why i hate Starfield

Hello.

Testing.

What is it?

Testing.

Wait, I think there's 2 mics. Playing at

the same time.

Testing.

Okay, so okay now.

Look, I found out how to fix the game's

framerate, but the game ends up

looking like a PlayStation 2 game.

I don't know what happened to my computer.

The last time I tried to stream, it was

like the speakers were not detected.

Wait, where's my good gun?

Let me know if the game sound is too loud.

So it says I got 42 FPS, but what

I had to do was I had to put

render resolution scale down to 50%.

Because if I put it up to 100%, the FPS

drops down to— well, it says 30 FPS

now, but sometimes it would go down to

like 15. It seems okay now.

Oh no, uh, it's 18 FPS now.

Uh, it still feels kind of weird,

like not really smooth.

I tried getting this mod. Look, I got this

mod. It has a DLSS thingy for

NVIDIA cards, but it doesn't do anything.

There's no difference with it on or off.

So now it's nice, like 40 FPS feels really

smooth and quick, but I gotta turn the

graphics down all the way and that render

resolution thing has to be 50%,

but at least it's kind of playable now.

Wait, there's a German girl messaging me

now. She kept talking to me about God.

She said she's Ukrainian-German. Do you

like music? Yeah, I like this

German band called Powerwolf.

Do you know them?

She said, waiting right now till my

boyfriend wakes up. She's got a boyfriend.

Trying to steer the conversation away from

God. I don't know why

this game runs so badly. It seems pretty

fine now, pretty smooth. But look at the

graphics, it's like PS2 graphics.

Oh my god, this is literally PS2 graphics.

Look at that. But this is the only

way to make the game playable because I

just— I cannot play it at 18 FPS.

It's unplayable.

Do you think anyone sits here reading all

this stupid text. The story is

so boring in this game. It's like, go

here, go to the anomaly, pick up the

secret artifacts, collect all the

artifacts, and then you get this power. I

got the power now. It's like a

gravitational thing, makes everything fly

up like that. So you collect the artifacts

pieces, piece them all together, and do

some stupid thing at a temple.

I found out you can pick items up by

holding F. Wait,

it's not working now. What? It's not

working? Oh yeah, see, like that you can

pick items up and drop them. Kind of

pointless, isn't it?

Oh wait, if this German girl is like

religious and really into God and stuff,

I don't know if she would like Powerwolf

because they're like— I don't know,

they're like a parody satanic—

like a parody satanic power rock group.

I wonder how she would feel about that.

She said she likes Rammstein.

I guess Powerwolf is not very famous.

Rammstein is okay.

This game feel like a job? Well, the game

cost me $160, so I gotta work now to

pay that off.

My Starfield review currently has 7K

views. I think it'll make like $20. And

then my first stream made like $5. So only

$128 to go, guys.

I am not losing money on this stupid game.

I'll make it back somehow. Even if I have

to make 100 billion videos that make only

$1 each, I will make back my money.

Where the hell do I go?

That's why you should pirate the game.

Yeah, maybe I should learn how to do it.

Have you pirated it yet? Is it easy?

Because I feel like it's hard to pirate

games. The hell do I do? It's hard to

stream and game at the same time.

Maybe I shouldn't say that I'm pirating

games. Isn't it like illegal?

Oh, I'll go down here. It kind of looks

like Armored Core, doesn't it? I went to

Neon City. Oh, they steal Tau from

Warhammer. I went to Neon City and it

looks like a crappy ripoff of Night City.

It really sucks trying to make money doing

these game videos when you gotta pay money

to play them. I have to find a way to play

it for free. I should have just played it

on Steam for 2 hours and then refunded it.

I don't know if I can refund it on Xbox

Gaming Pass.

I think Mutaha got in trouble with

Nintendo. Didn't they like try to sue him

because he was saying he emulates games?

Yeah, but you know what I'm like.

I always end up exposing myself. I'm not

good at lying. What's left of one of

the men? I would end up accidentally

saying, oh, you're a poor chick. I sure

could. Oh, Chihiro set her Instagram back

to public. I don't know what she's doing,

but there's no posts on it. She says it's

private ages ago when I made that video

about Atsushi, and now

she's set her YouTube channel back to

public and her Instagram back to public.

Here in this building, but it needs its

reset. And as I found out, that's not a

one-person job. But if you can make it to

the security outpost and restore the

connection, I think— I wonder if I make a

post on my main channel, do you think more

people will come and watch?

Could give it a try.

David Ford, Tekken Games. Copy link.

What if I stream this on my main channel?

Probably get like 20 viewers.

Streaming Starfield on my second channel.

Post. Probably won't change.

My Starfield video has 7K

It seems like it's gonna keep going up.

Maybe we'll get like 15K and

make like $30.

Still gonna be very hard to make back 160.

Maybe I just keep making videos about why

it sucks.

Can you hear the game?

Still gonna be very hard to make that 160.

Maybe I'll just keep making videos about

why it sucks.

Made the sound a bit louder.

Stream on Twitch? Yeah, I could, but then

Last time I streamed on Twitch, I had like

12 viewers, didn't I?

It's just

the same people as you guys, isn't it? So

if I stream on YouTube and Twitch, I'd

have like 5 here and 5 there.

God, the game's

so smooth now.

It kind of feels like Cyberpunk sometimes,

but more boring. It's like Cyberpunk

but without the style and the flair.

It's like a bland, boring version of

Cyberpunk. Where's my katana?

Where are my synthetics, implants?

Even these computer systems where you hack

into the defenses and you change the

turret Targeting system. That is exactly

the same as Cyberpunk. We don't have like

the hacking stuff.

Can I pick this? Oh, I can pick his body

up. I remember in Skyrim and stuff you

could strip them naked and like flop them

around. Why can't I do that?

Where's my melee weapon? I hate how the

menu system works. Like, to get back into

the game, you got to keep pressing Escape

over and over again.

And this menu system's so weird. I don't

have any melee weapons.

The guns are kind of cool, I guess.

Oh, he's got a hole in his bum.

That's kind

of funny.

Nice sloppy red hole.

How many FPS? I got 40 FPS.

Already. Trackers reading green.

Drumbeat.

I hate how you can't scroll the mouse and

change weapons. You got to go into the

inventory and then assign the weapon

hotkey. Why can't I just scroll my mouse

button to flip through all of the

different weapons?

This sounds pretty cool.

Oh, what's that?

Dinosaur. Oh, they should make a game like

this but with dinosaurs. Do you remember

Dino Crisis? I like that

game. Imagine you're

on this abandoned Jurassic Park and

you've got to like restore the systems and

you're being hunted by dinosaurs. That

would be way cooler.

I don't know what I'm doing half the time.

Just following the blue dot and then

pressing F.

Follow the blue dot, press F on the

Why can't I press F?

I don't know what other videos I could

make about this game. You can't really do

builds because there's no— I

mean, there are skill trees, but you

don't really have to make a build because

you just level up and you get everything.

You don't have a limited amount of points.

Oh, why does it take so much damage?

Come out, bullets!

Sponge. This game's so good, it's spongy.

I hate it when games just let you get

everything in the skill tree because

then you don't have to really plan or make

a build. And I like Diablo because You

only had a limited amount of points and

you had to like create a build that works

Fextralife made

a build video, but I don't see the point

of it because you just get everything.

Here is the best build for Starfield,

guys. Just get everything. You don't have

to pick and choose. Tracker's gone quiet.

I suspect it's either hiding. Starfield

doesn't feel like a next-gen game.

Yeah, yeah, you didn't happen to grab it?

I mean, it's worse than Fallout because at

least Fallout had like an interesting

iconic setting. All right. And it had like

a lot of character. It had like the mini

nukes. Nuking that little town was pretty

fun. And then you had— what are they

called? The ghouls. Hopefully this isn't

as concerning as it seems. You know,

those soldiers in the big mech armor?

They were pretty cool. I'm just

overanalyzing all this.

And then you had to like find your father.

But in comparison, Starfield is just kind

of bland, boring, and uninspired.

Hopefully this isn't as concerning.

Lacking in many lusters. The story is

boring. I don't even know what I'm doing,

like finding artifacts.

The characters are all boring. Who the

hell's Andreja?

Basically the story is, oh, you gotta find

the artifacts Facts. Now these are the

main quests. Acquire the power. Follow the

distortions to acquire the power. Acquire

the power. I got to check in at some

And it doesn't have the VATS system like

in Fallout, and you can't even shoot their

legs and arms off. That was the most fun

thing about Fallout, dismembering your

enemies in slow motion. Why did they get

rid of that? To our knowledge, so when

humans settle a world, tell Seti though,

but then the other— it seems the only fun

thing is the shipbuilding. I quite like

the shipbuilding. I just

want to do quests so I get money so I

could buy my Ship upgrades. Luckily.

What would you say? Yeah, I do it myself.

Shut up! They talk so much.

You can even show them. I wish you could

just skip the whole thing. That's all I'm

asking. Don't care. I'm not sure exactly.

There's a place. And now please.

Look, just pickpocket her like this. Oh,

can I pickpocket her? No?

Well, that's a great invisibility cloak.

Not. Okay, where do I go now?

Did they have anything of value?

Return to Commander Tula.

I joined the Vanguard, level 14 now.

I think you have to kind of create your

own fun in this game, like If you want to

find fun things to do in this game,

you've got to, I don't know, decorate your

house, try and build a funny ship,

become a space pirate. Don't, don't depend

on the game to provide fun for you. You

got to look for your own fun. I feel

like you need to put effort into trying to

find fun in this game.

This place always lags my game out big

I'll show you Neon City. It's like Night

City but rubbish. There's no prostitutes

or can't do anything weird. In Night City

I had sex with everyone. I think you can

romance in this game. There were flirty

dialogue options.

Look at the graphics, it's like

PlayStation 2. Can't believe you paid

$160 for this.

I paid £30 for digital early access and

then £100 for the digital premium edition,

so £130. Hey Siri,

£130 in your US dollars.

Damn,

that's half my rent gone on this stupid

Do you think my shadow is really— I mean,

do you think my channel is really shadow

banned? People keep saying it.

But I did a test. It said if you want to

test if your channel's shadowbanned, then

write a comment, log out, refresh, and if

your comment's there, it means you're not

shadowbanned. But if it's not there, it

means you are. And I left a comment,

logged out, refreshed, my comment was

there.

What I think is I've trolled so many

people and they remember who I am, so they

don't click on my videos anymore. Because

I trolled like a million people with my

Elden Ring video. So why would any of

those people ever click on one of my

videos ever again? They will see my face,

just not click it because they know I'm a

troll, a terror. So the only way I can get

views now is by hiding my identity,

because if they recognize it's me, then

it's game over. You troll them once, it's

like troll me once, fool on me, troll me

twice. Fool on me. I don't know what the

phrase is. Researcher. So maybe I can

get like a voice modifying thing because

my— I think my voice is quite

recognizable. No one

takes me seriously. I'm like the wolf that

cried boy. I'm sure she doesn't listen.

Even though all my points are valid, this

game does suck, but I don't know why

people just think I'm trolling. I'm not

trolling. This game does really suck.

It's okay, but it's not amazing.

I think all my points were valid.

Consider these your first official orders

in here, so everyone knows you're working

with them. Having empty plants in this

game. What do you mean? Vanguard's also

got empty plant modifications. You'll be

cleared for act now. There wasn't anything

else. Yeah, my content just sucks. The

only good content I could make was the do

not buy stuff, but when people realize

that it's like a load of rubbish, they

don't think it's good content. It was just

good bait. No one clicked on my do not buy

videos and thought, oh my god, this guy's

video is so good. You can only get so far

by baiting people. You gotta make good

content, but I don't know how. Just be

honest?

I'm honest most of the time.

The game looks bad. You might think the

game looks bad on the stream because it's

a stream, but it actually looks that bad

for me as well. It's not the stream

quality because I got everything set to

ultra low. Look at my settings,

even the render resolution is at the

lowest it can go. Should I put CAS or

FSR 2? I've got an Nvidia graphics

card, so none of these make a difference.

I need DLSS.

I don't see what this game

does better than Cyberpunk, because in

Cyberpunk you can have a home but you

can't really decorate it. In this game you

can. You can like place items and decorate

it, but you can do that in No Man's Sky.

But in No Man's Sky, it was way better

because you could build a house out of

planks of walls, like wall planks,

and stand them up and rotate them and make

a fully customizable house. You can't do

Oh, empty planets. Yeah, the planets are

all boring. There's just a few kind of

like camps and bases you could raid.

Hadrian has asked me to find

her colleague Percival Walker on Mars.

Okay,

get to Mars. I don't really know what to

do in the game. Just do the side quests

maybe, then do a bit of main quests.

Maybe I should get a new laptop. AMD

graphics card, waste even more money.

Should I waste money next week buying the

iPhone 15 or get a new gaming laptop or

build a gaming desktop?

Maybe next week, um, Bethesda will release

a patch.

Everyone seems to be getting sponsored by

Bethesda. I watched a bunch of beginner's

guide tips. They all start off the video

saying this video is sponsored by

Bethesda. Even that Force Gaming guy got a

Bethesda sponsor, and the video is gonna

get like 50k views, and he's probably

gonna make like $20,000. $1,000 from the

sponsor. You can tell even before the

video starts, I can tell it's a sponsored

video. Force Gaming would never just

make a top 10 tips for Starfield. He

probably doesn't even care about

Starfield. He's more of a Diablo kind of

guy. Worked,

past tense. I wouldn't waste money until

your taxes are paid. They're never

gonna be paid.

Gonna take like 5 years to pay them off.

I'm not gonna let it stop myself from

enjoying new tech because I'm David Ford,

Tech and Games. It's my job.

But we would like just this one.

Wait until next week, see what the tax

people say. I'm predicting they'll

say— do you think they would accept my

proof that I was living in Japan 2019? I

gave them Airbnb invoices, flight ticket

invoice, passport stamp for entering

Japan.

I don't like how you can't zoom in. I

liked Cyberpunk because I could zoom in on

their butt crack. You can do a scan,

but you can't zoom in. And then there's

photo mode. I guess you can zoom in like

this, but then the body disappears. Look,

this photo mode is exactly like the one in

Cyberpunk, the way you can like float

around. Also, you can do different poses.

Look, I can make myself do poses. So this

is exactly like Cyberpunk with the

posing and the camera stuff.

They basically just copied it. And then

you can take a photo of stuff, but can I

look at her bum?

This is not a very sexual game.

We got lots of stuff, just ask.

Go here.

I can't wait until the Cyberpunk DLC comes

out, cuz that could actually be good, cuz

I really like Cyberpunk 2077. Spear's

upstairs. Doc Walker,

you're barking up the wrong— And you,

why did you come The

red eyes are some badge of honor, I take

it. I think you have to enjoy talking to

the characters and listening to their

stories to enjoy this kind of game. But I

really like Fallout, and I didn't care

about the story or talking to people in

that game. I just went around killing

everything. Is that so? Like knowing,

for example,

Stop. Even if I did know,

maybe there is something. Percival's got

this. You make that go away.

Well, that's good to hear. Most

straightforward. I feel like there's very

little gameplay in this. Someone was to

break in, crossing the Trade Authority

could— no. I've barely done much fighting

and shooting, walking around talking to

people. Heard you talking with Lou, so

you're going. Oh good, good. First,

listen, aqueous Mars is full,

at least when it was, but we stumbled on a

way. You give our research— oh, I'm

Cambridge. Noah's experiment. Yeah,

yeah. Them. We were never able to finish

the research. The spacers moved in. Oh, I

know. But if you can clear them out, then

you can give it over to the jobs company.

Great, great. So access to the Deep Mine,

we'd set up right once you've managed

I don't know how they could make this game

better. I think it's just like one of

those games where you either enjoy it or

Yeah, these people like Peter Molyneux,

Todd Howard, they're such con men.

I think they're actually psychopathic

because they can tell such a massive lie

whilst keeping such a straight face, and

they got no remorse. And they can— they're

like those snake oil men. They can just

spin this massive load of rubbish to sell

their product.

But that's part of the job, I guess.

You've got to be a good salesman.

Most people on YouTube are like that.

They're like, oh guys, buy my course.

You'll make so much money. You're

guaranteed to change your life or 12-day

money-back guarantee.

I've never been good at that. Am I glad I

got this job instead of mining some dead

rock. Oh, change Percival's debt amount.

I can't believe I've got debt now. Okay,

and my life always kind of sucks and I

admitted to being a loser, but I was

always able to say, well, at least I'm not

in debt. Look at all these losers with 50k

debt and stuff. Now I've got debt as well.

That was like my one saving grace, was

that, you know, my financial situation was

not bad and I had no debt like student

loans or anything. Now I can't even say

I need master lockpicking skill.

I downloaded a mod. It's this one,

Starfield Upscaler, but it doesn't do

anything. It's supposed to be DLSS

upscaling for Nvidia cards,

but I don't notice any difference.

Borrow money to pay off your debt. I don't

know if my mum would even lend me money.

She might not have it. She'd probably say,

oh, why should I do that?

No, she'll say, sorry, I don't have the

money, Daniel. You are 34 years old,

you have to fix your own problems. That's

what she would say while I'm on Mars.

The starry sky does look nice.

Kill the space leader. Ah, finally, can we

do some killing? I haven't shot my gun in

Whoops. Where's that space leader guy?

How do I

I gotta run 900 meters. Why are there no

vehicles in this game? And there are,

but you can't ride in them. You'll run all

the way.

800 meters. Whilst I hold down the

E button to sprint, it's burning my

finger. I wanna— can you buy like

a big button for the laptop keyboard?

Because I want to get like a big fat

button just replace my Q,

W, E, A, S, D buttons because burning my

fingers. My laptop's so hot.

I wonder if the fan's not working properly

or something. Shouldn't be getting this

hot.

Oh, my girlfriend was looking at how to

apply for a visa for the UK, and she was

saying she needs an email from my mum

inviting her to the UK. And then I said,

I could invite you to the UK, and my mum's

not even British, she's Malaysian. I don't

know why you need an invitation from a

British person to apply for the UK visa

for Thai people. It's so weird because I

can come to Thailand without a visa. And

stay for 2 months, but Thai people need a

visa to go to the UK and travel. A bit

unfair.

So she needs like an invitation to come to

the UK, which is weird. How do Thai people

just visit the UK then if they don't know

You have— have you played Half-Life? I

think I tried Half-Life. I played

Half-Life: Alyx, the VR game, but it's

rubbish. It was kind of cool how you can

reload the gun by holding the magazine and

slotting it in, but it just made me feel

sick. I hate VR. VR is rubbish. Makes me

feel so sick.

Oh my God, I didn't know they were there.

Now we can see the gameplay. Wow, this is

such amazing gameplay. Just stand there,

shoot them.

This gun's kind of rubbish.

I think I played Half-Life 2, but I didn't

like it. I remember you had a crowbar and

these weird squid things were jumping at

you. I didn't like it, it was scary.

Found it just really scary.

The combat feels kind of boring. I don't

It's just not very satisfying.

Just walk up to them and shoot them.

I don't think VR gaming will really take

off. It'll just be a very niche thing

because I don't want that crap on my head.

I don't want to be plugged into a thing.

Wearing that headset was so uncomfortable.

Oh God,

friend, you're next.

Yeah, why did they remove the gore in

Starfield? Fallout was a very gory game.

Do you remember the sledgehammer? You

could just explode their bodies into like

a red mist.

This game kind of makes me miss Fallout.

And this is the only enemy type so far.

All I've fought are these kind of space

pirates. There's no ogre things

or like weird-looking things or ghouls,

mutants. It's just

space pirates.

There's not really much variety with the

playstyle. Like here, for example, you've

got a bunch of enemies. How are you gonna

approach the situation? If this was

Cyberpunk, there'd be like cameras you

could hack, cause distractions.

What can I do? I just go up some, shoot

them, use a grenade.

Missed the grenade.

Try a different weapon.

I only like Beat Saber for VR gaming.

Because it was fun to listen to music,

dance around.

Open the foot

I took one in the face.

This isn't happening. How long is this

stream gonna be? Probably a few hours. I

don't have anything to do today. I thought

I'd make a video, but I really can't be

Might edit my cooking video.

Literally really

have no ideas for videos.

Oh my God, Andrea, the hell are you doing?

I don't know why making YouTube videos

became so boring. I used to love it,

think of funny topics. It down in front of

the camera, say something weird like, oh,

the smell of her saliva was so good.

Now it's just kind of lame.

The whole trolling, doing weird messed

up stories is kind of boring now,

and it doesn't work. So what should I

do? Like, just be really authentic again?

Drop the whole trolling meme thing?

I think what happened was in the beginning

I made truly authentic, genuine videos

without trying to be funny, but they just

came out kind of funny, and people— and

they came out as like very memeable

because I was just being authentic.

But when I try to be like a meme, it's not

as funny.

It was only funny because I wasn't trying

to be funny. When I watch my old videos,

they're really funny. They just sound

really weird. Oh my God,

I thought my rants yesterday were pretty

funny. Maybe I should just clip them, put

it onto a different channel. Why I hate

George Trombly. He ghosted

me.

I wonder if he saw that. I hope he doesn't

see it. It's kind of embarrassing,

but I feel like I'm never gonna talk to

him again now because he left me on read.

I'm not gonna message him again after he

ignored my last message, so unless he

messages me, I probably won't message him

again. How do you message someone again

when they already read your last one?

The hell? Look at that, he's just standing

still after I— what the hell? Nice bug.

Wow, such great game development.

That's the second time this has happened.

It's like T-pose.

All I can say is be yourself. Yeah, I

think that really is the trick to YouTube,

is just be authentic and be yourself.

People can tell when you're just like

faking it or putting on an act.

But what if being yourself is just really

boring as,

as a viewer? What if being yourself is too

Oh my god, I hate when this happens as

well, when you run out of med packs and

it only takes one shot to die.

Oh my god, one time I quicksaved it and it

kept loading me right before I died, and I

had to go back 10 minutes to another save.

So I'd load in, die, load in, die, load

in, die. Oh my god,

let's see if I got any food.

Oh, on Neon City there's a drink that

slows down time by 40%, just like in

Cyberpunk you can slow down the time.

Just eat everything I have.

I think that healed me.

Why does this feel like Fortnite now?

When you go into third person, it's like

Fortnite.

Even Fortnite plays better than this.

This is so rubbish.

This game is a joke.

Where are my grenades?

I've only got a mine.

Good one.

I'm gonna die.

You know, it takes all this this way, is

it not?

Yay, level 15! I heard that there's

no level limit, you can just level

forever. So can you get to like level

1,000?

What's he

doing? The AI is so bad as well.

You're nothing! Oh my gosh.

Hello. Took care of the spacers, huh?

Good. Now to finish off the research,

you're gonna need to collect a sample of

hematite to run through. Subbed because of

my fascination with Japan is over. Yeah,

but didn't I go to Japan a few months

after making that video? Nothing I say is

real. Or maybe I felt— I felt

that way at the moment, in the moment when

I made that video, and then I changed my

mind a few months later. I was like,

okay, I kind of miss Japan. I miss having

sex. I don't miss Japan, I just miss

having sex, really.

That was the main reason I kept going to

Japan.

Enjoyed your reviews. Oh, thanks. Which

one?

Yeah, I made that. I'm I'm

over— my obsession with Japan is over. I

made that in 20— I think it's when I got

the petrol station job and I was enjoying

having the job and I felt like, yeah,

maybe I'll just stay in England, you know,

make money, get myself my own place,

give up on this whole trying to move to

Japan thing. And then a few months later I

got bored with the petrol station job,

started chatting to Japanese women again,

and I was like, actually, I want to go to

Japan again. This petrol station job

Try this pistol. No,

I uninstalled Armored Core 6 because I

finished it. Didn't feel like playing it

anymore. I've only got 30 gigabytes left

on my computer now because of Starfield.

So what new games are coming out for the

rest of this year that's going to be good.

Because for me personally, Starfield was—

I thought was gonna be like the best game

out this year, but I definitely had more

fun playing Diablo 4.

Diablo 4 was really good. Took me a

while before I got bored of it. All set.

Good. You can take the elevator in that

room back to I

couldn't get into Baldur's Gate. Maybe I

could try again because everyone seems to

love it, but I didn't really enjoy it when

I tried it.

Spider-Man 2.

I'm not really a fan of Spider-Man

Oh, Payday 3, that's coming out soon.

That might be good.

Okay, where do I go? Pay off

Percival's debt, optional.

Change his debt. I have

to go back inside. Can't be bothered.

I don't know why there's a loading screen

to go inside a building. There shouldn't

be a loading screen just to go in here.

I mean, the planet looks kind of nice, I

guess, but there's just— I mean, we could

just walk for a bit, but there's really

nothing to see.

We'll do—

oh, you can also build like a mining

extracting kind of plant thing like in No

Man's Sky. How'd you do it?

You have to open the scanner and then

outpost. I can't build one here.

You can create an outpost with mining

stuff.

There's nothing on an empty planet. Well,

yeah. I guess it's obvious, but then why

would they— why would they brag about

having thousands of planets to explore

when it's not going to be interesting?

Open your scanner.

But they're all so far away and I can't be

bothered. Oh, there's a cave. I've never

tried exploring a cave before.

But this is Mars. Why would there be

anything on Mars to fight?

I don't hear any sound. What happened to

the sound? I hear it now. Oh,

cuz my CO2 got maxed out.

I think I'm carrying too much.

Yeah, 260. Why am I carrying so much?

I've got 4 of these guns.

Picked up too many guns.

This looks pretty cool.

Get rid of this.

I've got too many spacesuits.

Where did I get all this from?

Okay,

look at all my stuff.

What a waste. Uh, where's that

Have I played Played Bloodborne or Nioh?

No. Isn't Nioh like

Elden Ring?

It's like

a soulslike, I think.

Where's that cave?

Loading screen into the cave.

Hey, see if the cave is any— what's

going on? Don't you come close, you hear?

If you value your life,

have fun hating on Game of the Year.

Well, I hope it gets Game of the Year and

becomes really popular, my review would

get more views. Okay, come closer

and take a look.

Help the colonist. I sure

hope you know you are

saving my life. I will rest until I'm

feeling well enough to leave. What's that?

It's just give him a med pack and he gave

me 2,000 credits. Can I steal his stuff?

He's only got a gun.

A silver deposit. Should I

get some silver? Oh,

what's that?

Comm relay.

That's it?

2,000 credits.

Okay.

Oh, what's that?

Weird worm things. Xenogrub.

Wow, there's life on Mars.

Wow, who knew Mars would be so Boring.

Be nice if they gave you a vehicle, like a

little space buggy.

Yeah, I don't know why there's a loading

screen for that little cave.

See what else there is. We've got

abandoned mines.

All my quest things over there.

Could check out the abandoned mines.

Yeah, I wish you could fly the ship around

on, on the surface like No Man's Sky.

Where's that gun?

Old Earth shotgun.

Oh, Exterminator Kodama.

I wonder if that's any good.

It's like a machine pistol.

I want to show you Neon City next because

they've got megacorps and like Japanese

businessmen and stuff. It really feels

like Cyberpunk.

This is the abandoned mine loading

screen.

Oh, my mouse just died. Damn it,

I hate wireless mice.

Plug my mouse in.

Then the cable gets in the way.

Stupid wireless mouse.

Since it's abandoned, I guess there's no

one here, otherwise it wouldn't

be abandoned. Wait, who's shooting?

Oh my god, it's not abandoned if there's

people here.

Ah, stupid mouse cable.

They should put the charging ports on the

back of the mouse, not the front,

because then the cable won't tug it.

Okay, funny if this was like a Vault from

Fallout N44.

Miners' quarters ahead, perhaps filled

with more spacers. No doubt.

Hard to believe anyone found this place.

I feel like I've been here before.

Why am

I overencumbered? Get rid of these

backpacks.

Ship over the line cereal.

How do I eat it? I don't

even have that much stuff. Why am I

overencumbered? Well, I got 47,000

credits. I need $125,000

to buy my house, but I don't see the

point of buying it because I can already

use the house.

Wow, the abandoned mine is pretty boring.

Oh, this is the place for the quest. I

thought it was like a secret location.

Location, or is it?

No way we can get through this. The caves

in the back might be a suitable

I never know if Daniel actually likes

these games because he'll play them

anyway. Well, I don't know what else to

do. It's Sunday, girlfriend's not

here.

Feeling bored.

I hate how long these doors take to open.

Read a book? Boring.

Watch a movie? I'm watching the One Piece

live action on Netflix.

It's not bad,

but I watched that in the evening with my

It's okay, but when Luffy fights It's

really lame. The fight scenes with Luffy

are so bad. He's— Luffy just kind of

stands there with this stupid grin and

then he winds up his fist.

In the anime, the fights with Luffy were

always so good, like he would just destroy

everything with his rubber limbs.

I guess they don't have the budget to do

that. And do you remember the fight

against Arlong, the shark guy? He just

like stretched out his leg, shot it up

through the building, and brings his foot

crushing down through the building,

smashes Arlong into the ground, and the

whole place just blows up. How can they do

that live-action? The amount of CGI

would be insane.

The actress that plays Nami is pretty hot.

I like her legs and her bum.

She's the only

reason it's worth watching. When she wears

that skirt and they do like leg shots,

she's pretty hot. But her face isn't

amazing. Her face is okay, but her legs

and her bum are the nicest part. And the

actor that plays Zoro, he's— he kind of

looks like Zoro, I guess.

Usopp's annoying, his mouth is too big.

And that fight against that cat pirate

with the 5 blades, that was so lame.

He just kind of teleports around Luffy and

then Luffy punches him once and then

headbutts him out the window, and then the

fight was over. It was such a lame fight.

I don't like— I don't know if I like the

actor who plays Luffy. He kind of looks

like Luffy, but his face is annoying. He

looks like Ramsay Bolton from Game of

Thrones. He's got like that annoying white

guy look. That Ramsay Bolton had.

Yeah, Buggy's in it,

and the CGI for Buggy was okay. He just

kind of detaches his limbs, they fly

around, but the fight was boring. They

just— to defeat Buggy, they just trap his

limbs in boxes and then Luffy bazookas

him out of the tent. Was there something?

Which is what happens in the anime. Do you

now? Let me take it here.

And do remember what— pay 21,000.

I gotta pay his debt.

What if I just keep the money for myself?

Understandable.

Hmm, I'm never one to turn away an offer.

They don't have the Japanese kanji on the

back of the Marine Admiral's jackets. You

know, it says seigi for justice. They

don't have that, which I didn't like.

Aqueous hematite, and exactly sounds

like— but where's this hematite? The deep

mines. What if I told you I cleared the

mines for the price of nothing. I already

cleared them out. Won't cost you a credit

to get started.

Well now, that is intriguing.

We could contract out all the actual lab

work, bring on one of the— the anime is so

much better— transfer materials, and think

what it would do for our image with the

general populace. The only thing I like

about the live-action is I guess Nami is

kind of hot.

I want credits. A promising find. Was that

it? Dr. Walker's debt?

Well, here, we'll just be taking

that slate before— Oh, he's cleared the

debts. It was a pleasure. And I didn't

have to pay $21,000.

Speak to Lou. Well,

at least the game's running smoothly. 50

FPS.

It's kind of annoying.

I've got to put the graphics down so much.

You look hurt. Might want to head on over

to a lion. Yeah,

did you now? Fine work.

My end of the bargain then, muscle. He's

holed up in your place. Was sealed up

tight after the use. Was also going to

warn you about— yeah, the posse. Now what?

Find Percival.

Is One Piece still going, the anime?

Because I stopped watching when Ace died.

And Whitebeard died. I just lost

interest in it after that. And Zoro got

defeated by that— what was his name?

Black Hawk, the other swordsman.

Just stopped watching it. There were these

new characters, one was like this guy with

a black and white furry hat

or something. Just kind of lost interest.

I was so into it though, the first couple

hundred of episodes.

Oh, sorry, did I spoil it? I thought

everyone knew already. It's like 10 years

old.

I never watched enough to find out what

happened to Shanks. Oh, that's my

ship. Do you like my ship?

Uh, I didn't mean to spoil it,

but I bought this midsection for the ship.

And I got an

extra engine down here,

and I got a new reactor,

and I got some new guns. I got this gun,

and I got this gun, and I got this gun on

top there.

Okay, how do I find Percival?

Well, I don't even feel like Ace and

Whitebeard are very important characters.

They make a few appearances.

Can we speak for a moment? Whitebeard only

appears once, when he's about to die.

Yes, you need me?

Why does it keep bringing me back to this

stupid mine? What, the blue thing told

me to come down here. Now where's it

telling me to go?

It told me to go this way. Now there's a

Oh my God, where do I go?

Why does it say go down here?

This is— go down here and then there's no

way to get there.

Who is this Daniel guy? I am David Ford,

professional games journalist,

destroyer of corrupt gaming companies.

Destroy them with my scathing reviews.

Oh my god, how do I get over there? Let me

Google it.

How to find Percival.

Follow the quest marker. What quest

marker? I'm trying to—

wow, I've got 60 FPS. I feel

like it's this way, but I can't go that

I would hate to work in a mine.

I don't, don't think humans should be down

so deep.

Just seems really depressing, stuck in a

Oh my God. Is it this way? What?

Oh my God. Oh, it was this way the whole

time. I didn't see that stupid door.

Ah, so stupid.

What's that? Hematite.

Do I need that for anything?

I'm flying.

Why is this guy just sitting here? Got me

out of the red with the Trade Authority.

Can't say I don't appreciate it, but I

doubt you'd You came all this way just to

do me a favor. Now you want to explain it?

Tissue sample? Must be some damn— a

fast-growing terror. Who exactly told you

to— Hadrian? If she made you come all

the way from— Is

this a main quest or side quest? It's

pretty long. I would like a chance to talk

to you if you are able. Gonna ask

you to not touch anything. Got some

projects in the works down here. I have no

idea what's going on. Why are we here?

Can't say I'm thrilled the Trade Authority

got school tomorrow. But I guess that's

the price you pay not to live in a cave

the rest of your days.

All queued up. Let's gaze into this abyss,

shall we? All right, just get those

cellular markers tagged.

Wait, where are the markers? Really not

enjoying school anymore. This can't be

right. This sample— 2 more months, 2 more

months, and then I'm done. I'll, I'll need

to give this all a sleep.

Adrian really gave you— because if you

told me this was a hoax— the sample's

not a fake. Can't just humor an old

man, huh? This sample, it's got all the

indicators of the worst Terramorph. I

presume you've heard of Londinia. It was a

city wiped completely off the map by

Terramorph. The swarms are so bad they had

to blow the spaceport and seal it. Not a

lot of samples made it off the world. I

didn't detect any of the telltale

signatures this specimen ever sat on a

ship while it was alive either. I don't—

which means if we're about to start it,

it's not gonna end well. The chances for

survival. So you lug this bad omen

all the way here. You want to tell me what

your plans are for it now?

Orders are to take you and the analysis to

Hadrian. Get your boots on. We're going

to stop any more attacks. We're leaving.

Stop any more attacks.

Take you to Hadrian. The circle

could use a drink about now. Here, faster

if we take the lift to the surface. Not

supposed to use it.

Where do I go?

Back to the city. Yeah.

I have things I wish you could become.

Why do planets have to be circle? Why

don't you see like a square planet or

a triangle planet? Deluxe condos aren't