i think im becoming a little obssessive -D

Another vlog. Okay, okay, what are we

talking about? What are we talking about

today? So yesterday— hold up.

Yesterday I said I sold both my cameras.

Well, the person in France who bought this

camera said that— she said,

can't you change it to English? Even

though I wrote in the description on

Amazon there's no English, it's Japanese

only, she still went ahead and bought it.

Thank God I checked because I sent her an

email saying, look, if you're not going to

reply to me, I'm not going to send you the

camera because I don't want you to get the

camera and then start going, oh, there's

no English, I want a refund. So I sent an

email saying, you have to reply to me and

then I'll send you the camera, okay? And

she replied to me. She said, can't you

check this video and follow this guy's

instructions? Then maybe you can change

the language. I'm not an idiot. I know how

to change the language settings in the

camera. It was bought in Japan. That's why

there's only Japanese settings. So I had

to cancel the order. Now it's up for sale

again. So if you want to buy this camera,

it's for sale on Amazon, but no English

settings. So if you speak Japanese and you

live in Europe and you want to buy that

camera, then go ahead. It's not gonna be

there forever. Well, it probably will be

because no one speaks Japanese in Europe,

right? Why did I buy that?

Why did I buy it? I don't know. No, I'm

not quitting YouTube. I'm just, just

trying to get rid of some extra cameras I

have lying around. I don't use those for

YouTube anyway. I mainly use my phone, so

what's the point in having a camera? I was

thinking of buying a new camera. I don't

know. I don't know if I want one or not.

Sometimes I want a nice camera, but then

sometimes I feel like, what's the point

having a nice camera? I'm never gonna use

it. I'm just gonna use my phone the whole

time, aren't I? So it's kind of like a

vicious cycle of buying cameras and

selling them, then buying them and selling

them. Huge waste of money and time, but I

need something to do. Also, she still

hasn't replied to me. I don't know what's

going on. It says last time active 20

hours ago. She's never been away

from Facebook for that long. It's usually

like 6 hours when she's sleeping. I know

it sounds kind of creepy. It's like I'm

stalking her. But 20 hours? I don't know

what's going on. Like, is she having some

kind of breakdown? Maybe she doesn't

She was saying that there was a huge

typhoon coming to Taiwan, and my friend in

Okinawa also said that there was a huge

typhoon and she couldn't leave the house.

So maybe something happened. Maybe her

internet went down. I don't know.

Kind of worried. What if something

happened to her? I just have no clue

what's going on. All I can do is wait.

Either, either something bad happened to

her, like an accident, or maybe

her internet came down because of all the

rain. Or maybe it's none of those things

and she's just in a bad mood and she

doesn't feel like talking. Or maybe she's

just fed up with talking to me and she's

just ignoring me.

You know, it was so much easier when,

when I just didn't really care about her,

and it was like, I don't really care what

she's doing, it doesn't affect me. But now

I'm like emotionally invested in her.

It's just tough.

That's why— this is exactly why I

don't get close to people, why I have this

wall up to stop myself getting emotionally

invested in people and to stop myself from

getting hurt like this. This is exactly

why. And I let the wall down, and now

look, now look what happened. You let the

wall down and everything goes to shit.

She stops talking to you, you start coming

up with all these crazy ideas.

It's not healthy. A healthy person would

just think, oh, just wait,

see what happens. They wouldn't be like

obsessing over it for every

hour. They wouldn't be stalking her on

Facebook every day trying to find out

what's going on.

Just need to— can't wait for tomorrow. I

can get back to work, get my mind off

this. Hopefully she'll message me soon.

I was thinking about this word

extraordinary. Extraordinary comes from

extra ordinary, right?

So doesn't that just mean something is

just extra ordinary, as in super super

super very very ordinary, as in dull?

But it doesn't mean that, does it?

Doesn't it? It means the opposite of

ordinary. It means special or remarkable.

English language is strange sometimes.

Maybe we should just change— maybe we

should just have a new word called extra

stupid that actually means to be very

smart or intelligent. Extraordinary. Just

sounds like something that's extraordinary

to me. Now I've said the word ordinary too

many times and it just sounds stupid to

me. Sounds extra stupid. You know,

before I met her in real life, in person,

I didn't really, didn't really care what

she was up to or doing every day. It

didn't really bother me.

Like, she was just another internet friend

out of many.

And now for some reason, I feel like I

need to know what she's doing every day.

Every hour. Is she sleeping? Is she awake?

If she's awake, why isn't she messaging

me? Why would she not want to message me?

How could you not want to message me?

Like, a few years ago, she would message

me all the time, every day, and she would

keep video calling me. She always wanted

to do video calls, and she would say,

show me your camera, and I'd be like,

again? Why do you want to see my camera

all the time? I found it a bit

troublesome. Like, I wanted to do

different things and she kept phoning me.

And even when we— even when we did talk

over videophone, we didn't really say much

because, like, what are we gonna talk

about? But now I'm like,

why aren't you videophoning me anymore

like you used to? So stupid.

So stupid. Usually when you don't want

something, you get it, and when you really

want something, you don't get it.

It's like some kind of cruel, twisted way

that things turn out or happen.

It's like, it's like there's someone up

there controlling how things turn out,

and he's just like Fucking with us all

because he's like some kind of, I don't

know, twisted, messed up person who likes

seeing people suffer. How do you get your

mind off things? How do you get your mind

off someone when it's all you can think

about? How?

How? How?

I just want to be a bit less obsessive.

How did you become less obsessive? I

played Left 4 Dead 2 today for about 3

hours, and then I got bored.

And now what do I do? I don't know.

Check Facebook? See if she's online yet?

This kind— doing these kind of things just

make you crazy.

I can't stop looking. 21 hours?

How can someone be away from Facebook for

21 hours? There must be something wrong,

right? It's not normal to

be away from Facebook for 21 hours.

I mean, her sister was away from Facebook

10 minutes ago. So there can't be anything

wrong with the internet. There can't be

anything wrong with the internet.

What happened? Why the silence? Is she

avoiding me on purpose? Maybe she's

just logged out because she's

fed up of seeing my messages. I didn't

send that many. I sent— I sent 2.

I don't want to send any more because I

don't want to spam her.

Why would she be doing this? What did I do

wrong? Did I do something wrong?

If I did something wrong, just tell me.

Don't give me the silent treatment.

That's what I hate about girls sometimes.

You know, the silent treatment doesn't

solve anything. You just— if something's

angered you or annoyed you, just say

something. When you give the silent

treatment, I don't know what's wrong. I

can't fix the problem.

Maybe I should message her sister, ask her

what's going on. Hey, is your sister okay?

She's ignoring me. She's not on Facebook.

Ah, how pathetic we've become.

Look, just pull yourself together. This is

just stupid stupidity. Don't you have

anything better to do?

No. Do you think I have anything better to

This is why. This is why I hate getting

into relationships. This isn't. This isn't

even a relationship. The hell is this?

I don't even know anymore. It's not

a normal friendship, that's for sure.

Well, at least to me it isn't.

You know, I just really want to buy

something just to take my mind off it. I

was wondering if I should buy an iPad Pro.

Or an iPad Air 2, or a Samsung Tab S2. I

don't really need it. I could do exactly

what I do on my phone on a tablet. It

would just be on a bigger screen. And what

is the point in tablets? They're just like

a big phone. It's not like you can do

anything that you can't do on a phone.

But something about it is just so

tempting. The iPad Pro. Maybe it's the

word pro that's tempting me.

Nah, we shouldn't, we shouldn't. It's just

so much damn money, such a waste of money.

Overpriced piece of junk, which is a big

phone. We could make videos on the iPad.

It would be funny, wouldn't it? Making a

video on a really big screen.

Is that worth spending £400 on?

Bloody hope not.

Life was just so much simpler when I was

addicted to World of Warcraft. You know,

I woke up, logged in, grinded my

character, talked to my guild friends,

went raiding, did some PvP, and went to

bed. You know, life was simple. Life was I

knew what I wanted to do. I had a routine.

Now what is it? Now it's just like nothing

interests me. I can't even play games now

without getting bored after 10 minutes.

Unless it's Left 4 Dead 2, which is just

like brainless running around shooting

stuff, which is fine. I just don't have

the patience to play a game that results—

that involves thinking or effort of

any kind.

Feels like everyone's having babies

recently. Went onto Facebook, all I see is

babies. My auntie's— no,

my cousin had 2 babies.

My auntie's sister's son had 2

babies. The crush, my crush

from my childhood, her sister, she had a

baby. So everyone's having babies. Are

they, are they what success is?

They got married, they got jobs, they have

babies. Is that, is that the whole point

of life, to have babies?

I guess they're pretty happy now. I mean,

what else, what else would you want?

You're married, you have a job, you have

babies. Is there— I guess there's not

really much to life apart from that. I

don't know, maybe there is. Maybe, maybe

they're not happy. Maybe they want more

babies. Maybe they want more money. Maybe

they want more marriages. I don't know.

What is the point of life? People say,

and people say the point of life is to

make more life, don't they?

I mean, isn't that the whole reason

loneliness exists? To drive us to find

a partner so we can make babies and

make life? I mean, if there was no

loneliness, then I'd say, oh, who cares?

I don't need to find a partner, and I

wouldn't need to have a baby. And then

I'll just die, and then my DNA and genes

won't get passed on. And if everyone

thought this way, then the human race

would just die out.

Wouldn't it just be great if you could

have babies without needing a partner?

Actually, that'd be pretty lonely. But

then if you wouldn't need a partner to

make babies, then you wouldn't be lonely

because loneliness wouldn't exist because

it wouldn't be necessary. Do you

understand what I'm saying? I'm just so

sick of seeing babies everywhere. Maybe

it's the jealousy speaking. I don't know.

Am I jealous? Do I want a baby? I don't

really feel like I want a baby.

Do I? I don't know. Maybe it wouldn't be

so bad having a baby. He would look like

me, and then we could play games. And then

he could turn into some kind of messed up

person like I am. And then he could make

videos on YouTube. I don't know. He might

die, then I'd become really sad and then

commit suicide. My reaction is when I see

a baby on Facebook, one of my Redditors,

she's like, oh great, oh great, another

baby. Don't you already have enough

babies? When are you going to stop making

babies? Bloody babies everywhere.

And sometimes I feel like I'm overthinking

everything. I just wish I could stop

thinking. I wish I could be like, like my

cat, just sleep all day and not give a

fuck about everything. Like, I'm

overthinking and I'm making things

overcomplicated when they're not really

complicated at all.

Also, my skin looks terrible. Getting all

these outbreaks. I don't know if it's to

do with work stress or relationship

stress, or is it just coming back to the

UK and going back on the UK diet?

I don't know. I don't think my diet's that

bad. I eat a lot of vegetables, but I do

eat a lot of junk as well, like cakes,

crisps. Pies.

It's okay, my video editor

does a pretty good job at hiding it

because I can just boost the brightness

and it kind of hides all the blemishes.

Not all of them, most of them. And then my

camera isn't great quality, so you can't

really see most of them anyway. And I just

tried out iMovie on my dad's iPhone, and I

don't like it. It's not good. There's no

brightness setting or contrast setting.

You can't edit the video's brightness and

saturation, so I can't hide— I can't hide

my skin. I know it's probably a really

vain reason not to like iMovie,

so I don't really have any reason to get

an iPad. So I do feel a lot better now. I

feel like, phew, so iMovie sucks,

so I don't really need an iPad. I'll just

stick to my Good old Android phone.

I still, I still say Android is a lot

better than iOS. You got

better video editing, you can do more

stuff like split screen. Well, I know the

new iPad Pro can also do split screen now,

but the phones can't do split screen. And

you can also do stuff like pop-up apps,

and you can do screen recording without

rooting. I don't know what else you can

do, but there's not really anything that

iOS can do that Android can't do. And iOS

devices are always a lot more expensive

and for a lot less storage. I mean, my

phone has 32 gigabytes of storage and it's

cheaper than the 16 gigabyte storage

version of the iPhone 6. And why would I

want to buy an iPhone 6? Why? Why, Mr.

Guy Driving the Car Down the Road? Why?

It's just so boring when I can't talk to

my friend. But at least there were blocks

of different things that I would do.

Like, I'd go to work and I'd come home and

I'd go to sleep and I'd talk to my

friend and then I'd play some games and

I'd have dinner and then might do like a

video chat with my friend. And there's

like variation. Right now I'm just

doing the same thing. I don't have work

because I'm on this stupid 4-day holiday.

So I wake up, I go on the computer,

play games. I don't have my friend to

talk to because she's like disappeared off

the face of the internet. I don't know if

Taiwan got— has sunk into the sea because

of the typhoon. And then I go have

something to eat and I play games. And

then I go have something to eat again,

and I play more games, and I go to sleep.

Driving me crazy. I just want some

variation, some social interaction.

Okay, I'm being a bit unfair because I did

have some social interaction, just with

people that I don't really care about

having social interaction with. That

doesn't sound very nice. It just sounds

like you only care about one person.

Well, maybe it's true. Maybe I do only

care about having social interaction with

one person. But you know,

it's quality over quantity. I'd rather

have a social interaction with one person

I really like than with 10 people that I

don't really care about, you know?

Oh god, now this is 7 minutes and the

video I took earlier was 10 minutes. It's

gonna become a really long video, isn't

it? Look, I'm sorry, Kichi, or whatever

your name is, but I— this video is

going to be super long as well. I know you

don't like 40-minute videos, but can't

I just have a 40-minute video when I want

to have a 40-minute video? No one's

forcing you to watch. And if I don't say

these things and make a video and put it

on the internet I'm gonna have a mental

breakdown. Yes, that's why I make these

videos, to keep myself sane.

You know, it's therapeutic. You should try

it sometime. Sometimes people say— when I

say— when I say to them— people say to me—

when I say that I do YouTube, they

sometimes— they say, well, don't— what

about privacy? So you have no privacy?

Aren't you worried about having no

privacy? I couldn't give a fuck about

privacy. The whole world could know my

problems and I wouldn't care less. I just

don't understand what the big deal is. So

what if you know all my problems? I don't

care. As long as it's not putting me in

danger, as long as it's not putting me at

risk of going to prison. If I committed a

crime, obviously I'm not going to talk

about it on a video. Like, I don't even

know if anything would happen. Can you

imagine if I made a video something like,

I murdered my best friend. Oh, it happened

5 years ago. I put a knife in his back and

I buried his body in my garden. He's right

here. Do you think the police would come

and arrest me? Say, hello, Mr. Daniel, we

saw your video on YouTube saying that you

murdered your friend. We're here to

investigate. I don't know, maybe it would.

Just because I said I murdered someone

doesn't necessarily make it true. Maybe

I'm just acting. Maybe it's just a skit.

Who knows? Who knows?

Just calm down.

Look at the sunset. Look at the sky.

This is real life.

Don't you just love how the exposure

changes from bright to dark? That's the

thing you don't realize with your eyes.

Look, I'm looking at the sky now and it's—

I can see blue, white, and the clouds and

the sun, but I can still see all the

green. I can still see everything else.

But when you do it on the camera, Look,

you look at the sky, you can see the sky

now, but everything else is black. You

look at the ground, you can see the ground

now, it's all green, but the sky's all

white. The camera is so stupid,

can't even take 2 exposures at the same

time and show you what it looks like. No,

it has to take one exposure at one time,

and then it just blows out everything

else. All this technology

that we've made— this is one of the most

expensive phones you could get from 2015

and can't even get the same exposure

right. Look at that.

Underexposed, overexposed. My eyeball is

better. My eyeball is made out of water

and flesh, and I don't know what else an

eyeball is made out of. And it's better

than stupid camera that took thousands—

well, I don't know. I don't even know how

long it took to develop this camera.

100 years worth of camera technology and

you can't even show me the sky and the

ground at the same time? Come on.

You know what I hate about sex is it feels

too good. You know when something feels

too good? That can never be good,

right? I mean, it just—

it drives some people crazy. It pushes

people to commit sexual crimes

like rape. And then you get that feeling,

like imagine your loved one having sex

with someone else, that horrible

disgusting feeling you get in your chest.

Yeah, that's called jealousy. Jealousy.

Another, another wonderful human— what

is it called? Human thing. Jealousy.

What's jealousy for? To protect? So to

fight off other people from mating with

your partner? I guess if you didn't have

jealousy, then you wouldn't really care if

your loved one had sex with everyone else.

Just be like, okay, whatever, I don't

care. But because we have jealousy, it

means we are pushed into stopping

potential rival males from— what the hell

am I talking about? Hey, look, it's a

little dead bunny rabbit. Let's poke it

with a stick.

Are you alive?

Hello. Ah, so young. Didn't even get a

chance to have sex, did you? I feel for

you. I feel for you, Mr. Bunny. Just lying

here, corpse exposed. No one even cared to

give you a burial. Now you're just gonna

get eaten by flies. Did my cat

kill you? So cute.

Bunny rabbit.

Human emotions, don't you just love them?

What did we talk about today?

Insecurity, anxiety,

jealousy. Notice how these all end in E.

Oh, all wonderful emotions to have, don't

you just love them? You know, sometimes I

wonder If a guy cuts off his genitals,

would he just lose all interest in sex

and procreating and women or men?

Would, would he just lose his sex drive?

Would things like jealousy and insecurity

just disappear? I heard that if you do

castrate yourself, if you're a man, you

can live an extra 20 years or something,

because apparently testosterone is, is

killing your body, like, slowly.

It's not good for you, it damages cells.

So by castrating yourself, you cut off

test— but then your hair falls out,

doesn't it? Or does it? No, wait, if a man

has low testosterone, he has less facial

hair, like me. So I guess I have Low

testosterone? I don't know, but they

definitely have a sex drive. That doesn't

make sense. Low test— high testosterone

would be a high sex drive, but then

wouldn't that mean more body and facial

hair? I don't know. I don't, I don't know

how to science. I'm sorry. It's just

such, such a dissatisfying weekend.

Like, I have No good feelings.

Just feel kind of down.

And the problem is I don't know how to fix

it. I mean, even if I had a million pounds

right now, it's not really going to help.

Like, buying stuff isn't really going to

help. I could buy everything I wanted

right now and I'd be happy for about 2

hours and I'll be back to this feeling

again. What do I do?

What am I supposed to do? What am I

supposed to do? And now that I think about

it, a lot of my past relationships have

been with people who have had like serious

or mild mental issues, depression. And one

of the girlfriends I had a few years ago

from Japan, she set herself on fire. Not

in front of me. A long time ago, she had

set herself on fire and she had like scar

tissue all up her arm and her neck, and

she had to have a skin graft because she

said she wanted to commit suicide. And

then that— and then that was like 10 years

ago. But even after that, when I was with

her, she would still just like mutter

under her breath, I want to die, I want to

die. And she was on antidepressants And

then this other girl I had, she kept like

breaking down and crying. Other girl I

had? Other girlfriend I had. And then I

started to realize, is this like an Asian

thing? I've always been very against the

way Asian people— Asian parenting. It's

very strict, isn't it? Asian people,

especially Chinese people, are infamous

for being the strictest parents in the

world. You know, like, you have to go to

university, you have to become a doctor.

You have to have the best grades in

school, otherwise you're going to be a

failure and you're going to shame our

family name and we're going to disown you.

You know, it's this terrible way of

parenting. Imagine the pressure on the

kid. It's like, I have to be the best I

can. I have to do what my parents want me

to do, otherwise they're gonna— I'm gonna

embarrass my family. I'm gonna shame them.

You know, I can't follow my dreams because

my parents think my dreams are stupid and

they want me to become a doctor.

And now look at them, they're all like

fucked up and have all these mental

illnesses and depression. No, no wonder.

I mean, where's the love? You got to

encourage your child with love and

support, not do this otherwise we're

kicking you out. They're you're, you're

not going to get any of the inheritance

money. We're going to disown you. It's

just, it's just a terrible way of

parenting. So you should, if you

have a kid, you should ask them what their

dreams are, find out what, what they love

doing, encourage them, support them, give

them love, not threaten them, not make

their lives miserable, just So you can

satisfy your own desires.

This is why I'm very against Asian culture

and tradition. It's just very backwards

and it's so old-fashioned.

We're in 2016, not the 18th century. Just

because you have kids doesn't mean— I

mean, it doesn't mean they're your slaves,

that they have to do everything that you

say, everything you tell them to. Doesn't

mean they're indebted to you. They have

their own lives, their own dreams.

Stupid. It just feels like Asian parents

are like, oh, we gave birth to you, we

raised you, we spent all this money to

bring you up, so we own you. You're ours.

You have to do whatever we say. You have

to earn money for us. You have to pay off

our debts and our mortgages. You have to

support us or else, or else no love for

you. You can just piss off and you're just

useless as a son or daughter.

You see, this is why, this is why I don't

get on with Asian people. They're just so

sheep-minded. Like, there's no— they

always do what they're told. There's no—

can't Think of the word.

There's no, there's no outside-of-the-box

thinking. It's always, do what your

parents tell you to, do what your teachers

tell you to. Don't, don't think for

yourself because we have all these rules

and traditions that you have to follow

that were made up thousands of years ago

by a bunch of old idiots who didn't know

Anyway, that should do it for today's

ranting. Ranting, ranting.

I don't even know what, what the video

title is going to be. I talked about so

many things. It's getting harder and

harder to come up with video titles. I

just, I just stopped caring actually.

Just stopped caring. Just call it, I

ramble on for about half

an hour about a load of Shit.

Who cares? Who cares? I don't care

anymore. I have a job now. I don't need

YouTube. I don't care if I get no views.

I don't care if I get 10 views or 20

views. Doesn't really matter. I don't care

if you unsubscribe. I don't care if you—

well, I do care if you subscribe. That'd

be nice. I just want to feel free,

you know? I want to do what I want to do.

I want to say what I want to say. Don't

have to worry about if— are people gonna

like my video? People gonna like what I

say? People gonna be angry? I just want to

stop caring. You either like what I say or

you don't, you know. If you don't like it,

that's fine. If you like it, that's great.

It doesn't really affect me.