Why I never want to learn how to drive

I was holding all this and then the milk

slipped out of my hand and it fell on the

floor. Now there's a bit of a mess. I'm

not sure what to do with this because it

tastes like milk.

Look, it just keeps dripping. Drip,

drip. We're losing precious

milk and Precious time. I'm not sure what

Uh, what am I supposed to do? We're losing

precious milk. It's all leaking.

I don't have any good ideas.

Crap. I guess— oh, I could put it in here.

I could put it all in this container.

I don't think it's all gonna fit. Look,

it's quite small.

We could try. Hold on.

It's not all gonna fit.

Look, look,

it doesn't fit. This is the top.

There's still a load left. There's still

loads of milk left at the bottom.

Do you have any ideas? Any ideas inside

your brain? Your tiny peanut-sized brain?

Hmm, hmm, meow meow meow meow. Oh look, I

found a second container.

Crisis averted. We did lose some

milk, but we saved the rest of it, so

that's all good.

Look at this cake I got. I got a lot of

stuff today as well. I got prawn crackers.

There were about 4 or 5 packets of these

that had expired. Look, it expired on the

12th and we only found it today, like half

a month later. We, we didn't even check

these. Even the Nepal guy didn't even

realize it. These had gone off, had gone,

had expired such a long time ago.

They should be fine to eat. They're still

inside the packet. And I also got this

cake. Look, Zidane's cheesecake,

but it has chocolate on top.

Looks like this. Looks quite nice,

actually. I think I should put it in the

fridge. What's that?

And I also got this popcorn, gingerbread

flavored popcorn. I actually googled

popcorn, is it good for you? And it

actually says popcorn is really good for

you and good for fighting cancer because

it has really high levels of antioxidants.

Because it's, it's corn, isn't it? It's

good for you. The only thing that makes

popcorn bad is all the sugar and the salt

that we put on it. So I finally got

everything sorted out. The milk's cleaned

up, the food's in the fridge. Tonight was

pretty good. Um, the Nepal guy didn't

nag me, not even once. I guess I did

everything right for a change. And we had

some conversations.

And, uh, what did we talk about?

He keeps asking me, so when are you gonna

do your driving lesson? When you're going

to start taking driving lessons? The

Bangladesh guy keeps asking me this. I

keep saying the same thing. I don't want

to drive ever. I'm not interested in

driving or owning a car. They keep—

they're really surprised when I say that.

They're like, so what are you going to do

later? How are you going to get around?

How are you going to do shopping? I said,

I don't go anywhere. What, what would I do

with a car? Even if I had a car and if I—

even if I could drive I still wouldn't go

anywhere. I wouldn't even use the car, so

I don't need to take driving lessons. And

I said, I do all my shopping online. They

just laugh like it— like it's such a weird

thing that a 27-year-old has no interest

in learning to drive or getting a car.

And then they keep saying, how are you

going to get a girlfriend? As if you need

to have a car. If you want to have a

girlfriend. And yeah, I bet there's loads

of girls who, who would, if they found out

that a guy didn't have a car, they'd be

like, I'm not interested in being his

girlfriend because he doesn't have a car.

But I wouldn't be interested in those

types of girls, those girls who are only

interested in what the, the guy has or

what he can do. It's like The girl

doesn't— if she's only interested in his

car or that he can drive, then I wouldn't

really be interested in being in a

relationship with someone so vain and

materialistic as that. I'm just not

interested in driving. I don't know why

they keep asking me the same things. It's

like every week they ask me the same

thing. When are you gonna start taking

driving lessons? Are you looking for a

girlfriend? Have you found a girlfriend

yet? When are you gonna start looking for

a girlfriend? It's like the same thing

every night, the same questions I have to

be questioned, be asked, and it

gets really repetitive. I guess they don't

know what to talk to me about, so they

just keep asking me the same things. I

don't see why they think it's so important

to be able to drive. I don't feel like I

need to be able to drive at all. I'm

perfectly happy right now. Without having

a car or being able to drive. I've never

once felt that, well, having a car or

being able to drive would really make my

life better. I've never felt like that

because I never feel like I want to go

anywhere. Everywhere's the same. If I

want to go into town, I can take the

train. I always jokingly say that if

there's no public transport access to a

certain place, then it's probably because

that place isn't worth going to. If it was

worth going to, if there was something

interesting there, then there would be

public transport available to that place,

wouldn't there? I'd be really happy if I

could live my whole life without having to

drive, without having to learn to drive.

I just hate it so much. I took driving

lessons when I was 18 and actually took

the test, but I failed it really badly. I

I tried driving straight through a

crossroads and my driving instructor had

to stop me. I didn't even notice it was a

crossroads. I thought it was just a

straight road that goes straight, but

there were roads on each side, but they

were blocked. I couldn't see those roads

because all these cars were parked on the

sides and they were blocking the view.

And I completely screwed up the parallel

parking and the 3-point parking where you

have to Make— turn the car around

completely in only 3 steps. Completely

messed that up. Um, I made so many

mistakes. I just— it was a complete

failure. And after I failed the test, I

just— I never wanted to get into a car

ever again. It was just such a horrible

experience. And I was in a

manual car. Manual transmission. What's

the word? You know, the opposite of an

automatic car where you have to use a

clutch to change the gears. It was really

difficult. I kept stalling the engine,

especially at traffic lights, which is

really embarrassing. And people got angry

behind me and they would horn at me

because I've stalled the engine. I

couldn't get it to go again. It was really

difficult. You had to like time the clutch

and release the— what's the

pedal called that makes the car go

forwards? The acceleration pedal, you have

to push that down just as you're letting

go of it. It's really— it was such a

headache. I hated it so much. And things

like pulling out into a road was really

scary. I'd be sitting there and there'd be

a lorry coming down the road, but the

lorry was miles away and I'd be sitting

there waiting for it to pass me. And the

instructor was like, just go, you've got

plenty of time. But it was so scary. I

just don't want that responsibility.

And if you drive really

badly, then you could potentially kill

someone or injure someone. I don't want to

be able to kill someone because I suck at

driving. Also, I don't want to be the

victim of someone who sucks at driving and

have them crash into me.

And then there's all the hassle like

having to pay for petrol and then

insurance and MOTs. It's such a headache.

He kept asking me, what if you had to move

out of your parents' house and you had to

live on your own and there wasn't good

public transport to work? Then you'd have

to learn to drive, wouldn't you? But if

you keep asking what if this, what if

that, then you would always be worried

about everything. Like, what if I learnt

to drive and then I broke my leg? And I

couldn't drive ever? Or what if I learned

to drive and then I got into a car

accident and died? If you just keep asking

what if this, what if that, then it's like

never-ending. You're always going to be

worried about something. I don't worry

about what if I have to live alone and

what if I need to drive, what if I, what

if I'm going to have to drive sometime in

the future. I don't think about things

that you can't really predict, those kind

of things. So I don't worry about it. And

when my other coworker came in, the one

who does the mornings, um,

she was the one that I wrote the Christmas

card to. And I wrote in the Christmas

card, I wrote, I always wonder what you're

carrying in that small plastic container

when you come to work in the mornings.

And today she just said to me, It's

breakfast. She just said, it's breakfast.

And I said, oh, you, you read my Christmas

card. So that was nice. Someone— it's

nice that she remembered my Christmas

card. It was a long time when I gave it to

her, since the time I gave it to her, to

her, and now. What is going on with my

English? I can't even speak properly.