I feel bored and nothing interests me anymore

Uh, I don't really have a very, um, I

don't have an interesting idea for today's

video. It's just gonna be me talking about

my feelings, air quotes. I don't know why,

but I just felt really down today. Low

energy. Nothing really interested me much.

It just feels like I just feel really

bored recently. I don't know if I

feel sad or depressed. I just feel really,

really bored. Like, everything's extremely

boring. Last night at work was really

boring. Um, the freezer broke, the walk-in

freezer where we store all the frozen

stuff, the food. So then the poor guy had

to cook everything. He literally cooked

everything in the freezer, and we had to

put it out into the shop. And because he

was doing the cooking, which is what I

usually do, I just sat at the till for

maybe 2 hours plus doing absolutely

nothing because there were no customers

and I had finished doing everything else

like the cleaning and stock checking

stuff. So I just sat there playing games

on my phone. I don't know

if that's a bad thing, but it was

extremely boring. I guess I'd take boring

over stressful and chaotic.

Anyway, these past few days I've just felt

so bored. The things that I usually enjoy,

that bring me enjoyment, I just find them

boring. They don't bring me any enjoyment

recently. Playing games, watching movies,

that's pretty much all I do. I don't

really have many other hobbies. I haven't

done any drawing for a long time because I

just haven't felt motivated to pick up my

pencil or the iPencil. I don't know if

this is a symptom of depression

when you just feel bored by everything.

Nothing interests you. I mean, come on,

there's so many amazing things in the

world and interesting things going on.

How can nothing interest me?

It doesn't make sense. Maybe it's not that

there's nothing interesting in the world.

Maybe it's just I don't find anything

interesting right now because,

because, um, I don't,

I don't know why I don't find anything

interesting. Things I found interesting

before, I just don't care about right now.

I feel like emotionally dead inside.

I haven't felt excited about anything for

a long time. There's no excitement in my

life. There's no interesting people.

I don't know if that's my fault because I,

I tend to automatically find everyone

really boring, even if I don't really know

them very well. I just automatically find

people boring because they usually are.

I just want some excitement, I guess, but

at the same time, I don't want to risk

my life, you know, like go to dangerous

places or encounter dangerous people. I

enjoy having a boring, easy,

calm life, but at the same time I feel

really bored and a bit dissatisfied

because there's no excitement in my life.

I remember when I was studying Japanese,

I was so obsessed with becoming really

good at it. It was like my main goal in

life to become the best at speaking

Japanese than anyone else, and it

completely took over my life. But I

felt like I was working towards a goal,

and it felt like I had a purpose in life.

Right now I don't have anything like that.

I don't have any goals. Or, you know,

there's nothing I really want to become

really, really good at or become the best

at. I just kind of stopped caring because

I realized that the more you care about

being really good at something, the more

disappointed you get when you realize that

you're not actually that great at what

you're trying to become good at. So as a

defense mechanism, um, I guess I just

kind of stopped caring about everything

and adopted this way of thinking that it

doesn't— nothing really matters. Why try?

You know that Homer Simpson quote, the

problem is, uh, you failed.

The lesson is never try, something like

that. And I feel like I can relate to that

a lot. You know, it is true, if you don't

try to be good at anything, then

technically you can't really fail, can

you? There was this person that I used to

talk to online, just chatting. We talked

daily. It was quite recently, and I really

enjoyed talking to that person. And I

don't know what happened, but I haven't

talked to them for over 2 weeks now. Just

suddenly they stopped coming online. They

stopped saying hello, and I said hi a few

times just, just to talk to

them, but they didn't reply. I don't know

if they got bored of me or if they had—

something happened to them, like an

accident. I have no idea. It just

completely disappeared, completely

vanished, and I feel a bit down about that

because it was nice having someone to chat

to. I haven't had someone like that for

quite a while. I don't really know what

to do for fun anymore. The only thing I do

when I'm not at work is playing video

games. I recently bought Battlefield 1,

and it's a lot of fun, I guess, but it

does feel a lot like just a waste of time.

After you've— after you've spent 2 or 3

hours playing it, it just feels like,

wow, that was a waste of 2 or 3 hours,

even though actually playing it was was

kind of fun, even though I died like a

million times. It was still kind of

entertaining, but it just feels like I'm

just playing it to kill time. It doesn't

feel like I'm doing something productive

because, well, it's a video game. It's not

productive. I don't know what I want in

life. So I have everything that you could

want. I have a nice home. I'm— I live in a

safe area. I have food, shelter. A bed.

I have a job. I have money.

I don't really know how else I could

improve my life. Yeah,

a girlfriend would be great, but I've kind

of given up on that. I've had girlfriends

in the past and they've just been a huge

headache all the time. Just complete— just

a waste of time. I feel like I've kind of

given up. Like my ideal person,

maybe she exists somewhere in the world,

but the chances of meeting that person are

like 2%. Maybe there is a

girl that, that I would really like

somewhere out there, but the problem is

it's pretty much impossible to meet her or

find her. It's like trying to look for

alien life in space. It probably does

exist somewhere out there, but the

possibilities of mankind encountering

intelligent life form in space is

probably less than 1% right now with our

technology and just the vast size of

space. But what are the chances? That's

what I feel like when it comes to

relationships right now. So what are the

chances that, that I actually find the

person that I really want to find? And

then what are the chances of that person

actually liking me as well.

So the choices are be alone or

be stuck with someone that you probably

don't really like that much.

I guess being alone is better than being

in a relationship that, that's just

a headache, isn't it? That's what I've

learned from past experiences. Maybe it's

just like a mood swing. Sometimes I feel

really down like this and I can't quite

pinpoint why. Usually it passes after a

few days, but during this time period I

feel extremely bored and

nothing, nothing is enjoyable.

The things I enjoy doing are really

tedious and I feel like I don't care about

them anymore. What is

that? It's a really strange and confusing

feeling when all of a sudden things you

were interested in, things that you

enjoyed, they're just boring. I guess you

could say, yeah, obviously you're gonna

feel like life is boring if you don't do

anything interesting, but that's the

thing. There's nothing that I find

interesting right now. There's nothing out

there that I feel like, hey, I really want

to do that. I really want to try that out.

Some people say, um, some people might

think of me as, you only find

things boring because you make your life

boring by the choices you make. Instead of

living an exciting life, you choose to

live a quiet, safe life.

But I just don't feel like I'm interested

in doing what everyone else is doing.

What are people my age doing?

Going to bars, nightclubs,

going out with friends, drinking beer,

meeting girls. I don't really feel like

that's what I want to do. Maybe, maybe

during times when you don't really feel

like doing anything and nothing interests

you, maybe the best thing to do is just

not doing anything at all.

Anyway, sorry about the bit of a negative

video, more than usual.

So I don't know, do you feel like this

sometimes? I guess everyone feels like

this sometimes. What do you do in those

situations? I guess you just have to wait

it out. There's not really much else you

I guess I should get ready for work.

Great, another 8 hours with the bloody

Nepal guy. At least recently he's just

stopped talking to me now. It's kind of

awkward, but I'm

not sure if I like it this way or not.

Yeah, it's just really, really awkward.