Why I Hate Having Social Anxiety

Hey, today I'm going to be talking about

how social anxiety ruins my life.

Okay, it's not that dramatic, but

sometimes it does feel like having social

anxiety prevents me or stops me from doing

some things that I would like to do, and

it makes doing some things more difficult

than it should be. This video is just

going to be like a list of things that I

dislike doing, things that I find

difficult to do, and things that I feel

uncomfortable doing. I don't like talking

to people on the train. If I'm riding a

train with someone else, my friend or

girlfriend, and she starts talking to me,

she starts trying to make conversation

with me, then I feel very irritated. I

don't like talking on trains because

usually trains are very quiet places and

they're packed with people. There's people

next to you, there's people in front of

you, there's people on top of you, and I

feel very uncomfortable talking when

there's a bunch of strangers listening to

what I'm saying. I'll never understand how

some people can just talk on their phones

on the trains without feeling embarrassed.

Don't you feel embarrassed that everyone

on the train can hear the conversation

that you're having with the person on the

phone? Don't you feel embarrassed that

you're irritating everyone on the train by

forcing them to listen to your

conversation? I don't like talking to

people on the phone even if I'm at home by

myself. It makes me feel very nervous. In

the past, when I've had to phone places

such as the job center or other

businesses, I would feel very anxious

about it and I would rehearse what I was

going to say, or I would write down what I

was going to say before I dialed the

number. I also hated when people just

phoned me out of the blue without any

warning on apps like Facebook Messenger or

Line. If there's something you want to

talk to me about, just send me a message.

For me, having to phone someone is a last

resort thing. If I can make a reservation

or book a ticket or book a hotel using an

app or using the internet without having

to talk to anyone, then that's how I'm

going to do things. There's some people

who don't like using the internet or they

don't like booking online, and they would

prefer to just phone up the hotel and book

a room that way. I think that's really

weird. I don't like buying

things in shops, not because I don't have

any money. I'm loaded. Look at these

designer glasses. Actually, they just cost

£50 from Vision Express, but I did get a

70% discount because I was signed on to

the Jobcentre when I bought them, and I

got an extra pair for free. Anyway, I

don't like buying things from shops

because I don't like having to talk to the

sales assistant. If he doesn't say

anything and if he doesn't ask me any

questions, then it's fine. But this is

Japan, and every time you go and buy

something from a convenience store, they

ask you 100 questions, and it's really

annoying. They always ask you if you have

a points card, then they'll ask you if you

want the receipt. And if you buy a hot

drink with a cold food item, they'll ask

you if you want to separate the bags. And

if you buy a bento, they'll ask you if you

want to microwave it. So in order to

reduce the number of questions that I get

asked, I never buy bentos, I never buy

food that can be microwaved, I never buy a

hot drink with a cold food item. So if I

want to buy bento or hot food, I'll go to

the supermarket. Because at the

supermarket they don't ask you if you want

to microwave it. They have microwaves at

the supermarket, but it's, it's

self-service. And it can be very

frustrating because sometimes I want to

eat a burger or hot food or a piece of

fried chicken, and I can't because I end

up chickening out and I just get something

cold like a sandwich. If you go to some

kind of event or festival in Japan, they

always have stalls where they sell food.

And everything looks so delicious, and I

just want to eat one, and I don't have the

guts to order it for myself. I end up just

standing there filming it like an idiot.

Oh, sweet barbecued beef, how I wish you

were mine. How the essence of you lingers,

sweeping the air. I wish I could taste

you. I want you inside of me. Why can't we

be together? Oh, barbecued beef, bastion

of sanity in this crazy mixed-up world in

which we live. How tender I feel when your

aroma enters my nostrils. How I forget my

cares. Why is fate so cruel? Why am

I forced to wander the dismal deserts of

my tormented soul? Usually my girlfriend

orders it for me, so it's, it's not a huge

problem. I absolutely

hate ordering food at restaurants. If I go

to a restaurant with someone, then I

usually get them to order my food for me.

If I go to a restaurant back home in

England, then I usually get my sister to

order for me. If I go to a restaurant with

my girlfriend, then I tell her what I want

to eat and then she orders for me. If I

have to order my own food, for For

example, if I'm on a date with a girl that

I haven't met before, then obviously I

don't get her to order my food. That would

be kind of lame. What I do then is I just

point at the menu. I say, can I have this?

For some reason, I just really don't like

reading the dish names off menus. Can I

have the fish with the chips and the peas

and the gravy? I feel so stupid saying

that. I hate it when the menus don't have

pictures and then I have to point to the

text on the menu. I hate it when they keep

asking you questions like, do you want

your meat Rare or medium? What kind of

sauce do you want? Do you want this? You

want that? I don't know, just give me

whatever. I hate fast food places where

you have to go up to the counter and then

tell the member of staff what you want to

eat. I've never been to Subway in my life

because the idea of having to instruct the

staff member on what kind of fillings you

want just terrifies me. But the thing that

terrifies me even more is when I'm in

Japan and family member from Malaysia,

for example, or I'm with a friend who

doesn't know how to speak Japanese and we

end up going to a restaurant and I'm the

only one in that group or out of the two

of us who knows how to speak Japanese and

they're relying on me to do the ordering

in Japanese. That gives me nightmares. I

can speak Japanese. I passed level 2 of

the JLPT. I speak to my girlfriend every

single day in Japanese with no problems.

But when I go to a restaurant and I have

to order in Japanese, my mind goes blank.

I go from being able to speak Japanese at

a fairly good intermediate-advanced level

to a beginner's level of Japanese. Most of

the time I don't even try. I just sit

there watching my relatives struggle using

their broken Japanese, using the few

phrases of Japanese that they learnt

before coming here, and I'm sitting there,

someone who knows how to speak Japanese,

and I don't even try to help them. And

yeah, I feel kind of bad, but I don't want

to embarrass myself in front of my family,

so I just pretend that I can't speak

Japanese. And if I have to do the

ordering, then I order in English. My

favorite restaurants are the ones where

they have this ticket machine and you can

just order your food on the touchscreen

and it prints out this ticket and you just

hand the ticket over to the person behind

the counter and they get your food. You

don't have to say a single word. And I

also like sushi because you just take the

plates off the conveyor belt and you don't

have to order.

Approaching girls and talking to them,

saying hi, introducing myself, even asking

simple questions like, do you know where

the train station is, are things that are

impossible for me. It's even more

frustrating being in Japan because there's

so many cute girls in Japan And I just

wish I could walk up to them and talk to

them, say hi, or just ask a question like,

where's the train station? Anything. I

just want to have some kind of interaction

with them, but I can't. It's impossible.

I know it's not physically impossible. I

know there's nothing stopping me from

walking up to them and talking to them.

Okay, maybe my girlfriend standing next to

me holding my hand is something that's

stopping me. I've never gotten a

girlfriend from me approaching a girl and

then asking her out. Every single

girlfriend that I've had in the past has

been from girls that have approached me

first, or girls that I've met online and

then I chatted to for a few weeks and then

eventually met them, and then it led into

a relationship. And these relationships

were fun, but to be honest, these weren't

girls that I've felt especially attracted

to. The, the girls that I feel attracted

to are the ones that you need to approach.

Those are the ones who are just waiting

around for guys to come up to them and

approach them. They're not going to

approach guys themselves because they

don't need to. They're cute. I don't feel

comfortable going to places where cute

girls accumulate, like nightclubs or bars.

I went to a nightclub a few times and it

was just a nightmare. It's too noisy. I

can't hear anything that anyone's saying.

I don't like dancing. So what am I

supposed to do? I just end up sitting

there drinking alcohol like some kind of

loser. I've kind of given up on the idea

of approaching— approaching?

I've kind of given up on the idea of

approaching a cute girl on the street.

It's just not gonna happen. I've accepted

the fact that I'm gonna be stuck with

middle-aged MILFs for the rest of my life.

Yeah, I've tried lots of things. I've

tried approaching girls in the past. I've

been rejected every time, so I feel like

it's a waste of time now. I've tried

getting retail jobs where I have to talk

to strangers every single day, and it

didn't help. It didn't make things get any

better. In fact, it made things worse. I

ended up hating people even more than I

did before. I'm going to

stop fighting the fact that I have social

anxiety. I'm gonna stop trying to fix it

and just accept that this is what I'm

like. This is who I am. I'm going to avoid

people as much as possible. I'm not gonna

phone people. I'm not gonna order my food.

I'm not gonna approach cute girls on the

street. I'm going to stop pretending to be

someone that I'm not and just, just be me.

Just be myself, even if that does look

like a lame kind of person to be.