Similarities between me and Elliot Rodger

Hey, so I wasn't sure if I wanted to make

this video or not because it's about a

serial killer and you kind of have to be

careful about these topics or you could

anger a lot of people. But I really feel

like I want to make this video. If you

don't know who Elliot Rodger is, he was

this guy who murdered 6 people and then

shot himself about 2 years ago. A few days

ago, someone left a comment on one of my

videos And he said that he

reminds me— that I remind him of Elliot

Rodger, that I'm very similar to him, I

look like him, and I sound like him. And I

was like, okay. I didn't really pay much

attention at first, and then I decided to

Google, who is Elliot Rodger? Because I

don't remember the name. And then his

picture came up, and I remembered the

picture. I remember when it happened a few

years ago. I didn't really pay much

attention because it was like, oh,

another mass shooting in America. It's sad

and tragic, but it's so common that it's

not really shocking anymore, and that's

even more sad and tragic. So I decided to

look up Elliot Rodger on Wikipedia, and

the thing that first caught my attention

was that he's also half Malaysian and half

British like I am. Mother's Malaysian,

father's British, just like me. Also

similar age. And then I read a bit more on

the Wikipedia page and I found out he has

a YouTube channel. So I went onto YouTube

and I searched his name and there was his

channel. And I was like, what? He's a

serial killer and his YouTube channel is

still on YouTube? So I watched a few of

his videos. I was still really surprised

that these videos are still available to

be viewed. They weren't really against the

YouTube terms of contract, terms of

service. They weren't against the rules of

YouTube, so I guess there's no reason that

they can't be still on YouTube. So I

watched a few of the videos and he talks a

lot about— the things he talks about is,

I felt, very relatable. They're very

similar to things that I've talked about

in the past, things like loneliness and

feelings of rejection. After watching a

few of his videos, I felt really

conflicted. Like, I felt like I hated him

and was disgusted by what he had done,

but at the same time, I felt like I could

understand all these issues that he was

having, and I felt kind of sorry for him.

Like, I pitied him. And then I found out

he had written this manifesto, which is

basically a 140-page story

that he had written of his entire life

from childhood until present day. And

there was an audiobook version on YouTube.

It's just like a Google Translate

automated voice speech-to-voice function

thing that someone had uploaded to

YouTube, and it was about 10 hours, and I

stayed up All night last night—

I stay up all night anyway, but I listened

to 4 hours worth of it. I haven't gotten

through to the remaining 6 just because I

haven't had the time yet. And I was just

amazed at how similar he is to me. His

experiences growing up, I felt like I

was listening to my own life story being

read out by this robotic woman's voice.

It was really creepy. In his manifesto,

he talked about how in primary school,

elementary school, he was, he was happy.

He had friends, he enjoyed socializing.

And then as he grew up, as he grew older

and moved into, is it high school or

middle school? Secondary school for me.

Everything changed. He started to get

bullied. He started to hate people. And I,

and then he, um, started playing World of

Warcraft just like me. And he used World

of Warcraft to escape from the harsh

reality of being a kid

in high school that, that's being bullied.

And I just felt like I could relate to

that so much. That's almost pretty much

exactly what happened to me. I went

through this phase of really enjoying

school and socializing with kids and then

going into secondary school and then

hating everyone because they bullied and

teased me, and then escaping into online

gaming and not wanting to leave my house

or, or interact with people. I feel like

his main problem was mainly around girls

and the fact that he wasn't having any

sex, and he got really jealous about other

people in school who had girlfriends and

were having sex. And it was like he was

obsessing over the fact that that he was

only 22 and he was still a virgin. When

you think about it, that's crazy. A lot of

people are virgins even in their 20s.

They even get 30-year-old virgins. Just

because you're still a virgin when you're

22 doesn't mean you have to go on a

murderous rampage. I didn't even have my

first sexual experience until I was 21.

But after listening to half of his

manifesto, I don't really feel like it's

fair to compare my situation and his,

because by the sounds of it, it sounded

like he had a much harder time during his

childhood. His parents got divorced, he

had to move around a lot. Also, it sounds

like he got bullied a lot worse than I

did. It sounded like from a young age of

around 13, he started obsessing about

girls and sex and getting really

jealous and envious of other people who

had girlfriends and were popular with

girls. I, I never really felt like this

when I was a 14-year-old kid. I had

absolutely no interest in girls. I didn't

find any of the girls attractive at

school. And another thing I found kind of

strange was he was saying that he hated

the cool kids because they were obnoxious

and loud and intimidating, but at the same

time He wanted to be respected by them and

become one of them and become friends with

them so he could also become one of the

cool kids. I never felt like that. I

always felt like— I also hated the cool

kids at school, but I never felt like I

wanted to be their friends. I never felt

like I wanted to be like them. I wanted to

be like myself, my weird, quiet, nerdy

self. I never felt like, oh, I need to be

cool so I can be popular and attract

girls. And he also said a lot of things

about how he hated women because they

rejected him, but I never really got the

feeling that he approached women and tried

to talk to them or ask them out if

they wanted to go out on a date with him.

It was like he just expected women to be

attracted to him and approach him, and

then when they didn't, he ended up feeling

rejected and then started hating them.

I've been rejected a lot by girls, but I

never felt like I hated them because they

rejected me. I just felt like, oh, that

was a bit disappointing, but there's

nothing I can do about it. Just move on.

And it also sounded like he was very

frustrated about being rejected by

society. It was like he was trying very

hard to fit in and be accepted by wearing

designer clothes and driving a fancy car.

But I feel like I'm the opposite. I'm the

one rejecting society. I don't feel like

I'm being rejected by society. I feel like

I don't care about having a fancy car or

wearing nice clothes. Look, I'm wearing a

potato carrot shirt. I don't really care

about things like fitting in. I'm the

opposite. I want to stand out. I want to

be unique. I like being weird. I don't

like being like everyone else. I don't

like being a sheep. I don't like following

what's trending or what everyone else is

doing. I don't— care about things like

driving a fancy car or wearing designer

clothes. It's been a real eye-opener

listening to his story and finding

out how similar his experiences as

a child and growing up was to mine. And

I've been doing a lot of self-reflecting.

I feel like he's some kind of parallel

version of me where if you let your

feelings of isolation and rejection and

loneliness take control of you, then it

can turn you into this monster that's

capable of killing so many people. I guess

a major turning point in my life was when

I went to Japan for the first time, and

for the first time ever, I felt like I

fitted in and people accepted me for

who I was and didn't bully me or tease me

because of my appearance. And I I met an

amazing person over there who gave me love

and affection and those things that Elliot

was so desperate for. Maybe if he also had

a person like that in his life, then he

wouldn't have done the things that he did.

Who knows? Maybe even if he did get a

girlfriend, maybe he still would have

committed murder. Humans are social

animals. We're not lizards or snakes.

We're not designed to live the majority of

our lives alone. So I can understand how

feeling isolated and rejected and lonely

for all of your life can make a person go

crazy. I just felt like it was such a

tragic story. I just really wanted to make

a video about it because it's been on my

mind a lot. Um, I hope I haven't offended

anyone. I'm not saying he should be

forgiven for what he did. I'm just saying

that there were a series of events and

things that happened to him during his

childhood that turned him into this

person who was capable of killing so many

people. And I find those things

very relatable. I just feel really glad

that I'm— I think I'm past the stage of a

man's life where he starts obsessing about

sex and he has these really strong sexual

desires and urges. And I can understand

how frustrating it can be to have those

urges and not have them satisfied. But

yeah, you're right, it's not an excuse to

go out and kill innocent people. Sorry if

this video was a bit grim and depressing.

I'll try and think of a more lighthearted

video for the next one.