Why I’ll probably be Single for the rest of my Life

Hi, so today I want to talk about being

single and why I'm starting to lose hope

in my goal of finding the perfect

girlfriend. I started my journey to find

the perfect girlfriend about 14 years ago.

I was about the age of 18 when I started

to lose interest in online gaming and

World of Warcraft, and my interest started

turning towards girls and Japanese girls

in particular, and just the idea of

finding a soulmate, someone to get

together with and really connect with and

hopefully spend the rest of my life with.

It's been 14 years since I embarked on

that journey, and as of right now, I'm 32

and I'm still single. Still haven't found

my perfect girlfriend yet. And even though

I've had plenty of relationships in the

past, I even got married, and I have had

plenty of hookups and stuff like that, I

haven't really been able to use these

experiences to help me achieve my goal of

finding the perfect girlfriend. In fact,

I've never felt like the goal of finding

the perfect girlfriend has ever been as

out of reach as I feel like it's been in

my entire life. I've always been kind of

optimistic about finding the perfect

person, but right now I feel like I'm at

rock bottom where I'm feeling very

pessimistic, feeling very negative. I'm

feeling that the chances of finding this

girl as I'm getting older, as my time on

this planet is running out, I'm starting

to feel like the goal of finding this

perfect girlfriend is just getting less

and less likely. And here's a few reasons

why I feel like this. So I, I still feel

confident that I'll be able to meet a

girl. I still get matches on Tinder. My

pictures, even with recent pictures that

show my current physical status, I'm still

getting matches on Tinder and I'm still

able to arrange dates and get women to

talk to me and get them to be interested

in me. This isn't really the main problem.

The main problem is, number one, it's

forcing myself to show interest in them,

when, to be honest, I don't really find

other people that interesting. It's really

difficult to get a girl to like you when

you don't do a very good job at convincing

her that you're interested in her for more

than just physical things. And don't get

me wrong, I would like a relationship for

more than just physical things. I want an

emotional connection. I want someone who I

enjoy being around. I want someone who I

don't want to kick out of the bedroom

straight away after you know what. And In

order to achieve this, you kind of have to

get the girl to think that you're

interested in her, even if you may not be

in the beginning. In the beginning, you

may only be interested in her physical

appearance, and then I feel like the

interest in her personality and whether

you like her emotionally, well, that kind

of comes afterwards. And the reason

why dating I didn't used to be so bad at

dating. I used to be able to put more

effort and energy into dating and doing

the whole caring guy act. But as I've

gotten older and I've had negative

experiences that have kind of jaded me and

made me a bit pessimistic, I'm starting to

feel more and more fed up with having to

do this act of pretending to be interested

and ask lots of questions. You kind of

have to ask questions if you're chatting

to someone on Tinder. Otherwise, they—

most of the time, girls don't message you

and ask you loads of questions. You've got

to be the one, as the man, you've got to

be the one asking the questions and

leading the conversation. And that's

always something I found very difficult to

do because it's just not what interests

me. I find it very mundane having to ask

things like, what do you do for a living?

Where do you live? Is it nice there? Um,

what else do you ask? Do you like

traveling? Which countries have you been

to? What's your favorite country? And you

could say, why don't you ask some more

interesting questions? And that's mainly

because I feel a bit scared. I feel a bit

worried that if I ask weird questions or I

push it too far with being flirty, then

they might think I'm a massive creep.

They might think, who's this guy flirting

with me? I've only known him for like 20

minutes and he's already asking if we can

meet up. That's kind of weird. I don't

want to scare them off. So chatting to a

girl is kind of like this balancing act of

trying to appear normal but not being too

boring, but then also showing that you're

kind of interested but not coming across

as a massive weirdo and a creep.

Something that I've found very difficult

to do. Okay, so let's say for example we

go on a date. I've done a good job asking

her questions and showing that I'm

interested, and somehow she likes me.

So we've gone on several dates now and she

decides that she does like me enough want

to be with me, then great, mission

accomplished, you've got a girlfriend.

Well, how long is it going to last? And

this is another thing I'm worried about,

and that is the way that I make money.

Obviously, one of the main things a girl

is going to want to know about you is what

do you do for a living? How do you make

your money? What do you do for your job?

And if you know me, then you'll know that

I kind of have strange ways of making

money. Number one, I make these whiny

videos on YouTube, and then I also do

OnlyFans, and then I also do livestreaming

where I have this well-known reputation of

just moaning and bitching about people all

the time, especially saying mean things

about girls who I've had cheesecake with,

who I thought or who I felt kind of

wronged me. And if any girl sees that,

they're going to be instantly put off

because they'll think, oh no, what if

Daniel says these things about me? Then

I'll be really hurt. Better stay away from

him. So one of my biggest worries is,

I guess I have 2 options. I either be

upfront and I just say, um, by the way,

this is what I do for a living, and then I

show her my channel, and then she looks at

all my videos and Googles me or whatever

and finds out a bunch of strange stuff

that would probably make her run away. Or

I try and keep it a secret, which is what

I tried to do with my marriage. I tried to

keep my YouTube channel a secret And that

didn't really work out. My ex-wife ended

up Googling me, and then she found my

YouTube channel, and she nearly broke up

with me on the spot. And I'm kind of

worried the same thing's going to happen.

The problem is comparing myself and my

internet history now compared to 2017 is a

very different thing. 4 years have passed,

and I've kind of aired my dirty laundry

all over the place. Since the time— over

the period of 4 years, I have pretty much

destroyed my reputation and self-image

even more than I had back in 2017.

So if the same scenario repeats itself and

I find a girlfriend and she finds my

channel, there's even more weird stuff

about me that's now on the internet and

now on my channel, plus my OnlyFans,

which is really, really weird. I don't

think a lot of women going to be wanting

to be in a serious relationship with a guy

who does OnlyFans. It's kind of

embarrassing. It's kind of depending on

your outlook on life and the way you

think. Maybe you think it's shameful or

kind of degraded, degrading, and you

wouldn't want to be with someone who does

that because it's embarrassing for you.

So either option doesn't really sound very

well. Either I be honest and I risk losing

the girl that I've finally managed to make

into my girlfriend. I risk losing her if

she checks out my channel and decides that

it's not for her, or I have to lie and

try and keep it a secret and just say,

oh, I do some translating work and I do

some freelance artwork, and maybe she'll

just be fine with that and she'll say,

oh, that's cool, she won't really dig into

it. But then you never know, eventually

she might find out that I do this stuff on

the internet for money And she could

either be upset about it and dump me and

be really surprised and maybe disgusted,

or she might be completely okay with it,

which sounds kind of unlikely. There's

also a lot of other risks. There's no

guarantee that I can keep this all a

secret, even if she doesn't speak English

and she has no idea about things like

YouTube, or she doesn't even know how to

do basic things like Googling someone's

name, or even if I gave her a fake name.

Which sounds like a good idea. I might

have to write that down. Even if I gave

her a fake name, there's still risk. Now,

even though I'm not extremely famous, a

couple million people have seen me, do

recognize me, and would probably notice me

on the street. I don't know if they would

bother me if I was walking around, but

there's always this possibility. There's

always this chance that if I tell everyone

on my channel that I'm with this girl and

she doesn't know about my YouTube stuff,

there's a possibility that someone who's

not very nice spots us outside in public

and then decides to spill the beans right

there on the spot. I don't know what kind

of person would do that or be able to do

that, but it's always in the back of my

mind, and it's something I was worrying

about back in 2017 before I got married.

I always got worried that Some weirdo who

watches my channel would spot me and

Chihiro out in public and then just tell

her, did you know Daniel does this? And

this is his YouTube, and this is what he's

been saying about you. So I quickly did a

big cleanup and deleted loads of videos

around 2017 December.

I started to get a bit worried about the

possibility of her finding it, and that's

why so many of my videos got removed. So

that's why I kind of feel more pessimistic

than I used to. I feel like my chances of

getting a decent relationship have lowered

quite a lot. Number one, I'm older. I'm

not as attractive as I used to be. I'm not

as energetic as I used to be. I've had a

lot of negative experiences in the past

few years which have made me bitter and

made me seem a bit hateful and jaded,

which is not attractive. And I've also

started doing things that will repel women

even more, like OnlyFans. OnlyFans just

really hurts your reputation when it comes

to the dating scene. A lot of people are

not okay with it. So I either have to be

really good at keeping it all a secret,

which eventually it just seems completely

unlikely that I'll be able to keep it a

secret forever. Eventually she'll find

out. And the second option would be I have

to find someone who's okay with it and

doesn't mind that I do OnlyFans, doesn't

mind that I make these weird videos,

doesn't mind that I've got a bit of a bad

reputation online and I've done some shady

things in the past. And maybe there are

women out there who would be fine with it,

but it makes me ask the question, would I

really want to be with those types of

women? I mean, what kind of— how messed up

would will the woman have to be to want to

be with me after knowing all this? She'll

have to be on the same levels of messed up

as me. And to be honest, I don't really

want to date someone who's like me. If you

had like a female cloned version of me

personality, of my personality, I don't

think I'd want to date myself. Maybe on

the physical level, yeah, I would do

myself every night, but I wouldn't really

want to be in a relationship with someone

who's like me. I don't know, actually I

take that back. No, wait, maybe I wouldn't

mind dating a girl who's also a streamer

and a vlogger and does OnlyFans, but I'd

be worried about other things like her

mental stability, her mental health,

whether she's crazy or not. The fact of

her just doing OnlyFans doesn't really

bother me. It's the other things, the

underlying problems that could be existing

there. So yeah, that's my thoughts on

this topic. I am getting a bit worried

that the chances of me finding

another good relationship are just

becoming less and less likely. I mean,

I've had plenty of chances in the past.

I've had a few couple good girlfriends,

and I kind of blew my chances with them

multiple times, even though they gave me

lots of chances. Ethan forgave me for

cheating, I still blew it. So it's not

like I haven't had chances, and I just

feel like I'm running out of energy here.

I don't know if I can keep this up, and I

really don't want to have to become like

some kind of weirdo single guy who can't

get a good partner and just relies on

paying for cheesecake. That's just a bit