Why Star Wars - The Last Jedi SUCKED balls

Hey, and welcome to my Star Wars: The Last Jedi review. So a few days ago, me and my girlfriend, we went to the cinema and we watched the latest Star Wars film, and my god, was it a bad movie. It was terrible, absolutely terrible. It was the worst Star Wars movie I've ever seen, even worse than Episode

1. I even think Episode 1 with Jar Jar Binks was better than this pile of garbage. There were just so many irritating and annoying characters that were completely unnecessary to the plot. If you thought Episode 1 was irritating with Jar Jar Binks, Episode 8 is 10 times worse because there's like 4 different Jar Jar Binks characters. Straight

from the beginning, I didn't have high hopes for the movie because After watching Episode 7, I've kind of realized that Star Wars is shit now, especially since Disney owns it. I was surprised with how good Rogue One was, but that was the exception. During the whole film, I kept thinking to myself, this is so lame, this is

so cringy, these characters are so dumb, these jokes aren't funny, the bad characters, the villains, they're not scary or intimidating. I actually felt embarrassed whilst watching it. I felt embarrassed because I told my girlfriend how much of a huge Star Wars fan I am, and now here's Star Wars, we're watching Star Wars now, the brand new Star

Wars, isn't it great? No, it was just a huge cringe fest. It didn't feel like I was watching Star Wars. It looks like Star Wars, it sounded like Star Wars, but it felt like I was watching some kind of kids movie or a Harry Potter movie. I enjoyed the first half hour of the movie. The first space

battle was pretty cool, but then after that everything just went downhill. And it kept going downhill and it never went back uphill. And the movie was so long, it was 2 hours and a half or something, and after the first hour I was just getting so bored. And then around the second hour I was just wishing it

would finish quickly. I just wanted it to be over so I could get out of there. All of the new characters are so lame. They're not interesting. I don't care about any of the new characters. They could all just die or get blown up and I wouldn't care Even the slightest. The character Poe, he's just basically a

Han Solo ripoff. He's exactly the same as Han Solo, the hot-headed, thinks he's so cool, hotshot macho guy, you know. He's exactly the same as Han Solo. He's just like a copy and paste of a character with a different actor instead. And then there's Finn, who seemed like he might have been an interesting character at the beginning

of Episode 7, and they just ruined his character. They turned him into this dumb comic relief character who's completely useless at doing anything, and he could just die and it wouldn't make any difference to the story or the plot. And then there's this new character, this Asian girl, who's there to provide a love interest for Finn, and

she's the most irritating, annoying, dumbest character that they could have ever created. And I think it's great that they're including Asian girls in the Star Wars movies now, But there's millions and millions of really cute, attractive Asian girls, and out of all of them, they had to choose her. Probably one of the ugliest Asian girls I've ever

seen. It was like they just went to a Chinese restaurant down the street and then randomly picked a waitress and said, hey, do you want to be in our Star Wars film? We're looking for an Asian girl. You look Asian. It's just like they want an Asian girl in the movie so they can say, hey, look, we

have an Asian girl and we have a black guy. Our film's multiracial. We're not racist. They always do this when it comes to Hollywood movies. When they have an Asian character, a guy or a girl, they pick a really ugly Asian actor to play the Asian character. And then for the white characters, they choose really attractive, good-looking

white people. And it's not just for Asian people, it's black guys as well. They choose the ugliest black guys they can find to represent the black characters, and then they, they say that they're not racist. It is racist because They're representing the non-white characters with really ugly people, and they're choosing very attractive people to represent the white

people. I hate this thing these days with movies when they feel like they need to have a multiracial cast, otherwise people are going to criticize them for being racist. If you go to China and you watch a Chinese movie, do you think Chinese people complain that their Chinese movie is full of Chinese people? Do you think they

go, hey, our Chinese movie, there's too many Chinese people in it, we need some white people, so So it's multiracial. No, in China, the Chinese movies have Chinese people in them. There's this scene when Finn wants to sacrifice himself so he can blow up some kind of cannon by driving into it, and then at the last moment,

the Asian girl comes out of nowhere and saves him. And it was so annoying. Why didn't she just let Finn die? It would have been so much better if Finn died because he's a completely useless and stupid character anyway. But she crashes into Finn, knocks him out of the way, and then saves his life, and then she

kisses him. And then she goes unconscious, and then— oh, it's so cringy. It's just— it was just sickening. I wish that after they kissed, they got blown up and they both died. It was the most awkward kiss scene ever, and it just came out of the blue. Why does she suddenly feel like she needed to kiss Finn?

Why does— why is she in love with him all of a sudden? And he's obviously not in love with her. And come on, an Asian girl falling in love with a black guy? That's never gonna happen. I know it's fantasy and it's Star Wars and it's fiction, but at least have some kind of sense of reality in

the movie. And then there's this other irritating character who takes command of the Resistance after, after General Leia gets sucked out into space, which is another completely stupid thing. Do you know what happens if a human body gets sucked out into the void of space? All of their bodily fluids get violently sucked out of their body and

they instantly die. I don't care if she can use the Force, she's not going to be able to survive being exposed to space. So she gets sucked out into space after some TIE fighter blows up the bridge of the main flagship of the Resistance, and then she uses the Force to fly back to the ship, and then

she survives. They managed to get her to the med bay or the hospital place, and then they, they start treating her, and then later in the movie she regains consciousness, and then she's perfectly fine. Anyway, whilst General Leia is unconscious recovering from, from having a swim around, from floating around in space without even wearing a suit and

then miraculously surviving that, there's this other character. I don't even remember her name, but she's this irritating kind of like Professor Umbridge kind of character from Harry Potter who's really strict and seems like a complete bitch. And they tried to make her seem like this bad character who's trying to stop Poe from doing whatever he was trying

to do. And it turns out at the end she was actually a good character and she sacrifices herself to save everyone. Look, the only reason why I wanted to watch the film in the first place was because I like Mark Hamill and I like Luke Skywalker, and that was the only reason why I was interested in watching

it. And I was looking forward to seeing Luke Skywalker fighting Kylo Ren, and they do kind of fight at the end of the movie, but it wasn't actually a proper fight. It wasn't actually Luke fighting Kylo Ren. It was Luke using this brand new Force power where he can teleport himself, teleport an image of himself anywhere he

wants. And it was such a disappointment, it was such a letdown. I was expecting some kind of epic showdown between them, but all you get is basically Kylo Ren having another emo tantrum whilst he fights a hologram. It's basically a hologram of Luke, and then Luke lets himself get cut in half. He lets his hologram get cut

in half, and you think, oh, did Luke just get killed? And And then it switches to a scene of Luke sitting on a rock on that island in the middle of nowhere, and then you realize, oh, Luke wasn't actually in the fight, it was just a hologram of Luke. And then he dies anyway, he disappears into nothing.

If he was going to die anyway, why didn't they just get him to have an actual fight with Kylo Ren instead of using that lame teleportation hologram trick? Why didn't they give us a proper fighting scene, a proper showdown between Kylo Ren and Luke Skywalker? That lasted more than 10 seconds. And then the movie ends with this

scene of a boy using the Force to pick up a broomstick, and then he stares up at the sky at the stars, and you can just so easily tell what's going to happen in the next movie. Rey's going to fight Kylo Ren again, Rey's going to win, Kylo Ren's probably going to die, and then Rey will find

these Force-sensitive kids and then train them up as the new Jedi. Ugh, I just couldn't care less about Episode 9. Now that Luke's dead and Han Solo's dead, the interesting characters, most of them are dead now. Do I care about Finn? Do I care about Rey? Do I care about Poe? Do I care about the Asian girl?

No, I don't care about them. The only thing that I care about is when they're going to die and how they're going to die. Please, please, for the love of God, make them die because they're just terrible, terrible, awful characters. I wish Jar Jar Binks would come back as a Sith and just slaughter them all. Bunch of

idiots. Star Wars is fucked. Thanks a lot, Disney.