I miss my Wife and being married...

Hi. So it's nearly been 2 years now since

I last got divorced. And last year I

didn't really get any time to do any

thinking because I jumped straight into a

new relationship. But this year I've been

alone for pretty much the whole year, and

I've had plenty of time this year to do

lots of thinking. And I think that you

should press the like button. I mean that

I think being alone and being single is

pretty rubbish compared to being married.

Being married was way better in almost

every single way. And I find it really

annoying when people keep saying stuff

like, No, being alone is better. Being

single is better because you can do

whatever you want, however you want to,

whenever you want to. But as someone who

experienced both married life and single

life, being married was way better.

There's nothing about my current life that

I would say is better now than it was when

I was married. My life is so boring and

empty and meaningless right now. And

sometimes people ask me, do I miss

Chihiro? Do I regret getting divorced?

Yes, I do miss her. Maybe she doesn't miss

me, but yeah, I do miss her sometimes,

and I do really miss being married, and I

miss my life from 2 years ago or even a

couple years ago. It was way better. Ever

since last year happened, everything's

just gone downhill. I just can't really

think of any example of how my life has

gotten better since 2019, since beginning

of 2020. My life has had No improvements

at all. And leaving the marriage in

hindsight, yeah, obviously it was a bad

idea, but at the time it was a massive

gamble, and obviously the gamble hasn't

really paid off. But I knew it would be a

massive risk to leave the marriage, and I

would end up sacrificing loads of things,

but I was worried about the future of my

channel, and people were getting bored of

my, my married life where I just stayed at

home in the apartment staring at a fish

tank every day. Which, yeah, it wasn't

very exciting, I guess. I just thought

that if I left the marriage, it would open

up new opportunities and I'd be able to

meet new people and go on new adventures

and travel the world and, you know, get

more girl content and more drama content

and more adventures. At the time, all

those things sounded really tempting and

they sounded way more interesting than

just sitting all day in a Japanese

apartment watching my fish swim around.

And things got off to a pretty good start,

you know, I went to Korea, I met a load of

people, went on a few dates, and I came

back home to England, and then I met Mila,

and it just felt like everything was going

so well. It was exactly what I wanted,

and then everything just went downhill

after Mila left, and I became heartbroken

and depressed, and the rona situation just

got worse and worse, and becoming a travel

vlogger just became impossible. My dreams

and hopes of traveling around the world

and going on new adventures With all these

travel bans and restrictions in place, it

just destroyed my plans and hopes of

becoming a travel vlogger. And I know it's

not impossible to travel. There's still

people even now traveling around and

making content, but there's so many hoops

you have to jump through now to, to enter

certain countries. You've got to get this

test and do that and do this. And as a

very lazy person, I can't really be

bothered. And now I find myself stuck here

in England stuck in an apartment locked in

for 6 months. I'm in the same situation

that I was trying to escape from when I

was married, which was being stuck in one

place, being stuck in the same apartments,

not really doing anything interesting.

But things are way worse now because I

don't have a wife anymore and I'm stuck in

a country that no one cares about. It's

just so frustrating because I chose to

leave the perfect country to make travel

vlogs in because everyone's so interested

in Japan and no one really cares about

England very much. Instead of just making

nice travel vlogs in Japan with Chihiro,

I decided to chase drama content and girl

content, which at the time everyone kept

telling me that's not a good idea. Drama

content's not sustainable. But I refused

to listen and I kept saying, I'll just

start new drama with new people. The

problem is drama requires conflict and

conflict requires upsetting people, and I

just don't really enjoy upsetting people

anymore like I used to. It makes me feel

bad now. And making more and more enemies

around the world doesn't sound like a good

idea either. And I'm also starting to

realize that it's really difficult to find

a girl who's okay with being on camera.

Chihiro was completely okay with being on

camera and in videos, and I didn't have to

hide her face or hide anything. And I took

that for granted so much. You know, no one

wants to be in my videos anymore. Even if

I meet girls now, they're always like,

don't film me, don't talk about me, don't

do this, don't do that. When I first met

Miida, in the beginning she was okay with

being in videos and doing livestreams with

me, and I thought, great, this is

fantastic. Then after a while she changed

her mind because she didn't want to be a

character on my channel. She didn't want

to be like part of the channel anymore.

And then she wouldn't let me tell everyone

that we got back together, and she

wouldn't let me film her, and she wouldn't

even let me say that I was in the

Netherlands. I had to pretend I was still

in Germany. And then eventually she let me

talk about things again, but she got upset

when I was negative and complained in my

livestreams. And then she got upset when I

acted weird in my videos. The whole thing

was just a complete nightmare, and I had

to make up all this fake stuff like

getting a job at a sandwich factory in

Germany and investment and stock videos

because she wouldn't let me talk about

what was actually happening. And that's

kind of why the relationship failed,

because she wouldn't let me do anything

that I usually do on my channel, which is

being open and being weird and being

negative. That's what my whole channel is

built upon. And I compare that to when I

was married and I didn't have any of these

problems. Chihiro never had any problem

with me filming stuff and talking about

stuff, apart from, you know, the few times

when I took it a little bit too far and I

talked about things that were a little bit

too personal and intimate. And now I'm

just feeling a bit down because I realized

that Chihiro was such a great partner.

She was so supportive with helping me make

videos and being part of the channel. She

didn't hold me back and she didn't say,

you know, don't film this and don't film

that. She just let me talk about most

things that were happening. And I'm just

kind of worried that I might never find

that again. Sure, maybe I could eventually

find a new girlfriend, But will she let me

film everything? Will she let me vlog

everything? Would I be able to talk about

her? Will she appear on the channel in

videos? Probably not. Most people value

their privacy, and I had such a great

thing going in Japan. It was perfect. I

could vlog everything. I could be pretty

open about almost everything. So many

people were interested in life in Japan.

I could have just vlogged that, gone to

tourist destinations and filmed it, and it

would have done pretty well, I think. I

could vlog my life now because there's no

one stopping me or telling me not to, but

I'm just not really doing anything

interesting. I go to Aldi, I go shopping,

and then I come home, and then I just sit

at my computer all day long, and I don't

have anyone to go out with and film

together with. It was just really nice

when I had Chihiro, and then we just went

on a day trip and I could film everything.

I didn't have to hide anything, and I wish

I just had the confidence to go and do

things by myself and film it by myself.

But I just feel so stupid vlogging outside

like those other travel vloggers do, and I

kind of need someone to, to be with in

order to feel comfortable to film it.

Otherwise, I just feel too embarrassed.

So in conclusion, that was another case of

the grass seems greener, but it usually

never is. And once again, I somehow made

the worst decisions and choices in life.

Hello, welcome back to a new Cooking with

Daniel. We're gonna make pork belly

slices, very tasty. And I think I'm gonna

do a roast pork with hopefully crispy

crackling skin. Well, it's not skin, it's

like the fat on the top. I want that to go

crispy, and I've got 2 seasonings I want

to experiment with. I've got sage and

Chinese five-spice.

Okay, so we're gonna line them up one by

Oh, chop that

roughly into

Pieces. Put that

in the pot.

Oh.

And that is how you make roast pork. I

don't know if it's crispy. Hmm, it's not

really crispy.