playing new world

Hello? Hello?

Hello? Can you hear me?

Hello? Hello? Can you hear me?

I'm playing a game. It's new,

came out just now.

My first time playing a game.

See if it actually works.

This woman looks so ugly.

My first time playing a game.

Let me see. Can you hear the game audio?

Yeah, I think you can hear it. Oh, when I

put my earphone in, I just take it out a

little bit. I don't like having my ears

blocked when I'm talking. How do I get the

game sound?

Properties, headphones.

Can you hear the game sound?

I don't think you can hear the game.

Maybe it's this one.

We can hear everything, but can you hear

the game sound?

I don't think you can hear the game. I

hear the bloody laptop fan.

Um,

where, how Headphones,

headset, default. Game capture.

Allow transparency.

Maybe the game needs to be open.

Property. Maybe it's Realtek

audio codec.

Okay, let me know if you can hear it.

Why are these faces so damn ugly? Now this

one's okay looking. Jesus Christ,

this one's not bad looking. Why are they

all Asian though? They all look

Asian.

This one looks like Pia.

This one doesn't look too bad, I guess.

Which one's my favorite face?

I want my mic to be higher. How do I make

That's better.

I want my mic to be higher. How do I make

Can you hear the game sound? There should

be like a clicking sound.

There's no game sound, fuck's sake.

How do I make the game sound audible?

Properties. Maybe it's headphones,

Pro Hands-Free,

AG Audio.

Make the game sound audible.

Properties. Maybe it's headphones.

Help me.

Desktop audio headphone.

Maybe it's this one.

How did I do it before?

I can hear it now.

Oh, oh, you can hear it?

Oh, that's the one. I had to change it to

the headphones. Also got the wireless

things in. Is it

loud?

Okay, let me know if it's too loud or if

my voice is too loud. Then we make the

perfect Garu friendo.

Should I

make myself? Oh, this one looks cute. I

don't know if I want to be a guy. Oh my

God. Or if I want to be a woman. If I was

gonna make myself, they've kind of got my

hairstyle. This one looks like Bruce Lee.

Where's my hairstyle?

I think this is close to my hairstyle.

It doesn't look like my face. He looks too

manly. Do you think this one looks

most like me? It's so ugly.

This one looks too Asian. I don't look

that Asian. Wow,

look at that chin.

Jesus, that's a big chin.

Hmm, I don't know if

I want to be a man.

All the faces look stupid. I still don't

know why they all look Asian.

Aren't there like non-Asian faces?

How do I

do this?

Wait, I need to

log into Twitch.

Yes, I logged in. Good job.

Now I need get chapped. I can't

see the chat.

Oh, there, I can see it now.

Wow, it's running really well. See, when

you have a good laptop and good internet,

it's not hard to stream a game.

Don't say that looks like me, it's so

ugly. No, this one doesn't

look too bad, but that nose— I'd rather

make a woman. Oh my God, it's so freaking

ugly.

That hairstyle.

Which face do you think is most

Maybe this one. I quite like this one

actually. No, not this one.

No, no. I feel like I'm on Tinder. No.

Maybe. No.

No. No. No.

No. No. No. No,

no, no, no,

no, no, no, no,

no, no, no, no. Yeah, I reckon this one's

the most attractive one. Why do women in

Western games always look so damn ugly?

They need to learn from Japan. Whoa,

black Asian girl.

Ginny's streaming in Manchester. Why is

she still in Manchester? Tell her to get

out of my city. Oh, I can make it red.

I like, I like kind of pale with a hint

of yellowness.

Eyes. Oh, you can make her eyes white.

It's the fat Vietnamese girl from Star

Wars. Yeah, it does look like her

actually. Why do they choose like the

ugliest Asian girl to fit in the Asian

girl quota? You only get a cute Asian

girl.

In the beginning of the Star Wars film,

she had a sister. The sister who dies was

cute. Why didn't they use her for whatever

We'll give her— just give her brown eyes,

I guess. She looks like that girl who

said she would have sex with me, that

crazy one who does porn. What's her name?

Tomohito Erika or something. Doesn't it

look like her?

It does. That hairstyle looks like her as

well. Wow, look at that one.

This one looks pretty cute.

Why does this look like someone I know?

What the hell is that hairstyle?

This one's quite cute.

Oh, this one's— no, I don't like it.

No. Why all the hairstyles? What the fuck

is that? How big do you want the top of

your hair to be? Why is

it so big on the top? Why are you

streaming so late? What do you mean late?

It's 11 AM in the morning. Because I

really want to play this game and I need

footage for my Why I Hate New World. I

thought I'd stream it. Jesus, would you

smash her if she looked like this?

Would you smash a bald girl if she had

like a really cute face? The hell is this

hairstyle? My God,

I want a cute hair. I want to be

a sexy woman.

I quite like this one. No, I want a

fringe. That's stupid.

Look at that one.

This one looks kind of lame.

Don't they just have like a normal Asian

hairstyle? Why are they all like frizzy

and afro looking?

I quite like the graphics actually. The

graphics look quite good.

I wonder if I could have increased the

stream video quality a bit more. Do you

think the stream video quality is good?

Yeah, it looks okay,

doesn't it? It's normal

Blu-ray in like 240p.

Wow, I finally have internet and a

computer that can stream games. For some

reason I feel like I could never have done

this before. So I always had rubbish

internet, always had a rubbish computer.

I feel powerful.

Why are there no good hairstyles? Oh,

this one's okay. She looks like Simple

AI. Asian girl next door who works in

7-Eleven. But you can just imagine this

kind of Chinese exchange student working

at 7-Eleven in Japan.

Okay, quick, we got to pick hairstyles.

It's going to take ages. Oh, I can't

think. Obviously she has to have Black

hair. I want to be a cute Asian girl.

Hmm, where's that from?

Fringe one on.

Maybe this one.

It's just I don't like the ponytail.

Maybe this one. No, that's too

short.

Does anyone else play this? We could play

I like this one or this one.

This one's a bit too much fringe and the

fringe is too short.

Bald.

Not impressed with the hairstyle choices.

What other options? Features.

Oh my god,

scars. I don't want any face stuff.

Tattoos. Goodness,

no tattoos.

Body type, face— there's not much you can

do for customization. Skin tone,

hairstyle, facial hair.

Bearded lady.

Hmm, yeah, I think I'll just go for this

one. Okay, what's next?

Name your character. What should I call

Mila. That's weird.

What's like a very stereotypical Asian

name? Name? Li Xing.

Bitchface99.

What should I name her?

Help me. What would be a funny name?

Turkish Girl.

Chihiro. This name is in use.

Chesh.

Hmm,

what name?

Kanako.

Karen Asian

Girl 22.

Yeah, whatever, I don't really care about

the name. I used to spend hours trying to

pick a name on World of Warcraft, be

sitting here thinking of some cool anime

Japanese name like Rikuro Ryoshi,

Tatsuhiro,

Tamakaro. Would be

a funny name.

Mira. No, that's weird.

My back hurts.

I need a name. What would I name my

daughter? What was the name of that single

mother's girlfriend's daughter? I forgot

the name of the daughter.

It was a weird name, an unusual name.

Damn, I forgot the name of her daughter.

Sayuri.

Chesh. Why did

people start calling Chihiro Chesh?

Name is in use.

Sayaka. No, I don't like Sayaka. It's an

Dickhead.

Shangshao.

Jiang— Jiangshi. I like that,

that's a good Chinese name.

No one would ever remember my name.

Create character. Okay, let's go.

Oh, this is interesting. Character

creation straight into the game.

I'd like to do a plain Jane,

plain Jane Asian Mary.

This game better be good. Paid £35 for it.

Better be good. Hopefully I make my money

back from my videos that I'll make on

Daniel Chef— Chef Daniel.

Oh my god, precision in queue 49.

I should have picked a more empty server.

Which server did I pick?

49. It's been a while since I played an

MMO. The good thing about this MMO, you

don't have to pay monthly. You only pay

the initial fee. You don't have to pay

like $10 a month, which is quite nice.

Hate those MMOs you gotta pay every month.

Game audio is too loud. Okay, let me turn

Okay, how's it now?

You don't have to pay like $10 a month,

which is quite nice. Hate those MMOs you

gotta pay every month. Game audio is too

loud. Well, there's no game audio anymore.

The music stopped.

42.

How long

is this going to take?

Na na na.

Return to Japan.

How is life treating you? Uh, it's not

bad, I guess.

I'm feeling a bit better compared to a few

weeks ago. The game's called New World.

Yeah, it's New World. It's a new MMO by

Amazon.

Am I actually gonna go to

Japan? Yeah, if they reopened, I'd go to

Japan, go on dates, make some content.

Oh, 31 in queue.

What would I do in Japan? Well, I'd get on

Tinder to go on dates and then try and

explore some places, make videos.

I already got one lined up. She seems

quite nice. We talked on the phone

yesterday.

One thing that stood out to me was she

asked me how long am I going to stay in

Japan for, which is— don't you think it's

kind of a weird question? Asking me how

long? It's like, I like the question

because it sounds like she wants me to

stay for a long time. She's interested.

How long I'd be there for. Hopefully she

would want me to stay for a long time.

I said at least half a year. And then I

started telling her about student visas.

I said I could get a cultural visa or I

could get a marriage visa. Hint, hint.

That's how I got married to Chihiro.

Maybe. I was saying, well, I could get a

student visa or cultural visa or maybe a

marriage visa. Just saying.

Oh,

14. If I had— well, I do have enough

money, but if I'm willing to spend the

money, I could sign up for a Japanese

school,

get like a 2-year visa in a Japanese

school. Or if I want to cheap out, I could

study some Japanese cultural thing like

calligraphy, tea ceremony, get a culture

visa. How are your stocks going?

Ford is up 4% pre-market,

so I might have like a 9% gain on my Ford.

Should I sell it? 9% gain. Oh,

it's only up 2.4% now pre-market.

Market's crashing today. Oh my God,

NASDAQ! My NASDAQ short is up like £200.

Holy shit, I shorted the NASDAQ right at

the top. Talk about timing.

Wow, how low is the NASDAQ gonna drop?

I'm just gonna keep my NASDAQ short. Why

is this Windows Firewall? Allow access.

Oh, is it starting?

It's starting.

Oh, cutscene. Oh, look at that bum.

Oh, the graphics look quite nice. Yeah, I

know how to move. Imagine telling a PC

gamer to use WASD to move. What the hell

is this animation?

This animation— draw your weapon,

block, attack.

I don't need to be told how to play.

This movement animation is weird. You,

Captain Aldous. Your captain needs

you. There's something wrong. I'm not

feeling right. That devil storm— what

in the Nine Hells was that about?

Something isn't right. To come so close—

how's the sound?

Why does the stream look kind of choppy.

Is it just me or is the stream like choppy

looking? I hate

all these menus.

Why does it look all choppy? Maybe I

need to turn the graphics down. A little

bit. It's not choppy for me,

it's only choppy on the stream. Oh,

how do I fix that?

SLI Crossfire Capture Mode. Maybe if I

turn that off, is it better?

Come on, move.

Is it still choppy?

I think it's a bit better.

Oh, it's good now. Yeah, yeah, I fixed it.

What's the point of that option? Why would

I want it to be choppy looking?

Capture cursor, use anti-cheat

compatibility hook, SLI Crossfire

capture mode. That was on, that was making

it choppy.

Yeah, yeah, it looks good now.

Okay, um,

the running animation feels really weird.

The MMO running is always weird, but it

never feels realistic. It's always like

the character's just sliding around and

the legs are moving. There's no feeling of

gravity or weight.

Press space to jump. Why do they keep

telling me these really obvious things?

Your voice is really good. Did you buy a

new mic? Yeah, I got a new mic recently.

It's a mini Rode.

Can I zoom in on my character? Look, I'm

beautiful. I like how the lighting— if you

turn to face away from the lighting and

your face gets dark, you turn towards it

and the face gets light. Wow, amazing

gaming technology.

Interactive lighting.

It doesn't really feel impressive after

you've played Chivalry 2 for a long time.

I mean, Chivalry 2 is also online, so why

can't Combat

is pretty— I don't know if it feels good

or not.

It's pretty basic, I guess. Browned— oh,

drowned sailor.

I mean, at least it's not like World of

Warcraft where you just click on the enemy

and then you press auto attack. This is

actually real-time combat.

How do I loot them?

Can I take my clothes off?

Where's inventory?

Hmm, character content unavailable. Oh,

I'm still in like the tutorial area.

We need to get out of the tutorial area.

Why is your character not wearing shoes?

I don't know, maybe they fell off when

she was drowning. How do I sprint?

Escape the ship graveyard to look for your

crewmates.

Okay.

Oh, that's nice, you can climb up stuff.

Press K to purchase upgrades.

Whoops, I didn't choose the right one.

Whirling Blade or Shield Rush. I want

Whirling Blade.

Q. Oh wow, she span like a Beyblade.

Ooh, very pretty.

Wow, I'm so cute.

I want to get a pretty dress.

I don't like these clothings.

Wow, how cinematic.

Is it stuttering again? It's not too bad.

Ooh, that's quite pretty.

How do I get naked?

Company map.

When I played Final Fantasy 14, all I did

was I made a really cute anime girl, and

then I made her naked, and then I stared

at her. What's this guy?

Does anyone else play this? We could play

There's a boss. You would have been better

off dying at sea. Why is it a boss fight

already?

Hmm.

When do I get to choose my profession and

my class and stuff like that?

I kind of like the— oh look, there's

Alexander Ramos. Is he a real guy?

How do I speak?

Hello. How do

you like speak? So there's in World of

Warcraft you could speak and there'd be a

chat, a text bubble that popped up above

you. Can't I do that here?

Look, there's people.

How do I talk? Global.

Hello, this is Daniel.

I'm famous YouTuber.

Oh, why is it so stuttery?

It's all stuttery again.

Stupid thing.

What if I change Uh,

capture specific window.

How's that?

Why is it like zoomed in now?

Oh, it's cropped in. What's happening?

Transform, fit to screen.

Get rid of this donation goal.

Did you choose sword user at the

beginning? I don't think I chose it.

I wonder if you can do things like— can

you dance? Oh, you can dance.

Wow, that's a weird dance.

What are they doing?

Reduce streaming quality.

Hmm, maybe it's because I'm in the area

where everyone is now, and it's an online

game.

Maybe if I turn the graphics down,

because I've got it on very high.

Maybe if I put the graphics down to

Okay, what do I do? Talk to Nora Lynch.

Do you think it's better?

I don't know if I have the patience to

actually play this. That's the problem

with MMOs, you gotta put so much effort

into doing this stuff and it's not even

fun. It's just like run here and run

there, collect this. Collect that.

Talk to this person.

Where is she?

Probably on upgrade. Hmm.

What should I focus my points on?

Strength, dexterity,

intelligence. I don't really want to be a

wizard.

Maybe I'd like a musket. I think I'd

rather be a ranged person with a musket

than a melee fighter. Maybe I'll

go for dexterity.

Oh, you need 6, 7.

Commit. Weapon mastery.

I want a musket.

Ah, this reminds me of my days when I was

at school addicted to World of Warcraft

and Guild Wars. You remember Guild Wars?

I love that game. It's my first ever MMO.

I started playing with this female

character and I got like a crush on

her. It was probably a guy pretending to

be a girl. But I actually felt genuine

emotions. I got excited to log in and play

with her. So weird. You can actually

fall in love with like a game character.

I don't know where to go. Maybe this way.

Oh, there he is. Or she. Round rat sailor

we have here, don't we? Still better off

than— Who are you?

I'm down here from the First Light

Settlement. Wanted to assess the impact of

that storm that wrecked your ship. I'm

Shang Xiao Ji. I can't even

say my name. It's a pleasure to meet you.

Oh, I got boots! Wherever you come from,

it's lost to you. This This is your home

now, Aeternum, an isle of treacherous

shores and lost memory. What are those

pits next to intelligence?

Death itself is a different creature here.

Wherever you come from, it's lost here.

This is your home now, Aeternum, an isle

of treacherous shores and lost memory.

Nothing as it was in the old world. Death

itself is a different creature here, and a

finicky one. You've come back. They'll be

wandering the beaches, the soulless drums.

Whatever. Right thing is to try and keep

them back to rest. Company. Better if you—

What's this character? What's this

uninitialized store?

Do you have to pay real money to buy this

stuff? That's lame. The pictures

next to intelligence— oh, they're like

staffs. Rapier.

Rapier.

Okay, what do I do now?

Defeat Drowned 3.

Can I laugh?

Laugh.

The emotes suck. You can dance. Can you—

what else could you

do? Cheer?

She looks like a Sims character when she

does that. They look like Sims, don't

they? How's my joint pain?

It's much better now. I can walk without

pain. How do I put

my shoes on?

Bio, title.

Uninitialized attributes.

Weapon mastery. Where do I put

my gear on?

Map. Where's my inventory?

Alright, we'll go this way.

Did I go on any dates lately? I don't know

if you'd call it a date, but I met up with

this viewer. Yes— no,

not yesterday, 2 days ago, and then a few

days ago. We went to Korean barbecue.

Okay, standard MMO grinding.

I hate it when you have to loot the mobs

and then you just get loads of crap in

your inventory.

There was this one Scottish girl, she

moved here recently.

She said she was on Oxford Street, she had

a lot to drink. I said, Why don't you come

to my place? And she said, tempting, but I

think I'm gonna go home. She said,

definitely next time. I wonder if she

lives nearby. She looks cute.

Good thing she didn't come because my pain

was really painful. I don't think I could

have done sex well with my joint pain.

Give me a gun. I don't like swords.

They say next time, maybe next time means

never. No, she said definitely next time.

She, she said We should meet up for a

drink. And then I said, where do you—

where are you? Where do you live? She

said, I'm in— I'm on Oxford Street now.

I'm so drunk. I'm in my Uber.

Oh crap, where'd they come from?

What are these? Flint. Oh wow,

I got flint.

Is the stream smooth now? I think turning

the graphics down really helped, which is

annoying. I mean, why can't I have the

graphics up? Is my internet not good

enough? I've got 500 megabit upload.

Helps protect the First Light settlement

too. The drowned sometimes want— sorry,

don't go playing tough now. You need to

learn how to survive out here. Gather some

flint and wood and make yourself a

skinning knife at the fire. No one talks.

It's boring. In World of Warcraft,

everyone's like chatting and joking and

stuff.

Hi, I'm gay.

The chat looks weird. It's like hard to

see if people are talking or not. Oh, so

it's got the text in white and And then

the names in, in like a faded font.

Okay, where do I get a new weapon?

Sword is a boring weapon. Daily reporting.

Your PC's not powerful enough? But I've

got an RTX 3060, Core i7.

It plays smoothly for me on max graphics.

It's just when I watch the stream

playback, it's all choppy.

Gather greenwood.

Supply cash.

I don't know how to get my inventory

attributes.

More dexterity.

Where, where do

I get musket?

This guy's sleeping on the fire.

I can craft things. Maybe I can craft

Wooden longsword. No thanks.

I don't understand why It

looks like everyone's Asian for some

reason, but they all look Asian apart from

a few black people.

Do the basic tasks in the right-hand

Right-hand— the top right-hand corner.

Oh, I hate doing quests.

What if I get addicted to this? That'll be

What's that?

Flint arrow.

Gather greenwood

from a nearby bush.

Where's the effing greenwood?

Would. Fuck off.

I don't know why this game's so hyped up.

It doesn't seem very special, does it?

Maybe this way.

What's going on here?

Oh, I got a warhammer!

How do I change my weapon?

Why is there no inventory thing?

Thing. I don't get it.

Company map, journal, store settings.

I need to make like 10 videos about this

game so I get my money back. So the game

is £35, which is like $50,

so I need to get about 30,000 views.

My Simon and Martina video is blowing up,

it's got like 14,000 views now. Made about

50 More views than my main channel

now. Chef Daniel's gonna overtake. I

actually got 85 new subs on Chef Daniel,

whereas on main channel I lost nearly 200

Not everything has to be about making

money. Well, it's an investment. I paid

the money to buy this game to play it.

Hoping to make content out of it for

YouTube. And also,

if I like the game, then it's a bonus,

because then I've got something to do.

Everything is a business investment,

and then I might lose money if I don't get

views. To cover the cost of the game.

Same as buying stocks, innit?

I don't know what to do. What am I doing?

I've got to get green wood. Where the fuck

is the green wood? This is green wood.

Oh, there's my inventory. You can press

Tab. Why didn't anyone tell me?

How do I get naked?

This is a terrible looking inventory.

What the hell?

Um,

oh, oh, panties.

Ooh, that's what I'm talking about.

Naked. Jesus, that's a

bit too much. Remember when people playing

Cyberpunk— and on Cyberpunk you can

actually see the genitals— people getting

like banned for nudity stuff?

Yeah baby, I'm naked.

Look at my bum.

That's such a stupid looking dance. Why

does she have like a granny bum though?

She has like a middle-aged woman bum.

It's kind of hot because it's realistic.

It's not like a really perfect looking

bottom. What should I put on? I put my

shoes on maybe. I think naked with

boots on is pretty sexy. Oh, I got a hat.

I don't like the hat. Take the

hat off. Oh, I got a warhammer. Holy shit,

look at the size of that. What the fuck?

That's a big hammer.

I actually don't want a musket. I think

this is funnier to have a massive hammer.

You can 2-shot kill them.

Oh, what's this?

Oh, what the hell? She's lying on the

ground. What was

that? Oh, you can go prone.

Sexy.

Look at all the little teenage boys

staring at my nakedness.

Oh my God, he's trying to sex me.

What's he looking at?

Get lost, squid face. I don't like

How do I get rid of this shield? It's

blocking the view.

Oh, I got basic food.

All the little teenage boys playing,

staring at my naked buttocks.

Oh, what? You can jump into prone? How did

you do that?

Oh, look at the fire. I mean, it's a

little glowy.

Hot. That's hot.

Damn, I'm hot and sexy.

Where the hell are they coming from?

Can I do a Pose.

Cheer. This is funny. This is the

best thing about MMOs, is when you strip,

strip naked and stare at their

bum.

My favorite kind of game.

It's like they made the body type

unattractive on purpose. For some reason,

I find her hot. She's got a

realistic-looking body type,

not like an anime In like a Japanese

character— Japanese game,

the characters look like anime characters.

They're like perfect, but then it's not

realistic. This is more like a realistic

representation of a woman.

Does her bum jiggle?

Not really.

Her panties look like a diaper,

like Granny's panties. I still haven't

even done the quest yet.

What do I do? Oh, I go towards the

question mark, maybe.

I can 2-shot kill them.

This hammer's a bit big. Whoa,

let's swim in the water naked,

get nice and wet.

Oh, that's sexy curves.

How's she not drowning?

Okay, I got new points. Should I level up

my warhammer? What does Constitution do?

Health. I want to scale up my strength,

actually. Weapon Mastery,

1 point. Ooh, I actually like the

Oh, what should I choose?

Armor Breaker, powerful swing penetrates

35% of target's armor.

Juggernaut Crowd Crusher.

Increased damage absorption. No.

Wide swing that knocks enemies back.

Deals 115% weapon damage.

I want like a really powerful attack.

Increase armor penetration by 10%.

Gain empower on heavy attack. Oh, that

sounds good. 20% damage increase for 4

seconds. Oh, a powerful swing penetrates

and deals 140% damage. I like that one.

Let's get that. See how much damage I can

do now.

It does the same damage as a normal

What if I fall in love with my character?

How sad would that be?

I love myself.

Only does my basic attack does more

damage. All a load of rubbish. Captain's

log, today we set sail for what may be but

a legend.

Whatever.

Can I eat food? She's got bread.

2-shot kill.

What the fuck?

He wants my pussy.

Can you do Unarmed combat. If I get rid of

the hammer— oh, you can punch.

This game's turning me on.

That— ayas. Where is

Mankrik's wife?

That's a legendary WoW meme.

Good old Crossroads. Ah, who remembers the

Crossroads General chat? That used to be

great trolling. People want

to know where I get my trolling

personality from. If you knew about World

of Warcraft and stuff like Crossroads

general chat, you would get it.

Now all the idiots on YouTube going, oh,

I don't understand why he's trolling,

and all that rubbish. You would get it if

you were a WoW player back in the day.

You would see exactly where I get, get it

from.

Too bad the community I built just has

nothing in common with me. What I'm

actually into.

I don't know how I managed to build a

community of people who have nothing in

common with me. It's just so weird.

It's like getting married to someone you

got nothing in common with. I still

haven't even done the quest. Oh, maybe

it's this way.

Beard filter looks great. Some people

think it's real. Very weird.

Oh, these are level 5.

When does the combat actually get

challenging? Maybe I

gotta put my clothing back on.

Oh, he's shooting me.

Is there ragdoll physics on the bodies?

Thing about MMOs is they never have

I so do not have a gaming audience.

People just don't care about what I'm

into. They just want to see me sit here

whining about not getting a girlfriend.

That's what pisses me off.

Imagine I can build like a New World

audience on Twitch. That'd be amazing.

Give me a new weapon.

Oh, I got leather gloves.

What can I say for the video though? I

don't really have many complaints.

I guess I have to play more of it before I

can complain about it.

Say the graphics are rubbish. The graphics

look like they're from 2011, and the

character models look like I'm playing The

Sims. As someone who primarily plays

Rainbow Six, I am not impressed to say

some rubbish like that. The funny thing

about YouTube is you can just say any

bullshit. And people believe me.

Like my recent videos about Simon and

Martina and Trisha, um,

I just went on their subreddits and I

looked at what people were saying and I

just copied what they were saying. It's

not my actual opinion. I don't have an

opinion because I don't really care.

Oh, I know what I could say. I could just

complain about how repetitive and boring

and grindy the game is, and then people

can say, duh, it's an MMO, what did you

Where do I go? Fuck's sake,

why can't it just have a big arrow showing

me where to go?

Settlement by

territory reward.

Um, getting annoyed with this.

Green wood from a nearby bush. Where is

it?

It's not telling me where to go.

Your strategy is literally annoying people

who should be your target audience. Yeah,

if I want a gaming community, I should be

like, hey guys, this game's amazing, I

love it. But it gets more

views if you shit on stuff.

Oh, this guy's got a musket.

Weapon point. Points available.

Oh, what can I get? Adds grit to the

attack, making the attack unstoppable.

Mighty Gavel. Overhead leaping attack

crushes down enemies. 160% damage. Give me

that. That's pretty

cool. All the guys staring

at me. Just because I'm naked

and sexy. I love how the fire gives

off this glow.

Look how sexy I am.

Can't she lay on her back?

Can I crouch? Oh, you can.

Oh yeah, look at those granny panties warm

up my bum. Warm up her backside.

Uh, MMOs do make me chuckle.

Give me a good view of that butt cheek.

Yes,

I find it so funny Cyberpunk added the

genitals into it knowing people are gonna

stream it. Why would you add character

genitals into a game?

It looks like she's shitting out fire.

Oh, I could do this all day.

How do you crouch? Oh, it's C.

What are they crafting? Can I make

anything? I can't make anything. Oh, I

need green wood.

It's probably nearby here, the wood.

Oh, it's here. Oh, it's right

there. Where was I going? Craft a flint

skinning knife. Okay,

you play this game for the wrong reasons.

That's the only thing I love about MMOs—

making a cute female character, stripping

her, and then making sexy stuff.

Getting that fire.

How's she not burning? Why stream

so early? Because I really wanted to play

this game and I need some footage.

Look at the realism.

Okay, I can make A

flint skinning knife.

Mining pick. Logging axe.

Exit. Okay, now what do I do? Talk to Nora

Lynch. Go!

My mouth is watering just thinking about

those steaks. Beats having heart attack

any day of the week. Excuse me.

Okay, what's this? Nothing.

Hunt a boar.

Okay. Wow,

her legs are clipping into the ground.

This would be a good complaint. This is

good footage. This game's graphics so

rubbish, the character models clip into

the ground.

Yeah, this is good footage.

I would love it if there was mud and then

it sticks to the body and you get all

muddy and dirty, and then when you get

into the water it washes away. That would

be so cool.

It's a very nice-looking game. I quite

like the look of it.

Where am I going? I like the

look of it very much. Oh, look at that

crotch.

Imagine how sweaty and smelly those

panties must be.

She thinks she shaves her bush. How are

you gonna shave your bush? I don't think

they have scissors here. It would just

grow out, wouldn't it, naturally?

Skin a boar. How do

I skin it?

Man, back in the caveman times, I bet they

had a lot of hot sex. Imagine how dirty

and sweaty and hairy people would have

been back then. None of this shaving and

perfume jimbo-jambo. The sex must have

been like animalistic, doing it in

a bush, pubic hair everywhere.

Must have been hot.

Like a native doing

it in the foliage. I wonder if they just

had sex all the time.

Cook a light ration from the health

recovery category at Watcher Lynch

campfire.

Oh, we can do a roll.

Roly-poly.

My ass.

The special attacks do less damage than

the basic attacks. What's the point?

Oh, I like that Spanish helmet.

Hmm,

light ration craft.

Looks delicious.

Cooking level 1.

It's the smell of fresh meat on an open

fire. That storm— it's tradition in First

Light to keep record of all the

shipwrecks. Search shipwrecks.

Okay.

Look at

her ass. It's like she's doing push-ups.

Hookups.

Why can't I do my special attack?

What? Why is she punching with the hammer?

Oh, I put it away.

Hmm, okay, what now?

Search for records.

Second weapon slot.

Okay, I want a new weapon. I don't like

this stupid hammer. Let's kind of

dumb. Oh, when does stock market open? 2

hours. Oh, imagine living in Japan,

you gotta wait until 10 PM

until market opens. I don't know how I'm

gonna survive when I go to Japan. I'm

gonna have to wake up in the

middle of the day, then get all my stuff

done like streaming and YouTube, then

ready for trading in the evening.

When you go into the Yahoo Finance

livestreams, it's full of Korean people.

Do they even understand what, what they're

saying? Most Korean people I met have

pretty bad English. There's no way they're

understanding a financial report in

English without subs, but the whole live

chat is just full of Korean.

No Chinese, no Japanese. It's weird.

All gambling addicts, probably.

I don't

know what to do. Search shipwrecks. This

is why I hate MMOs.

Remember World of Warcraft in the

beginning? It used to be a real challenge

to finish quests. There was no indicators,

there was no arrows. You had to read the

quest description and figure out where to

go. And then people started making that

quest guide website.

It's kind of like Assassin's Creed

climbing up stuff.

Hmm,

maybe it's

over here.

Oh, she's getting all wet and shiny. Oh,

she's got reflection. That's pretty cool.

Whoops.

Oh, I'm level 5 now.

That was quick.

Collect ships roster.

Maybe I'll do some Rainbow Six streams

next time. It's kind

of boring. Game to watch, isn't it?

It's not very interesting.

Got a new point, Wrecking Ball.

On target, it's under 30%.

Uh,

I think Rainbow Six would be more fun to

stream.

I don't even care. You get

the points so easily, I feel like it

doesn't matter what you put them into.

Not like World of Warcraft. Remember the

talent tree? People would strategize

to have the most efficient talent tree

layout, and you'd only get 1 point every 2

levels, so it's not like you had loads and

loads of points you use. You had to be

careful what you picked and have like a

good talent tree. Where's the

ship's roster?

Designing a good talent tree was one of

the most fun things in World of Warcraft,

and then they dumbed it down. With one of

the expansions and ruined it. Always dumb

stuff down and make it worse.

Oh, I found a captain's log.

Oh no, it's not. I need the ship's roster.

If I could make money from the games, I

wouldn't mind trying more games. But games

are so expensive, they're like $60, $70.

And then even if I get 20k views,

that's just $20 or $30.

Oh, this guy's got cool armor.

Uh, where do

I get the roster?

Do I have to search the whole place? I'm

just running around in circles at this

point.

Maybe that Yakuza game would be fun. It's

supposed to be like the GTA in Japan.

Where's the

fucking roster?

Seems like— why are

there so many?

It's not really like GTA at all.

Every time I keep saying they should make

a Japan GTA, someone always says you

should play Yakuza. It looks like Shenmue.

It doesn't look very interesting.

Hmm, I quite like the combat. It feels

nice,

very hack and slashy.

Warhammer. Why are there so many

warhammers? I want like a big spear or

a 2-handed sword would be cool.

What's this?

I don't know where to go.

Didn't expect you to stream at this time.

Yeah, it's A surprise stream.

Should I put

my clothing back on, or do you like the

sexiness?

I think she's cute, don't you?

I would marry her.

Beautiful. Well, look,

very pretty.

Supply cache.

We'll eventually find it, don't worry.

I'm nearly dead. What's going on?

I didn't even notice. I thought the health

would regenerate.

Ow.

Hmm.

Maybe it's on the map.

Oh my god, it is on the map. It must be

this number 1. Ah, it is! It's there the

whole time.

It— finally

some progress.

Look at my Ah, yes.

Where is it? Is it

uphill?

Why did Amazon just randomly decide to

make an MMO. It's very random.

Oh, I found it, I found it! Nice.

Search shipwrecks for records. Okay.

Ah, there's a number 1 that tells you

where to go. I should have seen that.

What's that music?

Is that a boss? No,

I want some challenge.

There's nothing challenging about it.

I liked World of Warcraft in the beginning

before the expansion packs because it

was really difficult. If you accidentally

aggroed 2 mobs at the same time, you'd

probably die, and then killing one thing

would take a lot of energy.

It wasn't easy on World of Warcraft, and