Why I have no Friends...

Something I've always found kind of

strange about myself was how I have no

friends. Not a single friend. Even though

I'm an adult now, I don't even have one

friend. If I ever got myself into some

kind of trouble or a pinch where I needed

someone to help me out, either financially

or to give me a room so I don't go

homeless, I don't have anyone that I feel

like I could contact and ask for help as a

friend. And I kept thinking to myself,

why don't I have a single friend? It seems

like everyone else has loads of friends,

and it started to make me question myself.

Am I not a good person? How come I don't

have any friends? Am I that dislikable?

And to be honest, I don't really put any

effort into trying to make friends. I'm

sure if I downloaded some kind of social

meeting apps, I could actually meet people

and potentially make friends. But for some

reason, I just don't feel this intense

urge or drive to want to make friends. I

feel quite fine actually just not having

friends. I think the last time I had

actual friends in real life was probably

when I was about 16. After leaving

secondary school, I never saw them again

and never made friends again on a

long-term basis. I met a few people when I

went to Japan and on my travels, and I

guess I could call them friends. But after

we left the guesthouse, went back to our

own countries, we stopped talking to each

other and we just fell out of contact.

It's just really difficult to go out

there, meet people, and make friends when

nearly all of your hobbies are very

solitary and can be done from home. And

also when you work from home, you don't

really need to go outside to work and get

a job. You can make money off the internet

or or you have some kind of online

business like I do, it's very, very

difficult to meet people. If I had to

blame anything for me not being able to

make friends anymore, it's probably the

internet. Even though I love the internet

and what it's been able to offer me, it's

just made the process of meeting people

naturally very, very difficult and tricky.

Before the internet, you had to go to

school, you had to go to work, you had to

work in a team. You couldn't really do

things by yourself. You had to work as

part of a company, part of a group of

people, and you would meet people who had

similar interests and naturally just

become friends that way. You didn't have

to download an app or put any effort into

matching people on dating apps and try and

meet people who you might have common

interests with and then arranging some

kind of awkward date or meeting where you

just go to a coffee shop and sit there and

try and find out if you have chemistry and

if you can click or not. I remember the

day that I lost my friends from secondary

school. It was the exact time when I

started to get addicted to online games

such as Guild Wars and World of Warcraft.

The last time they ever came over to my

house. I was playing Star Wars Galaxies

and they just came over unannounced,

unexpected. I didn't know they were going

to come round and I was kind of surprised

by this and kind of annoyed as well

because I was so addicted to this video

game that was online. I didn't need

real-life friends anymore because you

could just play with all these strangers

on the internet. Before I discovered

online internet games, I loved having

friends. They would come over to my house

all the time. They would bring their games

consoles or they'd bring their controllers

and then we'd all play Halo together or

some kind of cooperative game on my big

TV. And it was great fun. But when they

came over to my house for the last time

ever, I didn't want them to be there

anymore. I became this massive dick of a

person. All I wanted to do was play this

online game with all these online

strangers, and I just basically ditched my

real-life friends. They tried to get me to

come outside to go skateboarding. And

instead of turning off the game and

joining them, I basically just said no. I

had my back turned to them as they sat

behind me talking to each other. And now

that I look back at that time, I feel

really bad for how I treated my friends

and how I just kind of got rid of them

basically and chose a video game, an

online video game and online strangers

over these real-life friends that I had

for so many years during school. And now

that I'm an adult, I live this completely

solitude lifestyle where I never go

outside. I never go and meet people. I

don't work for a company or at a place. I

don't study. I don't join in with any

social groups. All of the things I enjoy

doing can be done alone. I don't need

other people. I can just go onto the

internet online and there's millions of

strangers who are doing the same thing

that I can play with and participate with.

I don't need to get to know them on a

personal basis. I don't even see them as

real human beings. They're just like

avatars or usernames on the internet. And

yeah, it is a pretty sad and lonely

lifestyle. I don't really feel fulfilled

or happy living this way. I kind of miss

having social interaction, kind of miss

doing things with other people. But the

problem is I just don't really know what I

would want to do with other people because

all my hobbies revolve around being alone

and being online. I don't have any offline

activities like a sport or some kind of

fishing or physical activity. So I've been

questioning myself, do I really want

friends? Is it just a pressure from

society to have friends that's making me

doubt myself? Am I actually wanting to

hang out with someone and provide value as

a friend? Because being a friend is also

difficult. It's not just take, take,

take. You also got to give back and

provide value to your friend as a friend

and help them out when they need it. And

my past record hasn't really indicated

that I'm good at that because I had this

summer job back at school with my friend,

we would deliver newspapers on our

bicycles all around the village. And we

did this over the summer holiday to make

some extra money. And we promised to each

other that even when school starts again,

after school, we'll carry on doing the job

because we want to make the money. And I

thought to myself, sure, it sounds great,

let's do it. And then the first day of

school started, and then I came back home

tired and exhausted after school, and all

I wanted to do was make a bacon and egg

sandwich and watch cartoons on TV.

Honestly, I completely forgot that we had

to do the newspaper round after school,

and he phoned me saying, where are you? I

thought you were coming. I need you to

come now so we can deliver the newspapers.

And I was so lazy and so tired, I just

said, no, I don't want to do it anymore.

And I said, sorry, goodbye. I put down the

phone. My mum asked me what happened, and

she got in her car and went to my friend's

house and helped him deliver the

newspapers in her car. She came back and

she said, my friend was really panicking

and freaking out because he thought you

were going to go and help him. At the

time, I didn't really think anything of

it, but looking back at it now, I feel so

guilty. I was such a terrible friend. I

can't believe I just threw him under the

bus just because I was too lazy to hold up

my end of the bargain with helping him out

with the job. And I think one of the main

reasons I don't want friends anymore is

because even though it is kind of lonely

and sad not having any, When you have

friends, you do have responsibilities as a

friend. If they message you and they need

help and you don't go and help them,

then they're kind of not going to want to

be friends with you anymore. Maybe it is a

very selfish way of thinking and maybe I'm

a really lazy person, but that is one of

the reasons I don't really want friends.

I don't really want like a bunch of people

messaging me at random times saying stuff

like, Daniel, do you want to come here?

Let's go there. Let's do this. Can you

help me do this? Can you help me do that?

I've got my own things that I'm busy with.

I've got my own hobbies that I want to do,

and the idea of just having to randomly go

out and do some random task because my

friend needs help doesn't really interest

me much. So even though it's kind of sad

not to have anyone in your life, maybe

it's for the best. Maybe the grass is

always greener. Maybe if I did have

friends, I'd be complaining about how

annoying all my friends are, how I never

have time alone to myself, how all these

people keep messaging me and bothering me.

But like with everything in life, there's

pros and cons to most things, and you just

have to weigh up the pros and the cons and

think to yourself, is it worth it? Is it

worth sacrificing this amount of time in

my life to be able to benefit from this

thing? And I think I've decided that

having friends is not really worth it.