Why my Relationships keep Failing

Hello and welcome back to a new video. So

it's been about a week since I came back

to England. Uh, you may know that I was

living in the Netherlands for about 4

months because I was seeing a Dutch girl.

Just a quick recap of what happened.

Basically, I came back from Korea at the

beginning of last year, and then I met

this Dutch girl, and then she came over to

my house. She stayed for a few weeks It

was great, and then there were some, some

problems between us. She wasn't really

sure if she wanted to be with me or not,

but she changed her mind a few times.

And oh my God, my hole is gone!

Someone buried my hole!

Huh.

Well, we'll get back to the hole in a

minute after I quickly explain what's been

going on with my life. So basically I got

dumped after Christmas, which kind of

sucks, but I'm not really that sad about

it. I've kind of gotten over it already.

You might be thinking, wow, that was

quick, you got over that one quickly.

Yeah, well, I was already really sad and

depressed back in May when she first

dumped me, so I feel like I'm done being

all sad and whiny and moping

about over her, so it's time to move on,

I think, and do a bit of introspective

self-reflection. And to be honest, I

really was not happy living in the

Netherlands. It was just so expensive to

find my own place, and the place I managed

to find was on the cheap end, and still it

was about £1,200 a month, which is pretty

expensive. That's about 1,000 $400 or

$500. And I was living in

one of the really dangerous, shady areas

of Rotterdam. Actually, it was the 2nd

most problematic neighborhood in all of

Netherlands, and there was a lot of police

raids and stuff going on. Um, probably at

least 1 or 2 police raids every few months

happened in that neighborhood. So it's

safe to say that I didn't really enjoy

living in the Netherlands. It was actually

probably one of the worst countries I've

ever lived in. Too expensive, too many

problems with you-know-whats, and I was

only there because I wanted to be near to

Mila. And after she dumped me, I didn't

really have any reason to stay there

anymore, and I just got on the next plane

the next day and I came straight home.

And I'm actually pretty happy to be back

home again. I think I'm starting to notice

a bit of a pattern here. I get lonely

being at home, I find a girl and I go and

meet her, and And

I try and live with her, or I try and live

nearby her, but after a few months I

always end up getting homesick and I start

missing my home. I start feeling really

sad, and then I come back home and I feel

great because I'm back home again, but

then I start feeling lonely again, and

then I go and travel somewhere. It's like

a never-ending repeating pattern.

And the other pattern I've noticed is

pretty much every single one of my

relationships has failed. And I think

they've been failing for kind of the same

reason. A lot of the girlfriends that

dumped me— every time I got dumped, it was

usually because of the same reason. And

that is, the girl doesn't feel like

there's much of a connection between us,

or she doesn't feel like I care about her.

Because, to be honest, I'm not very

good at making it seem like I

care. About other people. And it's not to

say that I'm incapable of caring about

other people. I do care about some people,

especially my family.

And yeah, my family, I do care. I'd be

very upset if something bad happened to my

family. So I don't think it's fair to say

that Daniel doesn't care about anyone. I

do care about some people, but I do find

it a bit difficult forming, uh, new

meaningful connections with, with new

people. I don't know why that is, but

yeah, a lot of these girlfriends that I

had in the past, although things usually

start off pretty well and then they, they

think, or they seem to think, that they're

quite happy with me, over time they start

to feel lonely emotionally, not

physically. It's easy to physically be

there, but to be emotionally present for

the other person and make them feel like

they're important to you is something I've

kind of struggled with usually. I don't

know why that is. I think the main reason

I got dumped this time was because I guess

I just didn't really— I didn't really make

it seem like I cared a lot about her, you

know. I didn't really take— show much

interest in her as a person or her

personality or I didn't really find the

things she would talk about to be very

interesting, and I'm not very good at

faking interest. If someone tells me a big

long anecdote from their past, the chances

are I probably won't be very interested in

hearing it. I don't mind hearing it if you

really want to tell me, but can we keep it

short? You don't need to go on and on and

on for like half an hour. Just keep it

short and brief, a couple of minutes to

tell me a little anecdote from your past,

and then I won't get bored. Because when

you go on and on and on for half an hour

with all this detail in your anecdote,

and then finally the story has finished,

and then I'm expected to give some kind of

response or reply, I honestly don't really

know what to say apart from, hmm, oh,

okay, thanks for providing me

with all this information. I will now

store it in my brain to process. I don't

really have an interesting response to

most people's life stories from their

past, but I don't think it's fair to say

that I don't care about the person just

because I'm not that interested in their

personal lives. I really don't care about—

I wouldn't say I don't care, maybe that's

a bit harsh, but I'm not really that

interested in the personal life

of my mum and sister, for example, but it

doesn't mean I don't care about them as

people because they're my family.

Obviously I do care about them. I'm just

not that interested in everything that's

going on in their lives or everything that

happened in their past. I feel like some

of the ex-girlfriends I had, they probably

told me stories about themselves and then

I didn't really seem very interested, or

my response wasn't very It wasn't a very

excited response, and they probably

thought, oh, Daniel doesn't care about me.

Daniel isn't interested in me as a person.

And I don't feel like that's true. I'm

just not really interested in that

particular story. When it comes to people,

I'm not really that interested in people's

stories in the first place. I'm not really

much of a people person. I don't really

know what the solution to this problem is.

Either I learn to find people's anecdotes

and stories more interesting, which is

kind of difficult. How do I force myself

to be interested in something that I'm not

really interested in? Or I learn how to

pretend to be interested better. So maybe

I could take some acting classes and try

and provide people with better responses

like, oh, no way,

really? I can't believe that. I don't

know, maybe it's just not possible. I

mean, I have interesting conversations

with my sister. Sometimes, but we talk

about a certain topic. It's not like she's

telling me a story from her past. We just

talk about scientific or technological

things, which I have more of an interest

in. I'm not really that interested in

people's personal stories. I don't know

why, I'm just, just not. So yeah, 2020

wasn't great. I had a total of 2 failed

relationships in 2020. Got divorced from

my wife, and then I got dumped after

Christmas. Not a great year for

relationships. And actually, if I remember

back to my French girlfriend all the way

back in 2011, I think she dumped me for

the same reason as well. She said

something like, oh, I don't feel like we

have a connection, or I don't feel like

you care about me. And yet she was right,

I didn't really care about her be honest.

I found her really boring, and all the

little stories she would tell me about her

past just put me to sleep.

People shouldn't start telling these

random stories to people and then expect

them to care and then get all upset when

they don't really find it that

interesting. It's not, it's not fair. If I

started telling you some random story, I

wouldn't really expect you to care. I

mean, it would be nice if you did care,

but But I'm not going to get all upset

because you didn't find it very

interesting. But some people do. That's

all I had to say about relationships. I

think now I want to show you a few changes

in the garden. If you remember last year

before I went to Germany, I started

digging this hole, didn't I? Because I was

all sad and depressed. And this is what

happened to it. My uncles buried the hole.

They said it was very dangerous. Don't

know why they kept saying it was

dangerous. Number one, if someone— how

could someone fall into it by accident?

There were massive piles of dirt around

the edges. I guess animals could fall into

it. And then if I got buried inside of it,

it's not going to collapse. This is chalk,

this isn't sand. It's not like it's gonna

just collapse on me. And then I could just

climb out anyway even if it did collapse.

So my hard work and effort has gone to

waste. My poor hole Just gonna come back

and work on it, make it deeper. And then

over here, you might have noticed a big

change. Don't know if you've noticed it

yet. 5 points if you have. But yeah,

there used to be a massive wooden shed

over here that's been taken down.

The remnants of the shed are here.

The metal panels for the roofing still

here. It's a bit sad. It's always been

here. My granddad built it. He used to

have chickens in it, and then it became a

bit of a storehouse where my dad just

dumped rubbish and junk that he didn't

know what to do with. And now it's

completely gone. It's kind of strange

seeing this massive empty space, but it

was falling apart and it was rotting,

kind of unstable. Look, these are the

foundations, concrete floor. I made a few

videos in here. In the past.

Used to play with my cousins in it as

well, doing naughty things. No,

not those kind of things, you know,

mischievous things boys get up to when

they're kids. Used to have a lot of fun in

the shed. My hand is so cold I can't feel

it. And what's up with all this traffic?

Supposed to be in lockdown. Why are they

not at home? That's my home.

There's some changes on the inside of the

house as well, but I might save that for

the next video. Yeah, it's nice to be

back. Kind of strange, but this is what

my life's been like for the last 12 years.

I go out to some country, have some kind

of relationship, it inevitably fails,

find myself back home again. Pondering my

life and existence in general and what

can I do so that I can find a good

relationship. Just seems like the same

thing keeps happening over and over again

for the same reason, and I don't really

know how to fix the problem or find a

solution. Wow, it is so cold, my phone's

getting soaked. Look at my hand, it's

frozen stiff.

But I haven't been outside for a whole

week now, so I thought I'd come outside

for a bit. Look, that's the pond. iPhone

12 camera quality— quality is pretty good,

isn't it? Look at that blurry background.

iPhone 12, very nice. Whoa, what are

these? They look weird.

Cinematic. Okay,

I'm gonna go back inside now, play some

Rainbow Six.