Crippling Loneliness - Day 4

Testing.

I think it's working. Hello back,

welcome back to another

Okay, I've nearly finished setting up.

I got a weird comment from an unexpected

person just now.

It's so weird. Guess who it is?

He has a YouTube channel around the same

size as me, he lives in Japan,

and he's from America. He didn't leave a

very nice comment. I'm a bit shocked, to

be honest, because it just came out of

nowhere. I literally have not been talking

about him recently in

ages. No, not T-Kyo-san.

This one's much older and has

a beard.

Pretty shocked at what he wrote to me.

Just seems very aggressive and

provocative. Yeah, Gimme a Break Man just

left me a bloody comment from his ASMR

channel saying, long time no see. Have not

watched a video of yours since I made a

video response to you years ago. I never

even watched your response. That should

tell you something. Okay, calm down. You

didn't watch my response. I'm not gonna

cry about it. I can tell by the comments

and thumbs that you're still up to the

same old shit. Aren't you interested in

actually producing something worthy of

viewing? Something that contributes to

society in some way? Victor, formerly

known as Gimme a Flake Man. And now I will

watch this video for 5 minutes. If you

don't get my attention, off. That was it.

So rude. I can't believe it.

Just out of nowhere. I haven't even talked

about him in ages and he just randomly

comments on my last livestream.

He just had to point out that he didn't

even watch my response to his response

video. That was like 3

years ago. Who cares? That happened in

2017. Remember when he made A reaction

video to my video, and then I made a

response to him.

I don't even remember what I said in that

response video. Bit random,

wasn't it? He sounds— he

sounds salty. I don't know why.

Imagine thinking the only reason people

make YouTube videos is to contribute to

society. My videos

do contribute. They make some people feel

better about themselves, don't they?

Isn't that a contribution?

Anyway, back on topic. It is day

4 since Mila left, and I wanted to talk

about my feelings and emotions,

which is what I mainly talk about. Well,

it's actually the only thing I talk about.

So day 1, when she

left, I felt— I would describe day 1— each

day has been like a roller coaster of

different emotions. So day 1 was kind of

like numbness. I would explain, describe

it as numbness. I'll just call it

numb. It was kind of like a shock, like

she was here and then all of a sudden she

was not here. Took me a while to,

to readjust to that.

The first few hours after she left was

weird. I was like in this weird state of

mind where I didn't really quite

understand what just happened. Like my

mind was catching up to reality, trying

to. It was kind of similar to when my dad

died, but not as bad.

I also have to clear up some confusion

because I think a lot of people didn't

even watch this stream and they just

assumed that she left me, as in she broke

up with me. As in she dumped me, which is

not true because we were never in a

relationship in the first place. So

technically she can't dump me or leave me.

The last stream was titled She Left

because she left. She did leave. She left

and went home. It doesn't mean that she

left me and that we're never gonna see

each other again. I think people need to

stop just jumping to conclusions.

Without actually listening to what I have

to say. If you're not going to listen to

what I say, then what's the point of

leaving a comment? Because you don't know

what's going to— you don't know what's

going on. How would you if you don't know

what I said? Anyway, I just needed

to clear that up.

There was ambiguity around it. There

wasn't. I always said very clearly that

we're not in a relationship. We did about

3 streams together where people kept

asking the same question, if we were

together or not, and we kept saying,

we're not together, we're not together.

But for some reason, people still think we

were together. Jesus, how many times do I

The other complaint I have is It's kind of

annoying when people keep complaining

about how long the stream is. Just because

it's 4 hours doesn't mean you have to

watch the entire 4 hours. Just watch the

first 5 minutes or something, or just skip

around. You know, there's a little red bar

at the bottom. You can skip ahead in the

video and you can skip backwards. You

don't have to sit there watching the

entire 4 hours. And then it's annoying

because when I take the streams down,

people complain saying Daniel, I wanted to

watch the stream. Why did you take it

down? I couldn't watch it when you were

streaming because I was working or

sleeping. Can't you leave them up? So I

leave them up and then people start

complaining because they're too long and

they don't have enough time to watch them.

Jesus, I can't win, can I?

Everyone just complains so much. Can

people just stop complaining? Thank you.

I usually discuss the topic, the main

topic of the stream, in the first 10 or 20

minutes. After that, it's just me rambling

about random stuff.

Why are you so heartbroken about her

leaving? Because she was here for 3 weeks

and I got emotionally attached to her.

And I got used to having her around, and I

liked having her around, and now she's not

around anymore and it feels weird.

I didn't, I didn't think I would be this

affected though. I didn't think I would

feel this depressed about her leaving. I

thought she would just leave and then I

would just go back to normal, how it was

before I met her. But now I just

feel kind of lost, and I kind of forgot

what it was like before she came, and I

kind of forgot what I used to do before—

before she came here.

What did I used to do? I think I just sat

around watching Star Trek all day,

playing— did I even play anything? I don't

even think I played any games before she

came. I think I was planning

on going to Sweden.

I would love a RE3 remake, Daniel. It's so

fun.

A RE3 remake? Do you mean Resident Evil?

I actually tried to make a Resident Evil 3

game video, but I got bored. I don't

think I would be good at playing video

games. For videos.

I don't like talking when I'm playing a

game. I like being quiet and then just

experiencing the game quietly.

Feelings. Someone said they don't know why

I've written numb. That was

the feeling I had on day 1,

and then day 2 was followed with

emptiness.

Did I spell it right? No, emptiness.

Why is Gimmeabreakman so angry with me?

Don't have to insult my channel. Jesus. I

mean, look at Zach Choi. He has 7 million

subs and he just eats chicken. Do you

think that's contributing to society?

Since when has YouTube channels had

anything to do with contributing to

society? It's just entertainment. It's

either entertainment or it's educational

or informational. It doesn't have to be a

contribution to society. It can just be

some idiot whinging on and on,

and then who's he to talk? He also makes

videos where he just rambles on and on and

on for hours. How does that contribute to

society? What a hypocrite. His videos are

literally called laundry vlogs because

you're supposed to listen to them whilst

you do your laundry. It's pretty much the

same as what I'm doing now, just talking

about what's been happening in my life.

Why is he having a go at me? I didn't even

say anything bad about him. I even used to

be his fan back in the day when I was

interested in Japan. Now he's insulting me

in my own comment section. I feel pretty

hurt, to be honest.

You don't know what it feels like when

you've been watching someone on YouTube

for years and then somehow they find out

about your existence and turns out they

don't like you. And they make it very

clear they don't like you. It hurts.

Hurt my feelings.

If Mila stayed, your relationship would go

down in flames just like your marriage

with me. Stop leeching off of Mila's

happiness and get your own. If she didn't

have a vag in her, you would have had

fantasies of murdering her.

JK.

I guess if she did stay, things between us

could have gotten a bit stressful.

I don't know.

I mean, she couldn't stay here forever.

It would have been weird if she was here

for months and months and months, so there

was no avoiding this happening.

I wish I brought my water bottle. I'm

getting thirsty already.

So after day 2, um, day 3

was pretty much the same.

But then day 4 came, and I think I do feel

much better on day 4. And I would

describe day 4 as acceptance.

I feel like I finally started to accept

that she left, and I started to

get used to life alone

again. So I think in

general, yeah, it usually takes about 4

days to readjust to a new kind of

lifestyle. Today I feel—

I feel a bit excited actually,

because I'm thinking about going to the

Netherlands to see her. And I'm starting

to feel like maybe it's not the end of the

world. And, you know, there's still light

at the end of the tunnel. It's not like

she died.

I don't know why I was so depressed. I was

so sad, as if she actually died. I kind

of felt like how I felt last year after my

dad died.

So I predict day 4, day 5.

Um, I'm not sure. How would I feel

tomorrow?

What's that word I'm looking for? Oh,

thank you, Cesium. Forgive me, I miss you

so much. I'm not angry with you, Cesium.

I understand why you did what you did,

and I guess in the end no harm came from

anything you did. And actually, I guess

technically it helped me,

helped me exit that depressing marriage a

lot sooner than I might have.

So I would predict day 5 would be— I

can't think of the word I'm trying to

think of. Daniel, please forgive me. I

miss you so much. You said

that twice now. I forgive you.

Dude, you're actually going to the

Netherlands to see her? She wants to go to

Korea. Yeah, but she can't go to Korea

yet, so she's stuck in the Netherlands,

which means if I go to the Netherlands,

then she has to meet me because I don't

think she would say no if I went all the

way there to see her. Also,

Korea isn't letting tourists in right now,

I think. I think you're not allowed to go

to Korea unless you have a proper visa.

Do I still watch Ice Poseidon? No,

because he doesn't stream on YouTube

anymore and I don't want to go onto Mixer.

Why doesn't he just stream on YouTube? I

don't understand why he moved to Mixer.

It makes no sense.

Mixer looks shit.

Why does Mila want to go to Korea so

badly? I don't know. I guess she likes it

in the same way I used to really like

going to Japan.

You can't go to the Netherlands.

Everything's closed here. I can go,

and Airbnb still. Working. I checked out

Airbnb yesterday and they have Airbnbs

that you can book. So as long as I can get

an Airbnb and there's shops selling food,

that's all I need really.

And her mum said I can live with them,

but I don't really think I want to if I

could get an Airbnb.

And countries are already starting to come

out of lockdown, so by the

time I'm ready to go, everything should be

fine.

Even in England, they're starting to talk

about lifting the lockdown restrictions.

If I could go back in time before she

left, I wish I suggested us just going

somewhere else in England for a few weeks.

Now I have to go all the way to the

Netherlands. Great. We could have just got

an Airbnb somewhere else in England by the

beach or something. I wasn't really

clear about what I wanted at the time.

Time, I guess.

She, she sent me news.

Love you, Daniel. Such a great channel.

Nigga, nigga. No N-words.

Do I have to hide that? I don't know. I

guess it's not a good idea to have the

Um, my ex-wife Chihiro is still worried

that I'm selling her nudes. This is

getting kind of annoying. It's been months

now and she started messaging my mum

yesterday. Netherlands. I will

buy you lots of pot noodles. Oh, thank

you, Ollie. It's easier, Mr. Creep and the

Weirdo LMAO. I already have lots of pot

noodle when I bought them with Mila. Need

to eat them. Yeah, Chihiro was messaging

my mum yesterday saying she's worried

about me sending her nudes because some

people were trolling, accusing me of

sending her nudes, and then she thinks

they're telling the truth. And then my mum

phoned her and they were talking on the

phone for ages.

I'm not selling her bloody nudes. It would

be stupid of me to sell her nudes because

as soon as it got leaked, or as soon as I

accidentally sell them to someone who's

trying to expose me, I would get in so

much trouble. And then everyone would know

it's me because who else would have her

nudes? And I don't even have her nudes. I

only have sex videos. I don't have actual

nude pictures.

So I wouldn't even sell her nudes because

I wouldn't want to get into trouble, and

it's just not worth it. And there's no way

I would get away with it because it would

get traced straight back to me. I'm not

that stupid, and I'm not that desperate

for money. And considering there's no

proof that I have sold her nudes, I think

that's— that's a good sign

that everyone who's claiming that I am

selling her nudes are just making it up,

making rumors. Oh,

thank you, Paul SG Tree.

Oh, what is wrong with Cesium today?

You're behaving very strangely.

Cesium's drunk today, I think.

Why am I lonely? Because Mila left. Why

Is he on Twitch? No, I'm on YouTube.

If I was on Twitch, then why would you all

be watching on YouTube? If I was on

Twitch, then the stream wouldn't be on

Will I like the Netherlands? Well, I

expect it's just the same as here. I don't

really have any expectations. It's just a

tiny little country and it probably has

fields and roads and buildings.

At this point, I don't really expect

anything of other countries now. I don't

get excited about going to a certain

country. They're all kind of the same. I

did it for you. Forgive me.

I expect it to be just like here, but

people will speak in a funny way.

I'm not sure what we would do.

I'm thinking of getting some kind of cabin

in the woods with her, and then we could

live in the cabin and then do barbecues

and stuff and do camping. That might be

fun. What else could we do?

There's a boat. There might be a boat

Airbnb where we live in a boat. That could

be fun. Since everything's in lockdown,

to be honest, it doesn't really bother me

that everything's shut because I don't

usually want to do anything anyway. But if

everything was not on lockdown, what would

we be able to do anyway? Get— go to the

cinema, maybe.

I don't know.

I'm planning to go next week. Should I

just go now before the airport shutdown?

I don't know. I feel like if I go now,

it's too soon. I should give her some

breathing space. Can I watch you make

love to Pia? If you give me enough super

chats, then I'll send you the serial tape

me and Pia made in London.

Oh, it's not cesium.

He actually tricks me. I genuinely thought

it was cesium. I thought you were acting

strangely. The other cesium isn't real.

My donations are in GPD. GP. P.

That's really difficult to say. GPP.

Yeah, I thought that was you for some

reason. Then I realized that you never use

the PayPal link to donate, which you

should, because if you use Super Chats,

then YouTube takes 30%. My donations are

in GBP and I have the Satu avatar smiling

face with smiling eyes. Hope you're doing

okay. The mug is awesome, by the way. Oh,

thank you, Cesium. Cesium is the first

Buyer of my merch mug. I made merch

and no one bought it apart from Cesium.

He has the only one in existence. The

other Cesiums are fake. I bet it's that

T-pop fever guy.

I feel so sad. People kept saying that I

should make merch, and the reason why I

didn't make merch is because I just knew

no one would buy it. And just as I

expected, no one bought it. So as usual,

I was right and everyone was wrong.

I can't think of a single instance when I

was wrong and the people giving me advice

were right. That's why I don't listen to

people. Every time I listen to people,

turns out I was actually right and they

were wrong, and I shouldn't have listened

to them. Where is the merch? Well,

it should be under the video. You know,

you have the merch shelf on YouTube. When

you click on the video and then scroll

down a tiny bit, there's a merch shelf and

it should be there.

Cesium is really nice to you, you won't

even let him come to your house. Well, he

already came.

Oh, thank you. The truth will set you

free. And fake cesium.

Fake cesium actually looks

like the real cesium for some reason.

Oh yeah, it's in dollars as well.

All you're selling is a mug. Sell

t-shirts. Well, I thought the mug was good

enough. At least the mug you can drink out

of it. What can you do with a t-shirt?

Chaché is talking to Alka. Casey is happy.

To hear I was talking to my mum yesterday

afternoon, which means she was up around 1

AM in the morning. Why is she up at 1 AM?

She said she couldn't sleep. I heard her

voice. She was talking to my mum, saying

she's worried about me selling her nudes.

And then my mum said, don't worry, if

Daniel ever sells your nudes, then I will

write him out the will and kick him out.

3, 4, 2, 3, 4, 4, 2, 3, 3,

4, 3, 5, 4, 3, 6, 5, 3,

6, 4, 5, 2, 3, 4. No, stop spamming

numbers. You're ruining it.

Isn't it weird? She's talking to my mum on

the phone about me sending her nudes

because of some screenshot. Someone sent

her a screenshot of me joking about— I

said something about scattering SD

cards all around Osaka with her nudes on

them, and then it's going to be like a

treasure hunt. Challenge where you have to

look for the SD cards. Obviously that's a

joke. Come on, I'm not actually gonna go

around Osaka leaving

SD cards around for people to find. I just

find it so strange that she can never tell

when I was joking or not. She always

thought I was serious.

Most of the time when I talked on Discord,

I was joking. And not being serious.

The only nudes I sell are my own, and I

sell my own videos. This guy a few days

ago bought some videos off me for over

$100. That's more than I make from a

YouTube video. I thought if I can just do

that to get money, then Fuck making

videos. I'll just sell porn videos of

myself. Not with anyone else, but just by

Yeah, I don't really feel very motivated

to make videos recently. I haven't made a

video since the last one, which was over a

week ago. I feel like it's kind of

pointless now. Let's just do a stream.

It's easier.

Streams get more views. It's weird, isn't

it? The last stream I did has nearly 40k

views compared to my video, which took me

ages to make and no one cared about.

Did the Dutch girl give head? She only did

it once. I guess it was okay, but I'm not

really a big fan of being sucked off.

There hasn't been many times when I really

enjoyed being sucked off because most

girls don't know how to do it properly,

and then even when they do, it's not even

that great anyway. It's not

one of my favorite things.

And do girls even like doing it in the

first place? I think most girls don't like

sucking dicks. Maybe I should do a

community poll. Do girls actually like it?

I feel like they're only doing it because

they want to make the guy happy, but they

don't actually like doing it.

I think even if the girl was really into

the guy, most of the time she's not gonna

be that into sucking.

I guess it depends on the person.

The Japanese guy did it better than most

girls who've done it. Chihiro was

terrible. She never used enough spit, and

then her teeth would rub against it, and

it was kind of painful. Too much friction.

Oh, I don't care who Chihiro is talking

to. She can talk to who she wants to.

Reddit says you are a pedo. Is this true?

I'm not a pedo. I'm only interested

in women. Adult women.

The closest thing I had to a pedo

experience was when I slept with my best

friend who was about 10 years old. We

slept in the same bed, but we didn't do

anything, and I was also 10. I made a

video about it. I took it down because

people kept saying I was a pedo.

Oh, there's one time me and my friend

Ricky, we showed each other our penises.

And we were comparing the size. We were

about 10 at the time as well.

I think my mum walked in on us and then

she shouted at us. I don't remember that

happening, but she told me about it. She

said, one time I walked in on you and

Ricky and you were showing each other your

dicks. I said, really? I have no memory of

that happening.

Why does she look like Jay Leno?

Who is Jay Leno?

I'll pretend I don't know who that is.

How rude. No, she does not. She's a

beautiful young lady.

I'm not laughing,

I'm smiling about, um,

meeting Mila again. It's making me very

happy. What's the word I'm looking for for

I can't think of it. Good.

It should be good on day 5. Should be back

to normal. Yeah, I'll call it back to

normal. Back to— I don't

know why I keep laughing now. Back to

normal. Should be.

What's wrong? Are you— oh, not again. Did

you fail math class or something?

8349238234029340233.

Oh, stop spamming numbers, then I can't

hear the other text-to-speech.

Recovery. Yeah, recovery is a good word

actually. I like it.

I have this problem when I'm thinking of a

word, but it— I can't,

I can't remember which word it is. How do

you spell it? Recovery.

Let me update the donation thing.

No one's transgender. Okay, I need to

do 13 plus 38.

Wow, 51. Pretty good.

So we're at 51.4.

Okay, updated. So my plan

for the Netherlands is— wait,

should I write down Um, the breakdown of

the cost— costs of going.

Yeah, that would be a good idea.

I'm making a mess.

Am I meeting Ollie? Yeah, I could meet

Ollie. He offered to drive us around.

I'm not sure, it depends how bored we get.

So the breakdown of the Netherlands

trip goes

like this. Oh, thank you,

Asta. I'm actually feeling a bit

better. Yesterday I felt terrible.

Hey Daniel, how are you? I felt so

depressed and lonely.

I just walked around my garden. I walked

round and round in my garden for hours and

hours, pacing around.

So a taxi is £80.

Taxi to the airport. Now I could get a

train, but then I have to go all the way

to London Victoria, and then I have to get

on the Underground, and then that would

cost about £50. So it's not that much more

expensive to get a taxi. If I get on a

taxi, I just go straight to the airport.

Easy peasy.

I have no comments on Shin's appearance.

I think she looks lovely.

Um, next cost is the plane ticket.

Plane tickets are really cheap right now.

I can't believe the plane ticket is only

about £100. It's a good thing

it's close by. Plane.

£103.

Ollie probably lives right next door to

where Mila lives. Please no, that's just

too weird. I'm not saying you're— oh,

thank you, Ollie.

I don't know.

Oh, thanks. That'd be nice. Yeah, I don't

know exactly where she lives, but I know

her city is Rotterdam. But I don't know if

she lives in Rotterdam or on the

outskirts. What if she lives right next to

you? That'd be weird. I'm not sure

how we're gonna do it. I mean, is she

going to meet me at the airport, or am I

going to get the train or something into

the city, and then we're gonna meet at the

Airbnb? Or should I arrive at the Airbnb a

few days before we meet? So I can get

ready.

Please comment Dylan on Shin's videos,

guys. No, don't bully people. That's mean.

So after the plane taxi, I also have to

pay for. You're literally complaining

about getting dollar. You sim two three

eight two. I'm not complaining, I'm very

thankful. I just don't want to hear

numbers being read out to me over and

I can't believe Gimme a Break, Man was

mean to me.

Wow, I just lost 15 subscribers after I

started the stream. I didn't even say

Can't believe it.

Every time I do a stream or upload a

video, I always lose subs. Why? Don't you

guys like me? I thought you liked me,

that's why you subbed to me. Then how come

every time I put stuff out, then people

unsubscribe for no good reason? Did I say

anything wrong this stream? It's only been

40 minutes, haven't even gotten started

yet. Jesus.

You're going in 11 days? No, not exactly

11 days. Maybe around 11 days. Maybe more

like 15 days is when I'm planning on

going. So the Airbnb I'm looking at costs

about— I'm not sure how long to stay at

the Airbnb. 1 week might be too long.

But what if it's really nice and we want

to stay 1 week? But what if it's boring

and we just stay for a few days? But then

where are we going to stay afterwards? I

don't know if staying with her mum would

be a great idea.

Ollie was flirting with Inside China, who

is a man. Is Inside China really a man?

I thought she was a cute Asian girl.

Uh, yeah, Airbnb. Um, I don't know how

long I'm staying.

It's kind of complicated because I don't

know how long she would want me to stay.

What if I stay for too long and then she

gets fed up with me? But what if she

doesn't mind me staying long and then I

just end up staying there for months?

Now, 1 month would be about £1,000,

I would say. I don't know if I would stay

for a whole month. It's pretty long. I

have to get back in June anyway to go to

So this donation goal is not really fixed

because I don't know how long I'm going to

Might stay a week, might stay 2 weeks,

might stay a month. I'm not sure. I don't

have any fixed plans right now.

I think a few weeks would be nice.

But then after a while, nothing would

happen anymore, and then I'd struggle to

make videos or anything.

I'm struggling now because nothing is

happening, is it? Did you

even talk to her about this? Not really.

Shin is me dressed up as a girl. I want

you, Daniel.

The Essex girl sometimes randomly brings

up Shin as well. It's weird. She would

just randomly message me saying Shin looks

nice today. I just find

it kind of strange because

I don't usually talk about Shin to the

Essex girl.

The Essex girl said I should just go to

the Netherlands.

So what else do I need to pay for when I

go on my trip? I guess I have to pay for

food as well. I would put

£300 for food.

Why was she dry humping you in a past

video? We were sitting

on the bed, and then she grabbed my GoPro

and started recording, and then she told

me to bend over the bed, and then she

started humping me.

I have no money, so I didn't know what

else to do. I walked over to the C H E S

U R G E R and took his pickles.

Apparently, that's against the law, but I

still did it. I already ate the pickles,

so I can't return them. I have no idea

what you're going on about. Why J O to put

me in a box and send me tea?

Hmm. Why did you stop playing wow and?

I stopped playing WoW because I started to

get into anime, and then I lost interest

in WoW.

Usually when I find a new addiction, I get

tired or I lose interest in the previous

addiction. So I got really into anime and

learning Japanese, and then I just lost

interest in playing World of Warcraft.

I did start playing World of Warcraft

again a year later, just a bit.

I got to level 80 as a Death Knight, but

then I got fed up with it again.

Right now I'm really addicted to Scrabble.

I can't believe it. I'm like an old man.

I just play Scrabble Go all day long. And

I got so annoyed. I got beat really bad

by this stupid fat Asian guy. Reminded me

of the Hong Kong guy. He beat me by about

100 points. I was so close to catching him

up, but he kept getting 40-point words. I

couldn't, couldn't keep up with him. The

final score was he got about 415 and

I had about 320.

Chihiro annihilated Mina in the poll you

posted. Yeah, I posted a poll and about

62% people voted for Chihiro over

Mina, which I think is crazy. I can't

believe most of you guys prefer Chihiro.

I think Mina is better in nearly every

way. Like, Mina is

way more attractive than Chihiro,

and she doesn't— she doesn't even wear

makeup most of the time.

Which is a good thing. What I mean is she

doesn't need to wear makeup, whereas

Chihiro wouldn't even go down to the

supermarket without putting on 5 layers of

Chihiro's been on the channel longer.

Yeah, I guess that's why. She was on it

for longer, and then everyone feels sorry

for her. I don't know why people feel

sorry for her though. Keep going

on about me cheating, but they—they're

very quick to forget that she also cheated

on her ex-husband for over a year. Does no

one care about that? It's always Daniel's

a cheater and he cheated on a portrait

hero. What about her ex-husband? She

cheated on him for over a year with an

Australian guy. Does the ex-husband not

deserve any sympathy?

At least I didn't cheat on Chihiro for a

whole year constantly.

Well, let's take that back. At least I

didn't have regular sex

with an Australian guy for a whole year.

Without her knowing. I think her cheating

was worse than my cheating. I just had

different partners whilst she had the same

one,

but no one seems to care about that. It's

all, oh, poor Chihiro, she got cheated on.

Well, maybe that's karma for her cheating.

I'm just avenging her ex-husband.

No one cares about her ex-husband, do

they? It's always poor Chihiro, the poor

Yeah, well, I'm just avenging her

ex-husband.

Who's going to avenge Chihiro? Mila is.

It all comes round full circle.

Next I'm gonna get cheated on and then

I'll start crying about it.

Oh, thank you, Dr. Akira.

Hmm,

really? I don't know what to say to that.

Good for her, I guess.

Did Mina say you can come? Well, I haven't

told her my plans yet, but I'm pretty sure

she'll see this and then I won't have to.

Thank you, Casey, for the hahaha.

So Mina doesn't know you're coming. Well,

she will do now. I'm pretty sure

she's going to see this. I mean, she's not

doing anything else at home, is she?

Stop talking about me. Here is your

punishment. 9 Stop!

I don't like numbers. It keeps making me

lose focus. What was I saying?

I was saying something.

Uh, do you still prefer Asian girls or it

doesn't matter anymore?

Um, I still like Asian girls, but I'm

not gonna say no to non-Asian girls.

And sometimes Mila does look kind of Asian

at certain angles. You know who I do find

very attractive? Jill Valentine from the

Resident Evil 3 remake. She looks Perfect.

When I look at her face, I feel like my

heart's tingling. She's so pretty. She

kind of looks Latino, Hispanic-y.

I was like, wow, I can't believe they made

a video game character look so attractive.

She's hot. She's not hot hot in a really

sexy way. She has this nice kind of

plain-looking attractive look.

She's perfect.

Jill Valentine is nice, but is she white

or is she Latino? Oh, thank you,

Danny Boy. Haha,

you're message got censored. Sorry about

that. I tried the demo of

Resident Evil 3. It was so boring.

You just run around and then you shoot

zombies, and then you have to look for

keys and then open a door that leads to

another door that's chained, and then you

need a bolt cutter, then you need this to

do that, and you need that to do this,

and then stupid Nemesis keeps jumping out

of nowhere and you can't kill him. So

annoying. And then that guy Carlos,

he looks so stupid. His hair— what the

hell is that hairstyle? It's like it's,

it's too high. It looks like a hat.

It's like he's got a massive head

underneath his hair. It should be much

lower down. Pisses me off.

Oh, thank you, Andu. Do you consider

yourself a weeaboo? Not anymore, but I

used to be a massive weeb. I was like the

stereotypical weeaboo who had all of his

computers and phones set to Japanese.

He's obsessed with everything Japanese.

I didn't even listen to English music. I

would just listen to Japanese music all

the time and only watch Japanese TV. I

refused to listen or do anything in

English, and everything I did was all in

Japanese. I was completely obsessed.

You know what my favourite thing to do on

Resident Evil is? I love it when you just

stand there and you let the zombies kill

Jill. It's kind of hot because they pin

her down They pin her arms down, they

start biting into her neck. It's kind of

sexual. My favorite one— and there's

different animations— and my favorite one

is when you let 2 zombies approach

her from behind. They kind of push her

over and they get on top of her. They

start taking out lumps from her neck and

she's like, ahhhh! It's really erotic.

I just did that for like half an hour,

letting her die.

My favorite one is when you let a female

zombie pin her down and then start chewing

on her neck. I used to do this in the

original games as well. In Resident Evil

2, even in the original version, when he

died, the zombies would group around and

then start pinning him down, and he'd just

be screaming. I loved that. There was

this other game I used to play called

Jurassic Park. It was on the Mega Drive,

and it was like a 2D side-scrolling game.

And the tiny little dinosaurs would jump

onto the character and start eating him

alive. And I would let them just jump onto

him so I could reenact that scene from

Lost World when that guy goes for a piss

and gets lost, and then the little

dinosaurs start jumping on his body,

eating him. I kept reenacting that scene

in the game. And then I'd walk the

character into a bush and then let the

little dinosaurs jump on him and eat him

alive. That's what I used to like doing.

I think it was just called Jurassic Park

on the Sega Mega Drive.

Oh, your text-to-speech didn't work.

I think there's certain words— I haven't

made the blacklist myself, I think it's

like an automatic blacklist, but I think

the word penis— penis is on the blacklist.

Just a heads up if you wanted to write

that in the text-to-speech message.

What do I think of Tomb Raider? I never

liked Tomb Raider. I think it's silly.

It's not interesting.

Wow, look at this leg hair. It's really

Read A New Earth, could help you feel

better. Oh, thank you, Peter.

Reading usually makes me feel bored and

sleepy and then depressed because I feel

stupid for not being able to read a book.

I tried reading that Jordan Peterson book.

Isn't he dying or something? I haven't

been following what Peter Jordanson has

been up to. He was really big, like a few

years ago he was going viral and stuff,

and then everyone just kind of stopped

talking to him. Apparently now he's

had some big health problems and he's in

hospital. I can't remember. I got his

book, Peter Jordenson's

12 Rules to Life. I got to

chapter 2 and I just couldn't read

anymore. It was so boring.

Oh yeah, his name's Jordan Peterson, not

Peter Jordenson. I keep getting his name

wrong as well. Yeah, I used to really like

watching him talk about life and stuff a

couple years ago. I used to watch a lot of

YouTubers like that a few years ago.

People like Alex Jones and Peter Jordenson

and that Paul Joseph Watson. I don't like

Paul Joseph Watson anymore because he

had a go at Ethan for defending iDubbbz

for being a cuck or something.

Paul Joseph Watson is irritating

sometimes. It's like he's trying too hard

to be all manly and alpha. He needs to

tone it down a bit.

I don't think there's anything wrong with

sticking up for iDubbbz. I don't think

iDubbbz did anything wrong. So what if his

girlfriend sells nudes? I sell nudes as

well. I sold some nudes yesterday,

actually.

Good thing I made backup videos of me and

the love doll. I knew someone would be

interested in buying it in the future.

What if Mila says you can't come to visit?

Well, I don't think I need Mila's

permission to enter the Netherlands unless

she's the Queen of the Netherlands, which

I don't think she is. I like

her teeth, something I noticed. Before she

left. She has nice straight pointy teeth

that I find attractive. None of them are

crooked, which is interesting. A lot of

mine are here.

But I like how Leafy made a bit of a

comeback. That was nice seeing him again.

Good old, old-school YouTube coming

back alive.

I miss those days, all those commentary

channels fighting each other.

I liked the latest one with

Ethan saying to Leafy that you can't even

swear anymore on YouTube, and then Leafy

ends the video with something like,

you're an effing piece of shit.

You can swear on YouTube, it's just you

make less money if you do keep swearing.

That's why most YouTubers bleep it out

now.

And I even feel awkward swearing now

because I kind of trained myself to stop

swearing so much. I never used to swear

anyway, but sometimes I did. But I made

myself stop swearing so I could make more

money. It's either swear and then make

less money, or stop swearing and then make

a bit more money. My money.

That's why

it's kind of annoying filming Mira,

because she keeps swearing, then I have to

keep editing out the bits when she swears.

Wow, I feel so much better today compared

to yesterday. Yesterday I was a mess.

I was so depressed, I couldn't do

anything.

98, 86.

Oh no, I lost it now.

If you want to holiday, why not get a job?

I'm doing my job now. This is my job.

I am a live streamer.

What else? What else do I need to buy for

I have family in Rotterdam. Do they have a

spare bedroom?

Are you worried Mila might find you too

clingy? Yeah, I was a bit worried about

that. When she first came to

stay here, I was worried if

it would be too clingy of me if I kept

sitting next to her,

or if I kept following her around.

I'm not sure. I think she is the kind of

person who, who likes to have her space.

So I am trying not to be too clingy.

That's why I don't message her all the

Oh, thank you, Tomoko. Will this make you

less money? No, because you got censored

and you can say coronavirus now.

YouTube changed it so you can say

coronavirus without getting demonetized,

and my, my video when I came back from

Korea when I was talking about coronavirus

went green. It used to be yellow.

I am pretty clingy though. I do like to

cling, and I like it when Girls cling

to me. I don't find

it annoying. I think it's cute.

I thought you were a loner. Yeah, I

thought I was as well. I thought I was

introverted, but I guess I'm not because I

get very lonely and I don't like being

alone. I think being

alone kind of sucks and it's boring.

I like being alone sometimes, like when I

want to play Rainbow Six or when I want to

do a livestream and make a video. But

apart from that, in general, I prefer

being with someone if I enjoy their

So I guess I'm not introverted,

because I think introverts are supposed to

enjoy being alone. I just feel depressed

right now compared to when she was here.

But I don't like being in crowded places

or being surrounded by people. And I don't

want to have loads and loads of friends.

Friends don't really—

friends don't fix the problem that I have.

The problem I have can only be fixed by a

girl, not by

friendship or family.

It's not the same.

I guess it depends on the person. If it's

a person I enjoy being with, then I'd

rather be with them than be alone. But

then if it's an annoying person like the

Turkish girl, then I'd rather just be

I don't like when people keep saying that

I shouldn't rely on women to feel happy,

but I can't really change that. I can't

really change what makes me happy, can I?

If I didn't need women to feel happy,

then that would be great. If I could just

switch it off. But it's just boring.

Life is boring without women. What do you

do? You just sit there, stare at the wall.

Wow, I'm existing. There's certain

things you can do with women that you

can't do by yourself.

Life is— yeah, life can be annoying

because of women, but then life is also

very nice thanks to women at the same

time. A world without women

would just be so boring and depressing. I

mean, what's the point of having money and

being good at doing things if there's no

women in the world? What would

you do?

I don't think there's anything wrong with

liking women. Some people,

they're satisfied by other

things like painting

or driving

a car. Those things

don't really interest me.

I like playing Scrabble. But Scrabble

doesn't really make me feel excited in

the same way women do.

I got a 99-point word

on Scrabble yesterday. I couldn't believe

it. It was zoos, and I put it next to

an E and an X, and I got the triple word

multiplier. 99 points! Still trying

to get a 100-point word, but that was the

closest I got to. And then my second

highest was pathogen at 88 points. 86

points. I'm pretty good at Scrabble.

I usually win every time.

What happened to Cooking with Daniel? I

don't do any cooking anymore because my

mum makes so much food, so I don't need to

cook, and there's always leftovers in the

so it's kind of tricky now. And I can't do

my— you know when I do cooking, I kind of

make a mess and I do dumb stuff. I can't

do that with my family around because I'd

feel stupid. And then if I started doing

stuff like preparing a steak on the

kitchen floor, my mum would go mental and

start screaming at me. So I can't do the

things that used to make Cooking with

Daniel funny and entertaining. If my

mum walks in She'll start having a go at

People think I was really bad at cooking

when— ow! I just did dumb

stuff when I was doing cooking to make it

funny to watch. I don't usually cook on

the floor, and I don't usually do half the

stuff I do in the cooking videos. It's

just To make it entertaining. I don't

actually cook like that. I cook like a

normal person. I don't usually

use scissors to cut things. I just

use a knife.

Sorry to burst your bubble, but that's not

how I cook usually. I was faking it.

Have you gotten over your social anxiety?

I don't think so. It's probably gotten

worse now that I don't talk to anyone.

I stopped trying to get over it and I just

accepted I have it, and now I find ways of

avoiding interaction.

I think avoidance is a lot easier than