why i HATE Hogwart's Legacy

I'm

back. Second crash. The game didn't

crash. For some reason, Streamlabs broke

and I couldn't reopen it.

All my software failing on me today.

Now I need to load up the game again.

I don't know why it needs to prepare

shaders every time you open the game. It

takes ages.

I don't think my PC is the problem, it's

the software. Buggy,

unreliable software. Streamlabs. I don't

know why Streamlabs is the only software

that everyone uses. Why can't Twitch make

something good? That does what Twitch— I

mean, that does what Streamlabs does but

doesn't crash.

Is my laptop overheating? It's pretty hot,

actually. It's Very hot, burns my fingers.

Mila Fat Bottom.

I loaded pretty quickly.

Okay, where was I?

What am

I don't know what to do.

I need to learn disarming charm, so I need

to get Expelliarmus,

which is this one. I don't know where to

find this Professor Hecat.

Successfully avoid enemy attack. Oh, I

just have to find some enemies, I think,

and practice dodging. So I'll

just go outside and find some spiders.

Maybe this

game don't interest me.

Why not? I think it's okay.

Looks nice. It's got a lot of

things to do. But I think you need to be

into the whole Harry Potter universe

slightly. I was really into Cyberpunk

because I like the world and the cyberpunk

theme. Don't know if I really care much

about the wizarding world.

Why do I suck at this?

At what? Harry Potter.

Why is there a bear claw here?

Wow, it's quite pretty, isn't it?

It's like Elden Ring.

Elden Ring.

I think there's a bear or some kind of

monster.

Oh, it's just a wabbit.

Kill the rabbit.

Oh, I got an autumn scarf.

What is this tree?

I swear there's someone in the game sounds

just like you.

All British people sound the same. Oh, a

little house.

No,

why is there a paw on the map but there's

nothing here?

I need some enemies to fight so I can do

the rolling stuff, the dodging.

What are

Oh, girlfriend messaged me again.

I want to go everywhere in the world with

you. I worry about you. Who will take care

of you? Who will help you when a scammer

bothers you. There's no

scammer in Japan.

I'm fine.

She's being weird.

Thinks I'm a baby. Oh my god, what's that?

What's that flying fire? What was that?

Poacher. Thought someone's

on voice chat. Oh, there's poachers

down there.

Oh my god, I pulled him up to me and now

he's— oh, that was pretty cool actually.

I pulled him up into the air and let him

drop. Is there fall damage?

Oh no.

Rivet gloves.

You don't think it's your internet

connection? What, that's making the game

lag? No, it's not an online game, it's an

offline game.

So I just need to practice rolling.

Oh yeah, it's working. 5 out of 10, 6 out

of 10, 7 out of 10.

Stop messing around like I'm an idiot!

Rookwoods don't go down easy.

So very weak. Too slow.

Why do they take so long to die?

Why am I streaming on Twitch?

Because if I stream on YouTube, they

probably copyright strike me for stupid

Harry Potter music.

Okay, now what do you attend? Defense

against dark arts.

Back to school.

I need to pee.

Do do do do do da da da.

Hello.

Peep peep time.

I've always said that travel broadens the

mind.

My pee is so yellow.

Need to drink more.

Only 28 viewers. Yeah, I guess not many

Harry Potter fans in the community.

Huh. Professor, I wondered, did you attend

Hogwarts? I did. I am a proud member of

Ravenclaw House. Why do you ask? I was

curious as to how Hogwarts has changed

over the years. I see. Well, the castle

itself, as I'm sure you have surmised, is

full of surprises. I dare say more than

the staircases change around here. As for

the students, well, they seem to get more

capable every year. Although we got up to

just as much mischief in my day as you

seem to now. I used to look the other way

at all sorts of roguery when I was head

girl. I can How

fascinating.

Not— I need to wait for daytime.

Advance day to night with

I hope you were able to take care of

everything I had asked you to do. She's

gonna ask you to marry her.

That wouldn't really surprise me. I feel

like she might suggest it. I'm gonna say

I'll think about it, but I definitely

don't want to get married again. So

annoying marrying Chihiro. Chihiro was

such a pain in the backside, wasn't she?

Kind of glad she's gone now. No more

Instagram or YouTube channel either.

I thought I'd never get rid of her.

Professor, I completed all of your most

recent assignments. Well done. Daniel wins

again. Pay close attention.

Spellcasting requires a focused mind and a

steady hand. Wow,

it's chasing me! Oh no, but I need to

point the cursor at the place I'm going

to.

Expelliarmus! What does it do?

Disarms wands and weapons. Okay, it's

pretty useful.

Okay, now we do

the main quest map.

How nice

to see you, my dear. How many viewers does

Yuji Nakuni get? But she gets like 600.

Oh, bad guys.

It isn't Nora Treadwell's precious little

guardian.

Wow, did I just blow him up?

I'm already a mass murderer.

I thought I'm supposed to be like an

innocent teacher. Why is it— I mean,

innocent student.

It's just destroying people.

Oh, I'm gonna die.

Oh my God, where are they coming from?

I'm gonna die.

Ow. Oh my God, I died.

I can't kill this guy, he keeps shielding.

Why is this one so tough?

He doesn't die when I Can

I drown him?

Oh, I killed him! Oh, that was tough.

I'm gonna die. I don't have potions.

Has your

mom called you about blocking her? No,

cuz I blocked her. How's she gonna call

Haha, leech juice. Do you remember when

people used to call me a leech?

Brings back memories.

Now who's the leech?

There's one more dark mongrel.

This place

has seen better days.

Facebook? I blocked her on Facebook.

Do you remember when people were like,

get a job, leech,

YouTube not a real job?

I bet most of those people have lost their

jobs since then. I'm still doing my

not-a-job job.

When did the police come? I think it was

last Summer. My mom was doing a barbecue,

so it must be pretty hot. We meet again,

Richard Jackdaw. I suppose I shouldn't be

surprised to see you.

Follow me. Keep— the combat's quite fun

when it's challenging. You got

to use your spells wisely,

otherwise they go on cooldown. Fall, and

if I recall, a lake. You'll see.

You've been very helpful. Thank you.

Thank you.

Surprising how much of this is rather

unfortunately coming back to me.

Well, maybe you shouldn't have come to the

Forbidden Forest, idiot.

You know, the closer we get, the more I'm

remembering. Probably best I leave you to

it. Simply stick to the path and keep a

sharp eye out for that bird. Wow, these

are level 20 enemies. Aren't I a bit

underleveled?

Oh, oh, nearly 2-shot me.

I'm barely doing any damage.

Oh, it takes half my health with

one attack.

I'm barely doing any damage.

What? Oh crap, it's an

even bigger one. Why are there so many?

I'm gonna die.

My spells are not doing anything to it.

No, he's just watching me die.

Why doesn't my spell work on it?

Why is it not doing anything?

I think I've glitched it or something.

How to cheese the spider.

Is it bugged? Look, it's not doing

anything.

It's gonna one-shot me if I get hit

though.

Haha, I killed it!

And that is how you cheese this badda.

I don't think I'm supposed to be doing

this at level 12.

Nothing to do now but keep going.

Who called the cops? Probably Gunnar

Larsen.

He didn't call them, they— he sent

the clip to the police website. I think it

took like 6 months for it to process.

Did you see there was a huge boycott?

Yeah, I saw on Twitter. Something oddly

solemn about this place. Such regal

creatures, stags.

There it is, just as Jackdaw described.

Good thing you can't cancel me. I'm

already dead. Dead channel.

How are you gonna cancel? Do you think

I'll lose more viewers because I'm playing

this? Probably because— not because it's

J.K. Rowling or transphobic or anything,

but because it's just a boring game.

Oh my God, oh my God,

oh my God,

die! Is that

the best you can do?

When are you going to give up? No,

we're getting good

at this. Let's see where Jackdaw has led

me. Jackdaw's tomb.

I wonder how big this place is.

Impressive. That must be why this one

needs— wow.

On casual visitors down here.

Revelio! I wonder if any of my spells will

help me through this.

So many enemies ganging up on you.

Don't really know why people care if JK

Rowling is whatever.

Another puzzle.

Well, if Jappador could solve this, so can

I. Perhaps the next

clue is hidden somewhere.

Revelio!

Oh, behind the rock!

Remarkable.

It's kind of weird why JK Rowling is so

vocal. It just seems

like she's really bored and spends a lot

of time on Twitter saying stuff.

Doesn't she just do something else? Enjoy

her money,

buy a Tesla or something.

I guess she feels really strongly about

this stuff. Isn't she like a super

feminist?

Ah, gonna die.

Oh, that was close.

Nearly got me, nearly got me.

Would I see Ice when he goes to Japan?

I'm pretty sure Ice will be gone by then.

He's already been there for 2 months now.

Seems like he's been there forever.

Gear slots are full. What?

I might need to put some gear on to give

me, give me some boost, boosted stats.

Oh, I got some glasses.

Orange Eye Newt Goggles.

This has more offense.

Oh, this has more defense.

Would I visit India? Never. India looks

scary. Oh, I got an epic loosened under

umber autumn scarf.

It kind of sucks you can't really choose

what you want to wear because You have to

choose what has the best stats instead of

what you think looks good. I don't

really want to look like this, but this

has the best stats.

My problem with trans people— I wouldn't

do that just because I don't want to get a

strike on YouTube, and I feel like that

would count as bullying.

Otherwise, I'd definitely go all out and

make like a troll video about why being

trans is weird or something.

Why I stand by JK Rowling.

Why can't I loot stuff? Your gear slots

are full.

What?

Nothing's full. What do you mean your

gear slots are full?

No.

Why can't I loot it? Complete Merlin trial

challenges to increase your gear slot

capacity or sell excess gear.

Oh, you can destroy it.

Destroy that.

Daring Cloak. I thought it said Darling

Cloak. Oh.

Extraordinary. Oh, that looks so boring.

It's like a brown potato bag.

It's got good offense. I look

like an old woman.

I've got 20 out of 20 gear, that's why.

Where's the other one I missed? I'm gonna

go and get it. Where was

it? I think it was down here.

I lost it.

Oh well, I really enjoyed

your stream with the huge lizards and

naked guy. Yeah, it was fun,

but I got such low views on it. Not even—

I think I only got 4K views.

It's not worth it. I'd rather

just stay at home.

What do I do?

Dark Herbologist hat.

Hmm, look like a hobo homeless wizard.

Oh wait, what's that?

No, stop.

Untouched chest. Chapter wasn't very

thorough in his surgicals.

Oh no,

fell off.

Where do I go now? Find the missing pages.

Okay.

Incendio!

Revelio!

Incendio!

Accio! Leviosa!

Have I got my broom? Nope,

but I don't know where to go.

I think I've been here.

I'm glad

Richard Jekyll left a little something

behind for me, but Where could he be?

Oh God,

why are there so many? Well, I did 850

Stupid spiders.

What's after this?

Uh, how do I get under this?

The bodies fall down.

What's this spider doing?

Spinning.

Can you lift the rock? I don't think so.

I tried.

Maybe this way.

That's odd. I'd have thought Jackdaw

would have been interested in this loot.

It There's no sign of him.

How do

I get over there? Let's go down there.

Stylish school uniform.

Hmm,

can't even see it anymore. 4 o'clock.

I think I'll end in 2 hours.

I need to make my review video.

No, I'm back here again.

Where's the missing page?

Why is this wall Yellow.

I'm stuck.

There it

is. Aha, bridge. It's almost complete.

Easy.

I think there's gonna be a spider boss.

Yep, spider boss.

Is it a boss? I don't think it's a boss.

It looks big.

That is 2 of them.

There's too many of them.

Ow.

Farewell, monster. I can only imagine how

these spiders have multiplied since

Jackdaw came this way.

Revelio.

Revelio. I'll need to look

around for this.

Rebellion. Oh, it's down here.

Actually, I quite like the combat system.

It's quite fun once you

get used to it.

You get so much loot. Level 13.

Ice is rocking your old emo hair. Really?

The suspenders talk him into straightening

his hair. Let me see.

Did I meet her mum last weekend?

No, she didn't go for some reason. I

thought she was going to go. We ended up—

no, she went to the hospital. I stayed

here.

Ice's hair. What the hell?

He has like really straight hair.

He looks like that— he looks like that

half Spanish, half Japanese guy who was in

that J-drama called Rookies.

He looks so funny. I don't think

this hairstyle suits him.

Which is better, straight or curly?

Curly.

How did he get it so straight?

It's like anime hair.

Did I go to a private school? No, I went

to Chavi Swaeland's public school.

His hair looks so funny.

Did they put hairspray in it? How is it

all sticking up like that, like he's been

static shocked?

Perhaps it's under the platform.

I must be getting closer to Jackdaw's

remains and those pages.

You meet again, Richard. Oh, is that

Jackdaw? Well, this guy got destroyed.

He got 2 swords in his neck.

Damn.

Your doom, Jackdaw. Is there

something beyond this room?

Maybe. What's that sound? Oh my

God.

Incendio.

Here,

incendio.

Spray armor to disarm the boots.

Spray armor.

These are like the, the big enemies in

Elden Ring, the corrupted knights.

They even have a similar moveset. Where

they just dive at

you. Easy.

Whoa, whoa, I didn't know I could do that.

Ancient magic.

I've seen this before in Gringotts

and the restricted section.

Where am I? Oh no,

the room is starting to— Oh no.

How am I being protected? What sort

of magic is this?

Wow,

underwater.

I can only hope this magic protects me

until I'm able to make my way out of here.

This game's pretty fun actually. It's like

Indiana Jones with this dungeon stuff and

the puzzles, but with magic. I don't

really care about the Hogwarts stuff.

Hogwarts is kind of boring, but I like the

dungeons and the fighting's actually quite

It's that Dumbo doll.

Percival Rackham. Who's that?

Has someone finally found our map chamber?

I recognize you from the Pensives. You're

Professor Rackham. I am indeed. I must

confess that I am surprised to see someone

so young standing before me. I'm the same

age that you and Isadora Morganarch were

when you started at Hogwarts. You've paid

attention. And might I presume you share

our ability to see traces of ancient

magic? Yes, sir, I do. As you have likely

realized by now, our ability gives us a

unique relationship with all forms of

magic. We can access expressions of

magic that few others can. Opportunities

will arise that allow you to sharpen this

rare talent. Do not squander them. I

won't, Professor. Thank you. We have much

to discuss. But first, a map found in

a certain book led you here. Place the

book on the pedestal. I don't have the

book with me, sir. Hmm, that is

unfortunate. I'm afraid we must pause our

conversation until you return with the

book. I thought I have the book.

What book? I'm a bit confused, sir.

Why is this room called the Map Chamber?

I assure you that it has maps once the

book has been placed on the pedestal.

Okay. The statues and carvings in the

house on the cliffside, those are of you.

Are you a Seer? I am. Did you know that I

would be here? I cannot say more at

present except to say that your presence

here does not entirely surprise me.

Very well, I'll retrieve the book right

away. Good, we shall speak again once the

book is in place.

Your connection to ancient magic has

unlocked talents. Oh,

hope these talents are good.

Uh-huh, so I can specialize into different

areas. Magic stuff.

8 talent points available. Oh,

this makes the game more interesting.

Improve spellcasting, improve dark arts,

improve core stealth, Room of

Requirement.

I don't really want to sneak around, I

want to destroy stuff. Maybe Dark

Arts. Level 5,

I can get Disarming Curse, Stunning Curse,

Blood Curse.

Level 22,

Avada Kedavra or Curse

Sapper restores some of your health.

Enemy under your control with Imperial

Curses are the targets.

Hmm,

Flipendo Curse.

What does it do? Cursed enemies take

increased damage. It flips them upside

down. But spells— enemies

near a target summoned by ACO are also

pulled to you. Ah,

it's like a group pull.

Oh wow, that looks pretty cool. Casting

Incendio unleashes a ring of flame.

Enemies near a target

levitated by Levioso are also levitated.

So it's just like AoE stuff. What does

this do? Enemies struck with

transformation spells transform into

explosive objects.

Wow.

Bombarda, explosive blast.

That looks pretty cool.

Imagine you just blow someone up off the

edge of a cliff. Slice through impacted

enemies.

Confringo: produce fiery bolts that seek

enemy targets. I don't know which

ones to choose. Which one should I get?

Core: ancient magic catches and throws

disarmed enemy weapons.

Reduce spell cooldowns. Nah, that's

boring.

Oh, I can have a different spell set.

Wiggin' Will heals you to greater effect.

Stealth— enemies' ability to detect you

reduced, allows you to sprint.

I don't really want to do stealth. What

No, this is like potions and stuff.

Hmm, I could get— I

don't know if I want to get Dark Arts.

They're just like curses. I want to get

firebombs and stuff. Oh, that looks pretty

cool. Enduring Curse.

No.

I think this one looks pretty good.

Incendio Mastery.

And this one— imagine you pull them all

towards you and then you do that AoE fire

blast. Can I get 2? I want to get this.

I also want this so I can pull them all

towards me and then blow them up. I've got

6. I can get another 6.

I'll get some

other stuff, maybe core reduce

spell cooldowns. That could be good.

Well, maybe I get Spell Knowledge 1,

this one. And what else

should I get?

The Dark Arts talents don't really look

that interesting for some reason.

Maybe I'll save those remaining 2 for

next time. I need to pee again.

I want to try out my new talents.

What can I do?

Whoa, haha, Harry Potter could never do

that. Look at this.

So I can have different, um,

spell layout here. What should

I put? I could put Lumos

and the

stealth thing, Reparo. Stuff I don't

usually use. I want to get Bombardo.

What do I think of the game? I'm liking it

a lot more now. Now I have talents and The

combat's pretty fun actually. Look at

this, a firebomb.

Never saw anyone do this in Harry Potter.

Haha, exit the map chamber.

Imagine Harry Potter just incinerating all

his enemies like that.

This isn't what Harry Potter was about

from the movies.

You don't really see anyone in Harry

Potter the movies become like a weapon

of mass destruction, apart from— it

was only when Dumbledore fought Voldemort

and and they had that epic battle when you

really realized that, wow, the magic in

Harry Potter is actually really cool.

But they barely use really cool magic like

that. They just do boring stuff.

That Dumbledore versus Voldemort fight was

like Naruto battle.

Made the spells and magic look really

cool. I'm back at Hogwarts.

I wonder when Professor Fig will be back.

I did promise him I wouldn't neglect my

studies while he was away. Hmm, suppose I

have enough to distract myself with till

he returns with the book. Why are there

all these underground dungeons in

Hogwarts? I mean, what is

this supposed to be? They must have built

it for a reason.

I get rid of some stuff. I get rid of

these.

Relaxed school uniform.

Yeah, I quite like the game now. Glad I

kept it. It's definitely taken a long time

to get into it. It takes like 5 hours.

Until the actual game starts. You finish

those stupid tutorials.

Where do I go?

Maybe Hogwarts. This was what Hogwarts

started off as, like a secret underground

dungeon where the wizards hid from real

normal people so they don't get burned

alive at the stake.

And then this little dungeon got bigger

and bigger and became like a massive

castle. It's not very secret

though, is it? How do they keep the whole

wizarding stuff such a secret?

Revelio. Sleeping dragon made

of stone. What is the point of

They move when you look at it.

Rebellion.

I'm in a weird part of Hogwarts. Where am

Oh, flying class. I think I can get my

broom now.

This is like a very old part of the

school, it looks like.

Oh, that was a secret door. Huh, wouldn't

have known that. That's pretty hidden.

What does K mean?

Why are they Chinese, these statues? Like

Chinese people.

Is that Gandalf?

Who's that?

This area looks all medieval.

I like it. Oh,

look, they got werewolves.

I could sell all this and make some money,

but I need to get rid of it.

Tan riding attire.

What does this look like?

Oh, I need level 14.

Trait slot. How do I apply a trait to it?

So is this telling a story?

Man gives baby to woman.

Woman sews a thing.

Men kill wolf.

Men kill everything.

Is there a story here? What does K stand

for?

Werewolf Saga Tapestries tells the tragic

tale of a witch bitten by a werewolf. She

chose to flee from her home to protect her

infant daughter and husband. Rumor has it

that her daughter fell asleep to the howl

of a wolf for years thereafter.

So tragic.

Imagine it comes alive.

That'd be scary.

Oh wait, why are these blue?

Do they do something?

They're all

He says he likes it after hours, 5 hours

of tutorials. Yeah, well, tutorials are so

boring. They just drag out the game

unnecessarily. Just throw me into

the deep end and let me figure out how to

do stuff. I don't want to be handheld like

a baby.

Why are these lighting up blue? Is there a

puzzle here? Yeah, don't know.

Does every single painting move?

Kind of.

Niemals.

Who's that?

Oh, I need the lock spell.

Who's this person?

I don't know where to go, it's too many

doors.

I'd better keep an eye on high places

around the spool for Zenobia's cobstones.

I think everyone's sleeping. There's no

Hmm, okay, let's do the flying quest.

Hallo.

Everybody grab a broom and we shall get

started.

Mr. Clopton, your attention please.

Sorry, Madame Kagawa. Everyone, please

welcome a new student to our flying class.

The goal of today is to remind all of you

how to maneuver on a broomstick safely,

as broom flight is first and foremost a

means of transportation. This, I fear,

some of you have forgotten. Diving,

rolling, and loop-the-loops will not be

taught or in fact tolerated in this class.

We'll leave that to professional Quidditch

players like the Toyohashi Tengu.

Not a fan, I take it? Now let's see

How well everyone kept up with their

practice over the summer holidays. For

those who need a refreshment— why is it

lagging so much? Yeah,

the frame rate got really bad. Then kick

your leg over and rest your weight on the

Thank you.

Now your turn. Up,

up, up, you stupid wacky schoolroom!

One leg over so there's a leg on each

side. None of that side saddle

nonsense. A gust of wind will throw you

right off.

And if you hear my whistle while you're in

flight, ground yourself at once.

Good. Now for your first lesson,

I'm flying courtyard. Do take care.

It's funny. How do

you go down?

Oh, Ctrl. No, I don't want to press Ctrl.

Mount.

Maybe it's in brooms, broom controls.

Where is it?

Fly down. Fly down can be Alt.

Let's see if that works.

Yeah, that's better.

Ah, I think I'm getting the hang of this.

This will take some getting used to.

Well done! Now that you're acclimatized to

your broom, let's see how well you manage

with a more advanced exercise, shall we?

I need to change the sprint button. Seems

like the broom controls are different.

Sprint E,

boost charge.

Okay.

What a

view! Hello,

nice day for a flight.

Made it! Did anyone else see that?

Ah, the old boathouse. Wish you could have

experienced crossing the lake as a first

It doesn't move very fast.

Well, our aquatic resident likes to make

an appearance once A little while.

This is rather fun.

Oh wow! Well done! Have a moment?

I say, I watched you fly through those

rings. You seem to handle yourself on that

dusty school broom well enough. I'd

imagine you're ready for something a bit

more challenging. But I'm getting ahead of

myself. We haven't properly met. I'm

Everett Clopton. Am I right in suspecting

that a Gryffindor like you might be

interested in a high-flying adventure?

Kagawa seems strict. I wouldn't want to

get into trouble. Kagawa won't even

notice. Besides, a bird doesn't learn how

to fly by staying in the nest.

Follow me,

the tour is about to begin. Follow closely

now. Right now we're flying over the

Transfiguration Courtyard. Lovely as ever.

Let's hope the Headmaster isn't having tea

by the window today.

Nice to get above it all, isn't it?

Ahead of the gardens, the Hufflepuff

common room windows just peek out. Bit

claustrophobic for my taste. How is

Everett flying so quickly?

Here's something handy to know: lean

forward for a burst of speed. Helpful if

you need to escape a tricky situation.

Now that's more like it. You sure you're

not part hippogriff?

There's the famous bridge. Think of all

the magic holding it up. I mean, look at

it. And the Owlery. That's a bit of solid

architecture, isn't it? Plankets and a

jaunt around Hogwarts. This is quite the

tour, Everett.

That's Kagawa's whistle. This concludes

our tour. Best hurry back.

Hmm, flying's pretty fun actually.

Dismount here.

How, how should this mount be?

And where have you two been?

Oh, hello, Professor. We were trying to

get a bit of extra practice in. Hefty

points. That guy sounds so dumb for not

following my instructions. Mr.

Clopton, I am disappointed in you. You're

in this class because you're still—

because you're still not showing yourself,

or frankly your broom, the proper respect.

But Professor, enough. Class is finished

for the day.

As for you, You do well to use better

judgment in the future.

Chin up, that was some rather good flying.

Sorry about that business with Kagawa,

but you have to admit those views were

worth it.

It was worth losing a few house points for

that detour. You seem at home on a broom.

Bet if you had a fancy model, you could

fly laps around Imelda. She's Kagawa's

favorite. I could show her a thing or two

if I had my own broom. Hate having to

return the school broom after class.

Perhaps I'll have to purchase a broom

then. If you can, you should. Wish I

could. I recommend visiting Albie's

He's always looking to test new— Why

does he kind of look like me?

I do like Madame Kogawa. She's been

tutoring me after class, although she is

very strict when it comes to broom safety.

I've not forgotten about our library

venture. How did you fare? If you're keen

for some illicit spell practice,

meet me outside the Defense Against the

Dark Arts. Madame Kugawa, about what

happened in class— No, no, you're also

welcome. Good day

to you. I require assistance with a

delivery. I thought you might be

interested. Please visit me at J.

Pippin's Potions if you'd like to earn a

few coins.

Please meet me in the 7th floor corridor

as soon as you can. I have an idea for

somewhere you can focus on your studies

away from prying eyes.

Revelio! How do I get my broom out?

Can I just fly whenever I want to? Do I

need to buy a broom?

Maybe I need to buy a broom. I don't think

I have one. I wish I could

afford my own broom instead of using my

brother's hand-me-downs.

Black noticed the scuff on his shoes the

other day. I would not take another step

until a house elf polished his way for

him. Quite mad.

Ravelio. How nice to see you, my young

friend.

Do I like the game? Yeah, I'd give it a

4.2 out of 10. Pretty good.

I just wish it wasn't so stuttery. How do

I open these chests?

What time is it? I think, uh, 5.

I don't know what to do now.

More quests.

How many quests do I have? Loads.

Jeebus. The pulse—

so what does that do?

There's too many things to do. I don't

know what to do. Purchase a broom. Could

xQc had 120K viewers.

I don't think they're new viewers though.

They're just people who already know him.

Isn't he the top streamer? Like the top

1%?

Ah, new face, wonderful.

Hello, Mr. Weeks, is it? Albie Weeks at

your service. Welcome to Spin Witches.

Apologies if you came by before and

weren't able to come in. Shop's been

closed since trade routes were disrupted.

Had to travel as far as London to meet

with my suppliers. It's a shame PewDiePie

grew up— returned thankfully with

inventory in 2016 or '15, '14.

PewDiePie would have played this and it

would have been fun.

He would have done like a Let's Play

series with me.

I liked his 2014 Let's Plays.

You said disrupted trade routes caused you

to close Spintwitches. Terrible it's been.

Trade routes reported as unusable.

Evidently criminals are overtaking roads,

threatening hamlets. I can fly safely

almost anywhere, but you try flying with

an inventory of brooms on your back. No

easy feat. Right then, back to work.

Sounds quite the— they should

make the broom expensive so it's hard to

get. Only 600? Come on,

let's make the broom like 10,000 so it's

difficult difficult to get, and you— it

makes you feel like, wow, I really want to

get this. Like in World of Warcraft,

everyone really wanted the epic mount,

but it was like 9,000 gold, which is

really hard to get.

Games don't make things hard anymore,

they just give you everything from the

Maybe I'll just sell everything. I don't

wear this ugly jacket. Nice doing business

with you.

Sell everything. Okay,

now I can get— they all cost the same. I

thought I can get like a very expensive

broom. Are they just different appearances

but they all do the same thing?

I want this

one, has bags on it and the light. Haha.

That's pretty cool, the light corkscrew,

like a pig's penis.

Hmm, I kind of like this one.

But this one has a light on it. Does it

actually work as a light? This one's

got a nice seat. That item

is of the highest quality.

That item is of the highest quality.

Hmm, maybe I'll just get this house

broom. You'll be thrilled with that broom,

I promise you. Thanks for stopping by.

Whilst nearly any broom will certainly be

a step up from the practice brooms in

Kagawa's class, they all have their

limits. Invitation. You seem to be a flyer

who might be interested in, say— Go on.

But I have some ideas for what I need. As

it happens, another Hogwarts— an ideal

situation for collecting flight

statistics. If you were to compete for the

best time and succeed, I could complete—

How long have you had a passion for

brooms? Since the moment I saw my first

Quidditch match, seeing flyers maneuver

the way they do— oh, some people continue

to have their doubts about me and my

ideas. I hope that won't be— sounds

as though you took Kagawa's class. I did,

but my focus on the technical elements of

brooms— she thinks it's— brooms?

Okay, that sounds intriguing. The time

trial. Once you've beaten Imelda's

time, be sure to let me know.

I can't help but admire Mr. Weeks's

enthusiasm.

Okay, what should we do now?

Next quest. Could go to this abandoned

place. I wanna do some killing with

my new spells.

Hogsmeade, here I come!

Press Tab then 3. Oh wow,

I can fly now!

Haha, that's pretty cool actually.

A no-fly zone. So can I just fly to

the top of mountains if I want to? I guess

What does

How, how would I know where that is?

They're so random, it's just like a load

Oh, now I broke it.

How do I find the place? Didn't give me

many tips or hints.

How do I get there?

It looks kind of like this, doesn't it?

If I find the place— oh, what's that

butterfly? What do I do?

What does this butterfly do?

I saw pine trees.

Oh, these are pine trees. Maybe it's

nearby. Actually, it looks like it was

here. Didn't it? These square-looking

rocks.

Where's it

Take it to the painting, maybe.

Oh yeah, it goes there, doesn't it?

It's not doing it. I thought it'd go into

Oh,

interesting.

All you get is a page.

Sometimes it seems all roads lead to

Hogsmeade.

Animal abuse.

What time is it?

6:20.

Can I use my broom? I want to fight

people.

Wow, I'm so strong now.

What do

you have in store for me this time?

I don't know how to flip it on its back.

I think I need a more powerful spell.

What's this?

What do I do here?

Hmm, don't know.

What are these? Is it the Chinese spy

balloon? Oh, you can pop it.

I keep missing it.

Wow, the sunset.

Merlin's Trial.

I used all of my spells on the rocks,

nothing happened. Maybe I need something

else. Wow, look at the scenery.

Can I just go anywhere? Like over there to

that tower?

It's pretty cool actually, the amount of

freedom you get.

Also does auto-fly, which is nice.

What's this ruined place?

How do I stop doing autofly?

Goblins.

Why can't I land? I can

land here.

Invisibility. Are there any level 13?

What if I use the drag spell,

drag them off the edge?

Wow, I feel so strong.

Revelio.

How do I get

Maybe I

can fly up there.

There's a giant hole. Where?

Unidentified back item.

What's that? Take it to Room of

Requirement.

Why is there nothing here? It seems like

something important would be here.

Is that it? Just a jumper at the top of

this place?

Why is it full of goblins?

Oh, it goes even higher.

Whoa, I thought that was a person.

A berry. Oh,

you can't go in this door. Yeah,

maybe later in the game something happens.

Oh, what's that house down there?

Where's Hogwarts? I've lost Hogwarts.

Oh, there's loads of lights. Are there

goblins here?

Maybe I should save it. Imagine I crash

and I lose everything. Pretty sure it's

auto-saving.

6 hours.

Wonder who lives here. Yeah, who lives

in this village?

Hello, do you have a moment? Yes, but just

the one, I'm afraid.

Any whisperings of anything going about

the town? There's a random and Doug Bog on

the loose. It's my— it's making life.

Can you tell me more about yourself? Oh,

I haven't had a normal— my father passed

away recently and I, I had a real— what

do you have for sale? Do you know what you

might be looking for?

Do you think I need any of this stuff?

Phoenix Feather. Assign traits to

gear.

Um, no, I don't want any of this.

Exactly what I needed. Thank you,

thank you for your business. Hope you'll

come and see me again. Revelio.

Who's doing that?

Oh, what, a dog bog?

Wow, how many times? Oh, I can do that

once or twice, I think.

Ah, level 3 lock. I want to get that

chest.

Is that bird stuck in the spiderweb?

It's stuck. Oh,

I, I freed it. Come back.

Why can't you kill these?

Too evil.

Those stacked backside Look a lot like

women's backsides if you lift up the tail.

Uh-oh, police coming again.

Would you make love with a stag if

it waved its bum in front of you?

Uncollected rewards in the challenges

menu. Where do I get that?

Garner Larson's clipping it right now,

sending it to the UK police.

Hello again, what can I do for you? This

time he said Stag's bottoms look sexually

arousing. I actually— Treasure

vault. I feel like I'm not supposed to be

here, but it's an open-world game. I can

go anywhere I want. Well, can I go here?

I can't land. You should be able to land

anywhere you want to. Are these enemies?

Oh, who's milkers?

Whoops. Oh no, did it die?

I think they can't die.

What's here? Forbidden.

Those nips,

all shiny and round.