[2021-12-16] Why 2021 was the WORST year of my life... [ktafzqJOAAs]

Hello, welcome back to another end of the

year review video. It's nearly the end of

2021, we only have a few weeks left, and I

thought I'd just talk about what happened

in the whole year, how I felt it went,

what I'm proud of, what I regret, how I

think it could have gone better.

Well, it's not exactly been the best year

in my life. Actually, it's probably been

one of the worst years in my entire life.

It's been the most boring, unmemorable,

forgettable year and very depressing.

Lots of bad stuff happened, so I don't

know where to begin. So in the beginning

of the year, I was actually feeling pretty

good and I was quite happy because I came

back home to England from Rotterdam and I

just was not happy at all living in

Rotterdam or in that relationship with

Mila. Things were just getting worse and

worse between me and her, and I felt kind

of relieved when the whole thing was over

and I got to come home. And then I started

to do really, really well in the stock

market. I was making so much money from

just investing and buying and selling

stocks, and I felt great. I felt like this

is my new calling in my life. This is what

I'm supposed to be doing in my life after,

after YouTube, after my YouTube thing. I

thought my next thing was gonna be

investing. And I was making huge amounts

of money and I finally felt like, oof,

don't have to rely on YouTube anymore just

to be able to make money. I can do this

instead. And that didn't last very long.

It lasted until about mid-February when

the whole bloody stock market kind of

crashed and corrected and the stocks I was

in never rebounded since then.

And even though most of the market has

rebounded and recovered since then, my

portfolio has not. And since February,

I'm still down £10,000+ and

I'm just kind of fed up with it. I'm not

giving up on investing, I'm still going to

have my money in stocks, but now I'm just

kind of shifting to a more long-term

mentality instead of trying to make quick

money, easy quick money in a couple of

weeks, which was what I was used to when I

started getting into the stock market,

that's how it was. You put your money into

anything and it would go up like 20-30% in

a few weeks' time. Unfortunately, those

days are well and truly over, and the

stock market has just kind of gone a bit

boring for me. I guess I was seeing it as—

it was kind of like entertainment for me

at the time, and now that it's not

entertaining anymore because you don't get

these massive gains like I used to, it's

just boring. I've lost interest in stocks

and trading completely. I'm still going to

invest my money, but as a form of

entertainment and something I could feel

excited about. The stock market isn't

really something I jump out of bed excited

for anymore like I used to, which is kind

of sad in a way because I was so excited

to learn about stocks and to feel like I'm

part of, part of this whole thing now.

And it's a bit sad that I don't have that

same excitement or passion for it anymore.

And that's kind of like the theme. The

overall theme for this whole year has

basically been trying to rebuild myself

after what happened last year, after I

felt so put down and punished for

what— for the kind of content I used to

make. Trying to find my passion in making

videos again and being a YouTuber. Been

trying to re-find my old self again since

the stock thing didn't really work out.

And this year I'm really feeling the

consequences of making weird and

distasteful content on YouTube. I never

really believed in things like karma

before, but it does kind of exist, maybe

in not like a magical voodoo way, but it

does kind of exist in the sense that if

you do a bad thing, then there's people

out there who will take it upon themselves

to make sure that you're punished for that

bad action or bad behavior. And also I'm

getting, know, unmatched all the time when

I'm trying to find dates, get matches on

Tinder. They find out about my YouTube

channel, or I stupidly decide to tell them

about my YouTube channel. They check it

out and they're always creeped out and

they unmatch me and they don't want to

meet again. And after falling in love last

year with Mida and then getting dumped

like 3 times by her, which was probably

mainly because— had a lot to do with the,

the weird toxic audience I had attracted

with my weird toxic content. And the,

the negative part of myself that I portray

so heavily on my channel was probably one

of the big reasons that she decided that

she didn't want to be with me. And after

experiencing something like that, it's

really difficult to go back to how you

used to be. Experiences like that really

change you as a person. I think the

experiences that change people the most

are usually the most painful experiences.

It's like they say in the stock market,

everyone's a genius during a bull market,

but then when the market crashes, you

experience real pain, and that's when you

get humbled, and that's when you start to

take things seriously, because no one

wants to experience that same pain again.

So now my brain kind of connects making

toxic negative content to getting

heartbroken, and I would prefer not to

have to experience that again. And that's

one of the main reasons why I feel less

enjoyment now making videos. And for a lot

of this year, I've just been trying to

find something I can feel excited about

again, something I can feel passionate

about again. Unfortunately, I still

haven't found it. And to sum it up,

to sum up this year, this year has just

been really boring and very uneventful,

and I've just Yeah, this year has probably

been the most boring year in my entire

life so far. Ever since 2010, I had such

memorable years. I went to Japan for the

first time, I went to Korea for the first

time, I had this girlfriend, I had that

girlfriend, I got this job, I, I learned

this, and I got this. 2010, '11, '12,

'13, '14, '15, '16, '17, '18,

'19, and '20, I could say for each of

those years something really cool

happened. Something that I'll never forget

happened. But 2021, nothing's happened

apart from I lost loads of money and I

moved to Manchester, got ghosted a couple

of times, and completely failed to find a

girlfriend. The only bit of excitement

I've had this year was back in March when

a viewer whose name begins with a P that I

met in 2019 in London, she just turned up

at my house in the middle of the night And

then she stayed the night. And I decided

not to vlog all of that stuff when it was

happening because I was still trying to do

the whole, oh, look at me, I don't make

toxic drama content anymore. Please take

me back, Mita. And coming to Manchester

and getting my own place and living by

myself for such a long time, it's been 6

months now I've been living alone, which

is probably the longest. Yeah, it is

actually the longest I've ever lived by

myself. This is the first time in my whole

life that I've been completely alone for

such a long time, and it's kind of weird.

I've always either lived at home with my

family or had a girlfriend I lived with,

or my ex-wife. And I guess it's okay. I

can live how I want to live, don't have to

be nagged or bossed around. I can do what

I want to do when I want to do it. I don't

have to do anything I don't want to do. I

have ultimate freedom, which is nice, but

that comes at a price. The price you pay

is ultimate loneliness and emptiness,

which is not nice. I haven't really had

any success this year with dating or

trying to find a girlfriend, and I think

that's mainly because I just don't really

feel very happy with myself. I don't

really feel proud of anything I'm doing

right now. I don't really feel like I'm

very good at anything I'm doing right now,

which means I don't really have a lot of

confidence in myself. And I think that

really shows when I meet people and I talk

to them. It's kind of difficult to go on

dates and hope that people will like you

when you don't really like yourself. I

really feel like I lost a lot of

confidence in myself when everything

started to fail. My YouTube failed, my

investing failed, and it's really

hard to keep smiling when it feels like

everything you do just fails. But I won't

give up. I'll keep trying my best to make

videos and stream and carry on investing.

This time Investing in proper companies

like Amazon, Apple, Google, not silly

little penny stocks. And Christmas is

coming in a few weeks and it's going to be

my first ever Christmas all alone in my

entire life, which is going to be such a

fantastic way to end this amazing year.

At least it's not as bad as last year

where I got dumped on Boxing Day. So yeah,

this year has not been amazing. It's been

pretty bad actually. But hopefully next

year will be a fresh start, a fresh year.

New adventures await, new people to meet.

Maybe travel will be back on the menu as

well, and maybe my stocks will go up.