My EX is ignoring me!

Hey, so this is a bit of a follow-up video

from last night's video. Um, not really

surprising, but I didn't get a reply from

her. Uh, she did read the email

I sent because on the website there's like

an envelope picture, and if she's read

the, the message, then the envelope is

opened, and if it's closed, it means they

haven't read the message. Well, the

envelope was open, so Yeah, she read it

and she also visited my profile. There's

actually a menu that shows you all the

people who have viewed your profile and

her name was on it. So she read my message

and she saw my profile. So she knows who I

was, she knows who I am, and she didn't—

she decided not to reply. Didn't really

come to much of a surprise. I wasn't

expecting that she would reply, but At the

same time, I can't really help but not

feel disappointed. I guess some part of me

was hoping that she would reply. I

wouldn't know what she would say though.

I don't know. What was I expecting? What

would I expect her to say? Maybe something

like, that's okay, it was a long time ago.

How have you been? That would be weird.

That's— this is the reason why it's not

really a good idea to contact your exes,

especially after such a long time,

because it's just really awkward and the

other person probably doesn't even want to

reply in the first place. It was just such

a funny coincidence that I managed to find

her profile on the whole website. I just

couldn't not send her a message. I

couldn't resist the temptation and That

was the result. Not really surprising, I

guess. Disappointing, yes, but not

surprising.

I feel like this— like the last few weeks

have been very disappointing. A lot of

people have just kind of disappeared from

my life. Like there was this person I used

to watch on YouTube, um,

They had a few videos, like vlogs,

and they also had a blog post on Tumblr

which I was reading. And then just all of

a sudden, it all just disappeared. The

YouTube channel disappeared. It got

deleted, I guess. It was closed down. The

Tumblr blog post was also deleted. Every

time I try and go onto the link that links

to it, it just says There's no content

here. Nothing's been found. So I'm

guessing that person just decided to

completely erase everything, which is

really disappointing. And then that person

that I was chatting to daily,

they just suddenly disappeared without a

word. I have no idea why.

Also, a lot of people have been

unsubscribing recently. I'm not sure why.

Maybe it's because of that video I made a

few— was it last week? But it

does hurt when you see the subscriber

number go down. It feels like they don't

care about you and they're just

unsubscribing. I've gained about 55

subscribers over the last 28 days,

and I've lost maybe 38, so 38

people subscribed and then unsubscribed.

It's not a good feeling. I know it's kind

of pointless to keep checking that number,

it doesn't really mean anything, but if

you do YouTube, you end up starting to

check— you end up checking the analytics

every day, analyzing every number, the

views, the watch time, the subscribers,

and when it's going down It makes

you kind of feel like, what's the point in

doing this if people aren't enjoying it or

if they aren't really interested? But then

I have to remember that,

that isn't really why I'm doing this.

Sometimes I ask myself, why am I making

videos? I don't even know sometimes. Just

because If I don't make one,

it feels like I'm fading,

fading to, to keep to something that I

really wanted to keep to. You're purring

so loudly. I don't know if you can hear

Sometimes I feel like this cat is like a

dog. Usually cats don't come and sit on

your lap, do they? I don't know. I guess

some do, but my other cat, she's— she

really hates being around people. She's

always outside or on her own. She doesn't

really sit by people apart from my dad.

She always sits by my dad for some reason,

but she doesn't sit— she doesn't pay

attention to me or my mum. But this cat,

he just sits on anyone or anything. He

doesn't care.

I know, I know, you shouldn't get caught

up thinking about subscribers, amount of

subscribers, if you're growing

or if you're shrinking. None of that

really matters. You should do it because

you enjoy doing it, not because you enjoy

getting subscribers. If you enjoy doing

it, then it doesn't really matter how many

subscribers there are, then you should

just do it anyway. If you're only doing it

because you want to get subscribers, then

I kind of feel like you should just

stop doing it if that's your only

motivation. Getting more subscribers and

having the channel grow isn't really— I

wouldn't say it's the main motivation,

but it is a nice thing to have happen,

and it does feel a bit depressing when it

doesn't happen, when it's going down.

I guess the main motivation would be,

um, learning how to speak more

naturally and gaining more

confidence in myself. That's the main

reason why I started doing YouTube. Not to

get subscribers.

Look at him, he's sleeping on my iPad.

Doesn't look very comfy, does it?

Does it?

Sunday, this Sunday, we have the Christmas

party to go to. I ended up deciding to

go to it because I don't really have an

excuse not to go, and I guess I would

rather go to the Christmas party than have

to spend a few hours extra at work with

the Nepal guy. I mean, what's the worst

that could happen? I'm not really sure

what to expect. Is it gonna— is it going

to be like we all sit down and have a meal

and have like a nice relaxed drink, or is

it gonna be like completely crazy?

Clubbing music, that everyone drinking

loads and dancing and laughing like

crazy maniacs, and then drinking

too much and vomiting everywhere. I'm

starting to think that it's going to be

the latter because a lot of the people—

well, a few of the people that work at my

place, at my petrol station, they're a bit

like loud people who enjoy drinking and

Talking a lot. They're not like the calm,

quiet, reserved type. I guess some are.

I'm not sure. I just don't know what to

expect. Anyway, I thought it'd be

interesting. Maybe something interesting

will happen at the party and I can make a

video about it. Maybe it'll be really

horrible and then I can make a really

depressing video about it. Either way,

it should give me an interesting story.

Oh, and on Boxing Day, we're going to see

Star Wars, the new one, Rogue One. Just

me, my sister, and her boyfriend. Last

year we went to see Episode 8 with my

parents as well, but my dad hates Star

Wars. He hates, like, sci-fi movies and

fantasy movies. He just sits there moaning

the whole time, like, oh, this is a load

of rubbish. Why are they using laser

swords when they have guns? This doesn't

make sense. Even though they have this

amazing technology, why are they still

just fighting each other? Like, he doesn't

enjoy any of it. He just thinks that it's

a load of stupid stuff with explosions and

special effects, but he doesn't understand

how interesting the story can be

if you, um, take the time to learn a bit

about the whole Star Wars universe and the

characters. It's kind of like going to a

football game with someone who hates

football. It's just really depressing.

They're just like sapping the fun out of

it. So I am glad that he's decided not to

come along this time. And my mum's equally

annoying because she doesn't understand a

thing that's going on. And she just ends

up talking the whole time in the cinema.

She's like, who's that? What's going on?

What's happening now? And I'm just like,

oh my God, can you shut up so we can watch

the film? It's so embarrassing. Because

everyone can hear her. So I am looking

forward to that. I do. I really like Star

Wars. I'm not like a huge nerd who knows

everything about the story and all the

characters, but I do really like it.

I grew up with it. It's always like been

there during my childhood. I've always

played Star Wars video games, and I played

Star Wars Galaxies, which was a really big

part of my teenage years. So I really do

like the Star Wars franchise, apart from

the prequels, which are just terrible.

Episode 2 and 3 weren't too bad. Episode 1

was terrible. Just so many irritating,

cringey characters like Jar Jar Binks and

Anakin and all that rubbish. I just

wish that the whole Star Wars franchise

would move away from being like a

children's show. And being child-friendly.

I wish it would go more towards like a

gritty, darker— maybe

something like Game of Thrones, you know,

just more gore, darker themes. And I feel

like that's where it's heading,

especially with Rogue One. There's like a

darker tone to it. It would just—

it would be amazing if they just had some

blood in it. I really want blood in Star

Wars for some reason. It would just make

it feel more realistic. But I guess with

laser weapons, laser-based weapons,

you're not really gonna get much blood

because it just burns the wound,

cauterizes it, and it would just seal up

the wound, wouldn't it? Because it's so

intensely hot, the laser. There wouldn't

be any blood coming out, which is kind of

disappointing. It's actually 2 AM

in the morning right now. It's my day off,

or my night off, my second night off,

which is why I'm trying to keep my voice

down. So I'm trying not to wake up my

parents. It's kind of boring.

I know it's my night off and I'm supposed

to be relaxing, but I have to stay up all

night because if I go to sleep during the

night, then I can't sleep during the day,

and then I'm going to be really sleepy the

next night when I have to work. So even on

my nights off, I have to stay up all

night. I have to keep to my sleep

schedule, my sleep pattern.

I have a really good pattern going on

right now, I have to admit. At first it

was tricky adjusting to the night shift,

but I've got it down pretty good. I go to

sleep at 7 AM and I wake up at 3 PM,

so I get 8 hours sleep and I don't feel

tired at all overnight when I'm working,

which is great. When I first started, I

was so tired, um, when it

got to about 2 AM. I was like falling

asleep when there were no customers, and I

was drinking— I had to drink like 2 cups

of coffee, espressos, to try and keep

myself awake. And I was just like, I was

pinching myself so the pain would keep me

alert and awake, but it wasn't really

working. But now I've got it down really

well. I'm waking up nice and late in the

afternoon, which means that I'm active

during the night. And that's the reason

why you haven't seen me make any videos

outside, because by the time I've woken up

and had a shower, it's pitch black

outside. It's because it's winter. When

it's summer, it'll be light outside. We

can go back out there. But for now,

I'm staying inside. It's just kind of

boring because there's no one around. I'm

just up all night on my own, and I can't

be noisy. I can't like play music or

make noise because I have to be

considerate for my parents. Well, my mum's

deaf, so she can't hear, but my dad has

like super sensitive hearing and he

can, he can hear like even if there's like

a mouse squeaking, he could hear it and

it'll wake him up. He's a really light

sleeper. I don't know if he can hear me

now. I'm not sure.

Sound asleep. I guess I could watch The

Walking Dead. I used to be a huge fan of

that show, but season 7 has been a huge

disappointment. It's just been really

boring and slow-paced, and there isn't

really like a really bad villain right

now. There's Negan, and he's supposed to

be like the big bad guy, but I really like

him. He's really likable. He's so charming

and charismatic, and I don't really feel

like he's evil. Like, sure, he's very— his

punishments are harsh, but I feel like

they're fair. There are rules, and if you

break the rules, you get punished. It's

not like he's just beating people up and

torturing them for no good reason. He

doesn't seem like psychotic. He seems very

reasonable, and he's funny.

He cracks jokes all the time. He's not

super serious. That's the problem with

Rick and Daryl and all them. They're so

serious all the time. When was the last

time they ever cracked a joke or laughed?

And Rick has just gotten more and more

boring as the show has gone on. He's just

become so serious and Like,

like they're all too serious. And then

Negan comes along, he's like all chuckling

and laughing and charismatic, and I just,

I can't hate him even though he killed

Glenn, which is kind of disappointing

because Glenn was one of my favorite

characters. But even then, I still,

I don't hate him. And if a character is

supposed to be the villain and you don't

hate the villain, then He kind of fails as

a villain, doesn't he? And all the good

characters are just dying. I really miss

all the old characters like Shane and

Merle and what's his name?

What was the old man's name? Not Hershel.

I miss Hershel as well. Dale. Dale.

That's the one. Dale and Glenn.

And I don't know, the new characters are

fine. But they're just not as interesting.

I don't feel like I care about them. So

they could die and I'd just be like, oh,

they died. I don't really care. And that's

the problem. They just kill off the

interesting characters and then the show

gets more and more boring and the new

characters aren't as interesting as the

old ones and you just start to lose

interest. Anyway, I think that should do

it for today's video. I'm going to watch

The Grand Tour and The Walking Dead and

then play Battlefield 1 until, until 7 AM

in the morning. Then I'm going to bed,

and then I'm gonna repeat it. One day

ends, another day begins. It's just like

the same shit, just a different day, over

and over again. When's life gonna

become interesting? I don't know.