I'm Okay (I promise)

Hey, so I want to talk about the last

video I made because there seems to be

some kind of— there seems to be some

confusion about it. The last video I made

was titled Why I Haven't Killed Myself

Yet, and the whole point of the video was

to talk about reasons why I haven't killed

myself, why I wouldn't want to commit

suicide, and I got hundreds of

really nice comments saying things like,

um, please don't kill yourself, don't do

it, it's not worth it. And I was really

surprised and kind of confused as to why I

was getting so many comments like that. I

was really thankful and grateful to get so

many really nice comments like that, and

it just showed me how, um, thoughtful and

nice the majority of you people are. It's

not just haters all the time. But it was

kind of strange because in the actual

video, I didn't actually say that I was

planning on committing suicide or that I

was thinking about ending my life or

killing myself. What I was trying to say

in the video was reasons why I wouldn't

kill myself, and I gave you some reasons,

and I also said that I wouldn't have the

guts to do it because I wouldn't have the

guts. I wouldn't even have the courage to

be able to do something like that, and

I've thought about suicide in like a

general, in a general way, like most

people probably have, but I've never

actually thought about doing it myself.

I've never actually thought about taking

my life in a serious way. I wouldn't do

that. I couldn't do that to my family, my

parents. I couldn't do that to the people

that love me and care for me. My parents

have spent so much time and money and

resources on bringing me up, nurturing me,

providing for me for the last 28 years.

And if I just ended it, It would just be

such an insult towards them. It would just

be like they've wasted the last 28 years

of their life on something that was

pointless. So I was a bit confused when I

got hundreds of comments saying things

like, don't kill yourself, don't do it,

because I didn't actually say that I was

planning on committing suicide or that I

was wanting to do that in the video, and

it just seemed like the comments and what

I was saying in the video didn't match up.

Maybe it was because of the music that I

used in the video, the strange creepy

music, or the kind of dramatic

over-the-top way I was talking in. I'm

sorry if I misled you or if I confused

you. That wasn't the intention. I was just

in a funny mood that day, and I don't

know, I just felt a bit more lively and

expressionable— is that a word?— than

usual in that video. Anyway, I'm really

grateful for all the supportive comments I

got, and if you're one of those people who

did leave me a really nice comment, I want

to say— I want to say thanks. I'm not

saying you're stupid for misunderstanding

the video. That's not what I want to say.

And it, it really lifted my

spirits, I guess. I'm just so used to

getting so many hate comments and horrible

comments that it kind of came as a

surprise that so many people were leaving

supportive, nice comments. It kind of made

me realize that the majority of people who

watch watch my videos probably aren't

dicks or haters or horrible people, that

they're actually nice and kind people.

She's nice. Sometimes it feels like people

don't actually watch the videos, or

they're just reading the title and then

jumping to conclusions, or they're just

watching the first minute and then

deciding that they know what it's all

about, and then leaving a comment and not

actually watching the whole video. That's

like watching the first hour the first

half hour of a movie and then deciding,

oh, okay, I know what this is all about,

I don't need to watch the rest. It kind of

reminds me of that time when I was in

Japan and I made that video titled Picking

Up Japanese Girls with My Drunk Japanese

Friend, and that video got so many

dislikes and people were saying things

like, how dare you go around Japan trying

to pick up other girls when you have a

girlfriend, when if you actually watch the

video, you'll see that I didn't even talk

to any Japanese girls. It was just my

friend who was walking up to strangers and

randomly trying to ask them out. It's like

people don't actually watch the videos and

then they leave a comment, and that—

that's kind of irritating, actually.

Yeah, I guess it was kind of my fault

because I made a misleading title. I

should have titled it something like, my

Japanese friend goes around trying to pick

up Japanese girls. Instead, I put pick—

trying to pick up Japanese goals with my

Japanese friend. It kind of sounds like we

were doing it together when I was just

filming him. Also, my dad said that my mum

saw that video as well, and she was a bit

upset about it. She also didn't understand

what I was trying to say in the video,

but that's understandable because her

English isn't great, to be honest. And she

said that my dad said that she said that

she saw some comments saying something

about her parenting being bad, that my

parents did a bad job, and it really hurt

her feelings or something. It's a bit

tricky. I kind of wish she wouldn't watch

my videos because a lot of

people do say hurtful or insulting things

in the comments, even towards my parents,

which I don't feel is justified. I don't

blame my parents for the way I turn out.

I think that they did a fairly decent job.

Maybe they were a bit too soft on me.

Maybe they should have disciplined me a

bit more. But they're my parents.

I still love them. I don't blame them for

anything, and I don't— I wish that people

wouldn't write hateful comments towards my

parents because my mum does actually watch

my videos. My dad doesn't because he

actually told me himself, he said that he

used to watch my videos when I used to

make normal videos, but then I started

making kind of strange videos, and he said

that he stopped watching them because they

made him feel sad. They made him feel like

he failed me as a parent. That wasn't

really my intention when I started making

videos. I didn't make videos to make him

feel that way. So it'd be nice if my mum

stopped watching as well, because I can't

really stop people from saying what they

say in the comments, and I don't want to

turn the comments off. I don't want to

start banning people because I like seeing

all the comments. I like seeing all the

opinions from different people. I like

seeing the positive comments and the

negative comments. I like seeing the

debates that go on, and I find it

interesting. I feel like my skin is thick

enough to the point that I don't really

care about the hate comments or about

negative things people have to say about

me, but My parents are different. They're

not used to this YouTube or internet

culture, I guess,

and they're not used to being criticized.

So yeah, I'm not

really sure what to do about that because

I can't stop my mum from watching my

videos. She's going to watch them.

Obviously she's gonna be curious if I

title my videos things like reasons why I

don't want to kill myself. As a parent,

she must be pretty worried about things

like that. So yeah, I just wanted to make

this video to clear that up. I'm, I'm not

planning on killing myself. I'm not

thinking about committing suicide. Sorry

if that was confusing. I didn't mean to

mislead or trick anyone.

And yeah, everything's okay. I'm, I'm

okay. I'm feeling okay.