I Have Diarrhea - Malaysia Day 2

We made a mess.

I think I ate something bad at the buffet.

I had really bad diarrhea. Last night and

this morning. Good morning,

Malaysia. Can't really see much out of the

window because it's all wet.

Looks a bit gloomy.

We're going to go for breakfast now.

Bye. Pot noodle.

Oh,

I need the

toilet again.

We've been waiting for an hour and 40

minutes now. My family is still sleeping.

My wife's angry because my family didn't

come to breakfast on time. Japanese people

are so punctual.

Stomach's so painful.

It's a very nice toilet.

There's no bacon because Malaysia is a

Muslim country. Ah, no bacon, no ham,

no sausages. What kind of breakfast is

this?

Tomatoes and hash brown. There's no bacon.

It's Malaysia. We've not eaten anything

yet. No, we've been waiting. We waited for

over half— for an hour and a half.

How can an entire nation not eat bacon?

Can't believe it.

This is beef bacon.

Looks weird. Make it fresh.

Tastes weird. Um, to your standard, but

tastes strange, right? Yeah.

Like what? Like tastes like dog meat.

So, um, my stomach's feeling a lot better

now. I just had a nice poop, and now we're

going to see the twin— twin— the Twin

Towers, not the Chin Towers, the Petronas

Towers.

I saw this black woman downstairs at

reception and she was hot. I couldn't stop

staring. Oh,

save me. Her bum was like this. It was so

round and it jiggled when she walked.

Oh, and she had really big

boobs.

It's very hot and I'm wearing too many

clothing, wearing too many layers of

clothing, and I can't speak properly

because it's so hot. We're going to

the Twin Towers now.

I like all the trees here, it's very

pretty.

That's my mum, that's my wife,

and they're talking.

It's so hot, I think I'm wearing too much.

I'm wearing too much.

My face

is sweating. Hello, we are in Kuala

Lumpur.

Oh my God, now we're stranded.

How do we get to the top? We have

to go back this way. This is how it looks

like inside.

It smells

like coconuts here. We're gonna buy

tickets for the Petronas Towers. So tight.

It's so tight.

Oh, I can fit in as well.

Yes, baby, yes! Ah, it's so nice and

cold. There's metal.

The problem is it's really cold inside of

buildings because of the air conditioning,

but outside it's really hot.

So, um, we're trying to get up, up into

the bridge thing.

We can't buy tickets for today because

it's Friday prayer.

Religion. You can't do anything. You can't

drink beer, you can't eat pork, and you

can't even get into the Petronas Towers

when you want to. So we have to buy

tickets for tomorrow, and for some reason

that's taking a very long time. We're

gonna have Japanese food. We came all the

way from Japan to have Japanese food.

There's lots of round skyscrapers here.

You don't really see round buildings in

Japan much. It looks quite interesting.

Why are we going in a taxi? Oh, they take

us to the tower. I mean, we're nearly to

the tower. We're here anyway. Oh, it's

nice and cold.

I need

to go to

chill hour.

So high.

It's so

scary. I'm scared. Please call

me. I don't want to go. I'm scared of

heights. I don't want to go into a glass

box. There's a glass box. Daniel,

here! Are you going inside of it?

I don't really want to go into it.

Twin Towers over there, and they're

building something new over here.

Hmm.

Not really.

Ice cream in the hot weather. Milk.

Wow.

Styling! I just finished having another

shower. It's so hot here. Here. I just

finished having another shower, my second

shower of the day. It's so hot here and

you just end up sweating all the time,

you need to have a shower at least 3 times

a day, otherwise you feel gross and greasy

and sweaty. So my mum— my mum, I nearly

said my wife— my mum and my wife are

having a massage, and my sister and her

boyfriend are also having a massage, and

my dad is— I'm not sure where he is. And

I'm just editing some videos and relaxing.

No, I didn't get naked and masturbate on

the sofa. Disgusting. Then why is there a

tissue roll on the sofa? Hmm, I think

someone's lying. Oh, it's Malaysia in the

daytime! So high

up. We were up there a few hours ago,

and now I'm over here. Look at this

building. It's all covered in green stuff,

and it looks like it's abandoned. Look at

it. It looks Like it hasn't been used for

100 years, and there's one guy down there

moving stuff around. Look, can you see

him? I just saw him, he disappeared. And

you can see here is— this is the monorail.

You can see it moving away. Instead of

buses and a normal train station in Kuala

Lumpur, they have this monorail system,

which is pretty nifty, I guess.

Windows locked, so you can't, you can't

jump out of it, unfortunately. I mean,

fortunately. And this room is huge. It's

way bigger than our apartment back in

Japan. And this bed is gigantic. The beg—

the bed is twice the size of our bed back

home in Japan.

We only slept on half of the bed. We only

slept on one half of it. We don't even

need the other half. You could fit at

least 6 people in here. Can you imagine

it? Me in the middle, 3 girls on each

side. That'd be— that'd be great. Hmm,

would I prefer to be me in the middle and

then 3 girls on each side, or just me and

that hot black girl from earlier on?

Tricky. Well, maybe I'll just stick with

my wife. I think that would be best. And I

asked my mum to bring Pot Noodle from

England. Good old Pot Noodle. I want to

let my wife try it out, see what she

thinks of of it. I don't think she's gonna

like it because most Japanese people don't

seem to like pot noodle, even though it

tastes 100 times better than any rubbish

Japan has to offer. And for some reason

our coffee machine wasn't working, so they

gave us a new one. Hopefully this one

works. I think it does. It looks like

they've been testing it to see if it works

or not. Um, yeah, I'm just hanging out by

myself in the room waiting for the others

to finish their massages. I don't like

massages. It feels really I don't— I don't

like it when people touch me unless we're

about to have cereal. And I'm very

ticklish if someone starts squeezing my

shoulders. I start giggling like a little

girl. So I'm just gonna work on some video

editing and hang out a bit here. And then

later on in the evening, we're going to

meet up with my mum's family, all my

relatives. There's gonna be a lot of

people, at least 20, maybe even 30.

My mum's brothers and sisters, their

children, and their children and my

cousin, so there's going to be a lot of

people. I'm a bit nervous about it. It's

so much fun coming to a hotel. The best

bit about coming to a hotel is you get to

have cereal in a brand new bed that

thousands of other people have also slept

in and possibly had cereal in. You also

get to walk around completely naked, and

yes, I did do that, and I stood right in

front of that big old window. I don't even

care if someone saw me naked. Feast your

eyes, people of Malaysia. Look at those

little worker ants stuck in the traffic

jam whilst I walk around naked Hello,

we're going to dinner now.

It's my shorts, they're not pajamas.

Call my shorts pajamas. Can we

all fit inside? I think so.

Okay, I told you.

You might take two hours to reach there.

It's raining. Oh wow! My God!

I thought Uncle David we will be there at

six o'clock. He told him. Yeah, I might

try the hotel as well. Hi, they got happy

hour. Why they don't want no Wi-Fi?

Oh my God!

God, 6:46. Do you think he come?

We're at the restaurant.

It did say on his sat nav.

Oyster.

Yeah, my dad's over there.

And my sister's over there with all the

young people. Traitor. And I'm sitting

here with all the women.

These are all my relatives. I don't even

know who half of them are.

Ooh, cut the cake!