why my life has made no progress in 15 years

So I just kind of noticed that it's been

about 15 years now since 2010.

And the reason why 2010 is important to

me, because it was basically the year

where I entered the world stage.

I became an adult, no longer just a kid

living with my parents.

I flew to different countries and I

started meeting people.

That's where I kind of think my journey as

an adult began.

And I find it kind of sad and

disappointing to admit that since 2010,

since 15 years ago, I haven't really made

any progress in my life at all.

I haven't picked up any new skills that I

can use now to help make money in my life

currently.

And when you think about it, there's not

really much difference between me and some

kid who just came out of school who's 16,

17, or 18.

I can't do anything that these young

people who just came out of school can't

already do.

The only thing I can do is maybe drive a

car, but then again, most or a lot of

17-year-olds can already drive a car as

soon as they get to 17.

They just take the the test and pass the

license, get the license.

So apart from driving, there's not really

anything I can do.

I don't have any special skills that I've

developed over the previous 15 years I can

use, turn into a business, or get a good

job with my new skills I've honed to

perfection.

I can't— basically, I can't do anything

that someone fresh out of school cannot

do.

Plus, I'm much older now, I have less

energy, and kind of jaded and negative

about the world in general, which is not

very attractive.

And you would have thought that by the

time you're in your late 30s, someone in

their late 30s should have already picked

a skill and honed it to almost perfection

and become a master of it.

And either you can use that skill to

create your own business and make money,

or you can get a good paying job with that

skill.

But at age 36, I still don't have any

skills I've picked up over the previous 15

years since I left school.

I learned a few skills to a mediocre

level, like Japanese.

I can speak basic Japanese, but I can't

really speak it well enough to make a

career out of it.

I learned some video game coding but then

forgot all of it.

I can draw a little bit but I can't really

do it to a professional level.

So I haven't really learned any skills and

stuck with it to be able to call myself a

master at anything and turn it into a

career or use it to build a business.

I have literally no skills apart from just

whining on YouTube endlessly.

I guess that's kind of a skill.

I was hoping that learning how to invest

and learning about the stock market and

financial stuff would help turn into a

skill and help me make money in the

future.

But it's been about 5 years since I

started investing and I've still lost way

more money than I've made.

I've probably in total lost about $20,000

and then in total I've only made back a

couple thousand at most.

And it is not very good when you've been

doing something for 5 years and you still

can't get the hang of it and you still

keep blowing money.

I was hoping by this point I would know

what I'm doing and I would be able to use

it as a skill to now make money.

But I just, I keep making the same

mistakes over and over again.

I don't have the patience.

I don't have the self-control to be able

to actually make money doing this.

The only times I do make money is if I

just lose interest and I stop checking my

stocks and I just let it sit there for

years and years and years.

But that's really, really boring and I

find it very uninteresting.

And I guess a lot of people say my art is

one of my best skills.

And I guess sometimes I've made some good

art.

And I have some decent artwork.

But the problem with artwork is you can't

force yourself to do it.

It is a skill and you can learn it.

And once you know how to do it, I guess

you can keep doing it.

But you can only really create anything

good if you have passion and creativity or

the idea of some kind of artwork to make.

If you don't have any ideas or you've got

no interest anymore and you've got no

passion, which is currently where I'm at

right now, I don't have— I don't have any

interest in drawing.

I don't really have any ideas.

I don't even have anything to draw with,

like an iPad or pencils or paint.

I have nothing to draw with because I have

no interest at the moment to do any

artwork, and I haven't had any interest in

doing any artwork in a very long time.

And it's one of those things where if

you've run out of ideas or you've hit a

creative block, a creative wall, you can't

force it.

You can't force yourself to make

something.

It just won't be any good.

You won't have any interest.

You need to have the interest to be able

to be good at it.

And you can't just conjure up ideas out of

nowhere.

They either just happen or they don't

happen.

You can't force it.

So it's very difficult to do artwork or

creative things for a living because you

end up running out of ideas.

You end up running out of passion and you

just don't really care about it anymore.

And then you just can't create anything

good.

So artwork is not really, I mean, as a

hobby, it's good because you can just do

it whenever you want to, whenever you feel

like it.

But when you have to rely on it and depend

on it for money and you have to do it on a

consistent basis, it's not really fun

anymore.

So I asked myself, why over the last 15

years have I made zero progress in

anything apart from learning to drive?

I guess that's one thing I can add to my

list of things I can do now.

Apart from that, I haven't really learned

how to do anything that can benefit me in

my life right now.

And I don't really know why.

Like, there's things I'm interested in.

I'm interested in the stock market.

I'm interested in doing YouTube.

I'm interested in making videos, I guess,

sometimes.

And not really though, but I suck at

everything.

Like, I suck at making videos.

I can't be bothered.

Most time.

I don't really enjoy the process of

anything I do.

Investing is boring half the time, or more

than half the time you lose money and it

just sucks and it's just frustrating and

irritating.

I don't feel like, oh wow, I love losing

money so much.

This is so amazing.

So it's just, you know, there's things I

want to do and want to become, but I can't

be bothered to actually become good at it.

I don't.

I just get bored.

And I lose interest, and then I do it

half-assed, and then I just— I can't be

bothered anymore.

Pasta sauce, cheese, and broccoli.

How do you make it then?

What, you just pour it into a pan?

What?

It's not even cooked.

It's raw.

Looks great,

looking real good.

Now where's the broccoli?

I don't see the broccoli.

I see those little green things.

It's not broccoli.

Yeah, I thought it was kind of gonna be

precooked and then you just reheat it.

I can't get the tuner out.

Oh, I hate metal scraping on metal.

Oh, I don't like it.

Oh, there's too much.

I might actually save some for tomorrow.

There's 2 portions there.

Okay, I've got the shot.

嗯，这就得了。先收进去，慢吃。嗯嗯。

I'm not gonna break my ankle and sack my

health today.

No, it's not.

My headline's not cheating.

Not bad.

I actually enjoyed it.

Finally, good meal.