyFans

now. It's crazy. You won't believe how

much I make on OnlyFans, plus YouTube,

plus everything else. I don't feel like

money was a problem. I would have been

completely fine with paying for her.

You genuinely felt love the way you talked

about it. Says it all. Love is indeed an

emotional ride. Thank you,

Tony. Do you really think it's love? I

don't know. I've always said that I never

really felt love before.

Seems kind of weird describing it as love.

Maybe it was just infatuation and

loneliness disguised as love.

She was the first girl that I ever

met, and I felt attracted to her,

and I didn't want her to leave straight

away after we slept together,

and I liked her being around.

But all these other Tinder dates I went

on, all these other girls I slept with,

I just felt nothing.

No emotion, no feelings. I couldn't care

less if they just effed off.

But this time was different. This time I

felt like I actually wanted something with

this girl. And my

stupid YouTube channel scared her off.

What am I gonna do?

And I got kind of annoyed because she kind

of made it seem like,

like I have a toxic audience and

I have a bad reputation and so many people

hate me. I think most of the people that

watch my channel are nice, decent people.

Sure, they give me shit when I say dumb

stuff. And that's fine. I say a

lot of dumb stuff, and if you want to

criticize me for that, I don't

think of you as a bad person because of

that. And you look at my comment section,

it's mostly nice comments, or it's just

criticism, but then there's like a tiny,

tiny percentage of people who are batshit

crazy who watch me and are hell-bent on

trying to ruin my life, doxxing people,

harassing people. But they're like such,

such a small number of people compared to

the big picture.

And usually I get way more likes than

dislikes. It really depends on the topic

though. Like, I make one about black

women, obviously I get loads of dislikes.

But if I make something on, you know,

just a story time, something that happened

a few years ago, I'll get way more dis—

way more likes than dislikes. I'd get like

1,000 likes to maybe a couple hundred

dislikes. To me, that's overwhelmingly

more likes. So I I disagree that

everyone and so many people hate me.

Yeah, there's a big group of people that

do hate me,

but I still feel like it's a very, very

tiny amount of people who want to

ruin my life.

But the way she makes— the way she

describes it, she makes it sound like my

whole viewership are all toxic, bad

people.

I don't know where I want to go next.

I felt kind of annoyed about that. I said

to her, even PewDiePie, the most likable,

popular guy on YouTube, he probably has

hundreds of people who hate him. And want

to bring him down, and they make articles

trying to make him seem like a Nazi or a

racist. And then she said, yeah, but

PewDiePie has way more people who like

him. That doesn't matter. It doesn't

matter if 10 million people liked me. All

it takes is one crazy person. The reason

she left you is because you got obsessive.

All it takes is one crazy person who's

dedicated enough to dox and harass. It

doesn't matter if the entire world loved

me.

There's not a single person on YouTube or

on the internet who is loved by everyone.

You can get the most popular, likable

person on YouTube ever, and there's bound

to be at least one person who has it in

for them. I kind

of got annoyed about that.

I bet Marzia has a bunch of weirdos trying

to message her, sending dick pics. She

doesn't leave PewDiePie because of that.

You just block them.

I get really irritated about, about that

because if you reverse the situation,

imagine there was a girl that liked me and

I liked her, and then she was also a

YouTuber. If weirdos started messaging me

about her or started messaging my friends,

if I had friends, I wouldn't care less.

I'd tell my friends Yeah, well, just block

them. I'm not gonna dump this girl who I

really like just because my friends are

saying some weirdos on the internet are

I'd say, so? And?

Just block them then. I'm not gonna leave

this girl who I really liked just because

some weirdos are messaging me or messaging

my friends or family.

But I guess I wasn't important enough,

was I?

Thank you, Rihanna.

Yeah, I do feel like we're in different

stages of our lives. I think the age

difference is the problem. She's, she's

pretty young. She's 25. I'm 31.

I'm in a completely different stage of my

life compared to her. And she's in her

20s. She's probably still trying to figure

out who she is and what she wants to do,

and she's still exploring the world and

she wants experiences and to have fun.

I'm kind of past that. I did all that when

I was 25. I'm 31 now.

I want to find a nice girl to be in a

stable relationship with, form a strong

connection with. Have a comfy life,

do some traveling.

I don't really wanna go hitchhiking across

Russia. I don't wanna go to North Korea.

I don't wanna go bungee jumping down

Niagara Falls. I want a nice cozy house

to live in, a nice sofa.

I wanna do my projects, my artwork, focus

on my channel. And have a nice partner to

share my life with. So maybe, yeah, the

age difference. Maybe in 5 years' time she

would be a completely different person.

And you know what the funny thing is? I

had everything I just described with

Chihiro. I had all that. I had a nice

place to live, had a stable life,

lived in a good country. I had a cozy,

comfy lifestyle, and still I

wasn't happy with it because I

wasn't happy with Chihiro.

I just didn't really feel anything for

Chihiro. I was just like dead when it came

to feelings for her. I didn't have any

strong emotional connection with her even

after 2 years. I don't really know why.

I need the toilet.

Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!

You and Mila are over. I am dying.

It is probably. Because you have bad

hygiene.

I'm back.

Oh wow, I feel so much better.

I feel so much better after talking about

it. It's weird because I talked to my

sister, I talked to a load of people on

Instagram and Twitter privately,

I tried talking to my mum, but she's— it's

useless talking to her.

None of that really helped, but I feel so

much better now after just— I've kept all

of this bottled up inside of

me over the past few weeks because I

didn't want to do any livestreams, and it

was like eating away at me inside, not

being able to just talk.

I feel so much better.

I don't know what's so great about

livestreaming, but I just love it. I don't

have to listen to anyone. I can just talk

and talk and talk. No one interrupts me

apart from the donations. Congrats,

Millie, Bailey found a guy with a big D.

She dumped you because you have bad

hygiene and smell. Oh, shut up, Daniel

simp. She said she likes my smell,

actually. She said my armpits stink, but

they smell nice. She said they smell like

weed, actually.

Oh, I don't know if I can quit

livestreaming. Without being able to

livestream, I don't know how I'll handle

problems. It just feels so much better to

be able to talk about it. I don't know why

just talking to someone I trust on

Instagram privately doesn't have the same

effect.

I talked to my sister as well, and I

probably just said the same things I said

now, but I still felt unsatisfied.

Maybe this is for the best. I don't think

I could quit talking about my private life

if I was with Mila, and I think after a

while I'd start getting frustrated about

not being able to make videos about my

private life and talk about stuff.

I feel like I really need this to be able

to just talk and open up. Online. I don't

know why it has to be online. I don't even

know who you people are.

People say go to a therapist, but I don't

think it's the same. I wouldn't feel

comfortable talking to a therapist.

They'd be sitting there staring at me.

On the internet, I just feel like— I feel

comfortable, I feel relaxed.

Stop being a pussy and crying over Mila.

Ugh, I cried so much yesterday.

I just couldn't stop. It just started and

I couldn't stop crying.

Tonight I just kept remembering when she

was here, remembering the stuff we did

together. Just imagining her walking

around, being there, was enough to trigger

It really messes you up.

I think I felt better before I met her.

When I came back from Korea, I felt kind

of optimistic about the future. I felt,

okay, I'm gonna have some recovery time at

home, gonna buy myself some cool gadgets,

have some alone time, figure out what I

want to do next. And then she came and it

was like magic. Like, it was a magical

time. It was like all I ever fantasized

coming true. Meeting a girl,

clicking straight away, bringing her home,

cuddling, watching Netflix, doing stuff

together. That's all I ever wanted to do

in life.

I guess I'm grateful that thanks to her I

got to experience it.

But then when it was over, it was just

like waking up from a really good dream,

and then you realize it was just a dream

and reality sucks, and you just want the

dream to come back. I actually dreamed

about her last night. We were talking

about traveling all over Europe.

You love her. Enough with the meaningless

sex.

Oh, thank you, Cartoon Scientist. You see,

this is the other problem I have.

Everyone thinks all I want to do is just

have meaningless sex with a whole bunch of

women, and maybe that's my fault because

that's how I portrayed myself in videos,

but I'm really not like that.

I really want a proper relationship with a

real connection. So I couldn't even care

that much. I don't even care that much

about the sex with Mila. It was nice, it

was good, but it wasn't the most important

thing. It wasn't the thing I enjoyed the

most. It was like an

add-on, like a bonus thing. Like you have

a chocolate cake and you got a nice little

cherry on top. The sex was like the cherry

on top, but she

was— she— her being here was like the main

thing that I, I miss most. I don't miss—

well, I do miss the sex, but it's not the

main thing that I miss.

The random hookups and the one-night

stands, they don't make me happy. It's

kind of exciting whilst you're doing it,

but then it's over, and then it's just

like you feel nothing again.

I think if all it took was just sex to

make someone happy, you can just get, get

a hooker. So I had loads of hookers back

in Korea. Didn't make me feel happy.

I had like 6 cool girls in Korea.

I still felt lonely and miserable.

Even whilst having sex with them, still

felt miserable.

It's not the same. You just can't

You can't beat true feelings when someone

likes you and you like them. There's just

nothing better. You can't, you can't

replicate that using prostitutes or— The

narcissist says, Daniel, I hope you enjoy

living alone because no girl will love

you. You can't replace that

with just stuff like gaming or digital

girlfriends or porn or prostitutes,

all of that is just like— it

pales in comparison to the real thing,

the real feelings of having a

relationship.

I really felt like that, that's true

recently. Like before, I just wanted to

have sex when I was younger. I just

thought, I want to have as much sex with

as many girls as possible. And then I did

that. It didn't really make me feel

happier. It's just a temporary happiness.

Yeah, it is. You pay for an hour and then

after it's over, it's over.

Can I feel my spoon in my plug? I don't

know what that means.

So now I'm— I've been doing a lot of

thinking about What happens when I meet

another girl? So I really don't want this

to happen again.

I lost her because of the channel.

And maybe if the subreddit didn't exist,

we still would have met up.

Either I need a girl who's really

thick-skinned and can just laugh all of

this internet hate off, which is— that

would be the best thing. The best solution

would be if I could find someone who

doesn't care about what people say about

them, who isn't affected by getting

judged online, and we can just make fun

videos together doing stuff.

Daniel, are you sure you aren't faking the

Mila stuff for views? Seems like it. You

don't seem sad at all. LMAO.

I, I was sad, but I feel a lot better now

after talking. If you watched the

beginning of the stream, um, I did cry.

What was I saying? Yeah, either she has to

be really thick-skinned or she has to tell

me that she doesn't want to be filmed

or talked about, and then I'll try my best

to keep it a secret.

Don't let your happiness depend on

something you may lose eventually.

Yeah, I also thought a lot about that as

well. Relying on another person so much

for your happiness is kind of risky.

It's dangerous because you're completely

reliant on that person doing

what you want them to do to make you

happy. And they— anything could happen.

They could change their minds. They could

get hit by a bus. And then

your happiness is gone with them.

But then what do I do? Just stay, stay

alone for the rest of my life? I want to

experience that feeling again,

even if it means I have to risk feeling

shit again. I think it's worth

it. Yeah, I feel

shit now, but if I had to go back in time,

I'd still do it all again because I felt

so good when she was here.

You have to risk feeling like shit in

order to feel like you're in heaven.

The thing is with Mila, she didn't want to

risk it. She kept thinking about what

would it be like with Daniel. Oh, there's

too many negatives. Don't give up, be

creative. Better back out.

And that's not what I'm like. I'm willing

to risk the negatives in order to at least

give it a try and see if it leads

somewhere positive. You never know.

But I think she was more fragile than I

expected.

Can you explain why Mila dumped you?

Because she doesn't want to be judged

online and people were harassing her

friends. She doesn't like the

attention. Now, people kept saying she was

after— she was only interested in me

because she wanted YouTube attention. She

really wasn't. She hated it. Maybe she

thought it was fun in the beginning, but

then people started saying really horrible

stuff about her. I don't think

she would be able to handle it.

It just really sucks because I thought,

I thought maybe there was something here.

Keep your head up, champ. Your Misaki is

out there. Oh, thank you, Sato.

Yeah, I kind of did feel like she was a

bit like Misaki, and I think that's why

people kept calling her Manic Pixie Dream

Girl. I didn't even know what that meant.

I think the Manic Pixie Dream Girl is like

this girl who appears out of nowhere,

and then you have the protagonist who's

like this loser guy lost in life,

kind of like Welcome to the NHK.

The magical girl that appears out of

nowhere fixes all of the guy's problems.

Sounds like a lame anime plot.

Maybe that's— that's something I have to

Maybe it's not a good idea to be waiting

for a girl to fix all your problems. But

it was just so much better with her here

than not here. Everything felt more

fun.

Start as

friends, develop relationships slowly.

Yeah, maybe we rushed it too fast.

We just met, and then the first day we

slept together, and then the second day

she came and moved in with me. We didn't

even have a friendship in the beginning.

We were friends for like 2 hours, 6 hours

maybe.

Don't give up on her. I have to. I tried

my best.

I couldn't, I couldn't offer her anything

to make her change her mind. She said,

no, this is my final decision.

Nothing will change. If, if I'm with you,

there's nothing you can do to stop these

bad things happening. There's nothing I

can do to stop it, but there is something

you can do. It's called using the block

button.

It's the same thing with Victoria. I don't

know if you remember Victoria, but 2 years

ago I made a video about this girl called

Victoria who I had a massive crush on when

I was a teenager. And the

same thing happened. People found her

social media, they messaged her saying,

this creep called Daniel made a video

about you, he's saying this and that. And

then she blocked me as well because she

was getting freaked out. Why are

people surprised that there are weirdos on

I guess it's a shock for them because

they're nobodies. They don't have an

online presence, and then one day all of a

sudden they've got all these messages from

strange people, and they're like, what's

going on? Who are these people?

But it's so easy to just block them. I

don't get it. It's such

an easy problem to solve.

I'm used to it because I've got like 100

message requests on Instagram. I don't

look at them. There's too many.

If I scroll down, I see one of them looks

cute, maybe I'd press accept and say hi.

I've got loads of message requests on

Facebook, Twitter, Instagram. I don't give

a fuck. I just don't even accept their

message requests.

She said her friends shouldn't have to

block them. This shouldn't be happening to

them. Yeah, it shouldn't be happening to

them, and you can thank your friend for

doxxing your Instagram. It's not my fault.

Yeah, that's, that's what she said, RJF.

She said her friends shouldn't have to be

dealing with this because this has nothing

to do with them. Yeah, I know,

but it wasn't me who Who leaked your

Instagram account, was it? I get

punished for other people's fuck-ups.

That's what's pissing me off. I kept going

from being really sad and crying and then

feeling angry.

I'm not the one harassing her friends.

I'm not the one sending them nudes. I'm

not the one doxxing her social media tags.

It's all these sick people on these stupid

websites— Kiwi Farms, Pretty Ugly Liars,

the subreddit Lolcow— all these freaks

who have nothing better to do in life than

harass girls who are involved with me,

and then I'm the bad guy. Everyone says

Daniel's a psycho, Daniel's a freak,

Daniel's a terrible person. I'm not the

one doxxing and harassing and sending

nudes to people's friends, am I?

I'm not the one trying to ruin other

people's lives, am I?

Why not anonymize your GFS mask,

etc., like you did W Chihiro?

It was safer. Then you can still have one.

I just— I can't help but feel frustrated

and irritated. So first there's sadness

and then there's anger.

I don't know. You're disparaging Mila and

she's listening. I don't know if she's

listening. I don't think she would be.

I think she's, she's moved on. She's over

it. Look,

I had no intention of, of making

her private life and her details known to

everyone. She was just gonna come here as

the Dutch girl. That was it. Mila, Dutch

girl, she's 25. That's all I was gonna

say, and that's as far as I wanted it to

go for Telling you guys who she was.

Maybe she only seems so great because it

did and lasts long enough to find a reason

to prove otherwise.

Can you eat a possum spoon for only for?

I don't know what that is. Someone sent me

a jockstrap to wear. I actually have it in

my drawer.

This is actually nice. I like it. Turns me

on when I wear it. What was

I saying? Yeah, I was just planning to

keep her completely private. I didn't

think any of this would happen. I had no

idea her friend would leak her social

media. I had no idea that

all of her friends would be so easily

found.

This never happened before. Essex girl,

Pia, Turkish girl— this never happened

to them, did it? Because they didn't have

dumb friends who leaked their Instagram

accounts. So I had no idea

this would happen. I did not foresee it.

Even if I hid Mida's face, even if she

wore a mask, That still wouldn't have

stopped her friend from leaking her

Instagram, would it?

And I wasn't careful enough. I should have

been checking the comments, but I wasn't

checking them enough, and that comment

slipped through, and it was too late.

People found it,

and then it's just too late. You can't put

the toothpaste back in the bottle.

After they find your social media, you're

screwed. That's it.

You're done because all your friends are

connected to it. So what are they gonna

do, get her friends to all delete and

private their social media? It's not gonna

This didn't happen with the Essex Girl

because She had all her social media

privated. She didn't tell her friends

about me. Didn't happen with Pia

because she deleted all her social media.

This first time this has ever happened.

Even with Chihiro, they didn't find her

family's social media. They didn't find

her mum's email account or whatever.

It didn't happen because no one leaked it.

What I should have done was I should have

added her name, her Instagram name, to my

blocked list, my, my black word

banned list. Oh, thank you, Kantoor,

for That's very kind of you.

Yeah, I do. Maybe this is going to make me

sound like a narcissist,

but I do feel like it's unfair for me.

So I got fucked over badly.

No fault of my own.

I really tried my best.

I didn't leak anyone's private

information. I didn't harass

anyone's friends. What did I do that was

wrong? I thought it was okay to film her

because I asked her and she said okay,

and she seemed completely fine with it.

She agreed to doing livestreams. She

agreed to letting me film her. I thought

everything was fine.

I didn't just shove the camera in her face

and then upload it without her permission.