My Japanese girlfriend left me for a White Guy

Hey, so last night I was looking at my

videos on my YouTube channel and I

realized that I haven't actually made a

video talking about this subject yet,

which kind of surprised me because this

was a pretty large part of my life. This

was a pretty important stage of my life,

and I actually think that this experience

was the cause for a lot of my depression

and my negative and pessimistic outlook on

life. I also think it's the beginning,

the start of my obsession with Japanese

girls. So let me introduce you to my very

first online girlfriend,

Sayaka. I know it's not a very good photo.

It was the only photo I could find of her

by herself. She doesn't have many photos

on her Facebook. She has over 400 photos

on her Instagram, but she set it to

private and she won't accept my friend

request, so I can't see those. Anyway,

she was my very first girlfriend, and even

though we never met in real life, I

consider her to be my very first

girlfriend because we were in a

relationship for almost 2 years. So it all

started back in 2007 when I was 18 years

old. And at that time, I was heavily

addicted to anime. I was completely

obsessed with anime, and I was beginning

to become interested in Asian girls and

Japanese girls. So I went onto this

website called worldfriends.com, which is

a pen pal site for getting pen pals,

and I searched for Japanese people. And at

that time, I messaged pretty much all of

the Japanese girls, and I was talking to

about 5 or 6 Japanese girls. At the same

time, like chatting, messaging, and

Skyping. So one day I came across Sayaka's

profile on worldfriends.com, and I saw

some of her photos, and I thought she was

really cute. So I sent her a message. We

messaged each other for a few days, and

then after a few days, I asked her if she

would like to be my girlfriend, and she

actually said yes. So that was when the

relationship officially started, I guess.

At first, we were just messaging each

other on MSN. Does anyone remember MSN?

Chatting on MSN? God, that was such a long

time ago. This was before the days of

Facebook, and Line and what

are the other messaging apps? WhatsApp,

stuff like that. We used to message each

other on MSN every day, and then we

started Skype calling each other for maybe

4 to 5 hours every day. And this was back

in the day before smartphones were

invented, so I had to sit at my computer

with a webcam set up and a microphone set

up and with like headphones. And we used

to Skype call each other every single day

for about 4 to 5 hours. And since she

couldn't speak English and my Japanese was

very basic, I had studied Japanese for a

few months and I had about a year's

experience of listening to Japanese whilst

watching anime. It was kind of difficult

to communicate, but since we were talking

4 to 5 hours every day in Japanese

completely, my Japanese got very good very

quickly. I don't even remember what we

used to talk about. We used to talk about

things like getting married and having

kids and me moving to Japan and living

with her. Like really naive stuff like

that, puppy love kind of stuff. We used to

send each other photos and we used to send

stuff in the mail like letters and food

and snacks, and she used to send me books.

I still have one of the books she sent me.

It was this Japanese dialect book. She

used to send me stuff like manga and

t-shirts with Japanese written on them,

Japanese movies, Japanese snacks,

anything Japanese related, which I really

enjoyed because at that time I was

completely obsessed with Japan. I was

completely in love with her. I thought she

was the one. I thought that she was the

one I was going to get married to, I was

going to have kids with her, I was going

to live with her, we were going to be

together forever. I honestly believed that

was going to happen. I was completely

obsessed with her. Every day, every hour,

I would be thinking about her, looking at

her photos, thinking about going home and

talking to her again on Skype. At first,

our conversations were very cute and

innocent, you know, not sexual at all.

But after about a year and a half, things

got very sexual. I know it took a long

time. And we started like having phone

sex, and I actually persuaded her to send

me nude pictures of herself. I used to say

things like, can you do this position?

Can you do this position? And she would do

it and take photos of herself and then

send it to me. After about a year and a

half of this online dating, she started

attending this English language exchange

club, and she started telling me about how

this guy from the Czech Republic was like

harassing her and being very flirty with

her. At the time, I wasn't really worried.

I trusted her, so I said to her, if this

guy is bothering you so much, maybe you

should stop going to this English language

club. And I got a little bit irritated

when she said that she wanted to go to the

English language club, and she continued

going. A few days later, she told me this

story about how he trapped her in a room,

and when she tried to leave, he grabbed

her arm and tried to stop her from

leaving. And I was really angry then. I

said, why don't you stop going to this

stupid English club if this guy's doing

these things to you? And I thought she was

like being sexually molested or being

harassed or something. A few days passed

and I didn't really hear much from her,

and I started to get a bit worried because

we usually spoke to each other every day

for hours and hours, and then suddenly she

just kind of stopped talking to me very

much. And then I got a message from her.

She said that She didn't like me anymore.

She found someone new. And then when I

asked who it was, she said it was the

Czech guy, the guy from the Czech

Republic. And I was like, what? I thought

you didn't like him. I thought he was

harassing you. I thought he was molesting

you. It turns out she actually liked him

and developed feelings for him. So if

there's a girl you like, just sexually

molest her and harass her and be really

assertive, and eventually she'll probably

fall for you. So here's some photos of

them together which I pinched from her

Facebook.

Yeah, he's a handsome guy. I think he

looks pretty cool. He kind of looks like

Toby Turner from Tobuscus on YouTube. I

think at the time he was about 31 and he

had his career sorted out. He was— his job

was developing software for motion

tracking programs for computers, so

computer science-y kind of stuff. He was a

smart guy, and I was this 19-year-old kid

working in a pub doing the cleaning,

doing the washing up. I was a dishwasher

working for minimum wage, and I had no

future plans, no future career prospects,

just like now, I guess. And he was this

31-year-old guy who had everything sorted

out, his career sorted out. He was serious

and mature. He planned for his future. So

there was no way I could compete with

someone like that. So I can completely

understand why Sayaka left me for him. It

was just such a shock because I was

totally convinced that Sayaka was

completely in love with me, that she would

never betray me, that she would never fall

for someone else. I thought that she would

love me forever, no matter what. It

doesn't matter what kind of job I did or

if I was a loser, she would still love me.

That was what I genuinely believed. And

when she told me that she liked this other

guy from the Czech Republic, I was

devastated. I ran downstairs shouting. My

mum was sitting down there at the time. I

was shouting, running around the house

going, she's dumping me! She's dumping me!

What am I gonna do? And I started crying.

My mum wasn't very supportive. She just

told me to shut up and stop being a baby

and grow up. So I went back up to my room

and cried more. Then my dad came home And

he came to my room and he asked me what

was wrong, and I explained everything to

him. I never really talked to him about

relationships or things like that. I

didn't talk to anyone about relationships

or how I really felt about Sayaka. So it

was kind of strange explaining to him how

deeply in love I was with her. I don't

really think that he— I don't think he

realized how obsessed I was with her. So I

kind of like let everything out and I told

him everything, like I was planning on

marrying her and we were gonna have kids

and we were going— and I was going to move

to Japan. We were going to live together.

And after telling him all that and

listening to myself saying all that stuff,

I realized how stupid and ridiculous it

sounded. My dad was very supportive. He's

very compassionate, and he told me some

stories from his past about relationship

failures, and I really felt like we

bonded. We, we've never really spoken

about relationships or love or girls like

that before, and it was a strange

experience. For the next 2 weeks, I was in

this complete state of depression. I would

cry myself to sleep every night and And

then I met this new Japanese girl on the

same website, and I ended up going to

Japan a few months later to go and see

her, to go and meet her. I wasn't gonna

make the same mistake again. I wasn't

gonna wait for like 2 years to, um,

before I go out to meet her and let some

other guy steal her before I get the

chance. I actually quit my job at the pub

5 months before she broke up with me, and

I started working at my dad's company. So

I worked at my dad's company for about 5

months. And then I quit that job as well.

I took my savings and I went to Japan for

the first time ever, and I kind of forgot

about Sayaka completely. She actually

married the guy from the Czech Republic

and she moved there with him, so she's

been living there for about 6 years now.

And recently I saw her Instagram page,

which is kind of what made me want to make

this video because it reminded me of her,

and it said that she's pregnant, so she's

gonna be a mother soon. So I guess I kind

of feel happy for her because everything

worked out. So in the end, I think things

turned out for the best. I think that even

if we had met up and we started a

relationship, it wouldn't have went well.

It wouldn't have lasted long. I wouldn't

have been able to support her or make her

happy like he does. Like, even now I

wouldn't be able to. I think the

experience also jaded me and made me

become bitter towards the idea of things

like romance and love. And I find it hard

to trust people now. Even if they say they

love you, you can't really believe that.

It's not guaranteed. If they find someone

better, then they'll leave you, they'll

betray you, they'll stab you in the back

like it's nothing. I don't really feel

like I believe that there is such thing as

love. I don't feel like I've actually

experienced true love or love ever before.

Even though I've had several relationships

in the past, I've never really felt like

I've been in love with those girls in

those past relationships. The only thing

that motivated me to get into those

relationships in the first place was

because I wanted to have sex. And I think

one of the reasons why I cheat on my

partner sometimes is because I would

rather be the one who cheats on them and

betrays them before they get the chance to

betray me.