My cat died [GahjqC3JJAs]

So I got some sad news yesterday. My

sister messaged me saying that Mimo passed

I'm pretty sure everyone knows who Mimo

is. She's been in a few videos.

So, um, yeah, all the cats are gone now.

How come every time I leave home, one of

the cats— something happens?

First it was Toffee after I moved to

Japan, now Mimo after I moved

to Manchester.

It's like one by one, all,

all the characters from my channel are

disappearing. Until it's going to

get to the point where it's just going to

be me left. It's just going to be me

unless we can find someone new.

Still not really sure why or what was

wrong with that.

She seemed fine when I left. I left in

July. If you saw my last

video before I left, you would have seen

her in the beginning. She looked fine.

She looks a bit skinny.

She was going blind. I don't know why.

She had some kind of problem with her

blood pressure. She would get stressed out

and then the blood pressure would do

something to her eyes, and then she had to

get this medicine that was syringed into

her mouth every day, and then that reduced

some kind of hormone in her thyroid.

But that was fine because she would take

the medicine and then her eyesight came

back and everything was fine. I don't know

what, what else went wrong.

Apparently she wasn't eating for the last

few days and my sister was, was feeding

her food directly

into her mouth. It's like she gave up the

will to eat, like she knew it was her

time, her time had come.

And then she went out into the garden one

last time and then she came back in. I

think that's how she slipped away. It's

interesting though, they kind of go back

out into the garden one last time. It's

like Toffee did that as well.

One last visit

into the garden.

She was the last of your pets. Yeah, last

cat. We had 4 cats.

I made a folder, got some pictures of her.

Might look at them later.

My best pictures. I took some pretty nice

pictures of her when I was in my My camera

enthusiast phase.

I can't believe this was— this was

probably 8 or 9 years ago.

She looks so healthy.

That's Toffee.

Oh look, they added picture-in-picture for

YouTube on iPhone now. That's nice.

Took them long enough, didn't it? How come

Android always had the little pop-out

player for YouTube when you minimize it,

but iOS never had that until yesterday or

recently?

Her face used to be much rounder, much

fuller.

I think this is nearly 10 years ago, this

picture. Make sure I don't

have any nudes on here.

Yeah, I think this folder is fine. No SD

card material on this one if my laptop

ever gets stolen. Well, there's a password

on it, so a bit

worried. I don't have any nudes on this.

I don't think I have. Yeah, it should be

Is this enough for you to want to visit

home? Well, it's too late now.

There's no point going all the way back

home and coming all the way back here.

I'm actually thinking of just going back

home in January. I don't see the point of—

I don't even know why I'm here, to be

honest. I came all the way here to see

some stupid girl, and then she didn't even

want to meet me. And then no one even

cares that I'm living alone now, even

though for like the last 4 years or

something, people kept going on and on and

on, giving me a hard time about living

with my mum. And then I moved

out. Do I even get a, oh, well done,

Daniel? No, no one even gives a shit

anymore. What's the point?

Might as well just go home and save my

I don't even know why I'm here anymore.

Waste all my money for nothing.

Thinking of going to Scotland and then

taking that train back to London because

people keep getting virals when they make

those sleeper train videos, so I want to

make one too. Then from

London, I might go to Greece in January

and then go back home until

Japan reopens. Maybe this

picture— heart eyes.

It'd be weird going home and she's not

there.

Anymore. Oh, is this a video?

Mr. Mimo, can't say that anymore.

How can you stay still,

Mimo? Trying to take your video. This was

2019. I was still married. That must have

been after my dad died and me and Chihiro

went back to see my dad. Well, it says

2019 May. I think that was actually after

I did the you know what and we separated

for a bit. Yeah, May. I think that was—

was that after I came back from Turkish

Gul? Maybe. So I

can get the video. It's 10 minutes.

Hello, Mima.

Hello, Mima.

Things change so quickly, it's kind

of scary. You think, oh, this is what life

is like, it's boring, nothing happens.

And then within literally a year, you lose

your cat, you lose your dad, you lose your

wife, lose everything. Things change

like, like that

when you're least expecting it to. Well,

I was kind of expecting it, to be honest.

I remember saying I'd be surprised if she

survived until 2022,

so it wasn't a shock, but still,

still sad.

Are you gonna

bury her? My sister already buried her.

Now we've got 4 cat graves in the garden.

PP, Tiggs, Toffee, Mimo. PP was

the first cat. She used to be my

granddad's cat. She lived until like

20-something. She was really old. And then

we got Toffee, the black cat. He was my

sister's birthday present from like

2000 and— yeah, 2001. And then we found

Tiggs in the garden as a kitten. We lured

her into the house and then she became our

cat. But then she got hit by a car a few

years later and died.

But then we got Mimo to replace Tiggs

with.

This wide angle makes her nose so big.

When was this? 2020,

April. That must have been when Mila was

here.

Oh my God, why do people race their cars

up and down here?

Idiots.

She was getting all saggy underneath.

Like the flabby, flappy skin was

dangling when she walked. Must have

lost a lot of weight.

This is a video. This was 2020, June.

I don't remember taking this.

Toffee fell into this pond. Toffee used to

do this as well. He used to climb up onto

this ridge and then he would drink the

pond water. I saw him fall into it, but he

quickly pulled himself back out.

This is me.

Look,

she does exactly what Toffee did,

drinking it. Why drink from the pond?

There's water in the kitchen. I don't know

what this was. I think I was gonna do like

a day in my life cat version, didn't end

up doing it. Oh, this picture is from ages

ago. It must have been maybe

6 years ago now. I look so different.

My face used to be much slimmer.

Have you seen Ethan from H3H3? Jesus

Christ, I haven't watched that channel in

ages. How has he gotten so fat?

He looks so bad with that shaved head as

well. Can't believe it. He used to be

quite a decent looking guy back when I

used to watch him.

He looks so weird.

Really let himself go.

But I think this is one of my favorite

pictures. I had a 50mm f/1.8 lens,

blurs out the background really well.

He's on antidepressants, but he's

always been— he wasn't that fat before.

It's funny how they make you fat. Maybe I

should try antidepressants. It would fix 2

of my problems. I would not be depressed

anymore, and then I'd gain some weight. I

wonder how depressed I am though compared

to actually depressed people. I do feel

pretty depressed these days, to be honest.

But compared to people on medication, I

mean, they must be way more depressed than

me if they felt like they had to go on

medication.

Yeah, I feel pretty rubbish recently, to

be It's

just life's so boring now. I thought

getting divorced would make my life so

exciting and interesting, full of content

and goals. It just failed to live up to

all my expectations in every single way.

This is a nice picture.

I like the little orange strip down her

nose. She always had really nice breath.

Toffee's breath stunk, but Mimo smelt

clean. Oh, this is a nice picture. When

was this? I think this was 2017,

probably. I like the sunlight in the

background. Mimo was iconic.

Yeah, because she was the only cat left

when my channel started getting viewers.

Toffee was in a few videos in the

beginning, but back then, that was before

subs, and I think I deleted all the

old videos that had Toffee in. I don't

remember any videos I have up now that

have Toffee in them. I deleted pretty much

all the old ones from the petrol station

days. Can you

remember any videos of mine that had

Toffee in? Toffee 2017.

No, I don't think there are.

Oh, there's Toffee waiting

for my dad to feed them. All gone now.

Amazing. This is so weird,

things just die like that.

I feel like when you're in your 30s, life

just becomes all about coping with death.

It just surrounds you. Your parents,

your pets, one by one.

I think this is one I took when I came

back home, maybe. I'm not sure when. She

looks quite good here.

That's why people create new family.

Yeah, that's what I think as well.

Making new people is like a way of coping

when you lose the old people.

It's better than being completely alone,

isn't it?

I think I'm probably gonna— when I'm old

and I've got no family or kids of my own,

I think I'm probably gonna regret it.

Probably gonna be sitting there going,

oh, I wish I tried harder to get a

wife and settle down. Bet you anything I'm

gonna be sitting there moaning about not

having a family.

Family. She was getting this brown patch

in her eye. Maybe that

was the blindness.

This is pretty recent. It's probably May

this year.

Why is it showing the same one?

What other ones do I have?

I liked it when she came up by the window

when I was drinking coffee. She'd walk

past.

This was the last video I took of her. I

was gonna use it as like B-roll for my

voiceover videos, just for something in

the footage in the background. Never used

it. She was sitting on the table.

This was around June this year.

She still caught a rabbit though this

year, surprisingly.

Even when they get old, they can still

catch things. She looks sad

though, doesn't she? It's just the

expression looks sad.

Before I left home, she was almost

completely blind. She was like walking

into the door, into the walls.

I used to pick her up and place her by the

food so she didn't have to struggle to

find it.

I think this is my favorite picture. This

was 2019 Christmas.

Now, this is before my dad died. Me and

Chihiro went back home for Christmas, our

last Christmas. 2019 December 31st,

before everything started going downhill.

No, wait, my dad already died by then. Oh

yeah, yeah, it was after my dad died.

The Christ— the second Christmas, because

the first Christmas we— I can't

remember the first Christmas now. 2018.

12. Yeah, he died 2 months after the first

Christmas then.

I feel like if my dad didn't die, I might

still have been with Chihiro. I felt like

my dad was— he was

like the only source of pressure that

I felt to not do things like OnlyFans or

divorce, getting divorced.

He was like the only moral More

pressure, moral pressure that I've felt.

Don't

know. Yeah,

she looks sad.

You don't have to do OnlyFans. Um, yeah,

I do. Look at my channel, fucking dead.

I can't even get 200 viewers when I stream

anymore either.

Oh, thank you, Kerry. Rest in peace,

Mimo.

Yep, Toffee dead,

Dad's dead, Mimo's dead, YouTube channel's

dead, Twitch channel's dead,

everything's dead.

Her eyes were getting weird though. They

would get really big and green,

so like they were completely dilated to

try and find any kind of light.

No, she's not dead, she's sleeping.

She's just sleeping in that

picture.

This is a nice picture.

Is this a video?

This is me. Mo, hello.

She's so big. What?

Cat. Oh yeah, cuz after I came back from

Rotterdam, I was so used to seeing Mila's

little kitten, I forgot how big actual

cats were. And then I came back home and I

was actually pretty surprised how big Mimo

It's weird.

It's funny how your brain gets used to

things. Oh shit,

what was that?

There weren't nudes on that fucking

Windows. Where'd that folder come from?

Oh, so I hate sharing my computer.

Let me replay it on my app.

Where does that stupid folder come— fuck's

It's funny how your brain gets used to

Thank God it's just some selfies.

That's close.

Where— I don't even know how to get to

that folder.

Where did it come from? I don't

understand. Downloads, Documents, maybe

it's Desktop. No.

I don't have any pictures of girls on this

anyway, so it should be fine. Apart from

one girl, but I put that into a secret

Do you like my cigar?

This is why I'd be terrified of doing a

proper stream on Streamlabs where you

record the screen, because with the phone

I can quickly just snatch the phone away

and point it somewhere else.

I'd be so worried I accidentally show

something.

Yeah, well, those were the things anyway.

Wanted to show. Oh my God,

what are we talking about now?

Today's really hot. It's like 30 degrees

today and yesterday. I thought summer was

over. Now it's really hot again. Just feel

really out of energy all day.

Sky's got this weird hazy look.

Where's this second heat wave coming from?

Really don't like it when it's hot.

So how long we got here? We got all of

September, October, November,

December, and then January. Oh, 5 months.

I don't know why I'm sighing though. I

feel like if I went back home, I'd just be

annoyed and stressed out anyway. But then

at least I don't have to worry about

making money anymore.

Have I contacted Chihiro? She seems lonely

too. How do you know?

She's like disappeared from the internet

now. I already said sorry

to her back in January. We messaged a lot

and I said I was sorry. I regret all the

Discord stuff. I wish I deleted it

earlier. I got her a birthday present.

Then she stabbed me in the back by making

a Discord full of my haters and trolls.

And then she kept saying like she's not—

she doesn't have to care about my feelings

anymore. Whatever. It's a

nice apartment, you can do your own thing.

I don't do anything, I just sit there

playing my game. Same as what I do at home

I got addicted to Warhammer Total War:

Warhammer 2. I was up until 3 AM playing

it. I just couldn't stop. It's just

pressing, going one, finishing one turn

and another turn. But it got boring

now because all my allies became really

powerful and we just destroyed the orcs

and the vampires. The game's boring when

there's no challenge, kind of like real

life. The game's really fun in the

beginning when you're struggling. You're

trying to, you're trying to build your

settlements, you're trying to fend off

invasions, trying to build your armies.

That's really fun. And then you get to

about mid-game and then your allies become

really powerful to the point where you

don't actually have to do anything

anymore. So the allies just take over the

whole map. So now I've lost all will to to

play the game anymore. Maybe it's kind of

like a life lesson too.

When you get to a point where you feel

like you've got no challenges, you just

feel like there's no spark in my life

anymore.

It's just, it's hard to want to give

yourself challenges when you don't really

need them. Back in the olden days,

life was just full of challenge, full of

challenges that you didn't really have a

choice. You didn't choose them, you had to

deal with them. Otherwise, what are you

You need to find what you love in life

again to give you that passion.

Yeah, I just don't know anymore. Having a

midlife crisis when

you just don't feel interested in anything

anymore. Even the stock market's Boring

now. It doesn't do anything, just goes up

and down, up and down, sideways.

So boring. Goes up 5%, goes down 5%, it

goes up 2%, then back down 3%.

So boring.

I want to go traveling. Meet some people,

make some videos. Now traveling

is such a pain in the backside. You'll get

some stupid passenger locator form, which

is a load of bollocks.

Why do you need some stupid locator form?

I could move, I could give you an address,

and then I'm moving next week. It's

completely pointless. And then you've got

to get either a PCR test or proof you've

had 2 jabs of the vaccine. And then the

PCR test, you've got to order it from some

website, it costs like £100, and then you

do the test yourself. Stick the swab, the

swab, the swab up your nose and you send

it back to them. But how do they know if

you've even done it properly? What if I

just rub it on my armpit and and send it

back. How would they even know? I don't

want to stick it down my nose. Right,

right back into the back of your nose.

Sounds horrible.

My sister says you have to rub your

tonsils. I don't even know where my

tonsils are. I don't even know if I would

know if I'm hitting my tonsils.

I probably just spit on it and then send

it back. So stupid. What if I take the PCR

test and I'm tested negative, and then I

get the thingamajig, the virus, on the

plane or on the train and bring it in that

way? Such a waste of time. And you need it

to be within 2 days, I think.

They would know because of types of cells

would be different. But my mouth is full

of saliva. The saliva on my tonsils and in

the back of my nose is the same as the

saliva that's like around my tongue. It's

not different saliva, is it?

So you gotta do all the timing. You book

the flight. And then you also book the

test like 2 days before you go on the

flight and then hope the delivery will go

smoothly. And then you've got to do it

yourself and then send— post it back to

them and then hopefully get the results.

What do they do, post a paper back to you

or what, a picture so you can show

at the airport to prove that you don't

have it? Obviously I don't

have it. Do I look like I have it?

If I thought I had it, I wouldn't be

flying there in the first place. I don't

know which one's easier at this point,

getting the vaccine or getting these PCR

tests, which are going to cost like £100

each when the vaccine is free, isn't it?

I already got to sort out something if I

want to go traveling.

Maybe the vaccine will be easier, but the

vaccine's scarier. Just worried I might

die. I don't want to die from a stupid

I heard a load of people in Japan died

from the vaccine because it had things in

it. Apparently a batch of the Moderna

vaccine had bits and they had to recall

the vaccine.

I'm just scared that I'll get really sick

from the vaccine. My mum got really sick.

She lost her voice. She felt

ill for a few days.

Last year was so much easier. I went to

Germany, I went to the Netherlands. They

didn't do any stupid tests or checks. Why

is it so strict now?

I guess statistically it's very unlikely

that I would be in danger from the

vaccine, but still, it's a bit scary

because statistically, look at my body.

I don't exactly look like the average

person, do I? What if I've got some kind

of underlying weird thing about me that

makes me very weak?

I don't think I'm weak to, um, getting ill

and stuff, so I don't usually get ill. I

haven't been seriously ill since 2018.

I haven't been ill in the last 3 years.

Oh, thank you, Mark. The channel has

become a doomer simulator.

Kind of.

Yeah, I guess it depends if Japan is gonna

ask for vaccines— vaccinated people— then

I have no choice.

Am I still lifting weights? I don't have

any weights. I still do push-ups, but I'm

struggling to do 100 a day now. Do about

60, and then I just— I can't be bothered.

It's too hot. And for some reason, I feel

really drained every day, all day long. I

just feel like I've got no energy,

and my legs are just like withering away

because I don't go anywhere. I went to

Aldi a couple days ago, and I

don't want to go into detail about it,

but for my OnlyFans, I did something that

requires me to squat,

and I completely wrecked my legs. My

muscles, my legs were just not ready for

it. My legs were shaking, and then for

about 2 days after, my thighs were in pain

because I just haven't done any kind of

squatting activity. In ages.

I'm so unfit. I need to like go on walks

or get a bicycle, do something. So I just

end up sitting here all day long not doing

anything.

I just can't be bothered. Now I got Huel,

I don't even have to go shopping as much

as I used to. I can survive for maybe 10

days without buying food.

I was thinking of signing up to a gym

because then I could use the machines,

which would help me build muscle better.

I hate doing push-ups. It just feels

really uncomfortable. All the blood goes

to my head. It makes me feel dizzy. I hate

the bit when you finish push-ups, you have

to get back up. At least when you're

sitting down on a machine, like pulling

down on weights, It's just more

comfortable. Plus, you get this sensation

of being able to lift heavier and heavier

things, which is kind of satisfying.

Push-ups are just really boring to do.

Plus, it gave me a reason to go outside.

But the thing is, I don't really want to

go outside because I got even more pimples

now. I can't believe it. For the last 3

weeks, I've just been getting pimple after

pimple, and they're like these huge

massive ones that take weeks to heal. I

got like 4 of them in the past few weeks.

One heals and then another one, I can

start feeling a painful lump. Got a

massive one on my cheek now. It looks

so bad. I'm glad I don't have any girls to

meet now because I just don't even want

to. Look. And you can see another

one here, like a lump. I had one here,

it's healing. This was the first one,

it's just a red patch now, but it's gone.

And then I had a second one here, and then

a third one here. It's like a mustache of

pimples. It's like a literal mustache.

Okay, I don't know why it's all here. Now

a huge one here.

I think I'm gonna start washing my face.

I finally bought a load of face wash stuff

on Amazon. I need to go and pick it up. I

got this acne treatment thing, it's full

of stuff. I got these little patch things

you put onto the spot, supposed to like

extract the stuff and dry out. And then I

got exfoliator and I got some face wash.

So I'm gonna try and wash my face

properly, see if it makes any difference.

It's just so bad. I don't

even want— I want to meet people because

I'm sad and lonely, but then I don't want

to meet people because I look so bad. I

never had pimple like right here in

the middle of my face.

It just hurts as well. It's like a big

painful lump. I thought by the time I was

in my 30s I would stop getting pimples.

I don't know if it's because I'm eating

Huel now. I also got the Huel about 3

weeks ago, didn't I?

I don't think it's diet because I'm eating

the same stuff like I always used to—

sandwich, meat, fruit.

A bit of vegetables.

I'm not washing my face any less than I

used to. I never really washed my face

anyway. I just splash some water when I'm

in the shower, give a bit of rub, and then

dry it. I never used products before. But

it's never been this bad.

Go to the doctor for what? For pimples?

People who go to the doctor for nearly

anything weird.

I remember I can't remember. I got like a

cut on my hand and then this Japanese

woman I used to talk to, she said, did you

go to the doctor? As if I'd go to the

doctor just for a cut. Oh no, it was a

cold I caught. I think I caught a cold.

She said, did I go to the doctor? Because

Japanese people, even if they catch a

little cold, they'll go to the doctor.

They go to the doctor for anything and

everything. I haven't been to the doctor

since— I don't even remember,

because I've never been seriously ill.

If I got a cold, I just take a Strepsil,

and I've never had any injury, so I never

had any need to go to the doctor.

I remember when I was talking to the

Nepalese guy at the petrol station,

um, he said that I'm really skinny and

that I should go to the doctor.

He said, why don't you go to your GP? As

if I have a GP. I don't have a GP.

Imagine me being registered with a GP.

Even the thought of it makes me laugh.

What am I gonna do, go to the doctor and

say, hi doctor, I'm really skinny, can you

give me some medicine please so I'm not

skinny? Stupid things to say.

I went to the hospital once because I had

a little lump on my throat and I was

worried about it. They did a— they did an

ultrasound. They found out it was just a

lymph node. I didn't

know what this lump was. I got a lump

under my chin. It kind of moves a little

bit, but then everyone does. It's called a

lymph node.

At the time I was worried. I thought I got

cancer or something.

What would be different if you were in

Japan versus now in Manchester? Well, the

number one big thing is that I can

actually get dates.

I'm already talking to a Japanese woman.

If I was in Japan, I could meet her now.

I just can't meet anyone in this stupid

place. Another girl unmatched me

or blocked me. The women here are so

annoying, they don't put any effort into

talking. I got, I got one match on Tinder.

She sent me one message. She said,

what's a good way of saying hey that has

the same meaning but isn't as incredibly

boring? And I didn't really know what to

say to that, so I just said, yeah, it's

tricky. So how was your day? Which, yeah,

I admit it's a very boring reply. And then

she just unmatched me, probably because I

wasn't able to come up with a funny,

witty answer. The people, the women on

Tinder here in England, it's like they

want to talk to bloody comedians. They

want someone who's funny and witty and

makes them laugh. If you want to laugh,

watch a fucking comedy show. Get off

Tinder. Fucking make me laugh? Make me

sick. I'm not a comedian, okay? I don't

have jokes and witty banter. I'm just here

to fuck. Unmatch me because I don't have a

good answer. Fucking bitch pisses me off.

Go watch Jimmy Carr if you want to laugh.

Not on bloody Tinder for a laugh.

Make me sick.

They're all about the banter in England.

To, to like get a woman's attention,

probably the number one most powerful

thing is to be able to make her laugh.

And like impress her with your banter and

wittiness, which unfortunately I kind of

suck at. I'm really bad at coming up with

jokes on the spot that are witty. And in

Japan, they don't have this at all.

They don't have this at all in Japan.

You don't need to like crack jokes and and

be witty. You can just be cute and be

normal and say things like, how are you?

And you don't have this expectation of

being like a comedian. In England,

it's so different.

I think that's why I just have no success,

because I'm just— I'm rubbish at talking

and making conversation. And I'm rubbish

at making people laugh, so I can't

even get past like the beginning phase

where you got to get them interested in

you just by using words.

It's just so annoying,

you know, like those cheesy pickup lines

that everyone thinks are stupid and lame.

You need those.

You need like the cheesiness. I hate that.

Ah, it's just

so difficult. Japanese women don't have to

do any of this. You just talk to them like

they're normal people and they appreciate

it. You watch

these like pickup channels and you watch

how they speak to women, like they're

trying so hard to impress them.

It's like a massive game. You got to like

subtly insult the woman just enough to

make her feel interested in you whilst not

seeming like you're desperate, whilst like

playing it cool, like, oh, whatever, I

don't need you, bitch. I'm going home to

my 5 girlfriends. Like, that kind of

attitude is what you need, I guess.

It's just so lame. I don't want to do

that. It's not what I'm used to.

I can't get any women to show any interest

in me from these dating apps.

I don't know what to say to them.

They're just

like, like a wall of ice.

I don't have anything going on in my life

to talk about. I'm just at home. So what

do you do? Oh, I just sit at home playing

games all day. What about you?

And then they say, oh, um,

I went to a bar and I went shopping and I

met my friends and I did this and did

that. I don't give a fuck.

And it's so difficult to get them to meet

up as well. I matched this other,

this other woman. I asked her if

she wanted to meet up and she said, I

would love to, but first I want to get to

know you, or I find it difficult to feel

interested unless

there's a connection. How are we supposed

to make a connection unless we meet? What

is the point of wasting time and hours and

hours and hours chatting over an app?

We're not— you're not going to be able to

find out if you like me or not just from

chatting on a text-based app.

If you could go back in time, would I

choose to have never left Japan,

you would never have met Mina. I feel like

I'd be happier if I never met Mina

sometimes.

The Russian woman had the right idea where

she, she was on the same wavelength as me.

She said I think we should just meet up

straight away so we could tell if we like

each other or not. That makes sense. But

some of them are like, oh, I want to know

your social media so I can Google you,

and I want to get to know you

hours and hours and hours and hours and

hours and hours. And then I kind of lose

interest because I don't know what to say,

so I stopped messaging them much. And then

another one blocked me on WhatsApp.

Why can't it just be like in Japan? In

Japan, I never had any of this problem.

They just say like, oh hey, how are you?

I'm Daniel. Do you want to hang out? Do

you want to get yakiniku? Never have

I ever met a Japanese woman on a dating

app and they came up with any of this BS

like I'm experiencing here. Japanese women

don't like try and do a background check

on you. They don't try and form a

connection over text apps. They're like,

sure, let's hang out, let's see how it

goes. They're just so casual. Women here

are so— pisses

me off.

They're way too overcautious here.

That's just completely got the wrong idea

about everything.

What am I supposed to say to— what

is— what, what sense—

what word has the same effect as hey but

isn't as mind-numbingly dull and boring?

I don't know, just say hey. What's wrong

with just saying hello? How are you? Nice

to meet you. Why'd you have to come up

with some stupid joke or expect me to come

back at you with some wittiness? Why can't

we just start off with hey, nice to meet

you, how was your day? What's wrong with

that? Bloody unmatched me. I don't

know what, what is a more interesting way

of saying hello.

Why can't we just say hello? That's what

the point—the whole point of the word

hello—is so we got something to

say to each other as like an icebreaker.

You don't just go up to a stranger and go

knock knock. Who's there? Jimbo. Ha ha ha

ha! Stupid people.

You failed the test. Yeah, I know. It

pisses me off. Every single interaction,

it's like trying to. Pass some shit

test they throw at you.

Did she want me to cut— like, come up with

a joke? I don't get it.

Unmatch me pisses me off.

Should have said, hmm, I'm not sure, how

about When can we fuck? I don't

I hate dating in England.

People's attitude's so stupid.

You're in competition with several guys

messaging funny intros. Yeah, I know,

that's what pisses me off. I've seen these

YouTube videos where people do like Ice

Poseidon— shut up,

stupid idiot driving a stupid

car.

For example, I saw Ice Poseidon's

livestream when he did Tinder and And he

was just like non-stop

cheesy pickup lines.

I think that's what you need to do,

really.

So if they have in their profile that

they're a doctor, you say something like,

oh hey, could you check me up,

baby? I don't know, some stupid

Cheesiness. Or Ice would, um,

I don't know, use the profession as a way

to make a joke. So if the profession

is like financial advisor, he would start

with, oh hey, I'm looking for some

financial advice myself. When are you

free? Do you want to come back to my

place? I can show you my My

finances over a tea.

I don't know how to do that.

You gotta be smooth, don't you?

Try Bumble. Yeah, that's where I get most

of my match. I don't get any matches on

Tinder for some reason. I get one or two.

I like Bumble more because the women have

to make the first move,

but I honestly don't know what to talk

about ever.

Every conversation is exactly the same

with every woman.

Women want someone with good humor.

Yeah, I guess it's like their way of

testing, see if the guy has good humor or

not. I've got a weird sense— I've got a

pretty twisted sense of humor. That's why

a lot of people don't like me.

I don't really know how I could display

my sense of humor.

Through some messages.

Have you seen Love Island where there's a

load of British people going on dates?

They're always saying stuff like, oh, I

like so-and-so because he's really funny.

I really like you because you're so funny,

you make me laugh. So that's the

most important thing for people here. So

if you're funny, and then they just start

complimenting each other on how funny each

other is. Oh, you're so funny. Oh no,

you're funnier. I'm pretty funny, but

you're— I think you're much funnier than

me. Is that the only thing they care

about? Like, who's the funniest? Who gives

a fuck about

Jesus,

why do they care so much?

I don't care if a girl's funny or not.

I'm not interested in a girl because she's

able to make me laugh or not. I couldn't

care less. If I want to laugh, Look in the

mirror. I mean, I'll watch PewDiePie,

you know, someone who is funny,

not look for it in a girl.

I guess comedians probably are very

popular with women, like Russell Brand.

He was a very funny, cheeky guy. Very

popular with the women. Probably popular

because of his funniness, not just his

looks. You'll be like cheeky,

funny like that, don't you? Russell Brand.

Think Russell Brand.

I just— I cannot do that for the

love of my life. That's why I just

fail at dating in this country.

In a country where being funny is like the

most important thing, kind of difficult

when you're like the most depressed person

in the world. It's funny,

Chihiro married me and then it's

not like I— I don't think I ever made

Chihiro laugh. I never cracked a joke and

made Chihiro laugh. I think for Japanese

women, being funny is not important at

all. Otherwise, I would never have any

success. I got loads of dates with

Japanese women. I never told a single

joke. I just turned up

and then tried to make awkward

conversation.

Yeah, something I kind of looked over— the

importance of being good at banter.

Maybe that's why I kind of— I was drawn to

Japanese women in the first place,

because that pressure of being witty and

good with words and being like a

wordsmith. It's not really there when

you're talking to a Japanese woman as a

foreigner. They don't expect it from you.

They don't expect you to be like

a bloody comedian slash poet with your

words when you're a foreigner.

So yeah, finding it very difficult.

I'm finding it very difficult to chat to

women. And number one,

I don't feel interested, to be honest.

Number one. Number two, they don't feel

interested, then they just unmatch me.

Really, I need to get them to agree to

meeting up before they get bored of my

lackluster Conversational skills.

It's like in Japan, my bad conversational

skills were never really a problem.

I don't know why that is.

So yeah, I need to get back to Japan

already, but I can't. I can't believe

Japan's gonna be closed for 2 years. 2

years! Last time Japan's been closed this

time, bloody Matthew Perry was

still alive. They were still using steam

engines for ships. We didn't even have

electricity last time Japan was closed

this long. 2 years!

I guess they were closed during World War

II, weren't they?

Not Matthew Perry from Friends. I mean,

you know, Commodore Matthew Perry who

sailed the ships. No, no,

no, World War II would have been the last

time they were closed this long, not the

1800s.

Yeah, last time Japan was closed— this

could be my joke I could use on Tinder—

last time Japan was closed this time,

Hitler was still alive.

I mean, that cracks me up. Quite like

Hitler jokes. I don't think a lot of

people do though.

Come on, that's funny. It made me laugh.

Hitler's such a meme.

Yeah,

I can't believe they've been closed for 2

years. They must be the strictest country

in the whole world. When it comes to this

pandemic. Isn't it just my luck? The

number one country I love to be in and

love to visit is the number one country

that ends up being shut for the longest in

the world.

Is it really a smart move though?

Who the hell is that guy driving round and

round with that bloody engine?

Oh, thank you, Ricky. Yeah, sad news.

It's not as sad as it would have been if

I was at home. I guess being away from

home, I get to feel detached from it.

I get to be detached from the sadness

as much.

I do feel this weird feeling like I want

to be back home now. I felt this way when

my dad died as well, this feeling of

needing to be back home. I think this is

why I was so depressed after Christmas

2019. So we

were only back home for Christmas for like

one week. We went to that— we went to the

New Forest. Oh yeah, that brings me back

now. When me and Chihiro went back to

England, that was such a nightmare. So we—

my sister booked us a hotel in the New

Forest for Christmas, and then my mum

drove her car through a massive puddle

which wrecked the engine. So the car was

unusable. So we had to rent a car from

Maidstone. We had to walk to the train

station, all 4 of us, Go to this car

rental place, and then they wouldn't let

us rent the car because they wanted some

kind of bills that had proof of address

and stuff. We didn't bring any, so my

sister had to try and help my mum log into

her bank accounts. My mum kept forgetting

all her passwords and her email addresses.

It took like hours to get these bill

statements. Me and Shira were just sitting

there bored. We finally got the car, we

got to the New Forest And it was just kind

of boring. We were supposed to stay there

for a few nights. We only stayed one night

and then went back home the next day, and

we didn't even see the New Forest. We

stayed in this big fancy manor which was

in a field on the edge of the New Forest,

and we were like, where's the forest? And

we didn't even Google where the forest is

until we left. And then I finally Googled

it and we found the forest, and it was

raining, and my mom and Chihiro stayed in

the car because they didn't want to get

wet. So just me and my sister got out and

actually walked into the New Forest,

which was really nice. Bit of a disaster.

Oh yeah, there were those ponies walking

around as well. And my sister went— we

went to this witch shop. They had all

witchcraft stuff, and my sister got

a tarot card reading. It's funny because

the tarot card reader said your current

boyfriend is not the one for you, and then

a few months later they broke up. I should

have done my tarot reading. You are going

to get divorced next year. I'd be scared.

What if it's actually real?

I can't believe that girl unmatched me

just because I didn't come up with a witty

answer. I just said How's your day?

What's wrong with that? I was hoping she

would say some things and then I could,

I could segue into asking more about her

hobbies. I don't know what else to say.

I don't know.

What would you say if I said What's a

good— what's a word that has the same

meaning as hey but isn't as mind-numbingly

boring?

Hmm, I don't know. Let me look in my

dictionary of pickup lines. Maybe

something like that, something kind of

silly, maybe. I don't know.

When I matched Chihiro, I think I just

said, hi, are you single? When can we meet

up? She said, my day off

is next Tuesday or something. And then we

just met up and went for dinner, and the

rest is history. Didn't have to do any

chat-up lines, didn't have to do any

jokes, didn't have to do any pickup

artistry. Straight to the point. Are you

single? When can we meet? Boom. That's how

I got a single mother as well.

For some reason, asking them, are you

single, that actually works. If you did

that here, they'd be annoyed. They would

say, yeah, why are you asking? Yeah, of

course I am. Why else would I be on

Tinder? They're so annoying.

My tactics don't work here.

Yeah,

England's probably the worst country to do

dating in if you suck at conversation.

Which country would be good? Apart from

why don't you go to Korea?

I did have a look. What do they say? You

need to do two-week quarantine in a hotel.

Not allowed to leave the hotel for two

weeks. That sounds so miserable.

But I don't think you need. The vaccine.

I didn't have a great time in Korea

though. I don't really click well

with Korean women either. For some reason,

the magic spot is Japanese women. I don't

know why, but I seem to just really like

Japanese women, not just physically but

like personality-wise as well.

Something about Korean women, I don't

know, I find them scary and very

judgmental,

very critical.

What about Japanese women in England? I

feel like they're going to be different to

Japanese women in Japan. I want like the

pure traditional Japanese woman,

unsoiled by Western propaganda and

culture. I want like the true Japanese

experience— humble, sweet, kind Japanese

lady. I met a Japanese girl,

she was a homestay— she did homestay in my