Why I'll never get married (again)

Sometimes people ask me if I would ever

get married again, and I think the simple

answer is probably not.

I don't really see the point of getting

married in the first place unless there's

some kind of benefit you get out of it.

And the only benefit I'd really want out

of a marriage is if I needed a visa to

live in the country of my girlfriend, or

if I had a girlfriend and I wanted her to

move to my country and she's from another

country.

If we're from the same country or she

already has a visa or I already have a

visa, then I don't really see the point of

legally binding yourself to some kind of

contract that is only going to de-benefit

you in the long run, really.

Divorce rates are something like 50%, so

the failure rate of marriage is extremely

high.

And yet people just blindly go into

marriages without even considering the

fact that the majority of marriages aren't

even happy marriages, and at least half of

them fail and end up in divorce with at

least one of them cheating.

So I was married in Japan for about 2

years, and as you know, the relationship

didn't really work out.

And the relationship dragged on longer

than I really wanted it to, mainly because

I was married and it was kind of, it makes

it harder to separate and break up if

you're married because now you have 2

things.

You've got the social stigma, like social

pressure of people expecting you to stay

together 'cause you've announced to the

world that you've gotten married.

So it's kind of embarrassing to then have

to backtrack on that and then say, oh,

we're getting divorced now.

It looks bad to be called a divorcee.

And a lot of people would just stay with a

partner that they're married to, even if

they're not happy, just because they've

announced to their entire social network,

their family and friends that they've

gotten married.

They've had this big wedding.

Everyone's been invited.

So now there's social pressure for them to

stay together, otherwise it looks bad that

you're now breaking up.

And added to the social pressure, there's

also legal pressure, because it's harder

to separate from someone if you're now

bound legally to them.

If— especially if you've bought things

together like a house or a car or

something expensive, now you need to get

lawyers and legal advice to be able to

separate things fairly and evenly.

So that's not cheap if you've bought stuff

together.

Luckily, in my case, I didn't really buy

anything with my ex-wife, and we just got

divorced by signing a paper.

Actually, I didn't sign anything because I

wasn't even in the country anymore.

I had already fled to South Korea and I

was meeting women straight away.

And she just went to the town office, the

town hall, got the divorce paper thing,

signed it herself, and I guess we're

divorced.

I don't know if we're actually divorced or

not, or if that paper is just a load of

rubbish.

Technically, we could still be married and

that piece of paper didn't really mean

anything.

I thought 2 people had to agree to getting

divorced for the divorce to actually

happen.

It would be funny if I was still married

to her this whole time and I just thought

I was divorced.

I guess it

really matter.

It just kind of shows how meaningless

marriage is.

And basically what marriage is, it's like

a long-term investment.

You're basically signing on the dotted

line to legally bind yourself to this

contract for ideally— well, you're

supposed to be doing it until the end of

your life.

And you're basically attaching yourself,

legally attaching yourself, to one of the

most volatile things in this world, which

is a woman.

And I can talk from firsthand experience

that women are probably the The hardest

thing to predict.

They're so unpredictable.

They are completely run off emotional

feelings, and one minute they can be

completely head over heels for you.

They love everything about you.

They think you're amazing.

They're putting in all this effort, so

they're doing things to make you happy.

And then within a year, all that can

change.

They start nagging you about everything.

They're calling you the shittest boyfriend

in the world.

They're complaining.

They're swearing at you.

And worst of all, they start trying to

stop you from doing the things that you

love doing, not because they care about

you, but because they only care about

themselves and it benefits them in some

way if they get you to stop doing the

thing that you enjoy doing that benefits

them in a way.

And the main problem with people is not

just women but men as well, is that people

change over time.

Everyone changes in some way.

Some people change more than others.

Usually the older you are, the less likely

it is you're going to change.

Younger you are, it's more likely you

might change along the way in your life.

So if you hitch your wagon to a younger

woman, it's more likely she's going to

have some kind of massive change because

she's still young.

But if you get married to an older woman,

yeah, it's, it's more stable and less

volatile.

So I guess you gotta pick your poison.

So personally, I would be kind of scared

to get married again, mainly because I

feel a bit burned recently because I

thought someone really liked me and I

thought they were great, and then for some

reason they just completely changed

personality-wise.

And also they wanted different things in

life than I wanted when I thought we were

more aligned in the beginning.

So I'd find it extremely— I mean, imagine

if I married that person and then I'm like

stuck with her and now I've got to try and

separate and go through a legal process

And if we lived together, it would have

been an even bigger nightmare.

So it is a good thing that relationships

fail within the first year or two before

you get to the stage of accidentally

thinking it was a good idea to get

married, because that would just be a

nightmare.

So ideally, I don't really want to get

married again.

And if I could, I'd rather date someone

who already has a visa to live in my

country.

If they don't and I end up dating someone

who's from another country, it would be

better.

I think it'd be better if they found

another way to live in the country, like

they could get a student visa or they

could get a work visa and then they could

try living here for a few years and we see

how the relationship goes.

But I really wouldn't want to jump into a

marriage within a couple months just

because we desperately want to be

together.

Because in the honeymoon phase, everything

seems perfect, everything seems great, and

you think— it's so scary and so upsetting,

the idea of not being with each other

anymore when you're in that honeymoon

phase.

And people do crazy stuff like actually

getting married after only dating each

other for a few months, which is basically

what I did.

I think a better idea would have been if

me and my ex-wife would have dated for at

a year, or at least half a year, or even 2

years is really better than jumping

straight into the marriage after only

dating for— I think we only dated for like

2 or 3 months before agreeing to getting

married, which was just so silly because

all it would have taken would be probably

another year of dating to realize that I

don't really want to be stuck with this

woman forever.

There's plenty more fish in the sea.

And, you know, I was young, I had money, I

didn't really feel like I wanted to get

tied down in a relationship with this

woman and live this boring lifestyle in

Japan when I felt like my adventure in

life had just began and I just started to

get going.

And it didn't really feel like I wanted— I

didn't really feel like I wanted to be

weighed down, anchored down yet in that—

at that stage of my life, I wasn't really

ready for the marriage, to be honest.

Oh,

oh, interesting.

It's like a slinky.

Look at that, that looks cool.

Rub it, make it bigger.

Mm, lovely tuna.

Your new flashlight.

It's 100% safe, trust me.

I put this in the bin.

Oh dear, that did not work.

I thought it was gonna cut.

Oh, now I've ruined it.

Fuck, put it back together.

Crispy potato with a pasta.