First day back in Japan [Go2135vh2So]

He just knocked my wheelie bin down. The

Amazon delivery guy, he was driving out.

I saw him knock it down. Oh, he's knocking

them down again. Look, why can't

he drive properly? My last day in

England. Just wanted to have a look around

before I leave tomorrow. This whole year

feels like it's been one giant nightmare.

Oh, when will it end? I have my last lunch

prepared, bacon and eggs. There's no bread

because it all went mouldy. This room is

the saddest room in the entire house.

It's the only room that's unfinished. As

you can see, it's yellow and purple.

My granddad thought it would be a good

colour scheme, yellow and purple. It's

just kind of sad because my dad would have

wanted to finish this room. All of the

other rooms are pretty much completed now.

And here we have lots of photographs,

pictures of the house. Oh look,

it's my grandmother. Oh look, there's a

picture of us bowling. That's me looking

not very impressed. It's Peepee, our old

cat. She used to be my granddad's cat.

That's me sitting on the roof. All our

cats. That's Peepee, Tiggs, and Toffee.

They're all gone now. But it's me, my

sister, my dad on some kind of boat.

That's my dad and my grandmother. They're

both gone now. Ah, photographs are so

depressing to look at.

Guess who's in his new Airbnb in

Japan? It's quite nice.

Yeah, seems clean and

tidy. It's not too small.

Nice little Japanese-style room here.

Hmm, so this is my new home for the next

month. Interesting. I just had a little

bit of a panic. I thought there was no hot

water because I turned on the hot water

tap and only cold water was coming out.

And then I realized you have to press this

button and then turn on the water heating

thing. I didn't have a very good flight.

I was sitting next to this stupid old guy,

and for some reason he was really big. He

wasn't fat, he was just very big and wide,

and he kept manspreading. You know, when

men sit down and they spread their legs

like this, which I absolutely hate. I hate

it when men sit like that. And then his

knees kept spilling out into my

territory, and then his knees kept bumping

into my knees, and then his legs kept

touching my legs. I don't understand why

some men do this manspreading thing. I

don't think anyone's buttocks are that big

enough where you have to sit like, like

this, like you're about to squeeze out a

baby. Is it really that difficult to sit

like this with your legs together? Look,

I can even sit like this cross-legged and

there's no discomfort or pain at all, and

I have bollocks as well. Why do some men

have to sit like this? So I had to spend

the entire flight rubbing my knees against

this old Japanese guy's knees, or trying

to avoid his knees, because if I just left

my leg there, he would just put his legs

spread out with it touching my leg, and he

didn't seem to be bothered at all. About

our legs touching each other. He kept

doing it with his elbows as well. He kept

putting his arm onto my armrest and then

spilling out into my territory. He kept

putting his arm up against my arm so we

were shoulder to shoulder, and if I didn't

move my arm, then our arms would just be

touching the whole time. It was like he

didn't care if we were touching each other

physically or not. How could you not care?

I don't really want to be in physical

contact with another person unless it's a

cute girl. And then he kept falling asleep

and then flopping over onto my shoulder,

and I had to move suddenly like this to

wake him up and get him to get off. And

then to make matters worse, he, he smelt

like farts. I kept smelling this fart

smell coming from him now and then. It was

gross. And then I couldn't go to the

toilet because he was sleeping the whole

time. I didn't want to wake him up, so I

was sitting there cross-legged the whole

time trying not to wet myself. Waiting for

him to get up and go to the toilet, which

he never did until about 8 hours into the

flight. So he must have a gigantic

bladder. And he was drinking loads. He had

2 cans of beer, a cup of coffee, he was

drinking water and juice, and he didn't

even need to go to the toilet until 8

hours into the flight. And I was sitting

there after only drinking 1 can of beer

and I was bursting to go. Complete

nightmare. I think in the future, always

go for the aisle seat. Never go for the

window seats, because if you go for the

window seat, you end up getting trapped.

If you go for the aisle seat, then at

least you have the freedom to get up and

go to the toilet whenever you want to.

Anyway, the nightmare flight is over. I

hate flying so much. Maybe I'll just get

business class next time. So enough

complaining about that old guy. This is my

new Airbnb. It's really nice.

I like it. I like this Japanese tatami

room very much. The tick-tocking

noise is a bit irritating, to be honest.

Might take the batteries out. There's a

light up there and I keep hitting my head

on that light switch, which is also a

little bit annoying. I wasn't sure if I

wanted to show you the inside of the

Airbnb because I was a bit worried that I

might dox myself again, but I think it

should be fine as long as I don't show

outside of the windows or outside of the

building. Um, hopefully I won't dox

myself. It's a little bit strange sleeping

on the floor, but I guess this is the

Japanese way of sleeping, the traditional

way, sleeping on the floor. It's quite,

quite cozy, I guess. I guess I

can give you a proper tour now I'm not

naked anymore and I can stand in front of

the mirrors. So this is the shower bath

area. It's weird, in Japan, every

apartment in Japan has this exact same

kind of Decoration.

Look, they have these plastic bathtubs,

and every, every apartment in Japan I've

been in, they've had these exact same

taps, exact same shower head, exact same

little plastic trays, exact same little

plastic shelving around the sink area.

And there's a little toilet in here. It's

quite a nice toilet. It has lots of

controls. And you get quite a lot of

furniture in the Airbnb. It's fully

furbished— furnished. You get a microwave,

a kettle, MSI gaming laptop. No, no, I'm

just kidding, that's mine. There's a

cooker, sink. There's lots of things in

the cupboards. Frying pans, pots,

knives, hair dryer. No food,

but there's water. I keep trying to

picture myself living here. I think it

would be alright if I lived here. It's not

too small, it's quite nice. Everyone else

in this building lives here. I don't think

all of the rooms in this building are

Airbnbs. Yeah, I can see myself coming

home from a hard day's work, cooking

myself some dinner in the kitchen, eating

it here, playing some Rainbow Six, and

then coming over into the living/bedroom,

watching some TV, and then going to bed.

It could be quite a nice little cozy

lifestyle.

Okay, it's been a few hours and I'm

starting to wonder why I came here. I'm

getting that feeling. I always get this

feeling on the first day when I come to

Japan. Why am I here? What am I doing?

Why did I come here? The same questions

keep repeating over and over in my mind.

What the hell am I doing here? I miss

my home. I miss Mimo. I miss my mum.

I didn't think I'd feel like this. I

thought I'd come to Japan and everything

would be great and everything would be new

and exciting.

Oh, I don't know why, but I just

feel like coming here was a bit of a

mistake. I had a nice home in England,

nice room, had everything I wanted,

everything I needed. Big garden, cats,

rabbits. Now I've just got a tiny little

Airbnb and it smells like feet

and I'm all alone and my wife's not

replying to my messages. Look, I said I'm

in Japan now at 5 PM, now it's 5:20 PM.

PM. She hasn't replied. Or, I thought I

wanted cereal, but then I'm starting to

realize that meaningless cereal isn't all

it's cracked up to be, and maybe having

stability is better than 20 minutes of

fun. I don't have any food either.

All I have are these crunchy things I got

at the airport.

Quite good, very crunchy.

Well, I guess I should go shopping. I need

to get food, I need to get groceries, I

need to get moisturizing cream.

What else do I need? I just finished

messaging my wife and she said she

finishes work at 7, but she's busy doing

something until 9, so we're going to meet

at 9. I'm not sure what she's doing until

9. I asked her, but she wouldn't tell me.

So it's 7:05 now. We've got some time to

kill. Back here again in

Osaka. Where is she? Why did she go to

Namba until 9 o'clock? What could she

possibly be doing there?

And why won't she tell me what she's

doing? Why is— why is it such a big

secret?

What you doing, Mimo? What you doing,