Life Updates - My Girlfriend, My Job, Happiness

Wooden table lamp. Kind of looks like

a penis.

Oh,

it's weird.

It's all squishy. I thought

it would be solid. It's all rubbery.

Look, look, there's a little lamp.

That's— but it's all squishy, look.

It's like squeezing someone's breasts.

And we got some stuff in a box. Oh, we got

a remote. You can change the colors on

this lamp. That's why I bought it. Oh,

you get 2 remotes. That's strange. I

wonder if there's batteries in there.

What's this?

Instructions. Material: wood and silicone.

Silicone. Silicone? How do you pronounce

that? Please do not dismantle the lamp.

Keep away from high temperature and fire.

Keeping things away from fire is generally

a good idea. Please do not putting the

wire. This product is not waterproof.

Please do not work in humid environment.

Okay, let's plug it in. So it's

plugged in, let's see if it works.

Yeah, it works! Oh look, it's flashing.

That's strange. Let's see if this remote

works. So which color do you guys

prefer? How about an orange?

Oh, there we go, orange. It doesn't look

orange. When I look at it with my eyes,

it's orange, but when you look at it on

the camera, it's just white. That's really

weird. Okay, let's try red.

Oh, it's kind of reddish. It looks really

red in real life, but on the video it just

looks white, doesn't it? That's strange.

It is red, look. See?

It's really weird when you squeeze it.

It's like all rubbery.

Hmm. It's not very bright, is it? You can

change the brightness like this. You can

make it dimmer and you can make it

brighter. I don't know why I bought this

lamp actually. It's because my USB lamp,

the light is really harsh. It casts really

harsh shadows. Because there's no shade on

it. So I thought it'd be a good idea to

buy this, and you can change the colors.

Look, orange,

yellow, green,

blue,

purple.

I like it. It's, it's nice, I guess.

I thought it'd make the video more

interesting. I like the remote.

It's cute. So, um, I don't really have

an idea for today's video, so I'm just

gonna randomly talk about stuff that's

going on. You know, like back in the old

days before all this Reddit stuff

happened, when I used to make really long

videos just talking about stuff that's

happening in my life. I kind of miss doing

those videos and I want to make more of

those. Recently, I feel really tired. I

haven't been sleeping much. I've been

sleeping for about 5 to 6 hours a day

because of this Japanese woman. We're

talking on Skype every day for about 4 to

5 hours. I woke up today at 2 PM

to make a video, and then I spent about an

hour making that video. I decided I didn't

like it, and I've deleted it, so I'm

making a new video right now. I thought we

were going to talk on Skype today as well.

I sent her a message online, but she

hasn't replied. She hasn't even read it.

I'm guessing she's sleeping. She's kind of

strange because every day for the last 2

weeks we've been speaking nonstop, and

today's kind of like the first day where

we haven't actually spoken. I do get a bit

worried. If one day, is she just gonna

ignore me? Is she gonna change her mind

about meeting up and just delete me

offline and just stop replying to me?

This happened once before in the past. I

was talking to this girl and I thought

things were going really well, and then

just suddenly she just deleted me and

stopped responding. It's kind of scary.

It's kind of scary because if she decides

that she doesn't want to talk to me

anymore, she doesn't want to meet, she

could just easily delete me. And didn't—

and just like ignore me and block me, and

I'd be completely screwed. I don't know if

I can get a refund on the airplane ticket.

I can cancel the booking for the hotel,

that's no problem. Yeah, I can't remember

if I told you or not, I actually booked

the airplane ticket. It was pretty

expensive. There were cheaper tickets,

but they were like at really inconvenient

times, and you had to stay in China or

Russia overnight for a really long time.

And I just want to go to Japan on a direct

flight. I just want to get there as fast

as possible and come home on a direct

flight. And I felt like it was worth

spending the extra money for the

convenience. I also booked one of the

hotels. I need to book another 2. The

current plan is we're going to meet in

Tokyo and we're going to stay in a hotel

in Yokohama. And then after 2 days, we're

going to go back to her prefecture and I'm

going to stay there for about 9 days. The

thing I'm worried about is when we go back

to her prefecture, she's, she's going to

have to go back to work and she won't be

able to see me until late in the evening.

So until then, I'm going to have to find

stuff to do by myself until late in the

evening. It kind of reminds me of the time

when I first went to Japan and I was

completely reliant on my girlfriend. I had

nothing else to do, so I used to just stay

in the guesthouse waiting for her to come

and see me, and I felt Like a dog. I felt

like a dog waiting for his master to come

home, just sitting there staring at the

door, wagging his tail. I managed to find

a good hotel in her prefecture, and

there's actually a bullet train station

right next to it, so I could get the

bullet train into Tokyo and visit a

friend. I have a British friend who lives

in or near Tokyo. It'll be nice to see

him, I guess. My coworkers at work, they

keep joking. They keep saying that. I'm

gonna become a stepdad. Everyone at work's

really surprised. They're really shocked.

They all think I'm crazy, you know, crazy

for traveling halfway across the world

just to meet this girl that I met online.

I know it is kind of crazy. Even I think

it's a bit, a bit out there, but I also

think it's kind of exciting, you know.

It's like an adventure meeting someone

new, going to a new place. Well, I know

I've been to Japan many times, but I

haven't actually been to this place where

she lives. And I'm really looking forward

to it. I'm excited about it. I'm really

bored with my current life, you know,

it's just like I go to work, I come home,

I make a YouTube video, go to sleep, and I

go to work, and it's just like this cycle

that continues. It's like a repetitive

cycle. I want to break free from the cycle

and just go to Japan for a week, 10 days,

meet this girl that I met, see if things—

see if it turns into like a serious

relationship. And then take it from there.

I don't know how involved she wants me to

be with her daughter. She was saying

something like, it'll be— I'd like you to

teach my daughter English. I was like,

okay, sure, why not? I know a lot of you

were shocked when I told you that she had

a daughter, and a lot of you were saying

that this is a really bad idea, you

shouldn't get involved with other people's

kids. I don't really mind. It doesn't— it

really doesn't bother me. I don't mind if

she wants me to become involved. I don't

mind if she wants me to be like, like a

father figure. I still really can't

imagine myself as like a stepdad. It's

just— it doesn't make sense. I guess I

could kind of imagine myself as like an

older brother figure. I can't really

imagine myself as a stepdad. That's just

really weird. Maybe she doesn't even want

me to be involved with her daughter at

all. I don't mind. Either way is fine with

me. My coworker keeps joking. He says, I

got a girlfriend. And a daughter, you

know, like it's like buy one get one free.

But yeah, it's like I was saying earlier,

I do get worried that one day she might

change her mind. She might decide maybe I

don't really like this guy that much, and

then she just deletes me off from her

contacts, and I'm frantically typing,

where are you? I thought we were going to

meet up. Why aren't you replying? And then

I don't know what I'm going to do. I'm

going to have to cancel my hotel booking.

I'm gonna have to cancel my airplane

ticket. I don't know if I can get a refund

on the airplane ticket. So if she decides

to just cut me out of her life one day,

I'm kind of screwed, and I'm not gonna

feel good about that. I'm gonna feel

pretty depressed. Also, work's going

pretty well. When I first started the job,

I made a lot of videos moaning about my

coworkers because they were irritating,

they were nagging me, they kept

complaining. But recently It's been fine.

There's been no nagging or complaining. I

think that's mainly because of I'm getting

better at my job. I actually feel pretty

confident. I feel like I'm getting really

good at my job. So there's not really much

they can complain about now. And maybe

it's also partly because they've given up,

you know. There's only so much nagging you

can do to a person until you start to feel

like, what's the point in nagging them?

I'm really stubborn if people nag me. I

tend not to listen. And I'm a terrible

coworker. I wouldn't even want myself as a

coworker. Number 1, I barely speak. I'm

not really friendly. Number 2, I'm really

stubborn. I don't like being told what to

do. I like to do things my own way, even

if that's the incorrect way. I'd rather

find my own way of doing things than have

to listen to or follow what other people

are doing. My coworker keeps telling me

stories about how previous people have

been fired. He tells me that they did

this, they did that, and then they got

fired, and it makes me worried. It makes

me kind of surprised as well that I

haven't been fired already because I've

done some iffy things so far, and I'm not

sure if my boss has seen me do them on the

security cameras because she's watching

me. She's watching me a lot. She's

watching what I get up to, how I do

things, how I get tasks done, and she has

complained a few times about how I've done

things, but she hasn't— I don't— she

hasn't said anything about the iffy things

that I've done in the past. They haven't

actually given me a name tag yet. I'm

still using the trainee sales assistant

name tag, which is kind of worrying

because I've been there for 6 months now

and they haven't even given me a name tag.

It feels like They're not sure if they

want to keep me on. It's like they're

thinking, there's no point in making

Daniel his own name tag because we're

gonna fire him soon. I know a lot of

people aren't really impressed with my

job. A lot of people are making fun of me

saying, oh, he just works at a petrol

station for minimum wage. But I actually

quite like my job. I think it's a decent

job. There are a lot more worse jobs out

there than mine. For example, you know

those warehouse jobs? There's a lot of

documentaries on TV right now about what

it's like working in those warehouses,

and it's so strict. In those warehouses,

they have a 3-strike system, and you can

get a strike for sitting down for a

minute, taking a rest, taking a break, or

needing to go to the toilet, or chatting

to someone. And if you get 3 strikes, you

can get fired. And a lot of those people

who work at the warehouses, they're on

these zero-hour contracts, which are

really unreliable. You don't know if

you're going to be working the next day or

not. At my place, I have a 40-hour

contract, which means I'm guaranteed 40

hours of work every week. Also, I get a

generous 4 weeks paid holiday every year.

I also get sick pay. I also get to take

home all the expired food that hasn't

sold. I get to take home maybe £20 to £50

worth of groceries every week. Also, it's

really nearby my house, so I don't have to

spend any money on transport. I don't have

to like spend an hour sitting on trains

every day. I don't have to pay rent. So

I'm saving all the money I earn. I'm

saving like £1,000 every month. I spend

maybe £100 to £150 on Amazon every month

just buying, buying crap like this lamp.

I have a really good opportunity right now

to save a lot of money, and I really feel

like this job is helping me with my social

anxiety. I feel a lot more comfortable and

confident speaking to strangers and

talking to customers now. I feel like it

was a really good idea to do a customer

service job to, um, try and overcome my

social anxiety. I feel pretty happy right

now. I've got a stable, decent job. I've

got a nice lady in my life that I'm really

excited to meet. I'm a lot happier than I

might appear. I might seem kind of

depressed, kind of negative, But I feel a

lot happier now than I've been in a long

time. Last year I was unemployed. I didn't

have a job. I had no motivation to find

work. I was just hiding in my room,

hiding in my house, hiding in Japan all

this time and like not concentrating or

focusing on things like trying to get a

job or overcoming my issues like social

anxiety. And right now I feel very, I

guess I feel content. With my lifestyle

right now. I think that a lot of people

think I'm really depressed. I don't really

feel like I'm super depressed. Maybe I'm a

bit depressed, a bit down a few days in

the week. I'm not happy 100% of the time,

but then who is? I think I've got a pretty

good life. I don't really have much to

complain about. I've got a healthy body,

healthy family. I've got a nice place to

live. I've got a stable job. I've got I've

kind of got a girlfriend. It's just that

sometimes for absolutely no reason, I just

feel really depressed and negative. It's

like this cloud that hovers over your head

that makes you feel really depressed, and

it doesn't last for very long. It can just

last for 10 minutes sometimes, and then,

you know, 10 minutes later, the cloud just

kind of disappears and I feel energetic

and positive and amazing. And then another

half an hour later, the cloud comes back

again. I feel really depressed. I don't

know what this is. It's kind of like mood

swings. Maybe there's some kind of

chemical imbalance in my brain. Maybe I

need to be taking— maybe I need to be

taking some kind of medication. There are

people in the world who have suffered

terrible loss, who have had loved ones

and family members taken from them, who

have disabilities and horrible diseases,

and those people are more positive and

optimistic than I am. I'm just— I think

I'm just kind of negative and pessimistic

in nature. Maybe that's just my

personality. But I'm not always negative.

I'm not always depressed. You know,

sometimes I feel really energetic and

positive and happy. It comes and goes.

It's like it just happens. I don't

understand why I feel really bad sometimes

and feel really good other times. Maybe

it's like some kind of mild version of

bipolar disorder. I think that even if I

was a bazillionaire and even if I had the

most beautiful girlfriend in the world and

even if I had everything I wanted, I'd

still get these crazy mood swings where I

feel really depressed. Just out of the

blue. Sometimes my mum says, she says,

why do you feel depressed? Why do you feel

sad? You've got nothing to be sad about.

That's the whole thing about depression.

You feel sad and depressed for absolutely

no reason, even if there's nothing to be

sad or depressed about. It's just, you

just feel depressed for no reason.

Anyway, recently I've been feeling pretty

good, pretty motivated, energetic, pretty

happy. So yeah, I think we'll end the

video here, and, um, I'll see you next

time. Do you like my lamp? Look, it's so