[2019-12-14] I feel so betrayed [GEhiFaGiwcA]

There's something I want to talk about

regarding the Hong Kong Guy and my wife.

If you follow the Hong Kong Guy's channel,

you may be aware that they went out to

dinner together without me,

and I'm not very happy about this. And

before I start explaining what happened,

I just want to make it clear that I'm not

expecting sympathy or pity because I know

I've done similar things in the past, So

don't start calling me a hypocrite and all

that because I'm very aware about how

hypocritical this all sounds, but I still

cannot help but feel very, very angry

about this whole situation. Okay, so the

reason why me and the Hong Kong guy don't

make videos together anymore is because I

blocked him about 4 weeks ago. Yeah,

I know, it's a very long time ago I

blocked him. Before I met Elvis, and

that's because I just don't really feel

interested in talking to him or being his

friend anymore. Not because he's a bad

person. He's a very nice person. I'm sure

everyone would agree. I just didn't feel

interested in spending time with him or

talking to him. In general,

I don't talk to men or guys privately.

On DMs because I'm not interested in

talking to guys unless it's a big YouTuber

and we're going to make a video together,

or if it's some kind of business

transaction where we're going to make

money together. Apart from that, I don't

talk to guys one-on-one because I'm not

into guys. And usually most of the time I

will just stop talking to someone if I'm

not interested and hope that they will get

the hint that I'm not interested in

talking to them anymore. And usually, in

most cases, they do get the hint and they

stop talk— they stop talking to me, they

stop messaging me. But for some reason,

the Hong Kong guy didn't get the hint,

and even though I tried my best to ignore

him and reply with very short answers,

he carried on messaging me. Now, maybe I'm

over-exaggerating when I say this, but it

did feel as though he was constantly

messaging me. He wasn't messaging me every

day, but maybe every few

days, but it felt like he was constantly

messaging me way too much, and I was just

getting kind of irritated with seeing my

Messenger app full of new messages from

him that I didn't really want to have to

deal with. So instead of telling him

directly that I wasn't interested in

talking to him anymore, which I thought

would be kind of rude, I decided to just

quietly block him and hope that the

situation solves itself. But no, because I

recently found out that he started

messaging my wife instead, and they went

out to dinner together, just the two of

them. When someone stops talking

to you, it doesn't mean, please start

talking to my wife instead and take her

out for dinner. Now, to be fair, I can't

be too angry at the Hong Kong guy because

when my wife showed me the messages, of

him inviting her out, it was quite obvious

that he was also— he was also inviting me

to go out to dinner. But I'm not sure how

clear— I'm not sure if she made it clear

to him that I was not coming. She showed

me the messages and she asked me if I

wanted to go. I said no and she said

okay. I did not expect that she would go

anyway without me, and if I knew she was

going to go without me, I would have made

it very clear that, that would upset me

very much. We were fighting on that

day that she went out with him, so we

weren't really talking to each other. So

maybe that's why she didn't tell me she

was going to go out and see him. But the

reason why I feel like they did it

secretly behind my back is because number

one, I didn't know they were going to meet

up. I didn't know they were going to meet

up on that day, and I thought she went to

work. That's why she was gone. Well, she

did go to work, but she finished early and

she ended up spending 4 hours with him

slagging me off on camera, helping him

make content. And it's just so annoying

because we've been having all these fights

recently, and we recently

just made up after having a massive fight

because of something I said on Discord.

We made up, had a nice evening, woke up

the next day, had lunch, and we were

getting ready to go Christmas shopping.

And then I see her watching a video on her

phone. I look over her shoulder and it's a

video of herself, and I think, that's

strange, I don't remember taking that

video of her. And then I scroll up and I

see it's a video on the Hong Kong guy's

channel, and that's how I found out that

they went to dinner together without me.

I got very angry, started shouting at her,

and we had a big argument about it. And

I'm kind of ashamed about this, but I did

lose my temper and I got a bit violent.

No, I didn't hit her, but I did grab my

bag and I was trying to pack and she

grabbed my bag as well and there was a bit

of a struggle, a bit of a wrestling match

over the bag. I didn't touch her, but she

lost balance and she fell over onto the

bed. She wasn't hurt. I would never hit

anyone or be violent. Of people,

but I am getting a bit scared with how

easily I'm losing my temper these days and

breaking stuff. First it was that glass

door, and then a couple years ago I broke

this hair straightener, and I, I kind of

had a Kylo Ren moment with the chair and

the wall, and you can see there's these

big black marks on the wall now.

I got very angry Um,

but then I decided that just leaving

wouldn't be a great idea, and I stopped

myself, managed to calm down. There was a

couple hours of just silence, and then,

um, we spoke about it a bit more.

I decided I was being stupid for getting

so angry, and we made up.

Everything was okay again until the next

day, which is today. We wake up, I check

YouTube. Guess who just uploaded another

video? The bloody Hong Kong guy uploads a

second video with my wife, and the same

thing happens. I get angry, I start

shouting at her, but this time I didn't

smash anything, so I guess that's one

improvement. The Hong Kong guy explains in

his second video that he thought I was

coming and he didn't think it would be a

problem, so I can't really be too angry at

him, at him, because I honestly don't

think he did this to upset me. But I'm

still kind of annoyed at how, how socially

dim he has been in this situation.

When— so I don't want to have to repeat

myself, but when someone stops messaging

you, it doesn't mean he wants you to start

messaging his wife and meeting up with

her. I don't know if things are different

in Hong Kong, but where I'm from, you

don't message your friend's girlfriend or

wife and then meet up with them privately.

That's just weird. Now maybe I'm

misunderstanding this and he thought he

was friends with my wife, which I think is

weird because they've only met once,

which was over a year ago in immigration

when he found us, and that was just for

about 15 or 20 minutes. I don't think

they're friends. I don't think there's any

connection between my wife and the Hong

Kong guy other than I'm his friend

and she's his friend's— he's—

I can't get this out properly. The point

is there shouldn't be a line of contact

between those 2. The line of contact is me

and the Hong Kong guy and me and my wife.

I just feel like it's really weird and

inappropriate for him to start messaging

my wife and meeting up with her with just

the two of them.

So you may know that I did a livestream

yesterday for about 6 hours when I was

very angry, and I said a lot of rude

things about the Hong Kong guy and several

other people, and I just want to

apologize. I want to apologize to the Hong

Kong guy for calling him a lot of mean

things. That started with an F.

I do feel bad for being so horrible to

him, so I would like to apologize,

and I don't think he's to blame.

I'm angry with my wife because I just

don't understand how she didn't expect me

to get angry over this. She genuinely

didn't think I'd be so angry. She thought

it'd be fine. The reason why I'm so angry

is because Number one, I don't really like

the Hong Kong guy, and I don't want my

wife hanging out with people that I don't

really like. I don't really want weirdos

and people that I don't like that I've

somehow accumulated from my YouTube

channel and YouTube community and Discord

community. I don't want those people

talking to my wife or meeting up with my

wife. This is something that I was very

worried about before my wife found my

channel. And this is why I wanted to keep

her face hidden for such a long time

before I finally decided to show her face.

It's because I didn't want people to start

messaging her. You get all these weirdos

sending her information and trying to stir

things up between us, or trying to meet

her, and I'm not comfortable with that. I

want my YouTube life, which is supposed to

be my business, you know, my personal

business is the YouTube stuff and the

Discord stuff and the people I meet

through YouTube is all supposed to be on

my side. I don't want that crossing over

into my wife's life. My wife has her own

life, her own work, her own friends, and I

wanted to keep that separate, but that's

becoming increasingly difficult now that

she's frequently active on my

Discord and chatting to everyone. That's

not something I'm happy with. And it's

just kind of silly because she complains

about weirdos sending her messages and how

she's not happy with that, but she lets

everyone know that it's her. She could spy

on me on Discord from a secret account

where people didn't know it was her, and

then she wouldn't get these weird

messages. But I think she kind of wants to

get the messages because she wants

information on what I've been saying,

what I've been doing, in case I've been

saying or doing things I shouldn't have

been. My wife has apologized.

She said sorry to me, and she genuinely

didn't know that I'd be so upset about it.

So I guess I can't be angry at her any— as

well. So I can't be angry with the Hong

Kong guy, and I can't be angry with my

wife. So who am I supposed to be angry

with? Because I still feel very, very

angry about it. And I sent a

message to him on Facebook apologizing,

but he hasn't replied. He has read the

messages. And I'm fairly certain

that he knows I'm upset about the whole

thing, but he still uploaded the second

video even though he knew I was upset

about it. So I'm getting the feeling that

he doesn't really care if I'm upset, and

he's just going to upload all of these

videos that he has planned. He's going to

upload them anyway. And if that's the

case, then I take my apology back. I'm not

sorry, and I do hate you.

I guess you can say I'm being childish

about this whole thing, but I just don't

feel very happy with someone that I don't

particularly like, someone that I tried to

cut out of my life. I don't feel very

happy that that person is trying to get

views on YouTube by using my wife's name

for content. I feel like that's out of

order, especially since we were supposed

to be friends. Well, he obviously thought

we were still friends, which I find kind

of funny. I don't understand how he could

still think we were friends when I hadn't

replied to him for the last 4 weeks. So he

thought it was okay to just meet up with

my wife and make content with her. I'm not

happy with that. So I'm just trying to

figure out— figure this out in my head.

Why am I so angry? Do I have any right to

What can I do to stop being so angry at

these 2 people? My wife isn't here right

now because she decided to go out

somewhere. She didn't even tell me where

she's going because it's so awkward

between us right now because I

just feel so angry about it.