How I Ruined my Ex Wife's Life

So it's been about 4 years now since I met

my ex-wife and the tragic events of our

marriage unfolded. And I thought I would

just talk a bit about how in the beginning

of the relationship, things were pretty

good up until the day that she found out

that I'm a famous YouTuber. And now that

I've grown and matured as a person quite a

lot since then, when I look back at my old

livestreams and my older videos and I look

back at the things I used to say in

videos, back then in the beginning of the

relationship between me and my ex-wife, I

kind of cringe and I feel kind of

embarrassed at the things I used to say.

And in the beginning of the relationship,

yeah, things were pretty good. We didn't

really have any big arguments. There

weren't really any major problems. We

lived together for maybe a month or 2

without any problems, and I was pretty

happy. She was pretty happy. And it wasn't

until she found out that I was, you know,

a YouTuber and a streamer and I was on

Twitch. She kind of found out about my

online personality, my alter ego, if you

will. And she was pretty shocked at that.

And I think a lot of people would come to

the same conclusion if they met me. They

probably think, yeah, in real life I'm a

pretty normal, nice person, a bit shy, a

bit quiet, a bit reserved. Maybe a bit,

you know, guarded. And then they see my

online personality, my livestreams, when

I'm like on videos, and it's like a

completely different person. And I guess I

can't really blame her for being shocked

and upset when she found out that I was

talking about her and talking about almost

every single little thing and little

detail that happened between us on my

YouTube channel. Even, even after we had

our very first date, the The very next day

I made a video about it, and in the video,

which I have set to private now, I went

into every single little detail about her

and about the date and what happened and

what happened afterwards. And I look back

at stuff like that and I just think to

myself, wow, I can't believe I overshared

so many little details about just meeting

someone for the very first time. Maybe

you've noticed, but recently I don't

really go into huge amounts of detail.

When I meet people anymore because I think

that I've grown and matured since, since I

used to do that. And I learned that it's

not a great idea to be doing stuff like

that and to be sharing so much. So I have

met a few people recently and if you watch

my livestreams, you'll hear me talking

about it. And the most I'll say is, yeah,

I met this person, we went for coffee, we

went to a bar, it was really nice. And

then I don't go into every single little

detail. That's because I've matured as a

person now. And I'm just trying to think

why at the time I didn't realize that this

was not a good idea. This was not a good

thing to be doing. And I think it's just

because I never really knew what it felt

like for people to be interested in me or

be interested in what I have to say. I

always felt kind of ignored, you know, at

school I was always kind of like the

invisible kid that sat at the back of the

classroom. No one really cared about me.

And I just felt like I was invisible and I

didn't exist. And then I found out that I

could make videos talking about things I'm

excited about and yeah, going on dates,

meeting new women, going to Japan and

stuff like that. That's what excited me

and that's what I enjoyed to talk about.

And a lot of people found the stories I

was telling interesting and it just put

on loads of pressure onto me to want to

keep on telling everyone about this

interesting stuff because I felt like I

was, I was building an audience and I

had to keep them entertained and keep

telling them interesting things, even if

that meant sacrificing someone's private

details and personal details. And even

after we had big arguments and had falling

outs and had fights, I would make a video

about every single argument, every single

fight. And the views were just amazing.

You know, I'd get 50K, 100K. I know this

sounds really silly, but it actually got

to a point where I, I even wanted fights

to happen. I would do stupid things to try

and start a fight, to try and trigger a

fight that would turn into some kind

of juicy gossip or juicy drama that I

could make into a video. And when bad

things happen, I thought, well, this kind

of sucks that this bad thing happened,

but But on the bright side, I've got a new

video idea. And when things were going

well between us, when things were peaceful

and there weren't any fights and there was

no arguing, I felt, I felt bored.

I felt kind of depressed as well. It was

like my brain was rewired to get enjoyment

and excitement from the process of

fighting and having arguments and that

kind of negative, toxic feeling. My brain

was was kind of getting pleasure out of

it. It was really weird. Like my my whole

personality and brain chemicals were

starting to rebalance and change after

experiencing what it's like to get a lot

of views off of off of drama and

negativity. It's really unhealthy, and you

see this a lot all over YouTube. There's

so many different content creators that

basically destroyed themselves and their

reputations and their channels because of

this desperateness to chase the views.

Views at any cost, no matter what the

cost. There was, you know, Nikocado

Avocado is just eating himself into an

early grave at this point because he

wants— because he knows that that's what

people are watching for. You had people

like Onision who would destroy people's

mental health and personal relationships

with everyone around him to, to get some

clicks. And it's just really bad, you

know, this whole addiction to trying to

get views no matter what the cost on

YouTube is. Is a real problem. As someone

who has a real passion for YouTube

and making videos and content creation and

the platform as a whole, it just really

saddens me to see this amazing platform

being abused like this by people who

are too lazy to make proper real content

that takes hard work and effort to make.

Instead, they take the easy way out and

they just go, oh, had a fight with my

girlfriend. Oh, me and my sister broke up,

or whatever nonsense drama they make. And

I don't really know what the solution is.

Maybe we as a society are part to blame

for encouraging this kind of toxic content

because we want entertainment. We want to

be entertained. That's why we're on

YouTube. We want to see a train wreck. We

want to see characters and their lives

getting destroyed. We want to see

repugnant people doing stupid things and

then suffering the consequences. So are

we, the audience, part of the problem, or

does all of the blame fall on the greedy,

lazy content creators? I don't know. And

we can play the blame game all day long.

We can point the fingers at all kinds of

people and all kinds of places. But at the

end of the day, I think we can all agree

that most of the blame really falls on

YouTube, because they keep promoting all

of this negative drama, toxic kind of

content. And when I try and make

productive, nice, neutral content that

doesn't hurt anyone and isn't being

horrible or rude to anyone, then the

YouTube algorithm just doesn't really give

me any help. Maybe if the YouTube

algorithm put more effort into promoting

positive, nice stuff instead of negative

drama and trainwreck stuff, then I

wouldn't have been so, so encouraged and

incentivized to make that kind of stuff in

the first place. Maybe if they just made

my, my normal casual videos get

50, 100K views, then I would have been

more encouraged to make that kind of stuff

instead of, you know, my, my wife kicked

me out and we had an argument and I

cheated and blah, blah, blah. And because

of the stupid YouTube algorithm, Chihiro

was upset and she had a really bad time

and she was very sad. And I'm very sad

because even though I was the one behind

it and creating the stuff in the first

place, I just kind of lost control of

myself and the greed

took over. And like I said earlier,

things between us in the beginning were

fine. We, we had a pretty decent

relationship, I feel. And it's just kind

of unfortunate that things turned out this

way. YouTube just gave me this opportunity

to express this really silly, wacky, I

guess some might say horrible side of

myself, which I would never ever express

to anyone in real life or to even family

members or anyone that I'm close to. And I

think I got a little bit carried away with

being able to share absolutely every

little thought and every little detail.

And I guess I have to tone it down a

little bit. And the saddest part of it is

I could see it coming. I could see it

coming. And still I wasn't able to stop

myself from continuing on that path.

I kept on livestreaming and I kept on

sharing embarrassing things and details to

try and make people laugh and to try and

entertain people. And Yeah, my

expectations, my predictions of what would

happen all came true. And, you know, it

wasn't just the YouTube stuff that was a

problem. I also caused problems between

Chihiro and her family. Her family were

kind of against us getting married

straight from the beginning. Her mum never

showed any interest in meeting me. Her

family kind of thought it was a bad idea

and they were kind of warning her about it

and I guess I kind of

made her choose between me or her family.

And she made this huge sacrifice of going

against what her family was warning her

about and telling her not to do. She chose

me over her own family, and I just kind of

took it for granted. I didn't really

appreciate it. I didn't really, you know,

show how appreciative I was for that. And

that's the scary thing about

relationships. There's, there's risk

involved in relationships. It's kind of

like gambling. People love trying to point

out how investing and buying and trading

stocks is like gambling. But when you

think about it, nearly everything in life

is like gambling, even relationships.

Deciding to get married to someone is

probably going to be the biggest gamble

and investment you'll ever make in your

life. If you've picked someone and you

didn't really pick a good person and you

invest a lot of time and energy and

emotional resources and even money,

you know, some people invest a lot of

money into a relationship. And if things

don't go well and the relationship blows

up and ends, then you've kind of, you've

kind of wasted all that time, energy, and

resources on a relationship that didn't

really get you a good return on your

investment. So are relationships and

marriage, are they gambling as well? Now,

when it comes to the stock market and

investing, people would call you insane if

you put all your money into one stock,

because if that one stock doesn't perform

well, then you're going to lose all your

money. And most people, well, pretty much

everyone has a well-diversified portfolio

of different stocks in different sectors:

energy, consumer staples,

discretionary, growth stocks, value

stocks. And this is why a lot of

relationships and 50% of all marriages end

in divorce is because people are not

stocks. You know, we don't want to be just

one stock. As part of a diversified

portfolio. We want to be the stock, the

number one stock, the only stock that our

partner is invested in. We don't want to

be with a woman who has like 20% invested

in me and then 20% invested in someone

else and then 10% invested in another

person. That's just weird. Which is why

when you're investing for the future, you

want to pick great value stocks that have

a very big moat and a very wide total

addressable market. And if I had to

describe myself as a stock, I would say

I'm probably a hype stock. So I'd have my

peak and then after hitting the peak, I

spectacularly crash down 60, 70% and

never really regain momentum to get back

up to the peak again. So my response to

people who keep going on and on about how

I'm gambling because I buy and trade

stocks Everything in life is gambling.

Choosing to move to a new country and get

a job there is a gamble. Choosing someone

to get married to is a gamble. Choosing

someone to live with is a gamble. When

back in the 1600s, they all decided to

come together and build a massive wooden

ship and send Christopher Columbus over to

the Americas, hoping he would get some

treasure and come back with it. That was

the biggest gamble in the entire history

of man. And that's how basically investing

started, because the cost of building such

a massive frigate and assembling a crew,

sending them halfway across the world,

hoping, speculating that they would get

treasure and bounties and hoping they sail

back safely to bring it all back home.

That was a massive risk. And they spread

the risk out by getting people to invest

into the journey, into the idea, into the

venture of the ship hopefully getting a

massive payload and bring it back home.

And in case the ship sinks, then not one

single person loses their entire

investment. Just a whole load of people

would lose a tiny bit of their investment.

So that's basically how investing started.

So yeah, that's all I had to say. That was

how I ruined my ex-wife's life.

Thanks for listening.