She DUMPED ME ON BOXING DAY

What? The last stream was age-restricted?

What? The last stream was age-restricted?

Why?

Why would it be age-restricted?

Oh my God,

maybe it's all the swearing at the

beginning. I did swear quite a lot,

didn't I?

I remember on my little secret channel,

um, I made a video and I swore a lot in

it, and that video got age-restricted as

well. Isn't it so stupid? YouTube

age-restricts videos now just for

Yes, it's working. Thank you, Xenion.

Hang in there, women come and grow. Mira

didn't appreciate you. Yeah, that's

exactly how I felt the whole time. She

just didn't appreciate me at all. She

looked down on my channel, she looked down

on my viewers. She didn't think my videos

were, were good, as in she

didn't think my content was positive, or

she believes in this stupid negative

energy crap. So she kept thinking, oh, my

channel was making bad karma and bad

energy. Blah blah blah. And then she just

looked down on my viewers, and she looked

down on the type of content I was making,

and she always disapproved of everything I

said online, saying, "You're putting out

negative energy, and it's going to come

back." I hate how people are so convinced

of all these stupid mumbo jumbo spiritual

bullcrap nonsense. So they hear about

some article, or they read a book about

it, and all of a sudden they're so

convinced that that's exactly how the

universe works. Even though there's no

scientific proof or facts showing that

that's actually how it works, they just go

ahead and believe it because it sounds

cool. Yeah, well, what if me flushing out

my negative energy is detoxicating—

detoxing my spirit so

I remove negativity and only positivity is

left? What about that? What about my

theory? Just because I didn't write a

whole book about it Going

on and on and on about negative energy in

the universe, a load of rubbish.

What if I'm just venting out my negative

energy so it doesn't build inside, build

up inside of me, and then I blow up?

Yeah, maybe that's my way of thinking,

but no, she never cared about my way of

thinking. My way of thinking was always

wrong. And she always wants me to change,

and she always wants me to read these

stupid books about rubbish.

I don't believe in any of that spiritual

nonsense. Since when have I ever seemed

like the kind of person who believes in

all that nonsense?

Now, I've always made it very clear that I

don't believe in spiritual stuff, and I'm

always all about scientific facts. And

data and evidence. I don't believe in all

this rubbish. And then she kept shoving it

in my face every day, like ghosts and

theories and UFOs. Did my head in.

I can't believe my first livestream got

age-restricted. I had so many viewers on

Maybe she wants a real man. A real man who

believes in ghosts and pixies and UFOs.

Yeah. As if that real man exists,

probably somewhere on some hippie farm.

Yeah, the last stream got demonetized, so

I'm just going to delete it.

Yeah, she wants someone like Russell

Brand. Who went to India and smoked on

the kumbh mela and aligned himself

with his inner soul and got in contact

with Jesus and then flew down the hippie

spiritual plane on his magical unicorn

wings and now he's all enlightened. As if

that's me. I'd rather suck my own dick

than become some stupid spiritual hippie

idiot like that. Make me vomit in

my mouth and then swallow it. As if I'm

ever going to be like that. Since when

have I ever looked or sounded anything

spiritual or hippie-ish? I'm like

the complete opposite of that kind of

person. Every day she kept trying to shove

it down my throat. I tried so hard not to

just say it's a load of rubbish, I don't

believe in any of that nonsense. I just

went, uh-huh, I guess that could exist. I

guess that kind of makes sense, and I

guess that's an interesting theory. Just

had to bite my tongue the whole 6 months.

Oh, thank you, Jack. Can I tell us all the

stuff about Mido you wanted to but

couldn't before? How you met? Yeah, I

could tell you everything. I don't care

anymore. I've got nothing to lose. I've

got nothing to lose by just saying

anything I want to. The last 6 months,

I had to try so hard to not say anything

because I didn't want to upset her.

And after all of that, it was just

completely pointless.

She dumped me an hour ago after dinner, 7

PM. Now, no, it's 9, so about 2 hours ago.

We had dinner and then we went up to her

room and it was really awkward. Like, she

wouldn't even look at me and she wouldn't

even say anything. And then she just put

her phone down. She kept sighing all the

time. I knew something was up. She kept

going And

then she just said, I'm not happy, I don't

want to do this anymore.

I hate it when people dump me face to

face. I don't understand why everyone

always says, oh, you should always dump

someone face to face, it's not nice to do

it over messages. I would much prefer it

if she did it over messages. That way I

wouldn't have had to have felt so

embarrassed in front of her and then pack

my stuff and then walk out. If she just

sent it as a message, then I'd be like,

well, fine, fuck you. Well, at least I

don't have to do anything because I'm

already at home anyway.

Getting dumped face to face is just so

annoying because you just don't know what

to do. Number one, you kind of want to

plead and say, please, please, I'll

change, I'll be better, I'll do this and

I'll do that. And then on the other hand,

you just want to lash out and then smash

the whole place down.

Luckily, I didn't neither of those things.

But the first time, which was a couple

weeks ago, I pleaded with her and I cried

and I said how happy I was when she

messaged me saying she wanted to see me

again. And I was so happy and I

cried in front of her, and then she seemed

happy to see me cry and be emotional.

Which is something I don't get about

women. It's like they want to see you cry

and they want to see that you have

feelings for them. And even though

you tell them all the time, yeah, I really

like you and I feel strongly about you and

I'm doing all this for you, so obviously

it means I like you a lot, they still—

it's not good enough for women. They want

to see you cry, they want to see tears,

and they want to see emotion. Otherwise

they just think you don't like them

enough. They make no sense at all.

Thank God that person told me in the Super

Chat I wasn't— told me in the live chat I

wasn't getting Super Chats, otherwise I

would have done the whole stream And not

made anything. Even the whole livestream

was demonetized.

Wait, have I sworn yet?

Damn, how does Ice Poseidon get away with

it? He swears every 2 seconds.

Yeah, 700 viewers wasted now.

I think everything's fine. I didn't swear,

did I? Did I swear since I started 10

minutes ago? Will I try to get back with

Chihiro and live in Japan again?

No, I don't think so. She probably really

hates me now, and then she wouldn't trust

me ever again, so I don't think she would

take me back.

And I guess this sounds like a load of

rubbish, but I don't really feel like I'm

the same person as I was last year or 2

years ago when it comes to obsessively

thinking about you know what. I don't

know, maybe my mojo has calmed down a

little bit, but I don't really care that

much about having cereal.

Now I've been here for 4 months nearly,

and I haven't even used the cereal girl

once, and I could have done so really

easily.

Where's that

This is hers.

Uh, this is hers. See, why did she leave

her stuff here if she was planning on

dumping me? At least take your stuff.

Oh, thank you, Silver. I don't know if

I'll bother making a whole video about it.

I mean, I think I've said what I've wanted

to say already. I don't even know if I can

take scissors. Can I take scissors onto

the airplane?

She couldn't even decide if she was going

to stay or not or come back again. Look,

all this is hers as well. I hope

I took my toothbrush. I've got her

toothbrush. Look, she wrote her name on

it. Oh,

it's so annoying because I see all this

stuff that she left behind and it makes me

feel a bit sad, but I don't want to feel

sad. I want to feel angry because I don't

want to start crying and be sad about it

again.

Were the rumors that she's a prostitute

true? No, she has never said anything

about being a prostitute. I don't know why

people think That it's true.

You don't know how much it messed me up

the first time. Okay, maybe you do. It

messed me up so badly back in May when she

first— when she first dumped me. I had

never been in such a mess. I was even

in a bigger mess than I was when my dad

passed away, and that was losing my dad.

And I was just completely emotionally

destroyed from being dumped by her the

first time back in May. I would go out

into the garden every evening for hours

and just pace up and down like a manic

lunatic, just crying and sobbing, and the

tears would just like non-stop be rolling

down my face. And all I could do is think

about her and miss her and wish she was

back. And then I went to Germany

because I wanted something to do. And then

she messaged me when I was in Germany a

few weeks afterwards saying that she

wanted to meet up. And I just couldn't

believe it. I felt like it was a dream,

like a miracle was happening, like God had

granted me a wish. And then she actually

came all the way to Germany and we met up

and it was the best date ever. And I

couldn't believe it was actually

happening. I thought she was just going to

change her mind again.

And then we went back to Rotterdam

together on the bus. I got myself an

Airbnb,

and then the following next few weeks and

months were just kind of really unstable.

I was spending half the week at her place,

and then I'd spend a few days in a hotel,

and then half the week at her place, and

then I'd go stay in a capsule hotel or in

an Airbnb, and then I finally got this

place and I finally felt like things are

starting to settle down. I can get some

stability back in my life now. I'm not

paying ridiculous amounts of money to just

live. I felt like things were starting to

go in a good direction, but my YouTube

channel was just dying and I was just

really depressed the whole time about my

views going down and not being able to

talk about anything and not being able to

vlog anything out of fear that it was

going to upset her.

Do you think the tipping point was the

video yesterday?

That would have been— that would be so

annoying if, if the tipping point was

yesterday's video. Now what does she

expect? I am a YouTuber. I make videos.

I vlog my personal life. What did you

expect I was going to do? Obviously I want

to film and vlog what I'm doing. If you're

so against people filming or talking about

you, then don't hook up with a bloody

YouTuber. It's like being

an animal lover and then you hook up with

someone who hates animals. It just doesn't

make any sense.

If you don't want to get involved with a

YouTuber's YouTube channel, then don't get

involved with the YouTuber. Especially

when it's a YouTuber like me who has his

whole content all about his private and

personal life and the people who are in

it. Use your bloody brains.

Oh, thank you, Primal. You worry about

money way too much. Yeah, because I don't

make a lot of money. I barely even make

£2,000 on a good month.

One thing you can do to help your romantic

situation is to not complain about

spending. Well, I never complained about

anything. I didn't compl— I didn't

complain about anything for the

last 6 months. I just bit my tongue, I

held it in, because for me, being with

Mila was more important than getting

an extra 10 or 20K views on YouTube. And

you would have thought that would have

meant something to her, and she would have

thought, oh, that's so romantic, Daniel is

choosing me over his YouTube channel. He

didn't even do that for Chihiro. But no,

it means nothing.

And then even trying to make a video when

she's around was so difficult,

and she kept complaining saying that

she didn't like the way she sounded and

she wanted me to take out videos when she

was talking. Then why did she keep talking

when I was obviously filming? If you don't

want your voice in the video, then don't

say anything when I'm filming. And it's

pretty obvious when I'm filming, I'm

holding my camera up.

Why did she dump you? Well, I don't even

know, to be honest. I didn't even ask.

It's probably the same as last time, the

same reason as last time. She's not happy.

We don't have anything in common. Yeah,

it's true, we don't have a single thing in

common. And the way she thinks is just

the complete opposite to the way I think

on nearly every single thing we disagree

on.

Any topic you can think of, we have

opposing opinions on how it works.

And that didn't really bother me too much.

If someone has a different opinion to me,

I'd be like, just, well, that's fine if

you have a different opinion. I'm not

going to— I'm not going to be rude or

say that your opinion is stupid. It's fine

if you have a different way of thinking,

but Every time I expressed my opinion,

she would keep telling me it's wrong, or

no, that's not how it works, or this is

how it works. Like, saying that my way of

thinking is wrong and disapproving of how

I thought— that's what really pissed me

off, that she would disagree so strongly

about things she didn't even know what she

was talking about. It was

so annoying. Like, she doesn't know

anything about anything. And then she's

telling me what's wrong and what's right

and what's correct.

It was so frustrating. I got to this point

where I just didn't want to share anything

with her because every time I shared

something, she would be negative about it.

Like, I would show her Ice Poseidon stream

and I would say, I like— I'm a fan of this

guy called Ice Poseidon. And then she

would just say, oh, he's got such a

negative energy and he's so rude.

Or I'd get really into the stock market

and then she didn't seem very approving of

the stock market.

Kept— it just felt like she was constantly

questioning and attacking my way of

thinking. It was so annoying.

She never just went, oh,

I respect your way of thinking. That's

fine. It's different to me, and then just

let it end there. She had to like attack

and tell me why it's wrong and why it's

flawed, or why her way of thinking makes

more sense when it really didn't. Just

sound like a load of rubbish.

I just I have never been with a more

frustrating person who just thinks in the

complete opposite way that I do.

Check my phone. I felt like I was gonna

explode.

And I was so patient. I bit my tongue, I

held it in, I didn't say anything

negative. I tried my best.

Yeah, well, not anymore. I held it in

for way too long and now it's all coming

out.

It's all coming out now.

Don't mess men around wasting

our time.

What's my plan now? Well, I need to get

packed. Shit, what do I do? No, no, stop

swearing! I need money.

Oh, it's so hard not to swear. Um,

should be fine. I just don't understand

why my first livestream got demonetized

and age-restricted. I just

said the F-word a few times. Yeah, my plan

is I need to figure out what to do with

this apartment because I've paid for

January.

I already paid January rent,

so I guess I could stay here, but I want

to go home, really.

Has she been taking my money?

No, but I did pay for a lot of stuff.

I paid for pretty much the whole Germany

trip. All of the hotels I paid,

all of the train tickets and transport I

paid, all of the food I paid. She paid

maybe about £100, but I've already paid

thousands,

and it's fine. I didn't mind paying.

If you swear at the beginning within the

first 15 minutes, it gets demonetized.

Yeah, I think that's true because I

swore on all my other streams, but usually

not in the beginning because usually in

the beginning I'm level-headed and I get

worked up later on. But I was worked up

straight from the beginning and I think

She's trying to communicate with you, but

you don't even realize it. You expect a

woman to stay with you if you talk about

her publicly like this. Well, she's

already ended it.

If I thought there's any chance that she

would change her mind again, which

obviously there's not because she's

changed her mind like 5 times now, and I'm

sick and tired of having to convince her

to be with me. If she doesn't want to be

with me so much, then that's her choice,

and I'm not going to try and bend over

backwards to change her mind. If she

doesn't want to be with me, then I'll find

And she was so bad at communicating. She

would also not tell me what's bothering

her until she couldn't take it anymore.

And then she would just burst out in

tears. And then all of a sudden, out of

nowhere, she would go, I'm not happy about

this and that and this and that. And if

she just told me earlier, I could have

stopped doing what I was doing that made

her unhappy. But I don't think I could

have stopped anyway. She said one of the

problems was I kept doing live streams and

I was just being really negative and

complaining all the time. But that's what

I do. My whole channel is about me

complaining and being negative all the

time. What kind of channel did you think

it was? My whole channel is literally I

hate this and I hate that and my problem

with this and my problem with that.

Duh, obviously it's negative. What did you

think my channel was, happy unicorn fun

So how can I just suddenly stop being

negative when that's, that's pretty much

all I do on my channel is just complain

and be negative and whine about stuff?

And why does it even matter? I wasn't even

complaining about her. I was just

complaining about my viewers or my channel

or the stock market or other annoying

people I met outside. It had nothing to do

with her. Why aren't I allowed to just

have a bit of a rant on livestream?

What's so weird about that? Everyone here

gets upset and wants to vent. Sometimes

they'll vent to their friend, or maybe

they'll just take out their anger on

something else or scream into the wind.

And this is how I cope with stress. I go

on livestream and I just talk and I talk

and I talk and I talk.

And then she's saying that she's not happy

because that's what I do. That's what I do

to cope with my problems, and that's what

I do for money, and that's how I pay for

this bloody apartment, how I pay for food.

And then she's saying that she's not happy

with me doing what I do for a living when

she should have known that that's what I

If you don't want to be with someone who's

so negative, then you shouldn't have

messaged me in the first place. So what,

what part of my channel shows— makes you

think that I'm this positive, super fun,

happy sunshine rainbow unicorn guy?

There's nothing about my channel that

portrays me in that way.

Nothing.

Expecting me to change everything and

completely uphaul everything, and then

she's not even changing a single thing.

She would ask me, she would ask me to tell

her annoying things she does. And then I

told her a few, like when I yawn, she has

this annoying habit of putting her finger

in my mouth when I'm yawning. And I said,

I don't like it when you do that. And then

the next day she carries on doing— does

she carry on doing it anyway? Now what was

the point of me telling her that if she

was just going to carry on doing it

anyway? Why would I want a finger in my

mouth when I'm yawning? It's so annoying.

Are these her panties or mine?

I think those were mine.

They do all these annoying things and then

they're all shocked and surprised that I

find it annoying. Oh yeah, I love having a

finger shoved in my mouth when I yawn.

Said no one ever. Yeah, please choke me

with your finger. Why would I like that?

How, how is any of the poking in my mouth

good for me in any way? Why'd I want that

There were so many annoying things she

kept doing, and then when I complained

about it, she got upset, and then she

would forget anyway and then carry on

doing them anyway. And it was, it was

pretty clear that I was annoyed. You look

at my face and I, I was obviously annoyed,

but she doesn't seem to understand what I

look like when I'm annoyed.

Now even when I said stop doing that, she

carried on doing it anyway.

Look, got this t-shirt with her.

We went to the Amsterdam Dungeon.

I couldn't even wear this t-shirt because,

because then people might know that we

went to Amsterdam Dungeon, and then people

might figure out that I'm in Amsterdam and

that I'm with her. So I couldn't even wear

this shirt for months because of that.

I'm just gonna get rid of all the stuff I

got with her because it's just gonna make

me sad when I see it.

I don't understand how someone can be so

horrible on Christmas. On Christmas!

Who waits until Christmas to dump someone?

Who does that?

I got this— got this Kodak shirt.

I thought she would like it because it's

kind of colorful and a bit different to

what I wear, and then she said she didn't

like it.

I just put that in the bin too.

I still— I can't believe she could

actually do this. So I could tell she was

kind of upset. I thought maybe, oh, if I

give her some space, she'll be fine the

next day. But no, she's always so quick to

just end it over some stupid reason,

like, I'm not happy anymore.

Oh my God, I've got to sort out so much.

I don't know if the, the landlord would

give my deposit back if I just left.

At this point, I don't really care. I

mean, it's just £2,000.

Maybe just leave the place in the dump as

a dump and then just block them.

If I don't get my deposit back, then it

didn't really make any difference getting

this place. I could have just stayed in a

hotel the whole time. The whole point of

living here was because it was cheaper

than a hotel, but it wouldn't be cheaper

if I didn't get my deposit back.

Oh, thank you, Solaire. Merry Christmas,

never mind her, move on.

Yeah, I had this feeling in my

mind that it was going to end anyway.

But also, if it wasn't going to end,

the idea of staying here was really

depressing, depressing to me. I said to

her, I'm gonna go, I think I'm gonna go

home in January for a few months. And she

said, what, a few months? I thought you're

only going to go back for a few weeks and

then come back again. And that made me

happy. It made me feel like she wanted me

to come back and she wanted to be with me.

But then it also made me feel kind of

depressed about having to come back here.

And then I couldn't go anywhere else

because I had to be nearby her. And then

she couldn't go anywhere because she got a

job and she's got a cat and she doesn't

want to live with me.

So in a way, I'm kind of relieved because

I wanted to go home. I just felt like I

couldn't justify spending all this money

every month on rent, and then she only

comes over for like 3 days a week. And

then even when she does come over, we

don't even do anything. We just sit on the

sofa watching TV. And then we go and buy

food, and then we barely even talk.

So I guess this is a good thing.

I still feel hurt and annoyed though, and

angry. And betrayed.

I felt like she really liked me. I don't

even— maybe I can even use the word loved

me. I felt like sometimes she really

did love me,

like her emotions were real and I could,

I could see them.

But then she gets emotional, and then she

gets all sad, and then she just suddenly

says, I'm unhappy, I want to end things.

What did I do with Chihiro that was

different?

Well, I guess it was the same with

Chihiro. We didn't really talk much, but

at least Chihiro wasn't an emotional wreck

every 2 weeks, crying and saying she wants

to end things.

Chihiro never once complained about being

unhappy and saying she wants to end it,

only until the last day, which was when I

left and we got divorced. But up until

that point, Chihiro was great. She,

she always stood

by me, stood by my side. And even though

we didn't have much in common, she still—

she was still happy to be with me and be

my wife, even though we were so different

as people.

But Chihiro is older, she's more mature,

she's more stable emotionally.

Mila is just like a complete emotional

wreck.

But Chihiro is probably the best woman I

ever been with,

and she didn't smoke, she didn't drink

loads, she didn't do drugs, she didn't do

tattoos. I can't say any of that about

Mila. She looks sensible

and like a mature adult, not like a

weirdo.

Stupid iPhone, keep dropping it.

She said, I know Christmas should be a

happy time. I wasn't feeling happy. That

must also be bad for me. I didn't mean to

hurt you. Or to mess around. It may be

selfish against you, but it's also selfish

towards myself if I'm disregarding my own

feelings.

I tried to tell you before, I knew this

day would come again. You can't predict

what will happen when you get into a

relationship with someone. People change,

feelings change. I wasn't planning to do

it on Christmas, it just suddenly came

over me. Yeah,

her bloody feelings change every single

When she was at my house in England, she

was all, yeah, I want to go back to Korea

and do party and drink and be crazy. And

then she goes back to Netherlands, and

then all of a sudden she's all like, I

don't want to go to Korea anymore because

I don't drink anymore, and then my friends

will just tempt me to start drinking

again, and it's not good for me. Now I

want to live in the forest.

So every single week it was something new.

Like, next it was, I want to live in

Spain. Oh, now I want to live in Sweden in

the forest. And I want to live in some

weird community where they all just live

off the grid in a wood, in the woods. So

every week something different.

And then one week she was all like, yeah,

I'm happy to be in a relationship with

you, you can call me your girlfriend. The

next week is, um, I'm happy, I want to

break up. And the next week, so yeah, I'm

so happy now. Let's buy Christmas

presents. And then next time it's oh, I'm

unhappy again. I want to break up.

Did my nut in. Couldn't stand it.

And get a grip, for Christ's sake.

You thought I was indecisive. She was just

on a whole other level.

Nothing she said ever made sense,

completely contradicting herself every

bloody week. Couldn't make up her mind

if she liked me or didn't like me or want

to be with me or didn't want to be with

me.

So I don't think I've really changed since

the beginning of this year, apart from I

got into the stock market and I, and I

became a bit of a stock market nerd.

Apart from the stock market, I'm pretty

much the same person. So if you liked me

back then and now all of a sudden you

don't like me, it's not my fault. I didn't

change. I tried to become a

better person for you.

And then all she did was just constantly

whine all the time about it.

And then she's always complaining about

how, oh, she doesn't have any time to

herself because she has to come and see

me. And she doesn't have enough alone

time. All she does when she's alone anyway

is just stare at her phone or read a book.

It's not like she's building a boat in her

bedroom and she's got so much to do.

She's not doing anything anyway.

Makes me sick. Makes me vomit blood.

Just no No maturity, no sensibility

at all. And this is why I said it.

I said this all the way 2 years ago, why

older women are better than young girls.

Young girls are so annoying because they

have no idea what they're going to do in

life. They don't know if— they

don't know what they like from one week to

the next. Every single week they're

changing their mind about what they want

to do in life. And then they're still

living with their family or their parents.

They don't even have a job, or they're

still at school, or they're still messing

around with drugs and tattoos.

Women in their 30s, mid-30s,

are the best. They've got things sorted

out. They've got a job. They've got their

own place. They're sensible. They've got

life experience.

Women under around 26-ish

are just like children. Coach Red Pill was

just spot on. Women are like children.

And it's not until they reach around their

30s, they grow up and they become more

stable. I think it's because the emotions,

the emotional hormones start leveling out.

And these stupid idiots upstairs, I

thought they were supposed to be moving

out, and then new people came in and

they're just as noisy and they sound the

same. The way they make noise is very

similar. With the door slamming and the

stamping.

You're boring. Yeah, maybe I am boring. I

don't like going to clubs. I don't like

getting wasted. I don't like getting high

off my head. I don't like injecting myself

with needles and getting crazy massive

tattoos on my back. And I don't like

riding motorbikes drunk and pissing in a

bush. Yeah. Yeah, I'm boring.

Fine, call me boring.

I like to be at home. I like to be comfy.

I like my Star Wars and my Star Trek

and my tech and my Apple tech. And I like

watching the news and I like having a nice

warm cup of coffee on a nice comfy sofa

whilst it's raining outside with nice

music playing. That's what I like. I'm not

an 18-year-old kid. I'm 32 in a couple

months. I'm a 32-year-old grown man.

I'm not interested in going crazy and

going partying, going wild and getting

high and doing stupid, immature, dumb,

idiotic, moronic, stupid stuff.

If that's your idea of fun, then well,

that's your opinion. It's not fun to me.

It sounds like a nightmare. Sounds like a

horrible, horrible nightmare. I would not

want to do any of those things, even if

you paid me. I hate

all of those things: clubbing, drinking,

getting drunk, doing stupid stuff on the

streets. Making a fool of yourself,

drawing attention to yourself, acting like

an idiot, anything to do with drugs. Ugh,

all of those things just repulse me,

utterly repulse me. And everyone who

does that stuff repulses me.

And anyone who glorifies drugs and

drinking and the club life and all that

degenerate, disgusting activity, You

repulse me and I hate you and you make me

sick. Even implying that I'd be interested

in doing any of those stupid activities

makes me want to vomit in my mouth and

suck my piss out my dick.

Don't even dare suggest that

I would even be interested in any of those

stupid things.

All that trashy TV like Skins, Shameless,

all that nonsense with drugs and partying

and cheating and— oh my God,

it's just utter trash.

I hate it, and it just glorifies

all the degeneracy in human society. And

if you think that's cool and you think

that's fun, then you

and I are just completely different people

and we would not get on at all.

And if that means I'm boring, then so be

it. I like Star Wars.

I like, I like iPads,

and I like the stock market, and I like

the news, and I like catching up on the

financial business movements in

the world, and I like Elon Musk, and I

like Tesla, And I like science and

technology.

Don't come at me with all that disgusting

rubbish like drugs and piercings and body

modifications.

So the people here in the live chat know

me better than Mila ever did. And probably

know my interests and my hobbies better

than she ever did.

Yeah, OnlyFans is degenerate and I hate

it, but I didn't do OnlyFans because I

wanted to. I did it because I was

desperate for money and the money was

good, but I don't really do it anymore

because I don't need the money and I can't

And Chihiro didn't do any of the things I

just said that I hated. I took that for

What's my Rainbow Six username? It's I

Hate Weekends, which is kind of funny

because back when I made the username, I

hated weekends for a very different reason

than I hate them now. I hate them now

because the stock market is closed on

weekends. Oh, thank you,

Light. I hope you feel better. We're here

for you. Yeah, it kind

of reminded me that, you know, through

everything, through all of the heartbreak

and the sorrow and the breakups and the

failed relationships, my viewers always

here for me. Maybe not as many viewers as

they used to be, but there's still a good

amount left. Even after I faked stuff and

I said mean things about the viewers and I

lied and I seemed ungrateful, I really

am grateful that I've got some kind of

audience on YouTube that would just listen

to me like this. I don't really have many

people in the world I can talk to. I have

my mum and my sister and that's it really.

I don't have best friends. I don't have

best friends I could talk to.

Why is it so windy?

Even if I had a best friend, I wouldn't

really want to be going on and on and on

about this for hours and hours and hours

to them because I don't want to annoy

them. And even if I talked to my sister,

I, I wouldn't go on and on for like 6

hours straight about it.

But on livestream, I can just let it all

Oh, thank you, Alo. Hello to you too.

Some people were saying Ice Poseidon

talked about me. I don't know if they were

trolling or if that was real. I wonder

what he said. I don't think he did say

anything. I'm pretty sure he just forgot

So I guess it's back to square one,

back to my mum's home, single again.

No girls want me,

can't go anywhere because of the virus.

Yeah, I was rude to the viewers, and I

guess at one point I felt like I didn't

need the viewers anymore. I didn't need

the channel because I've got Mila. Such a

bad idea. It's so bad relying

on one girl for all of your happiness and

your emotional happiness and your

emotional support. Now, having all of your

emotional Happiness relying on one girl is

like putting all your money on one stock

in the stock market. It's like you just

put all your life savings onto, onto

Tesla. Really bad idea.

But then having a YouTube channel is like

you have hundreds of different companies

you're investing in. I don't know if that

makes sense, but I felt so attached to

Mila for my emotional happiness and making

me feel like I was important and making me

feel like I had someone. I wasn't alone in

the world.

And then people kept saying my channel was

going to die. And yeah, I guess it did

die, but the viewers who are still

watching They've stuck with me longer than

any of my relationships have lasted, or

how they've stuck with me longer than any

girl has.

Now, even if I bend over backwards and I

try my best to please her and make her

happy, still gets dumped at the end of the

day. And then it's just over, all gone,

like it was nothing.

This relationship, I don't even know if it

even started. We never really officially

talked about being boyfriend and

girlfriend.

About a couple months ago, she did mention

when we were in bed that she doesn't mind

calling it a relationship. I was

always scared of calling it a relationship

because last time I tried to She, she kept

saying she doesn't like attaching labels

because it adds too much pressure and

it makes her feel stressed out.

It was serious and it was official,

but just We never really announced it, I

guess. It was just kind of implied.

She's so selfish, and not just with

this whole relationship, just little

things. Like, she would go and get herself

a glass of wine and she wouldn't even get

me a glass. Well, she'd only be thinking

about the things she's doing. She'd never

ask me what I'm doing or show an interest

in what I'm up to. And every time I talked

about something, my own experience, she'd

quickly change the topic to her own

experience.

Oh, thank you, Etherdrive. She was using

me. Using me for what though?

She obviously wasn't interested in YouTube

fame. She didn't want to be in the videos

anymore.

I don't think I was very selfish. I agreed

to not make videos about her or not to

film her.

Using you as an iPhone. Yeah, sometimes I

did feel like she was using me as Siri.

She would Keep saying, Daniel, what time

is it? Daniel, what time is it now? I

don't know, when you look yourself. I'm

not bloody Siri. It's like she was going,

hey Siri, what time is it?

She's got her own phone, why can't she

just look at it herself? Hate it when

people keep asking me what the time is.

Anyway, I think I'm done with her. I am

so— you have no idea the emotional roller

coaster I've been on, and You

probably don't know the full extent of it

because I've, I've tried to be secretive

about it and not be completely open about

it because I knew Mila was watching and I

knew that everything I said and did on

YouTube would affect Mila's

decision-making. So I was trying my best

to, to show a good side of myself so she

would change her mind about meeting me,

and I guess it worked. But maybe I slipped

back into my old ways when I got

comfortable, and then maybe that's why she

felt unhappy. But I just couldn't keep up

with that, that act.

That's just not what I am.

I, I did become really negative because I

was feeling depressed. I felt trapped. My

channel was dying. I couldn't do the

things that that the viewers wanted me to

do because of Mila. I couldn't even vlog

or talk about what I was doing.

Even making a simple shopping vlog was so

difficult because I couldn't film her,

and then I had to keep cutting— I had to

keep cutting out the bits whenever she

spoke. I had to cut out pretty much

Yeah, it was a complete emotional roller

coaster. I felt so in love when she was at

my house. It was, it was everything I

fantasized about. She looked great. I felt

physically attracted to her. I felt

excited and energized. Around her.

I felt like it was this, this Disney

prince and princess love story, like

Fantasyland. And then she left, and as

soon as she left, I felt so sad. I just

cried and cried. When she was here,

I felt annoyed because she's so loud and

so annoying, but then she left and it was

just silence. And the silence was just

deafening and I broke down.

And the next few months I was just a

complete mess, crying every day, couldn't

stop thinking about her, blaming my

viewers because I felt like it was their

fault that they scared her off. And then

going to Germany, hoping that she would

message me and change her mind. And then

she did. It felt so magical. You know,

like a, like a story, like a movie.

And then we got back together again, and I

thought, this is how it's supposed to be.

This is good. Maybe she's the one.

They say opposites attract, you know.

Maybe it's true.

And I felt quite content with things. I

felt quite satisfied with being with her,

and I was thinking, oh, I have to accept

my channel's dying. There's not much I can

do. I still choose her over the channel.

I'm gonna focus on my stocks.

And I thought maybe it could work. Like

that, but still she's not fucking happy.

After all the tears I shed and all the

heartache, and you know what I'm like.

You guys know that I've never really felt,

felt in love with a girl before. I had

lots of girlfriends in the past, but I

never really felt anything real for them.

I always felt like maybe I can't feel

love, maybe I'm dead inside.

And then she was the first girl who I

really felt strong feelings for.

I guess there was Sayaka, but I never met

her, so it doesn't really count.

But I don't even know why I liked her so

much. I didn't like the way she thought.

I didn't agree with anything she said. I

thought her way of thinking was just dumb.

She didn't like anything I liked.

So even when it came to countries, I like

Japan— safe, modern, clean— and then she

likes some weird country like, I don't

know, Spain or Mexico.

We just had nothing in common.

It's just weird because she kept going on

about how she wanted adventure and she

didn't want a comfy cozy life, and then

she did all these things that locked

her into a non-adventurous comfy cozy

life, you know, like getting a cat.

What's she going to do with the cat now if

she wants to go off to Mexico? She's going

to take the cat to Mexico? Is she going to

take the cat all around the world? Yeah,

I guess technically you could.

Technically you could balance a unicycle

on the pin of a needle, on the

head of a pin. And then she got a job,

and then she got this and that. But how— I

was interested in traveling and having a

travel partner. How are we going to do

that when you just bought a bloody cat?

As if I want to sit on a bus or a plane

with a cat puking and pooping everywhere.

Nothing she said or did made any sense.

Oh, I don't want a cozy, comfy,

locked-down lifestyle, but I'm going to do

all these things that locks me down in

place here.

I think traveling with her would have been

a nightmare. Number one, I would want to

vlog it, obviously, and then number two,

she would be against vlogging it.

Or I'd have to keep hiding her or keep

editing out her voice or keep editing out

her reflection.

I thought I was being controlled by

Chihiro. I felt annoyed with Chihiro

because I felt like she was telling me

what to do, saying that I can't make

videos about this and I can't film that

and I can't meet Venus Angelic. So I left

Chihiro because I wanted more freedom.

For the channel. And then I got myself

into a relationship which was even more

controlled, even worse than with Chihiro.

I couldn't film anything.

The whole point of leaving Chihiro was,

number one, to have sex with new girls.

Number two, to try and get more content.

Ended up backfiring in my face so badly.

Ah, this is tough.

She got me this book. You can see it down

And I have never

ever expressed interest in reading books.

I don't know why she thought getting me a

book would be a good idea. I'm not gonna

read it, and I feel bad for

throwing it away, but now I've got to

carry this massive heavy book in my bag.

And she wrote a message in the back,

which was nice. I feel so conflicted

now because number one, I hate her for

hurting me and messing me around, getting

me stuck in Netherlands when I could be at

home with my family for Christmas. And

then on the other hand, she, she was

really sweet and cute, and we had all

these memories together that I'm gonna

Why did she leave? I don't even know.

It happened so fast. She said, I'm not

happy, I want to end this. And I just

said, okay, whatever. And I picked up my

bag and I said, I'm going home. And then

she said, won't you say goodbye to my

family? I said no. And then I just stormed

There was no point staying. There's no

point asking her why, what's wrong,

because I've heard it all before. She

always says the same thing, and then she

always says, I'm not changing my mind,

you can't change my mind.

Ah, this whole relationship stuff is so

annoying.

I always looked at those MG Tao people and

I thought they were kind of sad and

lonely, and I never really wanted to be

like that. My ultimate goal was always

find a partner, share my life with them,

have good times together. But every time

it's just a complete mess.

It's just a nightmare.