MY FIRST CHRISTMAS IN JAPAN!

Hey guys, it's another exciting day in Japan! And it's Christmas! And today we're going to— we're going to Tsutaya to return the DVDs that my girlfriend forgot to take with her when she went to work. And it's gonna be great, and I'm taking you with me on an adventure.

Hey, it's finally Christmas Day! Good morning! I have so many exciting things planned for us to do today. It's gonna be so much fun. We have the dishes to wash

and the laundry to do and the apartment to clean. So much fun!

Oh, I know, let's see what's on TV when it's Christmas in Japan.

Oh, I know! Let's open the presents! Opening presents is the best part of Christmas! Here's your fucking present. Oh, thank you so much! That's so kind of you!

Oh, I wonder what it could be.

Oh wow, it's a tiny little mirror so I can look at my micro dick from behind.

Wow, look at this! This is the best Christmas present ever! Oh, what's this? There's something else in this package. Let's have a look.

Whoa, is this what I think it is? A dentist's metal toothpick? Wow, I, I just don't know what to say. That's so generous of you. I'm going to use this every day and look after my teeth.

Now all the housework is done, we can go into town, meet up with my girlfriend, and do some Christmas shopping.

Oh, for fuck's sake.

Shut up!

Hey, it's, um, it's not Christmas anymore. I had a nice Christmas. Did you have a nice Christmas?

Honestly speaking, I didn't have a great Christmas. It wasn't one of my best Christmases, mainly because of this. I had 2 glasses of this red wine and I got, I got absolutely smashed. I felt terrible. We had this smoked turkey which didn't taste anything like a turkey. It looks like a ham and it tastes exactly like a

ham.

I thought they got some kind of pork or ham and then just wrapped it around the chicken leg, a chicken bone, and pretended it was a turkey because it didn't taste anything like a turkey. Now, I'm not saying it tasted bad. It actually tasted pretty good. But the thing is, when I buy a turkey, I expect it

to taste like a turkey, but it didn't. It tasted like a piece of pork ham. And I kept thinking to myself, why does this turkey taste like ham? Is it actually turkey? And then I realized that I've only ever had roasted turkey before. I've never had a smoked turkey before. And if you cook a turkey the same

way you would cook a ham, then I guess the turkey will taste like a ham. If you think about it, roast pork and ham taste completely different even though it's the same animal. The texture is different, the color is different. Roast pork is white and ham is pink. How could this be? So then I thought to myself,

maybe roasted turkey doesn't taste the same as smoked turkey. Because it's not cooked in the same way.

Anyway, after we finished our turkey Christmas dinner, I was extremely thirsty and we had this wine and I poured myself a glass and I just gulped it all down all at once. And then I poured myself a second glass and I poured myself a second glass of wine and I drank it all at once again. And this

isn't a good idea. If you're drinking wine, you need to drink it slowly. If you drink it all at once, it's a very bad idea. I got very drunk very quickly, and my head felt like it weighed a ton. I couldn't even sit upright. I was collapsing and flopping all over my girlfriend. It was actually pretty fun

being drunk at first. I felt like all the problems and troubles in my life just slipped away. I would just start randomly laughing for absolutely no reason. And then after about 10 or 15 minutes, I felt really bad. I couldn't even stand up. I was so dizzy, and I just wanted to lie down. My head felt really

heavy, and if I tried to get up, if I tried to move, I felt so sick I thought I was going to vomit. For the rest of the evening, I collapsed on the bed and I just rolled up into a ball, and I stayed very still, trying my hardest not to vomit up the turkey I just ate.

It was horrible. It felt like one of the worst things I've ever experienced in my life. It was kind of like a combination of being punched in the face whilst sitting on a boat that's rocking backwards and forwards. I felt so sick, but somehow I managed to keep it all under control, and thankfully I didn't vomit. I

managed to keep all of the contents of my stomach inside of my stomach, and I fell asleep, woke up the next day, and I felt perfectly fine. I didn't have a hangover. I didn't have a headache. I don't really care about Christmas that much. It's, it's a bit of fun, I guess, but it's not a hugely important

day for me. When I was a kid, it used to be the most important day of the year because my mum would buy me 2 new video games for my Christmas present, and that was the only way I could get new games because I didn't have any money because I was a kid. But now I have money

and I'm not a kid anymore, I don't really look forward to Christmas like I used to. Sometimes people ask me, why do Japanese people celebrate Christmas when they're not Christian? And Christmas in Japan isn't really a religious holiday, it's just like a bit of fun. My family's not religious. I'm not religious. I think the idea that a

god could exist is just stupid. And yet I still celebrate Christmas. Even back home in England, Christmas isn't really a religious thing anymore. It's more like a traditional thing where you get together with your family and you have some nice food and you exchange presents. It's not really about God or Jesus anymore. In Japan, Christmas is about

going into the city, watching the Christmas light-up show, buying some chicken, and then spending the rest of the day with your boyfriend or your girlfriend. It's not really a family thing. It's more like a second Valentine's Day where you spend the day with your lover.